My weight loss goal has been stolen =(

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Phoenix_Rising
Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
in Motivation and Support
I started my weight loss journey a year and a half ago, handwriting my food journal. It's been a slow and arduous lifestyle change, although it seems a lot easier since I joined MFP at the end of June.

While I still haven't met my goal weight, I am 40lbs of 67lbs to that goal. That is quite a bit of progress! I'm currently undergrowing (my word for 'outgrowing', except caused by weight loss instead of weight gain) the skinny clothes I wore in college. I am able to fit into some of my clothes from high school. I am very proud of my progress and still moving towards my goal!!

However, one of my goals was to be 'skinny' (in a generic fashion) by my husband's ten year class reunion.... in September 2008! Well that time is here, and guess what? I feel 'skinny' (generically speaking)!!!:bigsmile:

Yesterday, my husband caught wind of the plans for the reunion, a haphazardly planned evening at a local tavern. I immediately got excited. I asked if we were going, and he nonchalantly said, "Nah.":noway:

What?:frown: He's known my motivation for losing weight, or a motivating goal, of going to his reunion. I mean mine is next year, but my goal was for THIS September... now!

I pushed further tonight, asking why he didn't want to go. He said he has no desire to see anyone he graduated with.:ohwell:

Well now what?!? I can't force him to go, and I don't want to go without him (he graduated a year before me, this is not my graduating class). I talked to his best friend from high school, whom my husband barely speaks to anymore, and told him to text me if him and his buddies go. I might be able to come up there and say hi, and catch up with the old crew.

I'm just so.... I don't even know. Sad, pissed, frustrated.

I just really needed to vent. There's nothing I can do to change his opinion on the matter, but I sure am bummed. Bummed in a snarky fashion.:grumble:
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Replies

  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    I started my weight loss journey a year and a half ago, handwriting my food journal. It's been a slow and arduous lifestyle change, although it seems a lot easier since I joined MFP at the end of June.

    While I still haven't met my goal weight, I am 40lbs of 67lbs to that goal. That is quite a bit of progress! I'm currently undergrowing (my word for 'outgrowing', except caused by weight loss instead of weight gain) the skinny clothes I wore in college. I am able to fit into some of my clothes from high school. I am very proud of my progress and still moving towards my goal!!

    However, one of my goals was to be 'skinny' (in a generic fashion) by my husband's ten year class reunion.... in September 2008! Well that time is here, and guess what? I feel 'skinny' (generically speaking)!!!:bigsmile:

    Yesterday, my husband caught wind of the plans for the reunion, a haphazardly planned evening at a local tavern. I immediately got excited. I asked if we were going, and he nonchalantly said, "Nah.":noway:

    What?:frown: He's known my motivation for losing weight, or a motivating goal, of going to his reunion. I mean mine is next year, but my goal was for THIS September... now!

    I pushed further tonight, asking why he didn't want to go. He said he has no desire to see anyone he graduated with.:ohwell:

    Well now what?!? I can't force him to go, and I don't want to go without him (he graduated a year before me, this is not my graduating class). I talked to his best friend from high school, whom my husband barely speaks to anymore, and told him to text me if him and his buddies go. I might be able to come up there and say hi, and catch up with the old crew.

    I'm just so.... I don't even know. Sad, pissed, frustrated.

    I just really needed to vent. There's nothing I can do to change his opinion on the matter, but I sure am bummed. Bummed in a snarky fashion.:grumble:
  • AJCM
    AJCM Posts: 2,169 Member
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    Oh that sucks!!! Will he really not reconsider? Hmmm....

    Could you still have some type of celebratory event to celebrate your weight loss? Host a party at your home? Go on a weekend getaway? Thursdsay to Sunday in the Bahamas? (that was my reward when I hit my goal!). Let us know what happens!

