She fed my son ice cream!!!! >:( Warning: rant

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  • MSDRIZZ
    MSDRIZZ Posts: 246
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    I agree!I could not have said it better myself.
  • janack
    janack Posts: 33 Member
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    I totally understand how you would feel, especially at that age. That is kind of young for ice cream in my opinion. I have older kids and have been where you are (mine are 6 and 9 now). Over all through time you can't prevent them from having that stuff, you just have to teach them that everything is fine in moderation. My kids completely understand that concept and eat healthy most of the time. Of course they are kids and want the things that are not so healthy. When my kids go to grandma's they know that it is going to an occasional sugary freezy's (hate those), soda pop, chips, sugary cereals and all the wonderful things kids love - but, they don't go their often and don't expect it from me when they come back. :)
  • poisongirl6485
    poisongirl6485 Posts: 1,487 Member
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    I just can't believe in this day and age with all of these horrible allergies, that someone would specifically give a small child (too young to really object) something that he or should could be allergic to. My older sister is allergic to milk. Not lactose intolerant -- allergic to milk. Her mouth gets all dry and puffy and itchy, so it's likely not a severe allergy, but she's a grown adult and doesn't risk it. If she were 2 and someone dangled ice cream under her nose and wouldn't understand the consequences of her actions, she'd be eating that ice cream. With so many things having trace amounts of allergens in it, why risk it??

    FYI -- she only developed the allergy after her 30th birthday and she was given plenty of milk as a child so it had nothing to do with being deprieved that stuff as a child.

    If everybody never gave their kids anything due to potential allergies, they wouldn't get fed.
  • leasah
    leasah Posts: 107 Member
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    Love seemichellerun's post....I was much the same way. My first daughter I micromanaged every single aspect of her tiny little life. Dont get me wrong, as mothers our job is to do our best to teach our children right from wrong on all fronts, including nutrition. My mil pulled the same stuff, my daughters first candy, cake, cookies...you name it all came from sweet ole grandma. I was so angry and hurt that she had not followed my rules for my child. Then I had the ultimate reality check...my second child and I realized that my girls were going to be just fine if they had a piece of candy at grandmas. Their entire nutritional future was not in jeopardy because of a nugget. At the end of the day what matters (they are now 8, 6, 4) is that healthy choices are always available, I do not buy junk and they are reminded always what "healthy foods" are and why they are important. We have junk at bday parties, when we entertain etc., but it is not part of our regular diet, it is a treat.
    I also had to accept that my mil was not out to be hurtful to me or my child. I hope you can find some peace with this situation and know it is not worth alienating family over a bowl of icecream. She did not ask him to go play in traffic or play with knives, nobodys life was at risk, it was just a bowl of icecream.
  • ImBabyBunny
    ImBabyBunny Posts: 75
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    Oh my! I am so sorry. I remember when I was little my cousins would come over with all this food that I have never even seen before in my life! Chicken nuggets, cookies, chips & dip...... tons of crap. They walked around our house with the food in there hands, and their head held high, acting like I was a freak because my Mom wouldn't let me eat it. Of course this upset me to no end, and because of my nagging mom eventually gave in and let me eat what I wanted. I still wasn't allowed to eat as much as my Brother or my Aunt. ( No one ever told my boy's bodies don't work the same as girls) So I always felt like the people who where given more food where loved more.

    In the end I just go fat because of it. I understand completely. I admire that you are not giving your children junk. They will thank you for it too I am sure!
  • 2hdesign
    2hdesign Posts: 153
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    It sounds like you need to start teaching your son about life and choices. Yes, he's young, but it's going to happen (and sometimes families and in laws are the WORST at respecting us...) and knowing how to handle it is great. You just have to do the best you can with what you have.

    The bigger issue is what you do or don't say to your sister in law... that's the tough one. You'll have to take some time to figure out what's important, what really isn't, talk with your husband to be on the same page (since it's his sister) and then go from there.

    Hope you can figure something out! Must be frustrating!
  • Elliebee22
    Elliebee22 Posts: 19
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    I totaly agree :)
  • abyt42
    abyt42 Posts: 1,358 Member
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    Totally get it. My kids were fine with vegetables (all vegetables), mostly plain or with a very small amount of balsamic dressing.... and spent time with my mom, who drowned her food in full fat ranch (until she was diagnosed with cancer, when her diet shifted to more closely mimic how I'd been feeding my children-- local foods, little added fats, no processed sugars, no white rice). Both my husband and I struggle with bad eating habits, and have been working hard to clean up our diets (and feed our children well), and my mom had no problem using her judgement over mine.

