What is wrong with me??

I'm kinda the same with my parents making me do things. It's taken years and lots of hard lessons for me to learn that discipline and self-control are requirements for me to be successful. I'm drowning in debt, too, but slowly working my way out. We naturally want to be selfish and impulsive. Buy this, eat that. The mature thing is to say no to yourself because you're a grown up and you can handle it. Babies demand their way, adults act wisely instead. I'm not giving up on this, so if you need a tough love friend, I can be that for you. You decide if you're ready to be grown up or not.

I don't know if it will help, but nothing is wrong with you. nothing. You are learning from your life, asking questions, and trying to make things better. Sounds like a great plance to be.
I just read a book that explains this feeling about thinking one thign and doing another is everywhere - the book is called "Switch". It's talking about making changes, and I thougth I was reading it for business, I've been able to apply it to myself in some marvously helpful ways that make me less likely to fight with myself (about things like eating a yummy or starting a workout as well as many many other day-to-day decisions)

Basically, having a plan is important (a diet/excercise plan), but so is setting up your life so that you don't have to fight every second to make the plan happen. - that is just emotionally exausting and no one can keep it up forever. So if you can also find the ways to setup your life/ household/ support system to make executing your plan more easy & less will-power intensive then you can make your life easier.
For example: My diet/excercise worked best when I was running every night right after I put my kid to bed (while my husband is home), then come home to a nice wark tub soak. While my kid puts on jammies- I put on my running clothes/ and as soon bedtime routine is done - before I allow myself to do anything else- I go out the frount door. That's the whole plan - I used to be how much I run but now however long I run is fine. I find that every once in awhile I run just a block and go back home. Mostly I run my 1 or 2 mile loop, and occasionally I run 3-4 miles. The plan was to excercise every day. The hard part was finding the time to run and starting the run; and so I made the hard part is part of the bedtime routine that I KNOW I will be doing; thus the starting the run becomes easier for me. It's even to the point now when my kid is encouraging me by just asking why I'm not putting my gear on when she's got jammies. AMAZING how much just that little bit of encouragment helps really keep me on track. AND I have an agreement with myself - no run, no tub soak. Encouragment to start, and a reward at the end -- it's lovely.

OR just accept that some weeks you are in a emotional/psycological place that diet/exercise is going to go well because you have the midset to make it work. And sometimes the best you are going to be able to accomplish is a slow weight gain as your mind is focused on something that's not diet/excercise.
When you don't like what's going on, then find something else to try. Try differnet routines, times, enlist help if you can - even if just for a day or two. It may take awhile, but only if you keep working at it will you find what REALLY works for you. And the only thing that will defeat you - is if you give up all together. So just keep trying. If what you were doing isn't working anymore, accept that and try something else.

People here keep pointing out that you are on this forum and thinking about your health. I hope you know that IS the right track - not the fastest track perhaps, but something that does have the potential to be helping you achieve your goal.

I have been gaining and loosing weight for 10 years. Lately it's been gain 10 loose 9, gain 5 loose 5, gain 10 loose 8, etc. Someone recently pointed out to me that was actually a pretty healthy place to be. They pointed out that weight is constantly fluxuating. Making a goal to hit a healthy weight is just that - a goal that can be hit but then it will change. YOU WILL CHANGE WEIGHT. Having the knowledge that you CAN change your weight and knowing how is the important part. So you lost some weight and felt GREAT at that time - YES & yay for you!! And now you gained some and don't feel as well, Ok that's what having a human body is like. AND So what do you want to do tonight and tomorrow??

So when you find something that works so you can stick to a diet/excercise routine then awesome! -- even if you can only do it for a day or two at a time. Then find something else that works - -- and something else that works -- and before you know it you will have a bunch of these "tools" in your toolbox. Some easier to stick to (but not as effective) and some very effective (but that can't last forever) AND you'll get to understanding which one is right for your current life situation.

Keep trying, and don't stop looking for things and finding new ways to get what you want untill you are living the life you love && that is how you make things happen. Slowly, deliberatly, continually.