Husband problem...

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Lisa1971
Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Well, it's not really a "problem" per se. More like a dilemma. My dh is thin but has horrible eating habits. He like to go to the store and get stuff to cook for dinner that is terribly unhealthy and/or high in sodium. He bought crab cakes and steaks for dinner tomorrow that are stuffed with some breaded stuffing. I don't want it but I don't want to complain and be a pain in the butt, either. I think I'll load up on veggies and salad, eat a tiny portion of the "bad stuff" and sneak the rest to the dog!

What do you do when your significant other brings home food you don't want but you don't want to hurt their feelings? I just don't want to fall off the wagon because once I do it's all over. I don't workout and I just eat worse. I feel like once I've "blown it" on a big meal I can't go back.

Any advice???

Replies

  • AmeMahoney
    AmeMahoney Posts: 232
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    If you can't be honest with your spouse, who can you be honest with? I just tell my husband that I need to eat what I need to eat to make me feel good - it has nothing to do with what he eats. I also tell him I don't care if he changes what he's eating, and then throw on a nightie to remind him how good I look. Problem solved. ;)

    If worse comes to worse and he won't listen to you or gets mad, go to the doctor and get some blood work done. Then blame it partly on the doctor and health reasons. That's still the truth - you'll just have back-up.
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    You're in this for life; both eating and living with your DH. You need to say something soon. I would tell him you really appreciate his effort. ( he thought he was doing good) but you prefer healthy foods.
  • Charrisse
    Charrisse Posts: 163
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    My husband and children dont need to diet - they eat what they like. I just always make sure I have a BIG mixing bowl of salad in the fridge, so if I made dinner for them I "cant eat" or they order pizza.. I have a back up. Ill eat a tiny slice of pizza and a huge bowl of salad.
    Crab cakes sound phenominal lol
  • FWBP
    FWBP Posts: 24 Member
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    Just simply explain (when you're not eating) that fitness is becoming an important thing to you. And you want to try to do it right for a while. He'll understand and maybe you'll need to do the cooking ;)
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
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    If you can't be honest with your spouse, who can you be honest with? I just tell my husband that I need to eat what I need to eat to make me feel good - it has nothing to do with what he eats. I also tell him I don't care if he changes what he's eating, and then throw on a nightie to remind him how good I look. Problem solved. ;)

    If worse comes to worse and he won't listen to you or gets mad, go to the doctor and get some blood work done. Then blame it partly on the doctor and health reasons. That's still the truth - you'll just have back-up.

    Oh, I tell him but he keeps saying "Oh honey. You are fine." and then will proceed to order a pizza or something! But I'm going to have a backup plan and eat tons of veggies and salads and have only a bite or 2 of the unhealthy stuff. My dog will be very happy that's for sure!:laugh:
  • skinnyack
    skinnyack Posts: 683
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    1) You have an amazing husband. Thank him for going shopping.
    2) Explain to him what you're trying to do and ask that he keeps you in mind while shopping
    3) If he then goes shopping and he doesn't listen to WHAT YOU NEED- you don't worry about HURTING HIS FEELINGS.
    4)Falling off the band wagon is just that... Falling off. It'll happen at some point and maybe you'll really fall off, or you'll just eat an ice cream and feel bad about it- it is not an excuse to not get back on the band wagon.

    This is about making life changes. At some point when you're skinny, or fat, or somewhere in between you will eat a bread and sodium filled steak. Hopefully you prepare and exercise first and drink water and really enjoy it, then you'll just realize it's a treat and that's it... however you may not like it anymore. That's when you know you've changed. You just realize what you need to do to be the healthiest you can be. And there is no reason to poison your dog with sodium to spare hubby's feelings. Dogs like to look athletic and fit also. It's much more instinctual for them to be freaked out by bad health and it hurts them mentally... even though they will eat anything...
  • peggybrant
    peggybrant Posts: 144 Member
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    Now I have a dilema. So many women come on here afraid to communicate with there spouce that they aren't going to eat certain things any more, this is where the delima comes in.....Are the husbands out there feeling bad about trying to sabatage what you are trying to accomplish? Where are the strong women at these days. You've made a decision to do something about your weight now stick by it. You shouldn't have to eat something to make him feel better and even more how could you eating better not make him feel better.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    I just do the food shopping myself. My partner has a huuuge appetite and will eat just about anything, healthy or not so my solution to that? I cook all the dinners - a healthy meal but give him loads more than me (i may have 75-100g of pasta, him 200g etc) plus he'll get more meat etc. He also decides to bring home steaks and things from work to eat later in the evening, which is fine by me, I don't have to eat that too!

