Disrespected by my stepson

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He thinks that since he turned 18, his crap doesn't stink and he doesn't have to abide by the house rules anymore. He got up in my face and said, "Shut the f*** up, b****!" And telling his dad won't do any good, because this kind of thing has come up before, and his dad says, "He was here first...if you don't like how you are treated here, you can leave.". I know blood is thicker than water, but damn, I think that his dad should step in and say something to defend me. But knowing how this family works, I don't think that will happen. I'm ready to move out because I am tired of being treated like garbage. My kids and I don't deserve this.
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  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    He thinks that since he turned 18, his crap doesn't stink and he doesn't have to abide by the house rules anymore. He got up in my face and said, "Shut the f*** up, b****!" And telling his dad won't do any good, because this kind of thing has come up before, and his dad says, "He was here first...if you don't like how you are treated here, you can leave.". I know blood is thicker than water, but damn, I think that his dad should step in and say something to defend me. But knowing how this family works, I don't think that will happen. I'm ready to move out because I am tired of being treated like garbage. My kids and I don't deserve this.
  • johnsscarlett
    johnsscarlett Posts: 109 Member
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    How horrible for you. I am so sorry to hear that you are being treated so badly. Sounds like not only does the son not respect you but your husband doesn't either. You have two young girls you need to consider too. You do not deserve to be treated that way. I hope you are in the position to do something about it. Good luck and God Bless you.
  • lassgirl
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    I had to comment on this. You do not deserve to be treated that way by anyone, let alone someone in your own home. I have a son, was a single mother for many years and recently married, so now my son has a stepfather. First of all, I would never let my son speak that way to ANYONE, let alone someone older than them and certainly not their step parent. The fact that your husband is okay with him speaking like this, and forgive me for being harsh, but that speaks VOLUMES about his parenting skills. It is not a good situation to be in and I am sorry that you are having to deal with things like that. Maybe it is time to have a talk with your husband about priorities. Lots of love and hope things improve.
  • dothompson
    dothompson Posts: 1,184 Member
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    You are correct, his dad should step in and explain (loudly if need be) the correct way to treat women, much less someone who is a mother figure. He isn't doing your step son any favors. He will have a hard time with women and relationships until he figures this out. Unfortunately your husband doesn't sound as if he's figured it out either, thus your relationship problems.
  • ateacher6
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    I have a stepson who is 18 also and if he talked to me like that his dad would probably kill him. I am fortunate though that he does not live with us and he is in the Army. It also sounds like your husband does not respect you either. When he married you he was supposed to put you and your feelings before his son's feelings. That is very saddening to know that he would tell you if you did not like it you could leave. I hate to say it but I would probaly just have to do that.....leave. As a matter of fact knowing myself that is exactly what I would do. There is no way I would tolerate being talked to like that by a stepson or a husband. God bless you and I do pray that you will come to terms with what you need to do. Respect is one of the main foundations of a marriage....your husband needs to teach his son that is not how you talk to or treat a woman!!
  • LuvinLife
    LuvinLife Posts: 89 Member
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    You do NOT deserve that from your step-son, your husband, or ANYONE!!!!!! These two men (if you want to call them that) are going to be big influences on the kind of men your daughters marry in the future. Please consider talking to your husband about this. He should step in or I fear it could escalate. If he does not want to take charge of his child, then you may have some serious changes to think about. You will be in my prayers.
  • elliott062907
    elliott062907 Posts: 1,508 Member
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    He thinks that since he turned 18, his crap doesn't stink and he doesn't have to abide by the house rules anymore. He got up in my face and said, "Shut the f*** up, b****!" And telling his dad won't do any good, because this kind of thing has come up before, and his dad says, "He was here first...if you don't like how you are treated here, you can leave.". I know blood is thicker than water, but damn, I think that his dad should step in and say something to defend me. But knowing how this family works, I don't think that will happen. I'm ready to move out because I am tired of being treated like garbage. My kids and I don't deserve this.

    are you happy?? If not, I would make plans to leave!!!

    maybe it is time for a reverse treatment tactic....
    the old saying of, "what goes around, comes around??"
    put the shoe on the other foot.....
    treat him the same way, both step son and husband!!!
    and as for YOUR kids, don't teach then to disrespect, but I would certainly have them on your side!!!
  • frithir
    frithir Posts: 179 Member
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    What is going on is abuse, plain and simple, both from the boy and the man and there is no excuse or rationale for it. Your first priority is the safety and well-being of you and your children. When the time comes that you are ready to take a stand, shout out. If nothing else, I've got lots of resources I can hook you up with, as a counselor, a minister and most of all, as a woman.
  • ericarey85
    ericarey85 Posts: 312 Member
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    i didnt want to say anything, but you should never keep yourself in a situation were you are unhappy, not only for your safety, because with the behavior that the both of them have, things could escalate and get worse, but the stress and unhappieness is not good for your health either. if i remember correctly it was you whos husband threw the computer out because, the way i put it, he had a temper tantrum ,, which IMO is a bit over the top, and i agree with frthir, it is abuse. i hope ya'll get either get some help or you just get the heck outta there before it gets worse. :flowerforyou: and NO you and your kids DO NOT deserve to be treated that way.
  • licia67
    licia67 Posts: 109
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    I also have a stepson, he is only eleven and he had treated me very disrespectfully on many occaisions. I am fortunate that my husband listens to me when I state my place.
    We have gone rounds.
    Now my husband backs me up and my stepson does as he is asked or told to do.
    It was either my husband listen and correct things, or I was leaving.
    I would have had to move home to my mother and it would have been a real challenge, but I am worth it.
    If he ever even thought to talk to me or treat me the way yours has, he would be out of the house.
    If my husband did not respect me enough to stand with me on it, I would be gone.