    It lead to conflicts, to me not having her watch my children very often, and to a great deal of frustration around that, both on her part and on mine. She was hurt because she wanted to enjoy her grandchildren her way and because my grandmother was the "unmarked" gram (she was Grandma Jan, her mother is just "gram"). I was hurt because I felt like my research, and efforts were being discounted by someone whose opinion mattered to me. She felt like I was rejecting the food I was raised with.... which is funny, because she fed my children far less carefully than she fed my brother and I....

    And now, my mom's been dead for two and a half years, and, while I wish she'd at least have acknowledged that the diet she moved to for health reasons was pretty much what I'd been trying to get her to feed my kids, or that maybe she'd have listened to me about a number of things (like "my kids aren't developmentally delayed, mom, they just have no practice with stairs" or "no kid needs soda pop" or "whole milk is actually okay for little kids" or "don't add sugar: they actually like oatmeal as it is," or "they like steamed sweet potatoes: please don't add brown sugar"), I more wish that my kids had gotten to known the creative, goofy, flawed but loveable woman my mom was....
  • 2healthy4me
    2healthy4me Posts: 1
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    I do understand the trust breach and feel for you. Next time explain your wishes to her and specify 'no treats please.' If it continues, let her visit your son while your there. Pay a sitter that will honor your wishes.

    Life is too short to hold this against your sister. Forgive her, move on. I am a vegetarian that has battled the parents, inlaws for years. Some of my kids have allergies that were not believed (I just didn't want to be at the house with animals while my child wheezed and scratched.) Being militant about this does not help your son. One day he'll make his own choices.

    Show him by your example to be healthy, loving and forgiving. God bless.
  • parrotlover
    parrotlover Posts: 143 Member
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    I just want to say that I believe you have every right to be upset. You packed his dinner and gave specific instructions. If she wanted to give a little ice cream she should have asked you in advance.

    Maybe she didn't think she was doing anything wrong and wanted to give him a special treat while he was visiting. I know relatives always love to spoil children.

    Maybe just dicuss it with her and let her know that you would really like her to refrain from giving him any sweets when he is there unless she asks you ahead of time if it is ok.

    Some people may not take food as seriously as you (not that you shouldn't) and might not have thought it would hurt just once.

    However, she should respect you enough to follow your guidelines.
  • mmtiernan
    mmtiernan Posts: 702 Member
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    I believe the thing that is most upsetting to you is the simple fact that your wishes were not respected and not so much about the ice cream itself. I can completely relate to this as my ex-in-laws were heavy smokers and my daughter is an asthmatic. It took some repeated requests that they not smoke around her, along with full explanation on why and what would be the consequences for their grand daughter should she have an asthma attach due to their smoking. I also did not appreciate the way that they ate, but decided that I had to pick and choose which battles were the most important and really did make tthe biggest impact on my daughter's health and well-being.

    On another note, it is very, very , VERY refreshing to read so many responses by folks who are feeding their children well and teaching their children how to make good eating choices. Every time I see a post on this web site from someone who is proud of themselves for going to McDonald's and resisting the urge to eat some of their kids fries, I'm absolutely appalled! Appalled that someone can be proud of a healthy choice for themselves, yet they feed their kids garbage.

    So, to all of those parents who are working to create a healthy life for themselves AND their kids - BRAVO and KEEP IT UP! :bigsmile:
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
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    It sounds like you need to start teaching your son about life and choices. Yes, he's young, but it's going to happen (and sometimes families and in laws are the WORST at respecting us...) and knowing how to handle it is great. You just have to do the best you can with what you have.

    The bigger issue is what you do or don't say to your sister in law... that's the tough one. You'll have to take some time to figure out what's important, what really isn't, talk with your husband to be on the same page (since it's his sister) and then go from there.

    Hope you can figure something out! Must be frustrating!
    Hi! I agree with discussing with my husband. He is totally on my page and HE was the one who confronted her. I wanted to chill before talking to her. I do not like discussing anything while I'm angry, because I might hurt feelings. But it was done by my husband.
    I hope she understood. But if she did not, it is not my loss.
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
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    I believe the thing that is most upsetting to you is the simple fact that your wishes were not respected and not so much about the ice cream itself. I can completely relate to this as my ex-in-laws were heavy smokers and my daughter is an asthmatic. It took some repeated requests that they not smoke around her, along with full explanation on why and what would be the consequences for their grand daughter should she have an asthma attach due to their smoking. I also did not appreciate the way that they ate, but decided that I had to pick and choose which battles were the most important and really did make tthe biggest impact on my daughter's health and well-being.

