Question for married people.....

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NeuroticVirgo
NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
in Motivation and Support
Does your spouse ever seem uncomfortable with your weight loss? Like does it seem like you losing weight makes them insecure?

My husband is being supportive for the most part...he eats what I need to eat, avoiding junk in the house, goes out walking with me, but he does make snark comments like "I won't be able to let you leave the house because if you think your hott you'll walk around naked all the time"....or "So what younger guy are you going to leave me for when this is over".....

I don't know why he says stuff like this. Its always a little joke here or there, but it still bothers me.

Right now I just kind of ignore those comments because I think I'm scared to open up what might be lurking behind them...but it still bothers me. It makes me wonder if my losing weight is going to cause problems, make him act out because he feels insecure or something (he already gets jealous really easy). I don't plan on walking around naked, but my wardrobe will probably not consist of sweats and moo-moos anymore.... :laugh:
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Replies

  • RTricia
    RTricia Posts: 720
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    He will live, he is adjusting to the changes.

    Perhaps asking in return, "Why do you say that? I married you and only you!"
  • missrugby
    missrugby Posts: 31
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    My fiance does this too. I sort of took offense at first, and I came back at him with "What, do you not think I could leave you for a younger man looking like this?" LOL
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    Ditto. Just keep letting him know how special he is.
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
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    Joke right back at him in ways that lay his fears to rest: "I won't be able to get out and meet any new guys because you'll be keeping my hot new self so busy in our bedroom!" Or "How could I leave the guy who loved me even when I wasn't hot?"
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    My fiance does this too. I sort of took offense at first, and I came back at him with "What, do you not think I could leave you for a younger man looking like this?" LOL

    LOL nice one. Sorry that made me laugh because I've thought stuff like that in my head, but never said it out loud.
  • DatEpicChick
    DatEpicChick Posts: 358 Member
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    maybe hes doing it in a playful sense? like he wants you to know that he thinks it important, but he doesnt want to make you insecure at the moment.

    no husband would ever say 'your getting kinda chunky, maybe we should start you on a diet'. so when you decide to go on a diet, maybe he thinks that you dont see yourself as 'good enough for him', if he weighs less than you do.

    i gained alot of weight during my recent pregnancy because of complications, and my husband is muscular, BUT TINY. Hes like 5'8 and 140 pounds, and most of that is just muscle because he works construction, and it makes him uncomfortable everytime i say that im sick of being fat.

    alot of men just dont know the right words to say, or how to make you feel better, because they cant necessarily fix the problem. they can tell you your beautiful 24/7, but because of society, we are lead to believe we are less than that 110 pound girl whos almost 6 feet ****ing tall =]
  • amandatimm
    amandatimm Posts: 14 Member
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    My husband is doing the same thing... little comments like "when you get all skinny and tone your going to leave me." Drives me crazy, I married you and I am getting in shape for myself. I want to like what I see in the mirror. He tells me he likes me the way I am but he doesnt have to squeeze into my pants. I will be following this thread to see if anyone has some good advice.
  • kcbrig
    kcbrig Posts: 12 Member
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    My husband & I are both dieting right now. We've done it where we're both on one, and also when one falls off the wagon & the other keeps going - I've been on both sides. It's sort of a guilty feeling you get - your spouse is doing all this to look better, but you aren't and you get to thinking all sorts of stuff like, what if he/she thinks I"m lazy, too fat, out of shape, etc. when we really just fell in love with who they are rather than what they look like. I think it's good to just have a chat and let him know that you're doing this for you - not to get another man - and in the long run, you'll be able to spend time doing more fun/active things together.
  • tinman1222
    tinman1222 Posts: 5
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    I completely understand where you are coming from. My husband does the same thing. I am puzzled too. good question...any advice would be helpful.
  • ccckwalk
    ccckwalk Posts: 262
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    our guys just want to know we are still theirs! When he says that you can just give a hug or a kiss and say always yours no matter what size. They like it when we are open about our feelings especially when it concerns our love for them! Keep going and know when you are losing weight it is for you. It is ok to look in the mirror and think, "wow, I really do look great in these jeans!" It is hard work what we do so when we lose we have to love what we see!!! Try to think of cute phrases that only your man would apprieciate and when he says things like "I not going to be able to let you out of the house alone anymore." come back with something that will make him smile inside and out!! It is a good problem!
  • OLP76
    OLP76 Posts: 768 Member
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    My Husband married for who I am...He loved me at my heaviest 162 lbs. Tells me I'm beautiful etc. But, he knew I wasn't happy. Adam knows that he can eat whatever he wants, when he wants.

    He is lovin' the fact that I'm tonin' up my body & I'm becomin' 'HOT'...He is very proud of me, he tells me that every single day.

    I'm sure your Husband is gettin' use to the fact that your on journey of life to make you feel better - maybe he really doesn't know how to comment back.

    Best wishes xo
  • SunLove8
    SunLove8 Posts: 693 Member
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    He will live, he is adjusting to the changes.

