Advice on a Selfish Question

Peyton115 · February 2011

Hi all,

So I need some advice on a pretty selfish question thats been in my head for a little while. In your responses, if you could please be honest but try not to judge too harshly I would really appreciate it. Like I said, I know this is a selfish question... I just am in need of some advice and I know we all are in similar situations here.

So here's my situation:
I am a female college student, just turned 21, and everything and everyone around me is telling me that these are suppose to be the best years of my life. The times when I make lifelong friends and have some of life's most important experiences. But I can't help but feel these are anything BUT the most wonderful years of my life. I see everyone around me going out, experiencing new things, and just having fun! But not me. I have always been very insecure about the way I look and have let that factor keep me from living my life for far too long now. Self-confidence is very important to a girl... and honestly, I don't have any. I am trying to change myself. In a big way. Eating right and exercising has become a very big part of my life (with a big thanks to MFP). I am still NO WHERE close to where I want to be weight wise, but I'm trying, and right now that's all I can do. But I can't help but want to make more changes to improve my self-confidence. Unfortunately however, these changes come at a price.

For SOO long now I have wanted to get a "mini makeover". All my life I have been the dorky girl with thin, mouse-brown hair and no makeup. What I really, really, wish I could do is go to the hair salon and get highlights and hair extensions and invest in some nice makeup. My problem isn't that I can't afford to do these things (I NEVER spend my savings, so I have a little bit of disposable income), but that I feel so guilty paying quite a bit of money for something so, well... selfish. Hair extensions and highlights AREN'T cheap, but they are something I have always dreamed of having. And makeup is pretty pricey too. My question is: Do you think it is worth it to go ahead and treat myself to my mini-makeover, even though it will be expensive, just because I know it will help my self-confidence level and make me feel better about myself? I want to live my life! So, is it selfish to get these things done knowing how much they cost? A lot of people get makeovers after losing weight.... but I'm still in the process of losing weight and haven't reached my final goal yet. I guess the final question is...

Mini-makeovers: selfish? Or self-confidence boosting worth it?

fitnesspirateninja · February 2011

You could go to a beauty school to get a makeover for a much cheaper price. If you live in or near a big city you can probably find several great schools.

If it won't break the bank, then go ahead and spend the money. Figure out what you'll have to cut back on in order to make it happen.

It's not selfish to want to take care of yourself.

therobinator · February 2011

This is super simple:

Mini-makeovers: selfish? No.

Or self-confidence boosting worth it? Yes.

HOPEful27 · February 2011

Very worth it, please go do it & rock that mini makeover! Loving and taking care of yourself needs to be one of the priorities in your life.

Ashley_Panda · February 2011

Yeah, go do it at a cosmetology school. If you're nervous about it, let the instructor use you as an example on how to do it. I went to cosmetology school and we did this all the time. Make up is a good investment. Don't think of it as spending your savings on something selfish. Thinks of it as something to help you better yourself.

QueenofCups · February 2011

I think if it will help you feel a little better about yourself and you can afford it, then go for it!
Every little bit helps. Spoken from a place where even if I had more money to do something I want to do I couldn't if my husband doesn't want me to - do these things for yourself while you still can!
I agree, self confidence is so important and I also am severely lacking, so I hope doll-ing yourself up some will help.

bahrainbel · February 2011

this isn't even up for discussion, wanting to have your hair done and feel good, is not selfish. if you can't have some pleasures, in life, really, what's the point?

MMarcordes · February 2011

ABSOLUTELY!! It is totally worth it! Part of taking care of you, is making yourself feel good. It's not just exercise and nutrition. It's taking care of your skin, and feeling like you look good. It's the whole package - so, I say, do whatever it takes to make yourself feel good and keep yourself motivated. Good luck - and ENJOY!

mlb929 · February 2011

I'll probably be in the minority with my opinion - but here it goes. Any reward to yourself like that should be just that - a reward. Not something you want to do just because. You didn't say how much weight you want to lose, and have you only been a MFP member for a short time, so I'm assuming you are just starting on your journey. That said - make it a reward for a big milestone.

Changing your appearance, it costly, then you will have to maintain as well. If you think your confidence is going to come from external factors, you need to reset your thinking. You need to focus on health and fitness, diet and attitude before you make a physical change. Besides it will feel so much better if you do it as a 30lb weight loss or 1/2 your goal, or whatever that may be, but make is a big reward for a big milestone.

That said, self confidence comes from inside. You need to find it. Write yourself a list of the really great things about you, don't put anything negative on it and read it every day. You can go for free and get a makeup make over at the mall where someone will teach you. Have them write it down and then ask for that at your next birthday as a gift or a gift certificate to get it for yourself then.

