I have a confession to make.

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BethanyMasters
BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
in Motivation and Support
As some of my friends may have noticed I've been having a really rough time with this diet exercise thing lately. I'm very tired and unmotivated and though I haven't dove into a complete depression I'm not very happy lately.

But I really need to get something off my chest. Something I haven't even told my boyfriend and something that is even hard to admit to the people here who are mostly strangers to me.

I feel like I may be developing some bulimic habits. Whenever I mess up I mess up pretty big, then I feel physically and emotionally horrible which then leads to purging which makes me feel even more guilty. I don't do this too often and I don't do it on a typical day of healthy eating but its a common enough occurance for me to feel concerned about it.

I don't really know what anybody can say to make this better or help me stop but I just really needed to get this off my chest as I haven't even got up the courage to tell my boyfriend.

I just don't know what to do with myself lately.

Replies

  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
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    well that's kind of an important thing to say. :)
    I would recommend that you figure out why you're self sabotaging yourself. Then next time instead of purging maybe get back on here and ask for someone to talk you off the ledge. :0

    You have to take care of yourself on your healthy eating journey. It's what you need to do for the rest of your life.
  • ashleyjea1985
    ashleyjea1985 Posts: 190
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    I used to do this myself many many years ago in HS for about 3 months.

    What made me stop was many things.
    1. i wasnt getting vitamins which was making me feel yuck
    2. my breathe STANK
    3. from throwing up, the blood vessel in my eyes were always red.. one even BROKE one time, i looked like the terminator.

    what i can tell you, is that ive lost 20 lbs. through counting my calories and exercise.. there are times i mess up.. like tonight. i went to ruby tuesday and had chicken fingers!! 800 calories.. the thought cross my mind to purge only because i used to do that many many years ago and the thought pops up. but ive grown and matured and learned health is first. who wants to be some nasty girl with her fingers down her throat in some pathetic bathroom.
    what i did was walk on a treadmill for one hour and burned 350 to offset my chicken fingers.

    its all about moderation.. messing up once in a while will NOT make a difference.

    think of it this way..... will ONE day of eating well and exercise make you thin? of COURSE NOT
    will ONE day of eating crap and sitting around make you fat. OF COURSE not. its what you do CONSISTANTLY that matters

    also on side note.. my bulima also cooincided with some depression they sometimes go hand in hand. i would suggest maybe going to see a DR and possibly talking possible medication or some therapy. hope this helps as ive been there and its worked for me
  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
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    I used to do this. A couple times a day, and I knew the health risks, but I did it even though it was bad because it made me feel better. The truth that made me stop and think was the fact that a lot of calories are already being absorbed within a few seconds of swallowing, even just in your mouth from saliva (from what I have read online). So I knew I was throwing it up, but most of the calories I kept. Another big thing that helped me stop was the fact that most bulimic people are actually bigger and gain weight. I hope you get to feeling better!
  • vintagedream
    vintagedream Posts: 42
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    think of it this way..... will ONE day of eating well and exercise make you thin? of COURSE NOT
    will ONE day of eating crap and sitting around make you fat. OF COURSE not. its what you do CONSISTANTLY that matters

    this!
  • nelliemagee
    nelliemagee Posts: 12
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    You should talk to your family and friends about this, they will be able to give you the support you need to get through this. It sounds like you might need to go and speak to the Doctor about it as well, could there possibly be some underlying issues? Especially being depressed and not very happy.

    Keep your chin up and think happy thoughts. Good luck with everything :)
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    Thank you for the support guys. I really wish that I could just avoid the binging all together. I WISH my mess ups were only 800 or even 1000 calories. But I seriously ate a liter of diet pepsi, a bag of combos, a bag of choclate pretzels, a BIG bag of reeses peices, and a bag of honey roasted peanuts at the movies today and as soon as I got home I couldn't even help it, I just had to puke.
  • navvs15
    navvs15 Posts: 165
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    I think some dieters dabble into unhealthy eating habits, in one way or another, myself included. As for me, I can’t stand feeling “full”. Even when I haven’t eaten all that much, it’s just not a good feeling for me. Months ago, I’ve also forced myself to throw up. Although, it did not happen often.

    The most important thing though, is to catch yourself doing these things, before it develops into a major issue. Which is something I think you're doing.

    I wish I had more to add, a piece of wisdom to help you feel better! But do know that each and everytime you fall from your goal, you can always come back to it! :smile:
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    You should talk to your family and friends about this, they will be able to give you the support you need to get through this. It sounds like you might need to go and speak to the Doctor about it as well, could there possibly be some underlying issues? Especially being depressed and not very happy.

    Keep your chin up and think happy thoughts. Good luck with everything :)

    I'm pretty sure the trigger is that my work schedule is insane and changes every week and sometimes even changes on the fly. I'm not getting very much sleep and as far as exercise goes I'm lucky to get in my hour of yoga once a week. I know that if I could get back on a regular set schedule I could get back into the swing of things but my boss is just bat **** crazy and won't set my schedule for me even though she can clearly see how it's affecting my mood and my work habits.

