How do you decide when to delete someone on your friend list

candlegal · February 2011

I always have such a hard time deleting people on my friend list. I always go to their profile page and see if they have been active and when the last time was that they posted. Even if it has been a month since they have been on here I still feel bad eliminating them because, well, I guess I feel like that means I've given-up on them

I don't want that to be the message I am sending. But it would be nice to trim down the list if they are gone for good. One person deactivated themselves but I don't think many people do that, I think they just walk away and leave their profiles up. I know it seems minor but it bothers me and I struggle with cutting people. Do you tell them you're deleting them but if they come back you welcome their friend request? Or is that dumb?:blushing: Just wondering what others do

Mindful_Trent · February 2011

The way I see it, I'm only interested in being "friends" with people who are actively using the MFP community. I know that we can help motivate each other, but in the end, if someone's not motivated inside themself to at least log on and stay minimally active, then nothing anyone says to them can make a difference. Motivation has to start from within.

It wouldn't be a big deal, but there's a limit on how many friends we can have, so I'm forced to occasionally weed out the people who aren't using MFP. I don't really have a set guideline that I use, but if the person hasn't been active on the boards and hasn't logged in or had any activity in quite awhile, then I'll delete them and free up space to become friends with someone new.

cccathyyy · February 2011

I just delete. I sometimes delete because they don't really talk to me, and they clog up my message board. But that's just me.

foxxybrown · February 2011

From the iphone app you can see when their last login was. If it was more than a month ago, I delete.

themyriadthings · February 2011

Yup, I do exactly what accountant_boi does. I want to be MFP friends with people who are serious about this stuff. I don't have a ton of MFP friends because I want to be sure that I can be supportive of every one of them (leaving comments on their statuses, generally keeping up with their progress, etc.) That's what I expect from my MFP friends too - it's got to be mutual for it to be beneficial for anyone anyway. So now and then I do delete someone.

PattyTheUndefeated · February 2011

I've had to delete people because of their constant whining & negativity. I had to delete and block one 'friend' because their private messages became innaproriate. I am NOT here to find a date. I delete those who cross the line, not those who come and go. We all fall down and drift off sometimes, sometimes for months at a time. Deleting those friends would mean that I give up on them.

tgh1914 · February 2011

Frankly, I don't how some people can keep up with the size of their friends list. I mean if you have over 200, are you really keeping in touch in any way?, with news feeds, statuses, msg board posts, etc? There's just so much. And that's not to say that some people might actually spend enough time to keep up with 250 people. I certainly can't though.

So one thing I look at is if the inactive person has tons of friends or not. If they do, I doubt they'll notice a thing.

dbanks80 · February 2011

Don't delete me Julie!!!!!!!!!! :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

LOL!! Just kidding!

I agree with the other person. It takes motivation within. If they don't have it within themselves nothing you can say or do will work. So delete the one's that haven't been active for like 6mons to 1 year.

ka_42 · February 2011

I've had to delete people because of their constant whining & negativity. I had to delete and block one 'friend' because their private messages became innaproriate. I am NOT here to find a date. I delete those who cross the line, not those who come and go. We all fall down and drift off sometimes, sometimes for months at a time. Deleting those friends would mean that I give up on them.

I'm glad I'm still your friend

I do the same- delete when they're inactive.. annoying. lol

superwmn · February 2011

When their wall contains mostly statuses pertaining to their not logging on, it's time to delete. The first time or so I will check in and let them know I miss them, but if they still don't come back I delete.

There are lots of active members who want to actively support and encourage each other. That's where my focus is.

Charmagne

DeeDeeLHF · February 2011

How very kind of you to be concerned with what the other person might be thinking.

Some people just go through rough times but do come back!!

I delete people if it has been several months though. If I feel like I built a rapport with someone I keep them a bit longer.

I delete creepy people or don't even friend them to begin with. It has only been a couple of times but when I look at a dude's friend list and they seem to only be friending very hot women, I don't friend them.

I have decided to not friend some people if I look at their profile and do not think they are really compatible. i.e. if I see that half of their profile pics are in lingerie showing lots of skin...not my type.:laugh:

I had to hide one person because her posts drove me crazy.

Over all, stay as nice as you are. So few nice people in the world.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

D

ciaobella47 · February 2011

If it were me, first I would send them a message (as I have done) and ask if everything’s going ok and let them know they are missed. Someone did that for me once when I was MIA for about 6 weeks. I had some stuff going on and when it was all done I couldn't quite kick myself into gear. A message from an MFP friend pulled me back in and I love her for that! When I add someone as a friend, I do so with the intention of helping them stay on track if I can and hopefully they can help me too.

