45 year old lesbian from MA looking for support network

I've got so much weight to lose, it feels daunting--a bit more than half my weight.

I'm depressed and beating myself up that I've gained it all back--again--after having lost substantial amounts TWICE in the past 7 years. I am HATING how I feel both physically and emotionally.

I started again today, but there are difficult situations ALL the time. Tomorrow's my partner's birthday, and we're going out to eat. Thursday night is a dinner out with family, etc.... We never go more than a few days without a social event involving food being involved. I'm doing Medifast and am allowed 1 "lean and green" meal a day, so I SHOULD be able to go out and just have my lean and green. I was able to do it 2 years ago.

I lost 50 lbs 2 years ago with Medifast and then went to Europe for 2 weeks' vacation. I came back and had gained 12 lbs, I think. Given what I ate and drank, it really wasn't bad, and had I gone back to the diet and *stuck* to it, I would have had it off in 2 -3 weeks and been on my merry way. Instead, I partied all summer long with lots of food and lots of alcohol, and the scale has been going up non-stop since then.

I'm here because I need companionship, support, and help--an anonymity. This looks like the place. I've got all but anonymity in my every day life, and I'm grateful for it. But I have this need to be able to say anything without censoring -- and for that, I think some online diet buddies would be a *wonderful* thing. Fingers crossed...