    :flowerforyou:
  • michlingle
    michlingle Posts: 797 Member
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    I would share with him what you shared with us....I think that our sig. others get scared when we make self improvements, especially with weight loss. I think he may be worried, or any other sig. other would be worried that once we lose the weight, more men will be hitting on us or that we will want another man perhaps more attractive than they are. Perhaps he's scared to take you out, especially to a reunion, because he's scared of losing you, whereas before, everything was comfortable. He may be more sensitive to people giving you more attention???? I may be wrong, but it's just a thought. I hope you get to go to the reunion!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • ErinRNinMaine
    ErinRNinMaine Posts: 460 Member
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    Wow, that's discouraging! I can see my own husband doing the exact same thing. I think the advice to share exactly what you've told us with your husband is spot on. Maybe he just doesn't get it. Men can be pretty dense until things are spelled out the them--mine admittedly so. So speak your mind, then you can decide whether you have a legitamate reason to be pissed. You don't want the reunion to be over and then mention it to your hubby only for him to say "I didn't know it was so important to you. Why didn't you say anything??" Sometimes we can't hint or beat around the bush with them...just be straightforward.

    But you do have claim to an incredible 40 lbs, reunion or no reunion! No one can spoil that! Keep us posted!
  • HappyathomeMN
    HappyathomeMN Posts: 498 Member
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    SNARKY!!!!

    I LOVE that word and it really sounds like it fits the situation. Sorry he is not being cooperative, but you know how good you look!!!!

    WAY to go on getting into those SKINNY clothes
  • emorym
    emorym Posts: 344
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    Speaking as a guy. Spell it out to him in a nice way tell him it is important to you. Most guys don't take subtle hints. I would feel bad if my wife wanted to do something like that and didn't speak up. My wife has learned that we need to talk about stuff because I am a terrible mind reader and equally as bad at picking up subtle signs. Plus it saves time to just come out and tell me what she wants.

    Good luck, and tell him how you really feel.:smile:
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
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    Is your hubby the type to do something like not go to irritate you? I guess what I mean, is if he knew this was your goal and kept silent about not going or pulled this out from under you after saying you were both going...It sounds like another case of a guy needing his ego stroked and reassurance that you did this so everyone could see HE has a hottie wife, and did this for you, but also to make him happy. Does this make sense? It is so late, I'm tired, I've been doing 1st grade homework and 5th grade homework since 3:00 PM....I'm dumb now. LOL

    Anyway...So what do you think?

    Edited with my DH...I asked him what he would think...and we both came to the conclusion, that your success might be making him feel less of himself and his esteem might need a boost. 10 year reunions are where people are still not successful, they haven't found themselves yet, and the competition and other people's feelings still matter. Then my hubby turned into a guy and said, "Maybe he doesn't want everyone to fight over her." Guys! SHEESH!
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
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    Hokay...There is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO a webiste for everything...LOL Send him a cyber smoke signal!!! Your link: LOL

    http://www.mapmsg.com/view/smokesignal/?m=_0OP7m1haWwAAHy1Es6ltg
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
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    My hubby couldn't give two shakes about reunions either. He says there are only two reasons people go-- to show off and be seen, and to see who got fat and bald. I couldn't tell him that I desperately wanted to go to show off and be seen (at the time, I was looking good for having 5 kids) and to see who got fat and bald!! ( Hee hee-- Dave Surace, my old boyfriend was bald as a billiard ball-- :laugh: :devil: :laugh: :devil: Shame on me for being tickled to the bone about that-- )

    Sorry you lost that particular motivation-- but hang in there!!
  • ceedee22ed
    ceedee22ed Posts: 71
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    OK...the whole reunion thing sucks, granted...but I would be so blown away by fitting into my HIGH SCHOOL CLOTHES that I would probably go party anyways, with or without him!

    Ok, you should tell him how you feel but if he doesnt want to go thats his business...you have a goal, you reached it and you deserve to go show it off! :drinker:

    Way to go!!!

    ok...I have a new goal...I want to fit into my old high school clothes. I hadnt thought about how cool that would be...its like vintage without hitting all the thrift shops!!!
  • gmpearse
    gmpearse Posts: 136
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    Ditto this thought by michnthecity.

    "I would share with him what you shared with us....I think that our sig. others get scared when we make self improvements, especially with weight loss. I think he may be worried, or any other sig. other would be worried that once we lose the weight, more men will be hitting on us or that we will want another man perhaps more attractive than they are. Perhaps he's scared to take you out, especially to a reunion, because he's scared of losing you, whereas before, everything was comfortable. He may be more sensitive to people giving you more attention???? I may be wrong, but it's just a thought. I hope you get to go to the reunion!!! "
    Edited by michnthecity on Wed 09/24/08 06:54 PM

    You should celebrate your success.
  • heartshapdworld
    heartshapdworld Posts: 323 Member
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    Sorry to hear about that...but it is HIS class reunion. Do you think that maybe you may be making this all about you when it is really about your husband?