    Perhaps asking in return, "Why do you say that? I married you and only you!"

    I agree^ I think it's normal for a spouse to get a little insecure during such a body image change. Just keep reminding him why you married him and that you would do it all over again :) My husband doesn't want me to get breast implants and I think it has more to do with him being paranoid that I'll be able to fill out a bikini for once. He would get over it and so will your husband. If he becomes crazy and doesn't want you leaving the house, then that's a different story! For now, take it as a "compliment" that he thinks you are so hot any man is going to want you and give it time :)
  • rebecca_goss0
    rebecca_goss0 Posts: 45
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    Yes he is feeling a little off right now because of your weight loss. I would talk to him and let him know that you are not doing this for him or anyother man. You are doing this for you! Keep up the good work. Do not let any of this get in your way of being healthy. Life is hard enough and being healthy is good. My husband is supportive and goes with me too and I have to remind him every so often that I love him, but I am doing this for me not him or anyone.
  • Valtishia
    Valtishia Posts: 811 Member
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    You know him better than we do.. does he sound like he is sincerely kidding?

    I don't have this issue with my husband and he isn't really the jealous type and he knows he treats me well so I have no reason to go elsewhere. That being said, I have seen it in several other couples.

    If there is something behond his comments, it might actually be better to get it out in the open. Maybe he has some self worth issues. He may need to know that the changes you are making in you, don't change how you look at him. And if you haven't already, tell him you appreciate all the support he is giving you.
  • choley222
    choley222 Posts: 57
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    Yes I have been dealing with this myself lately. My husband told me the other day I was getting to skinny for him. I think a lot of it is their insecurity and some of it is I think they feel like they have a better hold of us when we are over weight. The thing with that is that if you were going to leave him or have a wandering eye you would have done it weight loss or not. I told my husband that this wasn't about him this was about me getting healthy to be there for the kids and him for many years to come. I know it is hard trust me I do but keep going and don't let it get you down.
  • avninjalette123
    avninjalette123 Posts: 129 Member
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    Okay. My husband did the same thing and I had a guy friend explain it to me. It's messed up yes, but it's his way of motivating you. Guys think in reverse psychology when it comes to things like this. They think if they say things like "I bet this wont last" meaning your change in food or exercise that you'll get the "F**K YOU!!I'LL PROVE YOU WRONG" attitude and push even harder. Since my friend explained that to me, I just let them slide right off my shoulder.
  • elischanicole13
    elischanicole13 Posts: 17
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    My fiance does this too. I sort of took offense at first, and I came back at him with "What, do you not think I could leave you for a younger man looking like this?" LOL

    I'm not married but I have come back with this to my boyfriend a few times... shuts him up pretty quickly! He is supportive for the most part... He doesnt eat healthy, its like pulling teeth to get him to eat Subway with me instead of me getting Subway and him McDonalds when we go out (he grew up on McDonalds)... he always makes comments to me. Like my parents live a half a mile down the road so I will walk down there and then we will walk together and I will walk back to my house and he watches out the window and when I call to let them know I'm coming I immediately get a text saying, oh are you calling your other boyfriend... then a quick follow up of "jk"... And when he acts like that, I reply with "Yup" and dont talk to him for the rest of my walk. Its ridiculous.... wow sorry just went into vent mode I guess (been one of those days!)
  • RENAEJAE
    RENAEJAE Posts: 1,136 Member
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    Your husband just needs to be reassured that he is your one and only. We all need to hear it once in a while. Give him a ''skinny hug'!!
  • jerseygirl777
    jerseygirl777 Posts: 148
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    I'm not married YET, lol, but my fiance says all the time "you exercise too much" or will tell me how its ok to eat some bad stuff. When we met I was heavy, and then gained an extra 20-30lbs while dating. I haven't been this "thin" since middle school! I know he loves me, big or small, but I think sometimes they just don't get it.

    You husband will come around. It's hard because as we lose weight, they begin to feel insecure. Just make sure you take extra time to show him you love him and he is still your priority in life! When we give our bodies extra attention (nutrition and exercise), we need to be sure we aren't neglecting the ones we love in the process. Good luck with your weight loss journey!
  • Celo24
    Celo24 Posts: 566 Member
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    My fiance does this too. I sort of took offense at first, and I came back at him with "What, do you not think I could leave you for a younger man looking like this?" LOL

    Ok, from a guy's perspective, that is a horrible and mean response to someone who is showing that he is insecure about your hard work and improvement. If my wife said something like that to be, I would be LIVID!

    The response by jenbusick is MUCH better: Joke right back at him in ways that lay his fears to rest: "I won't be able to get out and meet any new guys because you'll be keeping my hot new self so busy in our bedroom!" Or "How could I leave the guy who loved me even when I wasn't hot?"

    Try and understand why is threatened, remind him how much you love him and that he is the only guy for you. "Joking" about being able to leave him will only piss him off, regardless of whether he tells you it does or not. Guaranteed.

    Sorry to be so blunt with you missrugby but I felt I had to weigh in from a male perspective.

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