She fed my son ice cream!!!! >:( Warning: rant

sunnysashka
sunnysashka Posts: 296
edited September 23 in Health and Weight Loss
Why so many people are trying to sabotage my eating habits or show that my believes in healthy food are crazy or something?!

Here is the story. Me and my husband went to ballet and asked his sister to watch our 2 year old boy. I packed his dinner and gave her clear instructions what and when to feed him.

She knows about my lifestyle and habits. She knows that I do not give my son candy, ice cream and other food which is not good for him. Why do that if he even does not know what is that and never sees it in the house?

We are coming back and she proudly says: "Oh, he LOVED ice cream!..."

Needless to say that I was ANGRY!

Why people feel obligated to introduce my baby to junk?!!!
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Replies

  • dspearsb
    dspearsb Posts: 186
    i understand what you're saying because my family has done the same to me. They don't listen they just want the child to remember them "being nice". I feel your pain!
  • Samana06
    Samana06 Posts: 107
    My former in-laws did the same thing to my son when he was 5 months old! My parents did it to my youngest when he was around 10 months...
  • louiseei
    louiseei Posts: 254 Member
    my mother in law gave my 7 year old daughter 2 multi packs of chocolate bars on Sunday! As she's only allowed small amounts of sweets now and again, she still has sweets left from Halloween and Christmas. She also brought us a large homemade cake.

    Some people think that feeding people = showing love it seems.
  • Elliebee22
    Elliebee22 Posts: 19
    I see what you're saying and it must be annoying for your son to have eaten ice cream. However, he's only young and a treat once in a while isn't going to cause him to eat unhealthily! For example, when a child is told they are not allowed something and must not have it- they will want it. If you take smoking or drinking as an idea- it's quite similar when it comes to eating. Treating him once in a while isn't going to kill him!
  • kettlewitch
    kettlewitch Posts: 277 Member
    when my son was 4 he had an operation and had to stay in hospital for a few days. I was with him one morning and he asked for rice crispies for breakfast, which the nurse then covered in a massive spoon of sugar. I was horrified but it was too late - he asked for sugar on his cereals for weeks afterwards.
  • dekarlo08
    dekarlo08 Posts: 102
    A couple of weeks ago I walked in on my mother in law giving my 7 month old cookies. I was sooo mad. When I told her I didn't want her doing that she just said "Oh it's ok" No it's not ok unless I, the mom, say it's ok!!!!! Sorry, lol, I'm still a little bitter.
  • morganadk2_deleted
    morganadk2_deleted Posts: 1,696 Member
    Just a thought , i understand why you are angry , but i grew up in a house were "nice" treats were rare ( ice cream sweets ect..) when i was a teenager and got my first job i went mad have sweets , cakes , coffee made with milk..


    The odd treat is not going to your 2 year old any harm, relax wait youe child goes to school
  • QueenofCups
    QueenofCups Posts: 365 Member
    I used to be really strict about the kids having sweets mainly b/c I was afraid if I allowed it my Mom and MIL would go overboard allowing them to eat crap all the time.
    Well, I chose to slowly introduce them to treats once in a while and now they are the best eaters and know that if they want a treat they have to finish all their dinner. If they don't finish all their dinner that's ok - they aren't required to eat all their food, just if they want more food (or treat) they are. Anyway, since I was the one in charge it was a lot easier to monitor. And now they don't know the different between fruit and candy as a "treat". :)

    I feel your pain, and I would be upset too.
  • dawnslaughter
    dawnslaughter Posts: 125
    i agree i tried to keep my kids away from wheat eggs,and milk before they were a year old but my family and inlaws were "oh it never did you any harm" i have asthma and eczema and many other allergies so i beg to differ. my daughter has got milk and wheat allergies so was i right, i think i was they sabotaged her at an early age. they only thing they didnt give her was egg as my sister is allergic to it. makes me cross so i feel for you
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
    I see what you're saying and it must be annoying for your son to have eaten ice cream. However, he's only young and a treat once in a while isn't going to cause him to eat unhealthily! For example, when a child is told they are not allowed something and must not have it- they will want it. If you take smoking or drinking as an idea- it's quite similar when it comes to eating. Treating him once in a while isn't going to kill him!

    I know it won't hurt him but HOW can I trust her with my son in future? If she wants to spend time with him, I should be able to trust her. And now I do not forbid my son anything! He just does not know that Ice Cream, Candy bars ect exist! His treat is strawberry greek yogurt, peanut butter, a bit honey on the toast.... When he will understand more, he will be able to have one here and there but not now! He does not miss it, why give it to him?!
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    Whilst a parent's wishes should be followed it is important to bear in mind that applying the same nutritional guidelines that adults use to pre school children is not a great idea. For example a high fibre diet for a child is generally inappropriate.