    Maybe i'm just making excuses :(
  • ashleyjea1985
    ashleyjea1985 Posts: 190
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    Thank you for the support guys. I really wish that I could just avoid the binging all together. I WISH my mess ups were only 800 or even 1000 calories. But I seriously ate a liter of diet pepsi, a bag of combos, a bag of choclate pretzels, a BIG bag of reeses peices, and a bag of honey roasted peanuts at the movies today and as soon as I got home I couldn't even help it, I just had to puke.



    1. diet soda is fine. theres like no calories in it.
    so really what your problem is is a bag of combos 200 calories, chocolate pretzels ( 13 small ones are about 200 calories) and a reeses pieces ( movie size bag is 200) you are only at 600... add your peanuts.. maybe up to 800?

    thats really not bad... you could have easily exercise for ONE HOUR and burn half of that all off....

    stop overwhelming yourself. all that crap you just ate was the SAME calories i ate in a chicken finger appetizer... stop feeling so guilty.. you can indulge every once in a while.

    bulimia is not only about weight, its underlying issues. just like i had it. i suggest you talk to someone...... and also.. just relax a little.. yes its a lot of food... but you can just count that as your dinner. 800 calories is NOT the end of the world..
  • ashleyjea1985
    ashleyjea1985 Posts: 190
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    and yes you are making excused. there is NO REASON to throw up because you ate too much. not work, family ,schedules.. its a problem you need to realize yourself and stop, or talk to someone over fast before it progresses and gets worse.
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    Thank you for the support guys. I really wish that I could just avoid the binging all together. I WISH my mess ups were only 800 or even 1000 calories. But I seriously ate a liter of diet pepsi, a bag of combos, a bag of choclate pretzels, a BIG bag of reeses peices, and a bag of honey roasted peanuts at the movies today and as soon as I got home I couldn't even help it, I just had to puke.



    1. diet soda is fine. theres like no calories in it.
    so really what your problem is is a bag of combos 200 calories, chocolate pretzels ( 13 small ones are about 200 calories) and a reeses pieces ( movie size bag is 200) you are only at 600... add your peanuts.. maybe up to 800?


    You are seriously underestimating how big these bags of food were. These were from 7-11 not from the movie theater the bag of reeses peices 950 calories by itself. The bag of pretzels 570, peanuts 300, and the combos were 910.
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    I"m not trying to jusify what I've been doing. Honestly. I just dont' know what to do.
  • ashleyjea1985
    ashleyjea1985 Posts: 190
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    you need to see a doctor for your binging. something is wrong mentally if you are eating a 900 bag of combos and then moving on to a 900 bag of reeses...


    you need to talk to a doctor. this is an emotion thing. thats your asnwer.

    im not trying to sound mean.. but i sounded like you years ago.. making excuses and " oh i just dont know what to do"....... it took someone being stern to tell me to see someone.
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    I don't really have anything better to say. All that comes to mind is a bunch of bullcrap excuses.
  • ashleyjea1985
    ashleyjea1985 Posts: 190
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    depression goes hand in hand with bulimea and purging.. one supports the other... go see a doctor, hun.
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    This is going to sound like a pathetic excuse but my medical insurance is through my mom and I really don't want to have to tell her what's going on because she'll blow it all out of proportion. And if I don't tell her and I just ask her to make me an appointment she'll just putz around it and never get around to actually making the appointment for me.
  • ashleyjea1985
    ashleyjea1985 Posts: 190
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    This is going to sound like a pathetic excuse but my medical insurance is through my mom and I really don't want to have to tell her what's going on because she'll blow it all out of proportion. And if I don't tell her and I just ask her to make me an appointment she'll just putz around it and never get around to actually making the appointment for me.

    well an option is to not tell your mother, make the appointment yourself, and say you were going for a diff reason, she wont know and legally they cant tell her.

    or.

    Try to go to a community medical center in your town/county. Most a sliding scale ( meaning they charge you by how much money you make.. if you make nothing, they usually will help you for free) !!!!!
  • NoelleW
    NoelleW Posts: 30 Member
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    She is right...your mom does not need to make the appointment. Just schedule an annual physical with your primary care and when you are there tell him that you have an eating disorder and need a referral. If you don't have a primary but you have a gyno you can ask her. That way you have a "cover" and some help. The only thing to keep in mind is that the primary insurance carrier will get EOB's. That is an explanaition of benefits. These do not talk about treatment only billing.

    So if she asks you can have a lie prepared. Now understand I am not advocating continuing to lie to your family but...sometimes family members don't responsibly accept personal information and can not handle what is provided to them with care. If this is the case do not feel guilty that you are not providing them every detail of your life. It is your life and you obviously are interested in it improving, so take the steps necessary and trust those who can support and love you.

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