If they don't respond, well then, I guess there isn't any use in keeping them on your list. Aside from that, I would think it'd be almost expected that you lose some friends when you disappear.

cmw9696 · February 2011

I am constantly deleting and adding "friends"...it is not that personal most of the time...I look for people who are serious about what they are doing for starters. Then I look for the support factor. For the most part, I want people who are doing/ having the same/ similar goals as me, in my age range (+/- 5 yrs), and maybe have similar hobbies and interests as me. It is pretty neat when I find someone who actually lives near me! I never "friend" males either, cause I just don't want that. I don't have anything against men, I just want people as similar to me as I can get....

In the end, you are probably not going to meet 99.9% of the people on your list.

I also keep my list small so that I can keep track of my "friends" better. Usually under 50.

lilRicki · February 2011

yes this is YOUR journey! If you're not getting what you need out of a "friend" then by all means delete them. If they haven't shown up in a month, or they don't really have anything to contribute to your success, then delete them. They won't even know. I have deleted people for being to Narcissistic, or who's diets consist of junk food, that's not who I need to surround myself with when I need to lose weight. I need motivation, strong willed, smart people that will show me the way. You'll be fine, nobody is going to message you a hate letter for deleting them.

candlegal · February 2011

Thanks everyone!! I feel better about cleaning "house" now. :drinker: Luckily I haven't had any "whiners" I do hear that a lot of people have friends that do that. DeeDee I know what you mean, I've noticed that too!! I agree with having the TOO many friends to keep up with comment, and that's why I want to delete some because I never see them on here and it just bothers me to see all these faces that I know I can't keep up with!! But the truth is half aren't even logging in anymore. So let the cleaning begin!
Thanks again, really helpful replies! Thank You!!

AnnaPixie · February 2011

That's a tough one. I dont like the culling culture. But I guess you just have to go with your gut and whoever keeps you motivated.

Just a note to the lady that won't take on male friends - I have to say that some of my best motivators are men!! They tend to be straight to the point, work hard, and have high expectations of themselves. I think you're missing out there hun :bigsmile:

And of course my female friends are kindred spirits and a joy to befriend too!!

Gosh, I could be digging myself a hole here..... :laugh:

Happy culling OP! :bigsmile:

Valtishia · February 2011

I usually go through them once in a while and see who hasn't been active for a couple months or more, then delete. I know I fall off track sometimes and don't log in for a few weeks so I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Who knows, maybe they got some major issues going on stopping them from logging in so frequently. That being said, I don't get insulted if I get deleted either. Everyone is here for thier own reasons.. yes, it is nice to support eachother but we are primarily here for ourselves. If you feel like there are some people just taking up space on your friends list, then just delete them. No need to feel bad about it.

goal30Lori · February 2011

I occasionally go through and delete people also... I have a few people who friended me at the beginning of my journey who continue to be wonderfully supportive to me, and now that I have reached my goal and have posted a few B&A threads, I get a lot of friend requests, too! I accept everyone because I have no idea what will happen with them - meaning maybe we will 'click' and be able to motivate each other, or maybe someone will remind me of me when I first started, or we're both into running, etc.,etc., ... I see how things go for a while and then those that don't stick with it, or those that I don't click with I will remove.. I think I have over 100 'friends' and there are only a handful I post back and forth with regularly, but some others I am still getting to know!

corsayre8 · February 2011

I just got deleted today because I was being honest and not coddling someone. Fine by me, made it a whole lot easier to find my own info on my home page.

chris0912 · February 2011

Early on after joining, I got my first friend request. I hemmed and hawed for a few days about my answer since we had absolutely nothing in common. Finally I decided to accept. The next morning I logged on to find my home page covered with updates about the zillions of friends they had added. I didn't hesitate to delete my first and only friend. I'm not in this for a Facebook fix. I want friends who are here for the right reasons that I, hopefully, have something in common with besides weight loss.

kelika71 · February 2011

I'm here for work first, then fun. I've had to delete some that just weren't here to get healthier. I have no choice, I have to get healthy. The way I see it, I'm here encouraging my friends. If they can't reciprocate to support each other, I don't want them around.
Yeah, if they're silent for like 2 weeks, that tells me they're not serious. Sorry, must delete. It's me first this time around, because if I don't take care of myself I can't care properly for someone else.

phinners · February 2011

I'm thinking about deleting some friends becuase their food diarys are full of cakes, chocolates, and high calorie crap. Not the occasional goody, but that sort of rubbish for breakfast, and then a snack of more cake. I like looking at diarys because I get foody ideas that I can try and it motivates and fills me with encouragment but I wonder why people even bother to try and diet when they fill themselves with sh1te all day long.

eta - to hell with it, I'm just going to go ahead and delete them, I am here to lose weight and get a bit healthier.

How do you decide when to delete someone on your friend list

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