    Just a thought...you could do something else to celebrate...like take some of the money you would have spend and buy yourself a new dress or treat yourself to mani and pedi...
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    Speaking as a guy. Spell it out to him in a nice way tell him it is important to you. Most guys don't take subtle hints. I would feel bad if my wife wanted to do something like that and didn't speak up. My wife has learned that we need to talk about stuff because I am a terrible mind reader and equally as bad at picking up subtle signs. Plus it saves time to just come out and tell me what she wants.

    Good luck, and tell him how you really feel.:smile:

    Thanks for that. It took me 25 years to figure that out. Also, IMHO men do not have the same burning need to see people they dont share their lives with. I have to make all the plans to go see my DH family, or he wouldnt have seen them in 25 years!

    I agree. Spell it out, you may be surprised!!:flowerforyou:
  • SoupNazi
    SoupNazi Posts: 4,229 Member
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    Not to sound cliche but....when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Set new goals. Surely this was not your only reason to do this. This was only going to be one night. The way you look and feel will be for a lifetime. Please don't be disheartened.

    Great job btw.:drinker:
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Hi

    I would be a little more open with him and let him know exactly how you are feeling and why you want to go...and how it has been a huge inspiration for you

    Good luck ((HUGS))

    Kim
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    :heart: :heart: :heart: You guys are all so wonderful. I love you all!!:heart::heart: :heart:

    I'm just going to show him this post and see what he says.

    If he really does not want to see these people ever again, then he needs to figure out something he can do for me to congratulate me on all my hard work in losing this weight. (Yes, I do want HIM to do something for ME to reward me for my work. I want that recognition.) And yes, I do want to be taken out and to be seen. I have worked hard to get back into this nice shape! :laugh:

    Thank you all again. I appreciate the feedback!!

    I'll keep you posted.
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
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    :heart: :heart: :heart: You guys are all so wonderful. I love you all!!:heart::heart: :heart:

    I'm just going to show him this post and see what he says.

    If he really does not want to see these people ever again, then he needs to figure out something he can do for me to congratulate me on all my hard work in losing this weight. (Yes, I do want HIM to do something for ME to reward me for my work. I want that recognition.) And yes, I do want to be taken out and to be seen. I have worked hard to get back into this nice shape! :laugh:

    Thank you all again. I appreciate the feedback!!

    I'll keep you posted.

    Did you see my smoke signal message? LOL
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    Hokay...There is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO a webiste for everything...LOL Send him a cyber smoke signal!!! Your link: LOL

    http://www.mapmsg.com/view/smokesignal/?m=_0OP7m1haWwAAHy1Es6ltg

    Princess, you are awesome. That made me laugh so hard! :laugh:
  • sophialittle
    sophialittle Posts: 344 Member
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    :noway: :noway: you are looking at this ALL WRONG. .. . .

    you are hot. . . you have a weekend that's not already scheduled. . . ..

    sounds like a perfect date night opportunity for just the two of you:wink: what an awesome way to spend an evening, a romantic evening out for the two of you:flowerforyou:

    and think about it, you were losing weight for you, not for that silly one night reunion anyways so go enjoy your loss with the man of your dreams!:flowerforyou:
  • soup78
    soup78 Posts: 667 Member
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    :noway: :noway: you are looking at this ALL WRONG. .. . .

    you are hot. . . you have a weekend that's not already scheduled. . . ..

    sounds like a perfect date night opportunity for just the two of you:wink: what an awesome way to spend an evening, a romantic evening out for the two of you:flowerforyou:

    and think about it, you were losing weight for you, not for that silly one night reunion anyways so go enjoy your loss with the man of your dreams!:flowerforyou:

    I like the way you look at things, Sophia!

    This weight loss was for YOU and not just the reunion, right?! It was about changing habits and developing a new, healthy lifestyle, right? About feeling better about yourself......not what others see on the outside. Personally, I didn't give a second thought to my 10 year reunion - I figure if there's anyone I want to see or talk to from HS then we should already be in contact. That's my opinion.

    Congrats on your success so far! :drinker:

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