Serious question for everyone

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2

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  • Oompa_Loompa
    Oompa_Loompa Posts: 1,099 Member
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    Omg The twinkie diet is what i do! lol jk
  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
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    Omg The twinkie diet is what i do! lol jk

    instigator! :angry: :tongue:
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    As long as you can back up your disagreeing statement, and show them proof as to why you disagree, it might prevent drama. I know a lot of people are taking everything they read at face value, but sometimes that's the danger. If you can disprove what the post said with fun facts and the dangers of believing everything you read, than you're in the right. I don't agree with people being mean and just saying "no you're wrong, that's stupid" without giving me proof as to why I'm wrong, or what you based your opinion on (personal experience, etc).

    ah, there's the rub though. What you may consider kind and thoughtful, someone else, for what ever reason may consider rude and inconsiderate (it's happened to me before). So what's the solution? Sometimes the true meaning doesn't come out until pages later when feelings are hurt and the damage is done. That's why I ask the question.


    Statements like "I really don't mean to be rude" or "this is what I just read" things like that to justify your disagreement will go a long way in settling the high strung. You could also use IMO, or "this is what my trainer said", or "if that doesn't work try this"...
  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
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    Statements like "I really don't mean to be rude" or "this is what I just read" things like that to justify your disagreement will go a long way in settling the high strung. You could also use IMO, or "this is what my trainer said", or "if that doesn't work try this"...

    that's fine, but qualifying the statement isn't really what my point is. I'm talking about pointing it out in the first place. I mean, what if that twinkie example was real. And the person REALLY believed it, but they aren't telling anyone else to do it. Should you say anything to them? I don't think I would. But the minute someone else expressed interest I might. Once the door is open with questions, then it's fair game IMHO, but if a statement isn't specifically wrong, and isn't meant as advice, then I'm not so sure.
  • lilmissy2
    lilmissy2 Posts: 595 Member
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    See lil, there's my dillema. I agree that the board is public, and in spirit we should all be allowed to respectfully object to a post or it's replies, but then again, is it respectful to call someone out in public for a plan that they are implementing for themself and not subjecting to others. Especially when they aren't asking whether that plan is correct or not? On some level it's going to be demoralizing to that person, if for no other reason than just basically saying "you're wrong" to them. Even if they ARE wrong.

    Well, the way I see it - if there truly were something dangerous or even short of optimal about the approach I was taking, then I would like to know. I don't see it as demoralizing - there is not a single approach to diet and exercise that couldn't be questioned to an extent and that's exactly what these forums are for. Sure, I may not agree with what someone has said about what I am doing and that is fine but at least other people have different view points to consider. It also may not make me change that thing - the reality with lifestyle changes is that it's all about what you as an individual are willing to do, not what everybody else thinks is right.

    Obviously, being a health professional I'm a bit biased because I'm fairly confident in my own knowledge and I imagine that it's certainly more difficult for someone else to sift through all of the information posted and decide what they believe is correct.

    I should specify that I'm talking about when replying to a general post. For example, a question somebody else has asked or an article somebody has posted. I think it is absolutely disrespectful to go into a support group post for something you don't believe in and question it in that environment.
  • fitnesspirateninja
    fitnesspirateninja Posts: 667 Member
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    A respectful tone makes a huge difference in my opinion. Unfortunately, tone doesn't always come across in the way you intended when it comes to text. There's no inflection or body language, which I think expresses more then words ever could. If you can clearly make your argument in a concise, respectful manner, then I say go for it. There will always be people who get pissy when someone disagrees with them, but posting your opinion in a public forum invites people to challenge it.

    Honestly, I don't think the person posting will change their mind if you disagree with them on the boards, but perhaps it will inform someone reading. If you really want to have a discussion with someone about their opinion then send them a personal message and have a private debate.
  • elainegsd
    elainegsd Posts: 459 Member
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    "I use twinkies for half my calories because I have the room in my diet, and it's only about calories in vs calories out for me."

