I need to vent (rant)
Still_Sossy
Posts: 868 Member
Sorry all. Report cards came home yesterday. Well in my opinion anything below an 85 is failing. That said, my children are very bright. Which is why I do have high expectations of them. I have seen what they are capable of. My son came home yesterday just shy of the honor roll. with two 80's on his report card!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They tanked his average and whats worse they are easy subjects, one is current events for God's sake!
I am trying so hard not to blow my lid at him. But at the same time he just shakes his head and says, "whatever at least I am not failing". I almost had some sort for a violent seizure after hearing that one! (I may have formed a twitch)
And my daughter, well that one.... she made high honors, and loves to rub it in (keep her away from the salt if you are hurt), just before leaving this morning (after my son got another lecture about potential).....
"Well I would help him but it is difficult to come down there from waaaaay up here, on the high honor perch!" Ohh what fun. Btw they are 14 (almost 15) and 13.
I am trying so hard not to blow my lid at him. But at the same time he just shakes his head and says, "whatever at least I am not failing". I almost had some sort for a violent seizure after hearing that one! (I may have formed a twitch)
And my daughter, well that one.... she made high honors, and loves to rub it in (keep her away from the salt if you are hurt), just before leaving this morning (after my son got another lecture about potential).....
"Well I would help him but it is difficult to come down there from waaaaay up here, on the high honor perch!" Ohh what fun. Btw they are 14 (almost 15) and 13.
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Replies
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Dont worry too much, sometimes at that age they get a little distracted. You'll get him on track.0
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FYI: Once they hit university an 80 is an A-, which is very, very good. The average grades of the general population tend to be B-. Be careful how much pressure you put on them, if they see it as too high and don't meet it it can seriously damage their self esteem. Keep this up and they will run the first chance they get. (move out at 18 or go to university half way across the country)
I think asking them if they tried their hardest should mean more than the final grade, regardless if it is 90% or 70%. If they didn't try their hardest then you have a case.0 -
Sosmolia: I totally feel your pain.
Seriously.
My son was on the honor roll last semester, easily. This semester his grades started sliding in two subjects and I found out a couple of weeks ago that he's been pretending to take his ADHD meds. So I'm going to have to play Nurse Ratchett now and I hate that. Additionally I've just booked him for hundreds of hours of tutoring for a nice chunk of change....that could have been my vacation to an island of what?- what kids?
And ROFL @ your kids snarking at each other. My kids are only 10 and 3 and they're already doing that
Good to see the preview.
Yes the whole "it's not an F" scenario is frustrating to deal with. I'm only at the beginning of this game since my son is in 4th grade. My stance is 'anything less than an A' is completely unacceptable.0 -
LOL at your daughter...she sounds a lot like me as a kid! I would say that if you really expect greatness from your son, make it worth his efforts. When I was slacking my senior year, my mom asked me what it would take to get a perfect report card, and I replied that I wanted to get my belly button pierced. She agreed, I had to make 4.0 the next semester...and guess what...I did.
You know he's smart, you just have to find a way to motivate him into caring about it.0 -
I understand your frustrations - I'm a teacher and it really is annoying when you see children not reaching their potential. Try not be too hard on your son though he is still just a child
All the best 0 -
My son (usually a 94 plus average student came home this quarter with an 83 in Math and a 75 in Spanish! I couldn't believe a C! He has never had a C!!!! His father and I went nuts on him because he is better than that and he just wasn't putting in the effort to do better. He plays 3 sports and is tired, I understand that, but he was finding time to play on the computer instead and doing homework and we have put a stop to that! But its hard for kids - they see so many friends who are getting low grades and getting rewarded for them. He also got a 90 in English down from a 98. He told his friend he yelled about that and his bf (who is a great kid) told him - man I get $10 bucks for an A! Its hard when they hear crap like that to keep pushing but they have too to get the good scholarship money for college! My son came to us the next day and actually told us "thanks for the kick in the butt, your right I am better than that" so I think we are doing good as parents as I am sure you are!
Keep the faith, its all a stage my husband always says!0 -
LOL at your daughter...she sounds a lot like me as a kid! I would say that if you really expect greatness from your son, make it worth his efforts. When I was slacking my senior year, my mom asked me what it would take to get a perfect report card, and I replied that I wanted to get my belly button pierced. She agreed, I had to make 4.0 the next semester...and guess what...I did.
