Children lost for 40 years

This isn't the usual topic people post about but I need someplace to place my emotions today and I appreciate your just listening.

When I was in Vietnam (1967, 1968 and 1969), I did three tours back-to-back, I had the opportunity to link up with a very sweet farm girl from the Delta region. I was a Forward Air Control (FAC) Airman attached to the 5th Special Forces. Long story short, well before the end of my last tour she was pregnant. I tried to get her to marry me, leave the country and to live at my parents home in the State. She opted to go to her parents little farmette and have the baby it turns out she didn't do that but we never saw each other again because I was posted to a different part of the country where the fighting was getting more intense.

Over the years I'd heard inklings of the possibility she had twins. About 10 years ago my parents received a phone call indicating that it was a girl claiming to know me, there were twins and they were looking for me. My parents thought it was a prank call and cut off the connection and didn't tell me about this until a couple years later. My wife and I did a lengthy on-line search but didn't know the names being used now or where to really go so I posted on all Amerasian sites and Vietnam Vet sites the details I could in the hopes they could find me.

This past Sunday I received a call. I have two 39 year old and beautiful daughters living in LA and their mother is there too. I'm flying out to visit them next weekend. My children of my current marriage are excited and have been communicating with their older sisters. Ive been in contact with them both as well. By the way there's no doubt that they are my children because these paternal twins look just like my two younger sisters and a cousin.

Unfortunately my wife is having very strong misgivings and a foreboding of bad things to come and has completely withdrawn. We no longer communicate but snap at each other. I can understand how threatened she must feel but how does one assure a spouse of 36 years that her Harley riding buddy isn't going to leave her for an old flame for whom there's no affection.

I do feel a strong moral and fatherly tug to see these girls and close a chapter for them and me. I hope that things are opened up to a bigger family environment that includes them and my wife eventually sees that her security and our marriage is not at risk.

There's lots more but I just needed to jot this down to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.

I've tried telling my wife that I had no emotional response when I saw the girls mother's picture and that there isn't a threat to us. I've told her how much she means to me. She thinks I'm moving too fast that I'm not thinking clearly.

I can see this from her perspective because she's not quite grasped the whole idea. I'm making sure the will is tightened up so that this new situation doesn't undo all that we've put in place and in case my untimely demise happens while on this business/personal trip then whatever financial concerns there were are staved off.

I didn't anticipate having to face difficulties on two fronts if and when this happened. It's not like she and our kids didn't know they were out there.

I did take the time to write about everything to my wife from the time I was in Vietnam to the present day. About 10 years ago when the mother of these two girls, I posted their pictures on my page along with my other children, failed to connect with me through my parents my wife and I both went on the internet at that time and searched many, many databases. My wife and children have been kept abreast of my searches and I was just confused by my wife's action when it all came together.

The 6 page letter to her seemed to help. She won't go with me to LA because she thinks that I'm moving too fast and its way too soon for her. I agree it may be too soon for her and doing this on my own initially is probably best so that any of the very personal things that need to be discussed are dealt with before the family formally meets as a bigger group.

I'm pleased that my son and daughter are very heavily into emailing their sisters already and I believe that my daughter in Colorado is in telephone contact with one of the daughters in LA.

I can't thank you all enough for your insight and observations, particularly those who have been in the position of "lost child." It has helped tremendously to step back and look at things in so many different perspectives and for that I'm grateful that the MFP community exists.

I am taking all the necessary steps to make my wife comfortable by having the legal documents drawn up to ensure that all that we've worked for together is not vulnerable to any loss if something were to happen to me as this is taking place.

I'll probably write again next weekend (Sunday morning most likely) when I'm in LA and bump this to the top of the pile so that you can see whether it was a good initial meeting or not.