    Young children have smaller stomachs so need lots of calories and nutrients in small amounts to ensure they grow properly. Whilst it is better that it comes from natural, clean sources high fat items such as full fat milk and ice cream can be beneficial to a child's development. Ultimately it's about balance.
  • cakeordeath
    cakeordeath Posts: 229 Member
    Ok, where as I don't agree with people not listening to you and following your wishes, I don't see how a peice of candy or something sweet every once and a while (my kids get it once a month or so) is a bad thing.
  • carolyne2
    carolyne2 Posts: 109
    I feel for you in so much as someone has gone against your wishes with you child. but have to say I think deprovation is maybe not the right way regarding sweet treats. Everything in moderation as they say, you maybe in for a shock when your child goes to school and mixes with other children who have sweets and biscuits birthday cakes etc. Maybe making your own icecream and treats etc would help as you would at least know what has gone into them to make them as healthy a treat as possible.
  • Rosy67
    Rosy67 Posts: 282 Member
    I'm trying really hard to get my kids to improve their diet and activity levels. The boys aren't overweight, but my daughter is- she's 14 and weighs about 160 lbs (she's nearly 5ft 3). The main problem is that my husband, who also isn't overweight, was diagnosed with angina when he was 40. As he isn't overweight, has never smoked, and has normal cholesterol, it seems fairly safe to say that he must have some really dodgy genes....which my children may have inherited. We don't keep sweets, biscuits or crisps (or should I say candy, cookies or potato chips!) in the house, and we don't have dessert most of the time but i buy them £1 of sweets every week- which they demolish in minutes. The grandparents, though.....sweets, cakes, puddings, you name it, they'll bring it. And the portion sizes! My mum is obese, and his mum, although vegetarian and slim has sky high cholesterol and is on medication. I have tried to explain to them why I am trying to cut that sort of stuff down, but they seem to think that only they are treating the kids, so it doesn't happen that often. And of course if I come over too heavy, it will sound like I am blaming my in-laws for my children's cardiovascular risk....
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
    Whilst a parent's wishes should be followed it is important to bear in mind that applying the same nutritional guidelines that adults use to pre school children is not a great idea. For example a high fibre diet for a child is generally inappropriate.

    Young children have smaller stomachs so need lots of calories and nutrients in small amounts to ensure they grow properly. Whilst it is better that it comes from natural, clean sources high fat items such as full fat milk and ice cream can be beneficial to a child's development. Ultimately it's about balance.
    Thank you for the information! It is very good point. I agree that my son's diet should be different from mine! But I do not see the need to give extra sugar to my son when he even does not ask for it!
    If we go to the birthday party, I'll let him eat a cake or something else. I just want to have my back covered by my relatives! ((
  • dzilobommo
    dzilobommo Posts: 73 Member
    I understand you must be annoyed, and I agree that it is not good to over-indulge children in general. But I think there is a difference between over-indulgence and enjoying sweets in moderation. What struck me was that you say your son doesn't even know what sweets are - are you sure this is really the best way to educate him? After all, how long can you keep him from finding out? Once he is old enough to find out, he may feel resentful that he was kept in the dark, or feel shame and guilt for wanting to try sweets and hide them from you. As others have noted, if something is strictly off limits, a child will just want it even more, because curiosity is a basic human trait! I think it might be better to encourage a healthy attitude to food where ice cream is seen for what it is - an occasional treat - rather than a forbidden 'evil' food. But then, this is just my opinion...
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
    I feel for you in so much as someone has gone against your wishes with you child. but have to say I think deprovation is maybe not the right way regarding sweet treats. Everything in moderation as they say, you maybe in for a shock when your child goes to school and mixes with other children who have sweets and biscuits birthday cakes etc. Maybe making your own icecream and treats etc would help as you would at least know what has gone into them to make them as healthy a treat as possible.
    I agree that I have a problem ahead of me as lunch boxes in school. But I have good 3 years before that. I have time to prepare him for that. Now I want to focus on healthy eating habits while it is under my control.
  • Charli666
    Charli666 Posts: 407
    I agree that balance is important, but at the same time getting a firm foundation of healthy foods that a child likes is so important within the first 3 years of life, when they start realising they aren't having chocolate, sweets etc and other people are, then they can be added in in small amounts, as treats. The danger of adding them too early is that the child starts refusing to eat things that are good for them, and therefore does not grow up to understand the principals of healthy eating.

    Also regarding the post in relation to children needing high calorie meals, the advice is to give children 3 meals and 3 healthy snacks a day at about 1 1/2 hour intervals, this ensures the calorie intake they need, without providing an excess of sugar or fat.