You know he's smart, you just have to find a way to motivate him into caring about it.
By the time my son is 17-18...I'm afraid something akin to a belly button piercing is going to be super tame and not what he'd ask for
Awesome that your mother did that for you lol 0 -
My parents moved up my bedtime after I fell off honor roll. It did not happen again. Maybe you can find something positive to motivate him with, no bribery. Expect it to be a phase. P.S. I would have twitched too!0
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FYI: Once they hit university an 80 is an A-, which is very, very good. The average grades of the general population tend to be B-. Be careful how much pressure you put on them, if they see it as too high and don't meet it it can seriously damage their self esteem. Keep this up and they will run the first chance they get. (move out at 18 or go to university half way across the country)
I think asking them if they tried their hardest should mean more than the final grade, regardless if it is 90% or 70%. If they didn't try their hardest then you have a case.
Totally agree with this poster!!0 -
I completely understand your frustration ... with that said, here are couple of things to think about that might help you breathe easier.
1. Current events might be a difficult class -- it depends on the teacher. My Current Events teacher was one of the toughest in my entire high school. If you already know the teacher's easy, then I see the problem. But if you're just thinking it must be easy because of the type of class...you might want to investigate and see how much homework he/she gives, and how much of a stickler/nitpicker for grades. My Current Events teacher was harder to please on papers than my honors English teacher.
2. When I was in school, I felt like my grades were all for my dad. Sometimes that made me work harder, but only to a point -- only to the point that I knew he'd be okay with the grade, or at least get over it. My friends who did well were the ones that were learning for learning's sake (a rare trait at that age!), or at least got personal satisfaction from doing well, rather than always having their parents' reactions/expectations in the backs of their minds. If your son's only/main motivation for doing well is to please you or escape your disappointment, then he's going to be limited. Once I was in college, out of the house and on my own, I excelled in my classes -- because it was about my own personal success.
3. If you push too hard, and/or don't at least show pride and appreciation for what he's doing well, then he'll throw up his hands and quit on you. I used to be a teacher, and I saw that all too often. The brightest kids with the toughest parents bailed out and became completely apathetic.0 -
Hi! I taught middle school for 3 years, and now I'm at the college level. I totally understand your anger. Fellow te0achers and I are always annoyed with how American students are all content with "not failing." That's a horrible attitude to have. I would take something away that your son likes (like maybe a video game) until he gets his grades back up. I understand that some people say "he's just a kid, don't be too hard on him" but really? Is that the attitude you want to instill in your children? That's probably why American children are ranked way lower than many other countries in terms of intelligence.
Ultimately..it's your decision, but I wouldn't let it slide just because "he's a kid."
Good luck!
Sorry to add this...but I just read a different post. But, as we got older, we got money for good grades. You could maybe do that with your children. Nothing big, I think we got lke $1 an A and $.50 a B and nothing for anything lower. That was awhile ago though, so the amount is up to you....just a thought 0 -
I agree with the post to not put too much pressure on them. I daughter was on the gold honour role in both grad 7 & 8. Grade 9 she just missed with an 88 average. She had texted me and told me this when she got her marks. I was very dissappointed because during awards night they honor students who achieved the 3 years of gold as well and know she wasn't going to get that award......
however, when I got off work and came home and saw her face - I knew she was dissappointed - she too tried to just blow it off as at least she wasn't failling and did better than her friends.......so I instead of telling her I was dissappointed, I turned it around and told her how proud I was of her efforts (dying inside still beause I really wanted her to get that award).......well, the look of relief on her face when I was boosting her up was a much better award for me....
With that being said - if they are smart kids (which they seem to be) - they will put enough pressure on themselves.....our efforts are better spent praising the hard work they do.........and that is even a tough one for me to follow as I am an over achiever myself!!!0 -
LOL at your daughter...she sounds a lot like me as a kid! I would say that if you really expect greatness from your son, make it worth his efforts. When I was slacking my senior year, my mom asked me what it would take to get a perfect report card, and I replied that I wanted to get my belly button pierced. She agreed, I had to make 4.0 the next semester...and guess what...I did.