I'm all about not spending any money on things that aren't worth it - you may think it's worth it to you now but if you aren't going to put the effort into yourself first, it's not worth it in the long run.

yellowfairy · February 2011

I say go for it. Just remember the highlights you have to keep up with-but honestly-it will be worth it for you to feel better. I know when i went to a salon counter and had them teach me how to put makeup on and bought good makeup-it totally helped me.

NicolCook · February 2011

I don't think it is selfish at all! You have to take care of yourself and if this is a step in the right direction to help motivate you to continue strong, go for it!! You have to invest in yourself.......you are #1.

jwd28 · February 2011

This is NOT AT ALL selfish. It is important to feel good about the way you look. It sounds like you work hard and you deserve a special treat.

If it were me I would ABSOLUTELY go out and buy some nice makeup.

For your hair, I thnk I'd consult with a stylist before doing anything. Highlights would be great and if you're going to spend your hard earned money on them, it would be nice to talk to a professional about what would look best on you. Also, they might be able to recommend a good hair cut/style that would suit you. OR, if your heart is set on hair extensions, they could give you advice on that too.

Best of luck to you! You deserve some pampering. Don't feel bad treating yourself!

twooliver · February 2011

If it's permission you want....you got it....

bbear · February 2011

You could try going to a place like sephora (the makeup store) if you have one nearby. The ladies there are great at helping you pick out a few key pieces of make up and then teaching you how to use them. Often times they can give you samples of products and the make up lesson is always free. Just tell them when you go in that you are new to wearing makeup and are on a budget. This way you can spend more at the salon and get the whole make-over feel.

Keep your head up, good luck!

cmel6334 · February 2011

Go do it, you'll thank yourself later. Nothing selfish about wanting to feel better about you!!!

justsummie · February 2011

No it's not selfish, and for the record if there ever was a time in your life too be a little selfish and treat yourself to something nice it's now before you have kids and a family to worry about.

You could always make a mini-goal (say 10 lbs) and allow the makeover to a "treat' for getting there.

gangstagirl625 · February 2011

I say go for it if u have to dip into you savings u could always pay yourself back keep track of what u spend and then for example if you normally put say 20 a week away put 30 until u pay urself back hope this helps

jennygurumi · February 2011

I would go for the makeover. It looks like you have thought it through so it could be very satisfying. I really value these things that you want so that influences my opinion. When I feel great, I am more inspired overall.

lgav23 · February 2011

Go for it!! it is definately NOT selfish... ( and enjoy it)

"You deserve this." ~ Jillian Michaels

jjclem07 · February 2011

Mini makeovers are not selfish...even when I am dog sick I still do my hair and make up, why because on the outside it makes you feel and look better. How you feel inside is completely different.....The mini make-over and loss of weight is a wonderful first step in the new you.

knittnponder · February 2011

As the mom of four kids living on one income can I just tell you to learn to spoil yourself a little now? I have spent many years feeling guilty whenever I spent money on myself. When I finally got mad and realized that I am worth it just as the rest of my family is not only did I end up with some nicer things, but I feel better! I am much more outgoing now, not just because of how I look but how I feel about myself.

Learn to let go of feeling like you're not worth spending the money on. Be wise of course, but you are right that your confidence level will rise. Not because you have better "things" but because you will finally realize that you are not the stringy haired mouse you've convinced yourself you are. You are beautiful and unique and there are people in this world who will be dazzled when you finally allow yourself to reveal the real you. Once you've learned to be happy and content within your own skin you will be amazed at how much you enjoy your life.

If you're looking for permission to spend on yourself, I give it to you! There, now go shopping! :flowerforyou:

IMDABOMBthe0wife0DABEAST · February 2011

Treating yourself to a makeover is not selfish at all. You deserve to treat yourself once in a while. This will give you a boost in confidence and help you make the best of your College years. I can totally understand how you feel. I was a bit of a wall flower during college myself. If you can afford the changes, then take the plunge. Work with your hair salon so that you do not have significant costs down the road to maintain your new look.

mistyb47711 · February 2011

I just wanted to say its not selfish to work on yourself. I sometimes feel guilty when I go get my hair colored or buy a shirt, but that is just the giving nature is some of us. I think if you have the extra go for it. I also believe your changes that you are making will build your self confidence when you see the results. Soooooo GO GET YOUR HAIR DID GIRL!! :flowerforyou:

manymuses · February 2011

Invest in yourself NOW. Mind, body and soul. Don't put off your life for some later date.

A box of haircolor or a highlight kit costs as little as ten bucks at the store. I went from mousy brown to blonde bombshell back in college and it did a lot to boost my self-esteem. But it is true that beauty is only skin deep. Work on yourself from the inside out- cultivate your emotional life, your intelligence, your strength and certainly your confidence will increase. Invest in yourself and it will pay huge dividends for your future. Your self-confidence will translate into interest from other people as well and suddenly you WILL be having the time of your life. But it starts from the inside.

themommie · February 2011

I think you should go for it, if you feel it is too expensive then you could go to a school and have it done. We want pics of your before and after makeocer

luv2ash · February 2011

honey this isn't selfish at all. Women everyday do this all around us---some do it when I don't think they should--like when I know they don't have to dimes to rub together. But if you can afford, you need to do it!!!

