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eeeekie
eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hi,

I'm Ericka and I'm 26 (will be 27 in a month). I'm a born and raised SoCal girl. I'm currently in school for Web Design, just Graduated with my Associates in Graphic Design. I love photography and anything to do with baking. If I could choose one career that would make me happy it would be baking/chef.

I've been big all my life and can't remember a time when I was actually skinny. I started putting on weight when I was about 7yo and it's been growing every since. I can remember as a kid (maybe 10?) bragging to my friends that I had "stretch marks like my mommy". I felt grown up because I had them on my legs like I saw my moms.

I think I'm pretty knowledgeable as to why I'm obese. Which seems to make it worse because I'm not stupid at all and I know exactly why I am the way I am and do nothing to stop it. We'll, I take that back...everyone (especially if you've been fat from a young age) has been on diets on and off your whole life. I've done them, all of them. I recently was doing AWESOME on Alli. I loved it and was finally able to see what everyone else had been seeing. I felt great, my confidence was up, I was lovin life. I was exercising regularly...long 1 hour walks with my dogs. I lost roughly 20lbs and have since gained it all back, I'm sure.

I went to England in September 2010 for a family death. When I got back I was sick and have been sick since I've been back. I have had every cold/sickness going around and because I have asthma (cold induced...gets worse when I'm sick) I cannot move around much or I cough, cough, cough. When the bronchitis was very strong I was doing nothing...for about 2 months. I have a back problem which I've had for years now. If I'm sedentary for long bouts of time it becomes very painful to walk and once I lose the strength in my back I lose me. The pain becomes so bad that I'd rather just not deal with it then try. I worked so hard on my back starting in late summer of 2010, I endured the pain for the end result and because I've been sick so much all that hard work went to waste. My back is now reverted back to painful. I want to work through it and I try when I can but I've been sick ever since I returned. I started to feel better from one sickness and then I get another. It has been one thing after another with being sick, hurting my foot (strained tendon for about a month), back problems, not eating well...etc.

I apologize for sounding so negative, I try not to be but sometimes when you write it all out it just feels so overwhelming and makes me frustrated with my own body. I WANT to be healthy, I WANT to lose weight...I self sabotage my success, and my body breaks down on me.

I originally joined MFP over a month ago and didn't come back. I decided to return after visiting my friend PB2MYJ (Laci) in Arizona this passed weekend. She is a true inspiration! I've decided to come back and see what it's all about. I don't want to throw myself into it so for now I'm just using it as a way to keep track of what I'm normally eating. I've not changed how I've eaten and just put it as I eat. I hope to have the same results as my friends and hopefully once all this sickness is done with I'll be out doing my normal, happy go lucky self.


If you read ALL of that...I give you props.

Replies

  • yrodri44
    yrodri44 Posts: 10
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    I read all of that :smile: At least you made the first step in coming back on here to try. It's good to be honest with yourself but don't self sabotage yourself with focusing on the negative. It's about baby steps.
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Hey,

    Kudos to you for reading it all. I didn't expect much response because it was so long lol

    Thanks for that! Regarding the self sabotage, I just noticed I do it. It's something I need to work on...work in progress.
  • Staceslim
    Staceslim Posts: 100 Member
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    Hi Erica, I think you are amazing. To have the confidence to keep trying I would almost want to give up with all that you've been through. Well I think with what you are trying you will be successful, baby steps is right if you want it to really work. Don't overwhelm yourself. Good for you & I wish you much success.
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Thank you Stacy, the support on these forums is awesome. I'm reading all the stories and it's really touching.

    I hope to have the same success.
  • just4laughs
    just4laughs Posts: 44
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    Well first of all, I don’t think you’re being negative, I think you are holding yourself accountable and being open to the fact that this is who you are, and you want to change, and I honor you for that!!! Second, I use to go to gyms and workout by myself, because that’s what was easier for me to do, and the stark reality of it is, is that you need OTHER people to help support you in your fitness journey, and that’s what this website seems to offer is support for. So that being said, nice job, and good luck, and keep working!!!!!
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Well thank you just4laughs! :)

    I'm really loving the support on this site. It's awesome. You all are amazing!

    Good luck on your journey also!
  • xlacijeanx
    xlacijeanx Posts: 232 Member
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    Oh lookey I got a shoutout! :):blush::

    You can do this Ericka, so glad you're exploring the site and finding support from new peeps! :)<3 you!
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Of course you get a shout out! You're my girl!

    I hope so to hon, you're such an inspiration! Look how many people you've got to join this! It's amazing!

    Love you poo xoox
  • cikjijah
    cikjijah Posts: 4 Member
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    hello dear, reading your stories is like reading mine...i've gained weigh ever since i could remember..i grow up as a fat girl, and continue to grow bigger and bigger..and funny things is that i dont do anythg to make it stop..well,i did try, but it wont last long and i continue to gained weigh..maybe at that time, i dont have enough motivation and courage to say no food and yes to exercising...but it did hit me when i'm going to the job interview and was rejected because of my weight..so, when a friend introduce me to this site, i give it a shot and after first week, i think i'm gonna stick to mfp along my journey to lose my weight..i hope we will succeed...good luck for both of us... ^_^

    btw, i like to baking too.... :wink:
  • tagsIT2011
    tagsIT2011 Posts: 33
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    Welcome back Erica!!!! Good for you, for finding someone to inspire you.... That helps alot. I see alot of myself in your story. i started putting on weight around age 12. Funny thing is,.... I never considered myself fat, but my step mother did, and so the dieting began. It progressed from there. Every diet that was in and around in 1971..... Shame is, I only weighed about 120 pounds at the time, maybe 125. I lived overseas so no fast food, no junk food, 3 square meals aday. Go figure.
    But enough about me..... I understand the frustration about being sick constantly, and from suffereing from asthma, and a back injury. All these variables are obstacles but you can overcome them. As the forum says, baby steps.
    An exercise you might try with back injury is water aerobics. Low impact, fun to do and if you add weights to that activity it really revs up the workout. :wink:

    as for asthma, that is something you have to work around, and it is doable. track your food, enter it and it may shock you to see your progress. good luck, and welcome to the forum..... :happy:

    Cat:flowerforyou: :bigsmile:

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