You know he's smart, you just have to find a way to motivate him into caring about it.
By the time my son is 17-18...I'm afraid something akin to a belly button piercing is going to be super tame and not what he'd ask for
Awesome that your mother did that for you lol
Well what about a car? Or privileges to drive the car? Or his frickin cell phone? I just think you can motivate kids with positives, my kids are young, maybe I'm way off, but it worked on me :happy:0 -
Re: the 80 being an A- in university -- I wish that were true at my university! I wonder if they've changed in the ... er ... decades since I graduated. =(0
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My freshman year of high school I came home with an 85 on my progress report for my Enlgish class. For my school an 85 was a C. My parents were sooo upset with me (I was normally a straight A student). I got so mad at them, telling them that a C was "average"....that DID NOT help because they said they knew I was not an "average" student. They grounded me until report card and if my grade was still down, I would be grounded longer.,.....Needless to say, at report card I had brought my grade up to 103.....
Sometimes tough love and letting them know expectations will give them the push they need....
oh and PS.....80 is a B- in college....90 is an A-!
Good luck!0 -
oh and PS.....80 is a B- in college....90 is an A-!
May differ from school to school but from my experience an A- is from 80-84, A is from 85-94, and an A+ is 95-100.0 -
I totally understand your frustration but i also think erickirb has a point. Theres a fine line between pushing and encouraging and its not always easy to get it right. I know i found pushing had the opposite effect. I thought I was encouraging but the kids reckon i was pushing. The one doing the best is the one who KNOWS exactly what he wants to do when he leaves college/uni. Perhaps thats something worth considering, talk to him to find out exactly what HE wants to do with his life be it a Dr or firefighter and get him to set his goals towards that.0
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i think honor roll is overrated. people put too much stock into numbers. just because a student can work the numbers doesn't necessarily mean they can think and apply what they have learned - *if* they have actually really learned anything at all, that is.0
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i think honor roll is overrated. people put too much stock into numbers. just because a student can work the numbers doesn't necessarily mean they can think and apply what they have learned - *if* they have actually really learned anything at all, that is.
Totally agree with this, numbers on a teenager's report mean very little, in the grand scheme of things.0 -
I don't think I push too hard, at least I don;t think I do. I have to be rather gentle with him, he is on the sensitive side (the little darling!), I just really know what he is capable of, and he really has been lazy. Too much X-Box live. He would spend every waking moment on it if I let him. He has now been downgraded to 1 hour, between 6 and 7, if we are home.0
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I completely understand how frustrating this can be. My mom is a foster mom and often times these children choose to not live to their full potential. It is important to be intrinsically driven instead of extrinsecally driven... good luck.0
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Re: the 80 being an A- in university -- I wish that were true at my university! I wonder if they've changed in the ... er ... decades since I graduated. =(
An 83% for me is failing at the graduate level....0 -
If you push too hard, and/or don't at least show pride and appreciation for what he's doing well, then he'll throw up his hands and quit on you.
This was what happened to me. I felt whatever I did was never enough, no matter how I tried nothing would ever please my mom so I just gave up. I regret that now.. but if my mom had been more encouraging, work with me to figure out the problem instead of focusing criticism, things would have turned out different. Give him more encouragement, some kids respond better to that. :flowerforyou:0 -
i think honor roll is overrated. people put too much stock into numbers. just because a student can work the numbers doesn't necessarily mean they can think and apply what they have learned - *if* they have actually really learned anything at all, that is.
While I completely understand this perspective- your child has to go to school no matter what. At least that is true where I live. Whether they learn anything or not is up to the student and the parent. They have to go and they must strive to be the best that they can- learning- or not is another item.
Of course, most good parents that emphasize education attempt to encourage stronger academic performance with supplementation.0 -
My sister and I have always been good students. We were usually straight A's (except for sport but we weren't athletic kids!). My parents always pushed for us to use our full potential. We were encouraged to try our hardest and ALL homework and assignments had to be completed. There was no negotiating. The only subject they ever really relaxed about was sport but as long as we got a passing grade of C, they were happy. My mother introduced a system where for each A (A or A+) that we got on our end of semester report card, we'd receive $20 and for each B (A-/B+/B) we'd receive $10. For us before I got my first job, this was a big deal. We could earn some "serious" money just by getting good grades. My sister still looks forward to her report card money.