    I would absolutely feel OK correcting, since they are posting in a public forum. If it is stated like your example above, I would be less inclined to correct the statement above than if it was stated as:
    "Using twinkies for half your calories is a healthy way to lose weight." or
    "Try using twinkies for half your calories."

    The difference to me is in the first case, it is stated as the one person's approach to eating. In the other two cases, it is stated in an authoritative manner, implying that the person knows what the heck he/she is talking about.
  • callipygianchronicle
    callipygianchronicle Posts: 811 Member
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    It absolutely "ethically and morally ok to post a reply that questions their post, or even point out the error if you feel it's wrong.” The most tactful way to do this is to

    A) state something positive—which isn’t always easy because sometimes the information may 100% wrong and not 50% wrong and there’s not a lot of positives to go on—but an example would be, “Yes, it is true that there was a highly publicized case of a man eating twinkies and losing weight last year…”

    B) use the phrase, “My understanding is different” and then explain what you know. This is not the same as saying you are right (even when you know you are). You are tactfully showing how you gathered evidence, from which sources, and what conclusion you have come to.

    If you jump straight into B, you’re in argument territory, because it can feel to the person reading it as though you have come to the forum only to make them look stupid. But if you always start with A—making sure you acknowledge something that is positive about their contribution to the discussion—you’re less likely to get derailed by someone feeling insulted.

    But sometimes, we all lack tack, or the claims are just so dangerously off, that we just have to unload with facts we know to be true.
  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
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    See lil, there's my dillema. I agree that the board is public, and in spirit we should all be allowed to respectfully object to a post or it's replies, but then again, is it respectful to call someone out in public for a plan that they are implementing for themself and not subjecting to others. Especially when they aren't asking whether that plan is correct or not? On some level it's going to be demoralizing to that person, if for no other reason than just basically saying "you're wrong" to them. Even if they ARE wrong.

    Well, the way I see it - if there truly were something dangerous or even short of optimal about the approach I was taking, then I would like to know. I don't see it as demoralizing - there is not a single approach to diet and exercise that couldn't be questioned to an extent and that's exactly what these forums are for. Sure, I may not agree with what someone has said about what I am doing and that is fine but at least other people have different view points to consider. It also may not make me change that thing - the reality with lifestyle changes is that it's all about what you as an individual are willing to do, not what everybody else thinks is right.

    Obviously, being a health professional I'm a bit biased because I'm fairly confident in my own knowledge and I imagine that it's certainly more difficult for someone else to sift through all of the information posted and decide what they believe is correct.

    I should specify that I'm talking about when replying to a general post. For example, a question somebody else has asked or an article somebody has posted. I think it is absolutely disrespectful to go into a support group post for something you don't believe in and question it in that environment.

    the hard part about this is, now you're talking about assumptions of other people's emotional state. While you may not see it as something bad, others may, and where do you draw the line? I mean think about it, in truth, they weren't asking if it's ok to do it, and weren't asking for help, and they don't seem to be having difficulty, so why comment at all? Again, this is pretty much me playing devil's advocate here.
  • lilmissy2
    lilmissy2 Posts: 595 Member
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    I'm talking about pointing it out in the first place. I mean, what if that twinkie example was real. And the person REALLY believed it, but they aren't telling anyone else to do it. Should you say anything to them? I don't think I would. But the minute someone else expressed interest I might. Once the door is open with questions, then it's fair game IMHO, but if a statement isn't specifically wrong, and isn't meant as advice, then I'm not so sure.

    I think that as soon as it is posted in a public forum, it becomes fair game for comments. Why? Because I spend all day trying to talk people out of ridiculous things they have read on the internet! (Not that I'm saying the things you are talking about are necessarily ridiculous). Just because nobody on the board has asked a question about it or agreed they were going to try that does not mean nobody has thought about it. So I think it's exactly the same situation where someone else in the thread mentions it or not.
  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
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    crap, My boss called me into a meeting, don't make any decisions without me! :tongue:
  • lilmissy2
    lilmissy2 Posts: 595 Member
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    While you may not see it as something bad, others may, and where do you draw the line? I mean think about it, in truth, they weren't asking if it's ok to do it, and weren't asking for help, and they don't seem to be having difficulty, so why comment at all? Again, this is pretty much me playing devil's advocate here.