Do remember this though, once you color that hair and get highlights, you will need to maintain it, and that will be an added expense every 6-8 weeks, unless you just don't care and let it grow out.

snockers3112 · February 2011

There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with wanting to look your best - life is too short to say 'I'll wait until..'.or 'once I've....' - why wait? Every woman knows that you always feel a million dollars when you have just been pampered at the hairdressers...and makeup isn't that expensive, go buy some and put some on - look your best every day. You only have one life...go out there and enjoy it xx

audcake · February 2011

Fitnesspirateninja is right! I got my hair and makeup done for prom at a beauty school by students who were happy just to have the practice! If you feel too guilty about the price, it might be a good idea. It's always important to feel good about yourself, no matter what stage you're at in your weight loss. I don't think it is selfish to spend a little money on yourself every once in a while. I suggest that you buy a little bit of makeup from your local CVS or whatever and play with it until you have a practical application for feeling beautiful every day. Maybe get a new haircut, or get your nails done. You don't have to go crazy with it- that way you'll have enough for a makeover later on. Just do one little thing for yourself every so often so you can feel good about yourself as you reach your ideal body. Then once you've met your goals, reward yourself with a big makeover!

I haven't reached my goal yet. I'm actually no where near it! But just to give myself a confidence boost, I bought some nice makeup and wear a little every day when I go out! It sounds like you're at a new stage in your life and you want to experience some new things. Having the extra confidence will definitely help you to step out of your old routine and have some fun!

lenwie · February 2011

GO FOR IT, it is in no way selfish, live for today, if it helps you gain that bit of self confidence that you need then head straight for the hairdressers, there is some really good value make-up on the market too, like in the supermarkets.

Like some other folk have said go to a local cosmetology school or ask the hairdresser if their needing hair models. You could have a good cut and colour and then invest in re-usable clip in extensions.

skinnylizzard · February 2011

I think it would give you a real boost, probably just what you need to keep you headed towards your goal of self improvement!!!

And take a before and after so we can all see!!

kimmerroze · February 2011

So I am going to be honest with you... The more you think about how low your self confidence the lower it is going to be. Remember all those surveys in highschool you had to answer that went a little bit like "whats your best quality, describe yourself in three words, what do people love about you." I bet you had a hard time answering them. Well so did I, so I feel for you. One day I asked myself, why do I have a hard time liking myself? why can I not point out the positives? So I started pointing out the positives. I wrote lists. I looked myself in the mirror and commented to myself about all the positives (NOT THE NEGATIVES) I got myself out of the habit of critiquing myself. Some times you have to fake it until you believe it. and I suggest you start doing that now. If you decide to have kids, the negative attitude will only hurt them. it will also hurt any future relationships you have. Men love a confident woman. Not someone who hates themselves. You have great qualities, and special abilities that other people don't have. We all do, we are all unique, start searching for those talents.

you said you have become healthier because of MFP, you have lost weight but you "still have a long way to go" don't focus on what you have to do. Focus on the good you have accomplished. You will get there. A healthy life is a slow process.

As far as beauty supplies goes. I would say its a must. You may find that you really love the person you are with a little make up. If you notice in the animal species around us, the female species are always a little more plain than the males, its so they can hide and blend in and protect their children. lol so its only natural that we are more plain than our male counter parts. there is a reason men don't wear make up and there is a reason they get better looking with age. So makeup very well may boos your self confidence.

as far as your hair goes, I would go to a salon and get a color change. Pick something close to your color, but a little more vibrant. maybe a shade or two lighter or a shade or two darker.

Hair extensions, after you have had your hair colored get hair extensions (only if you really really want them ) but don't go to a salon, the upkeep for permanent extensions is OUTRAGEOUS! go to sally's and buy the REAL HAIR clip in extensions they are about 70 dollars, you can take them to a salon they will layer them in with your real hair. They look so natural you will be impressed. you can curl them and they stay curled until you wash them and they stay straight until you curl them. They are FANTASTIC!

Makeup.... If you want to wear makeup, and never have, go to a makeup counter and have them do your makeup explaining how and why you use such products. that will help you. and then just buy a few basics, if your skin is clear skip the foundation, do a loose top powder, and blush, if you have dark eyelashes skip the mascara, buy a few colors that look good on your eyes and a shiny pretty lipgloss.

you dont' have to go all out. and you don't have to do it expensive.

But in all honesty... your self confidence depends upon your attitude. So change it GIRL! its a beautiful world and you have wonderful opportunities to try all sorts of new things.

Advice on a Selfish Question

Replies

Categories