Perhaps you could do something similar? I'd talk with the teacher as well and just find out how your son's going in class. It might be an "easy" subject but to him it could be the hardest thing in the world. Maths for me was the toughest and I really struggled, even at the simplest level (we had three levels). My parents knew it wasn't my strong point but were happy when I pulled in B's if everything else was stellar. Perhaps he just won't be honor roll but that's okay if he's trying his hardest!
Phew! Sorry - long post.0 -
Re: the 80 being an A- in university -- I wish that were true at my university! I wonder if they've changed in the ... er ... decades since I graduated. =(
An 83% for me is failing at the graduate level....
On another note I earned a Master's Degree from Johns Hopkins and failing for us was a C (70-79). If you earned one C during your time in the graduate program then you went on academic probation. If you earned two Cs then you were dismissed all together.
Here is my take on the whole thing. I'm sure your son knows he could have done better and there are all sorts of reasons why he might have earned the grade that he did. Perhaps it was playing too many video games or perhaps some of his work was graded a bit unfairly. The best way to find out would be to sit down with him and ask him why he thought he didn't do too well this quarter. Don't point the finger or be accusatory. Just let him tell you how he can improve his scores and what he can do better. It will let him set goals for himself and build his self confidence.
I know we all want our kids to be straight A students and never make a mistake, but that's just not reality.0 -
Re: the 80 being an A- in university -- I wish that were true at my university! I wonder if they've changed in the ... er ... decades since I graduated. =(
An 83% for me is failing at the graduate level....
On another note I earned a Master's Degree from Johns Hopkins and failing for us was a C (70-79). If you earned one C during your time in the graduate program then you went on academic probation. If you earned two Cs then you were dismissed all together.
Here is my take on the whole thing. I'm sure your son knows he could have done better and there are all sorts of reasons why he might have earned the grade that he did. Perhaps it was playing too many video games or perhaps some of his work was graded a bit unfairly. The best way to find out would be to sit down with him and ask him why he thought he didn't do too well this quarter. Don't point the finger or be accusatory. Just let him tell you how he can improve his scores and what he can do better. It will let him set goals for himself and build his self confidence.
I know we all want our kids to be straight A students and never make a mistake, but that's just not reality.
Very nice!! Way to work hard. I have scheduled a parent teachers conference for later today.0 -
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Very nice!! Way to work hard. I have scheduled a parent teachers conference for later today.
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Nice! Way to stay on top of your kids education! There need to be more parents like you!0 -
Well now that is all cleared up. He is messing around a bit. I found out for current events all he has to do is bring in recent magazine articles and newpapers to discuss the issues with the class. Never new this one. My son has not brought ONE in, I wish teachers who's schools are online would post classroom requirements. They have the opportunity and are not using it, when I asked the teacher why he did not post this to the website he replied "he is in 7th grade and needs to start being responsible for his own work". Yes and no. He IS 7th GRADE!!!!!!!!! So I think they are both to blame for this one, the teacher is right when he says he needs to be responsible, but at the same time, I feel assignments should be posted so parents can check what their kids are supposed to be doing. Oh boy.0
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Well now that is all cleared up. He is messing around a bit. I found out for current events all he has to do is bring in recent magazine articles and newpapers to discuss the issues with the class. Never new this one. My son has not brought ONE in, I wish teachers who's schools are online would post classroom requirements. They have the opportunity and are not using it, when I asked the teacher why he did not post this to the website he replied "he is in 7th grade and needs to start being responsible for his own work". Yes and no. He IS 7th GRADE!!!!!!!!! So I think they are both to blame for this one, the teacher is right when he says he needs to be responsible, but at the same time, I feel assignments should be posted so parents can check what their kids are supposed to be doing. Oh boy.
I totally back you up on that.
But this is why I ask my son questions like a lawyer and cover ALL of my bases and make sure there are zero loopholes for him to say later "but you didn't say"
"I forgot"
"I didn't know"
"You didn't ask me that"
"Oh"
I hate that I have to do that but I have to quiz him or he will just lie by omission about homework etc LOL.0
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