    I completely understand how you are feeling, you make the decisions about your child! Stick to your instincts, and dont let anyone look after your child without supervision unless you can trust that they will follow your ideals!

    Blessed be x
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
    I agree that balance is important, but at the same time getting a firm foundation of healthy foods that a child likes is so important within the first 3 years of life, when they start realising they aren't having chocolate, sweets etc and other people are, then they can be added in in small amounts, as treats. The danger of adding them too early is that the child starts refusing to eat things that are good for them, and therefore does not grow up to understand the principals of healthy eating.

    Also regarding the post in relation to children needing high calorie meals, the advice is to give children 3 meals and 3 healthy snacks a day at about 1 1/2 hour intervals, this ensures the calorie intake they need, without providing an excess of sugar or fat.

    I completely understand how you are feeling, you make the decisions about your child! Stick to your instincts, and dont let anyone look after your child without supervision unless you can trust that they will follow your ideals!

    Blessed be x

    Agree with that 100%. Thank you very much for this post.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member

    need to give extra sugar to my son when he even does not ask for it!
    If we go to the birthday party, I'll let him eat a cake or something else. I just want to have my back covered by my relatives! ((

    I agree. I do not like the idea of "rewarding" a chld with something sweet or using food as a means to gain affection, placate or please them. Equating food with love sows the seeds of a poor relationship with food.

    Easier said than done though. We are all human and imperfect....
  • carolinegeorgia
    carolinegeorgia Posts: 157
    I can understand that, my daughter, when she was about 4/5 asked for a spoonful of sugar, couldn't understand why she was asking for it then found out her grandad had given her it once when looking after her, was very p***ed off about it, needless to say it was the only time she has had it......
  • scagneti
    scagneti Posts: 707 Member

    We are coming back and she proudly says: "Oh, he LOVED ice cream!..."

    Of course he does -- it's sugar and delicious! Why do people think that theyv'e accomplished something so remarkable to make a child like something that 99% of the world's population would LOVE if they had the chance to try it? If she wants to be proud of her achievement, make a kid love brussel sprouts or cleaning his room.

    A friend of mine had a similar situation with her husband's father feeding their 3 year old son a McDonald's hamburger even though both are vegetarians and haven't given the kid meat yet. The kid was sick as a dog all night (might not have had to do with the burger, but quite a coincidence). It was a year ago and the kid still points whenever he sees McDonalds.
  • Sparklewolfie
    Sparklewolfie Posts: 271
    I don't have kids :tongue: but I WAS the kid (so I guess this is the other side of the story?)

    My parents did not let me and my sisters have pop, chips, junk, etc. when we were kids, Mom made all our meals. We DID have ice cream though :tongue: so we weren't completely deprived. All our birthday cakes were handmade and decorated by my dad (wow, I make my family sound spoiled)

    The only time we had pop/chips/etc. was at parties, and usually about 1-2 cups (maybe one can) per person. Now I am all grown up (sort of?) and I don't drink pop or eat chips or crave them at all. Even during binge eating episodes I will go for water over pop.

    HOWEVER, my little sister is definitely way into pop and my older sister is a fan of chips and sweets.

    My conclusion, is that it really won't affect your kid whether you give him ice cream or not :tongue: It is good to teach him how to choose healthier snacks and desserts!! A he grows up and goes to school, he will be able to decide for himself what treats he likes anyway. I never felt like I'd been missing out on anything, though I did think being able to have pop at school at the end of the school year was pretty much the coolest thing ever :laugh:

    EDIT: I forgot to add: the real problem is the fact that she went behind your back and did what you specifically told her not to
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296

    We are coming back and she proudly says: "Oh, he LOVED ice cream!..."

    Of course he does -- it's sugar and delicious! Why do people think that theyv'e accomplished something so remarkable to make a child like something that 99% of the world's population would LOVE if they had the chance to try it? If she wants to be proud of her achievement, make a kid love brussel sprouts or cleaning his room.

    A friend of mine had a similar situation with her husband's father feeding their 3 year old son a McDonald's hamburger even though both are vegetarians and haven't given the kid meat yet. The kid was sick as a dog all night (might not have had to do with the burger, but quite a coincidence). It was a year ago and the kid still points whenever he sees McDonalds.