    Haha yeah I got that!! To be honest, I think it's more unethical to let other people read an unchallenged statement and accept it as truth. I guess my point is that if I were to make a comment, it's not actually even intended for the person who posted the statement (although, of course one must accept that they may be offended or get hurt), it's intended for the hundreds of other people potentially reading the post. In my opinion - again, a biased one - the health of hundreds of people trumps one person's hurt feelings on the morality scale (of course the people who post these things rarely intend to hurt the person, if that were not the case then it may be a different story).
  • kicklikeaGIRL
    kicklikeaGIRL Posts: 867 Member
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    oops
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
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    Absolutely.
  • scagneti
    scagneti Posts: 707 Member
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    I still think that it's ok to say something. I'd try to word it something like this:

    "That's fabulous this is working so well for you. I've had a completely different experience so I hope that it continues to work for you. If it doesn't, I'd recommend not eating half your calories in Twinkies and instead consuming extra veggies, lean proteins and whole grains because ...."

    But yeah, toes will likely be stepped on and feelings hurt because a lot of people can't stand to be wrong and don't want a random person on the internet to tell them that they are.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,119 Member
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    First, Steve, when have we ever not spoken up? :laugh: But, you can't catch them all......


    Second, oh, we are talking Right vs Wrong? That sounds like All-or-Nothing thinking. That's what got us in trouble in the first place.

    Third, if everyone would eat enough they wouldn't be so cranky. IJS.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    I dont care if someone disagrees with a statement Ive made that they feel to be wrong its when they send me private messages or just turn into rude jerks (which alot of people do) that I get mad
  • Slamaral
    Slamaral Posts: 20
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    There is nothing wrong with pointing out an error politely to a person, in fact I'd say on here it should be encouraged. We are all here for one main purpose, and if one person posts incorrect data, that person, and anyone who believes what that person said could be going off track from their goal.
  • miovlb6
    miovlb6 Posts: 339 Member
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    I think it's absolutely fine to correct erroneous information or state a difference of opinion with a poster's statements if you want to. The point of a public forum such as this one is to start a dialog about a given topic. If someone makes statements on a public forum, whether they invite responses or not, they should expect others to respond, and they should expect that sometimes those responses will present contrary opinions/facts. I can’t see any reason to let invalid information stand unchallenged, particularly in a forum where that info might lead someone else to make poor choices that affect their dietary/fitness goals.

    That being said, no matter how tactfully you attempt to be in the phrasing of your response, there will be people who take offense. So I’d say that as long as your response is reasoned and respectful, you’re fine; there’s no need to qualify your statements or kowtow to their position. Just courteously make your point and stand by it.

    I'm not saying we need to police each message and point out each and every bit of flawed thinking, but if you see something you disagree with and feel even the smallest compulsion to answer, go for it. Prompting open discussion is precisely the point of forums like these.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    Statements like "I really don't mean to be rude" or "this is what I just read" things like that to justify your disagreement will go a long way in settling the high strung. You could also use IMO, or "this is what my trainer said", or "if that doesn't work try this"...

    that's fine, but qualifying the statement isn't really what my point is. I'm talking about pointing it out in the first place. I mean, what if that twinkie example was real. And the person REALLY believed it, but they aren't telling anyone else to do it. Should you say anything to them? I don't think I would. But the minute someone else expressed interest I might. Once the door is open with questions, then it's fair game IMHO, but if a statement isn't specifically wrong, and isn't meant as advice, then I'm not so sure.


    Then let 'er buck! I agree, if you're putting it out there then be prepared for an attack or hope for a mature debate about it.

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