    On another note, it is very, very , VERY refreshing to read so many responses by folks who are feeding their children well and teaching their children how to make good eating choices. Every time I see a post on this web site from someone who is proud of themselves for going to McDonald's and resisting the urge to eat some of their kids fries, I'm absolutely appalled! Appalled that someone can be proud of a healthy choice for themselves, yet they feed their kids garbage.

    So, to all of those parents who are working to create a healthy life for themselves AND their kids - BRAVO and KEEP IT UP! :bigsmile:

    Thank you! You are right. The most upseting is that she did it without even asking...
  • amoffatt
    amoffatt Posts: 674 Member
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    This is a subject I personally don't discuss for there are so many different opinions. It is all about how you want to raise your child. When they grow up, you cannot assure that a child will eat healthy or not. One can deprive them of food and a child will grow up either not eating it or bindge eating, or maybe have self control. A child with allergies doesnt mean they would not have had them if they didnt eat a particular food, but how would one know of a potential allergy if someone didnt eat a food. I had milk allergy as a child, but it wasnt from my family stuffing me full of millk products, and I eventually grew out of it. In the end, we can never guarantee what our children are going to grow up and do, and of course we as parents want to protect them in any way, but they need to know about everything in life to make choices, whats good, bad, ok, and why.
  • Painten
    Painten Posts: 499 Member
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    Now while some of us think that a bit of icecream every now and then doesn't hurt. I do think it is up to a child's parent/s to decide if the child should have sweet treats or not. Someone looking after the child should NOT ever go against the parents wishes. The OP has a right to be annoyed. I'd be annoyed if someone went against my wishes when looking after my children whatever the circumstances.
  • dkelz
    dkelz Posts: 19 Member
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    I would be just as upset, although not for the same reason. We as parents do have the final say on what our kids eat, how they behave etc. Your son being so young will not be adversly affect by the ice cream. But having our rules for our kids disregarded is uncalled for. Stand up for your rights as a parents, but relax that he was given ice cream. He will forget about it.
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
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    This is a subject I personally don't discuss for there are so many different opinions. It is all about how you want to raise your child. When they grow up, you cannot assure that a child will eat healthy or not. One can deprive them of food and a child will grow up either not eating it or bindge eating, or maybe have self control. A child with allergies doesnt mean they would not have had them if they didnt eat a particular food, but how would one know of a potential allergy if someone didnt eat a food. I had milk allergy as a child, but it wasnt from my family stuffing me full of millk products, and I eventually grew out of it. In the end, we can never guarantee what our children are going to grow up and do, and of course we as parents want to protect them in any way, but they need to know about everything in life to make choices, whats good, bad, ok, and why.

    He is 2! I can't explain to him what is a good choice in food yet. I will explain when he is 3 or so. He is not capable of learning about nutritional value of food!
    Now while some of us think that a bit of icecream every now and then doesn't hurt. I do think it is up to a child's parent/s to decide if the child should have sweet treats or not. Someone looking after the child should NOT ever go against the parents wishes. The OP has a right to be annoyed. I'd be annoyed if someone went against my wishes when looking after my children whatever the circumstances.

    Thank you very much!
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
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    I would be just as upset, although not for the same reason. We as parents do have the final say on what our kids eat, how they behave etc. Your son being so young will not be adversly affect by the ice cream. But having our rules for our kids disregarded is uncalled for. Stand up for your rights as a parents, but relax that he was given ice cream. He will forget about it.
    Thank you. I'm fine about the fact that he had ice cream. It is OK. I'm upset that she did not ask me. And NOW she thinks that I was not fair to her. She does not have kids, so it explains a lot.....
  • ShrinkinMel
    ShrinkinMel Posts: 982 Member
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    I can see the pain. My mother in law(well soon to be ex) wanted to give my daughter a cookie when she was 9 months old. I said go ahead but I don't think she will eat it. Sure enough she had a bite or two and that was it.

    I'm not over hyper on it now that she is 7 but I understand your frustration seeing he is 2.. She eats primarily health foods but I don't keep treats away completely. Eventually that type of restriction can back fire causing all sorts of eating problems.
  • sunnysashka
    sunnysashka Posts: 296
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    I can see the pain. My mother in law(well soon to be ex) wanted to give my daughter a cookie when she was 9 months old. I said go ahead but I don't think she will eat it. Sure enough she had a bite or two and that was it.

    I'm not over hyper on it now that she is 7 but I understand your frustration seeing he is 2.. She eats primarily health foods but I don't keep treats away completely. Eventually that type of restriction can back fire causing all sorts of eating problems.

    Thank you for your post. I do not restrict him completely. For example today we had Country Choice Oatmeal Raisin organic cookie. It is a treat. He had only one and I feel good about it because I know the ingredients. Usually I prefer making it myself but I just did not have time.

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