    UGH! That is awful! I would be mad! ((( One of my friends tried to feed my son Wendey's behind my back. He did not eat it, but WHY EVEN TRY?!!!
  • warriorprincessdi
    warriorprincessdi Posts: 617 Member
    My mother, when I was a child, would make all my baby food, ensured I had healthy treats, and was not given "junk"... I in turn hated this! I would trade my homemade lunches at school for lunchables, fruit roll ups, and other junk... Then, when I was old enough to have my own income from odd jobs, baby sitting... I'd spend most of it on junk food. This was because I was not previously 'allowed' to have it.
    May i propose, instead of disallowing the junk food into your child's life, you start teaching that small amounts are okay... essentially start teaching moderation NOW to prevent a junk food binge tendency in the future.... ??
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,024 Member
    It is tough with kids and families. My wife was really strict with my boys when they were really little... but by time they got to two it relaxed a bit. It really comes down to... do you want to use a babysitter sometimes or are you going to be there 100% of the time. It is not like she gave the kid cocaine or had him help mix up a batch of meth in the bath tub.

    Sitters are tough to come by, lay down the law that you did not approve of what she did and you do not want her doing it again... if she does and you feel disrespected find a new sitter and only have together family time together.

    The tough thing now is they are 7 and 5... and every babysitter will give them whatever they ask for. Even my 5 year old who LOVES yogurt given the choice will say give me Cookies if it is offered to him! LOL If they are at my house it is easy, we don't keep junk in the house, but when the old couple next door watches them after school (Only if we are stuck) I know they are going to eat a bag of cookies and drink half a gallon of milk.... i just make them run laps before they come in the house!
  • pinstripepirate
    pinstripepirate Posts: 605 Member
    It is tough with kids and families. My wife was really strict with my boys when they were really little... but by time they got to two it relaxed a bit. It really comes down to... do you want to use a babysitter sometimes or are you going to be there 100% of the time. It is not like she gave the kid cocaine or had him help mix up a batch of meth in the bath tub.

    Sitters are tough to come by, lay down the law that you did not approve of what she did and you do not want her doing it again... if she does and you feel disrespected find a new sitter and only have together family time together.

    The tough thing now is they are 7 and 5... and every babysitter will give them whatever they ask for. Even my 5 year old who LOVES yogurt given the choice will say give me Cookies if it is offered to him! LOL If they are at my house it is easy, we don't keep junk in the house, but when the old couple next door watches them after school (Only if we are stuck) I know they are going to eat a bag of cookies and drink half a gallon of milk.... i just make them run laps before they come in the house!

    First of all... lmao @ the drugs.

    Second, here's the deal with weak willed babysitters: most of them just want the kids to LIKE them. They will do what the kids want in order to have the child say later to Mommy and Daddy, "We LOVED so and so! She's so nice!" Etc. etc. If they are your family, I can assume that they want to become the "favorite" aunt/uncle/cousin/grandparent/etc. If they are not related, they don't want the kids to give a bad report to the parents for fear that they will never be asked back.

    It may be necessary to explain to babysitters that, "no matter what they say, do not give them _________." Let them know that you will back them up in their decisions. Of course this will take some trust with the person who is watching your children... I've been babysitting for the same family for the past 3-4 years. I am okay with being the bad guy and putting my foot down. I said no, that means no. The kids like me because I'm consistent, I follow through, and I play games and stuff with them (wow, a non-food way to get kids to like you?? Who would have thought!). But the main thing is, the parents back me up. They want the kids to listen to me and what I say when I'm there.

    ...I understand where the difficulties come in with this, though. I guess the average babysitter is a teenager without much idea of how to discipline children and learn when they are being manipulated.

    I agree with Gorilla, though. Explain to her WHY you don't want your child eating ice cream. Tell her how much her not following your wishes bothers you, and if she can't respect your wishes, then you need to find someone else to watch him when you go out.
  • Lazyboy09
    Lazyboy09 Posts: 190 Member
    ::singing:: "Dad is Great! He feeds us chocolate cake!"

    ::mom returns::
    "WHERE DID THEY GET CHOCOLATE CAKE FROM?" And I said, "They asked for it!" And the children who had been singing praises to me... LIED on me and said, "Uh-uh! We asked for eggs and milk... AND DAD MADE US EAT THIS!"

    -Bill Cosby
  • seemichellerun
    seemichellerun Posts: 219
    My mom does the same thing with my son (he's 31/2). At first it used to really bother me because like you, I was all about CONTROL!!! I eventually took the stick out of my *kitten* and lightened up. My son doesn't see his grandma every day, so some indulgence once in a while isn't going to hurt him.

    I know it sucks to hear this, but the only one who is going to parent your child EXACTLY the way you want is you.
  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
    I had the same problem with my dad. In his family, food = love. He would give my daughter a cereal bowl full of oreos even if she didn't eat her dinner. My dad is now diabetic. My daughter still likes her sweets but she doesn't indulge in them often. I don't know what to tell you. People are going to do what they do. You may need to hire a babysitter who will follow your instructions when you go out.
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