    I'd just have a word with him and see if he's willing to eat your healthy meals in larger portions, if he wants stuff on top of that it's fine but you won't be eating it with him, he should accept your goals and what you want just as much as he would want to eat what he likes and not feel restricted to a "diet" (alot of men seem to think that when you're cutting calories, he has too as well - a bit of reasurrance that he doesn't have to follow suit may help) :)
  • bdavenport62
    bdavenport62 Posts: 101
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    My husband never buys or cooks anything so I make my meals and he just deals with what I buy for him. We've been together for 6 years and it's always been this way. He likes nasty @$$ frozen chicken nuggets and the like so I have no problem saying no to those. Now his cookies on the other hand,...I've said it before but I just keep telling myself that those are not mine.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
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    I do about 98% of the cooking so I shouldn't be freaked out about an unhealthy meal here or there. I just am scared to go back the other direction. Ugh. It's a mental thing I need to work on!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Tell him that you LOVE that he thinks you're beautiful just the way you are, but eating healthy makes you FEEL better. And you want to be healthier to live a long long life with him.
  • qtrhrsewoman
    qtrhrsewoman Posts: 50
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    Be honest. Way easier said than done.
  • qtrhrsewoman
    qtrhrsewoman Posts: 50
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    Be honest. Way easier said than done.
  • jadesign19
    jadesign19 Posts: 512 Member
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    Boy do I have the same problem. My husband is what I call a skinny snob. He thinks if you need to lose weight - just don't eat. He can't grasp the difficulty with losing weight and food. He can eat sweets and snack all day and not gain a pound. When I make health low fat food, he pouts. I'm working on making more flavorful food for him. However, lately he has taken over the dinner role for our family. Therefore, I'll cook something for myself. The biggest problem I have is that he likes to go out to eat at least two nights a week. This is extremely hard on me - too many temptations. I've learned that most restaurants will list their calories on line, so I'll preplan the dinner for myself. I'm trying to maintain the diet without starting world war III over the food choices. It takes a lot of patience on our part. Most men are happy if they get two things, food and ***. That's why it's so hard on us because we want to make our skinny guys happy without weighing 10 lbs more the next day.
  • Jasmine_Moonstone
    Jasmine_Moonstone Posts: 80 Member
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    I have the same problem. However it has gotten MUCH better this time around b/c I am workign harder & doing SO much better myself. He can see how serious I am about it this go around. I also had a major discusion with him about it before I started. I told him that while I know that he is happy with how I am, that I am not. I wanted to loose weight for me. He is much more on board with me this time than ever before. He asks me about stuff before he buys it. He also understands when I turn down something b/c it is not something I want.

    Also I do most of the shopping & most of the cooking. However I will still make things he likes, like his mac n cheese, but I also make alot of veggies to go with it. That way I can skip the mac n cheese & have tons of veggies, but he still gets what he likes.

    I really think you need to sit down with him & have a very honest heart to heart with him about it. Hugs.

    Also a GREAT website that has some awsome looking recipes made more diet friendly is:
    www.skinnytaste.com
    DH & I have agreed to sit down & start discussing what we have for dinner. Also about starting to eat better & try new things. So maybe this will help you.
  • shirley_1984
    shirley_1984 Posts: 31
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    First of all you should just ask politely that he avoid bringing these foods into the home... Second, you CAN indulge every once in awhile.... I used to tell myself that eating bad ONCE meant i could NEVER get fit and healthy, but the truth is, we NEED these "bad foods" every now and then or our bodies will CRAVE them something FIERCE!!! I read that our diets should be 80% healthy and 20% "bad" just to keep our bodies out of the OVERWHELMED without TREATS mode.... I try to stick with that!
    Good Luck... and hopefully your hubby understands your needs too!
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    Now I have a dilema. So many women come on here afraid to communicate with there spouce that they aren't going to eat certain things any more, this is where the delima comes in.....Are the husbands out there feeling bad about trying to sabatage what you are trying to accomplish? Where are the strong women at these days. You've made a decision to do something about your weight now stick by it. You shouldn't have to eat something to make him feel better and even more how could you eating better not make him feel better.

    Exactly!

    My goodness, this isn't only about losing weight. So, when he says, "Oh, honey you're fine!" remind him that heart disease is the number one KILLER of women! You have children to take care of and he is being selfish. This is your LIFE your talking about not just your waistline.

    This does not mean you cannot indulge together once in a while, life is about living.
  • mlb929
    mlb929 Posts: 1,974 Member
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    I make fun of myself and everyone teases me about my piece of lettuce and my slice of carrot I eat when we have dinner with a group. I always tell them they can run my next marathon with me. You can either 1. make a joke out of not eating it or 2. just don't talk about it and do your own thing. If his feelings are hurt it's his problem for letting them be hurt - he won't be hurting when people are telling him how hot you are :)
  • NuclearGirl
    NuclearGirl Posts: 80
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    I feel rather fortunate. My hubby used to do most of the cooking - but I've taken over now. He's been more than happy to eat what I stick in front of him - other than the occasional comment about giving him too much broccoli again!
    He's a really good cook and makes some fantastic meals - he's toned down the amount of oils and salt in his recipes - and he weighs everything as he's cooking so I can work out how many calories are in a meal. His Jambalaya and his Lamb & Chick Pea curry are delicious!
    Having read some of the husband horror-stories I am beginning to appreciate how lucky I am that he's supportive. Probably because he knows that I would smack him one if he wasn't!

    I hope things work out OK for you :smile:
  • goron59
    goron59 Posts: 890 Member
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    You have to be able to talk to him, but more than that, make him understand how you feel about it.

    If, after that, he still persistently fattens you up, consider getting a new one ;-)


    Having said that, it's taken my missus the best part of 6 months to fully appreciate how much this means to me and is now occasionally bringing home really healthy things. Sweet :-)

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