    You have two little girls to take into consideration. If they grow up watching you be treatedt that way, they may think that it is normal and end up in the same type of situation.
    Is that an option?

    I think that you already know what you should do, I also know that often it is hard to do what we know is the best thing.
  • licia67
    licia67 Posts: 109
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    What is going on is abuse, plain and simple, both from the boy and the man and there is no excuse or rationale for it. Your first priority is the safety and well-being of you and your children. When the time comes that you are ready to take a stand, shout out. If nothing else, I've got lots of resources I can hook you up with, as a counselor, a minister and most of all, as a woman.

    You should really take this offer, it may save your life and the future of your other children.
  • ohthatbambi
    ohthatbambi Posts: 1,098 Member
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    Pack your bags girlfriend. He made the offer...take him up on it!
  • may_marie
    may_marie Posts: 667 Member
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    hi there...

    i dont want to bring back painfull memories but i remember other posts by you from earlier in the year..
    i think that all that it comes down too is respect... and i mean that by so many ways..

    one of them is to be strong enough to respect yourself (and your daughters) to not accept to be threated that way

    you deserve more then that..

    good luck... may
  • lessertess
    lessertess Posts: 855 Member
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    What is going on is abuse, plain and simple, both from the boy and the man and there is no excuse or rationale for it. Your first priority is the safety and well-being of you and your children. When the time comes that you are ready to take a stand, shout out. If nothing else, I've got lots of resources I can hook you up with, as a counselor, a minister and most of all, as a woman.

    You should really take this offer, it may save your life and the future of your other children.

    I agree, based on this post and previous posts about the treatment and the atmosphere at your home, I'm worried about you. Please consider rather you really want to live and raise your children with these men.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    Based on the husband's lack of respect and concern for you (and your children), I'd advise to get out any way possible.

    That is not acceptable. Do you REALLY want a man like that (your husband, not even the crappy stepson) around your children?

    Blood is thicker than water nothing. Marriage should be stronger than a disrespectful son.

    You may have posted this here simply to vent, but we are all speaking out because this is not acceptable. A punk kid is one thing. He is 18 and a jerk. But a husband/father that allows this behavior is entirely another.

    You need to kick his *kitten* to the curb.
  • tamifanny
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    My heart goes out to you...I have to comment....this brings up old memories for me too....I was too in that situation somewhat like yours 28+ yrs ago. It doesnt get better ...it only gets worse.

    It took alot for me to leave the comfort of not having to think about where to go, what to take...you just need to start over. Do worry about the material items.

    I'm happily married to a wonderful man now for 20+ years now. You have to change your mind set on the type of man your willing to spend your life with. I was fortunuate to find my husband. He is nothing like my X who was blond & abbusive.

    My husband now is a Brunette & Patient. I prayed for him & I was lucky to have gotton him with a child in tow already . It can happen for you too. Just be confindent & know that your better than that & do whats good for your children 1st.

    They're are places that will help you get a new start .... Good luck to you. I know that you & your girls would be so happy to be without all that negativity. God Bless.
  • iftcheiaf
    iftcheiaf Posts: 960 Member
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    Tears are rolling down my cheeks hearing you being put through this type of treatment. First off, what you put up with is what your children will see and think it's normal to put up with, even your stepson. Your actions now affect their future choices. But also you not giving up is also a positive thing for them.

    I am fortunate to have a man who is very happy raising my children as his own without ever having any of his own biologically (can't have anymore). My children adore him, but they are only 6 and 8. He fears greatly the day when they look at him and simply say "You are not my father". But I won't ever tolerate that happening. The fact that he gets up at night with them when they are sick, feeds them, clothes them, bathes them, helps with homework, attends school functions, and all around loves and disciplines them makes him their father. Blood is not thicker than water. Love is.

    My two cents worth, your husband is allowing his son to grow up to be a disrespectful human being. Your husband is not only hurting you, but he's hurting his son as well by tolerating it. and BTW, you deserve better treatment. And although his son was there first, he will not be there last. Kids grow up and leave. Does your husband really want to be all alone when that happens. There should be no choices, just boundaries.

    Whatever you do, TAKE CARE OF YOU!!! Mental and verbal abuse is sometimes more damaging than physical abuse because the bruises and scars are not as easily visible to the outside world. Big HUGS from this end (not too tight though as I know you are very much bruised by this situation). :heart:
  • Poison5119
    Poison5119 Posts: 1,460 Member
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    My oldest son does not respect my boyfriend of 6 years, and there are times I have had to put him in his place, but there are also times when my BF was a complete Azzh*le, first, and earned it.

    Respect has to be given in order to be recieved.

    In your case, this is abusive, and if not that, at the very least, dysfunctional. Do NOT (please, do not) hang around while your GIRLS get a front row seat watching grown men act like 5 year olds. That impression could stay with them into THEIR adult relationships and lets face it, do you really want your precious daughters seeking out abusive relationships to most closely mimick what they've grown up with???

    I left my first husband because he liked throwing his fists around and posturing violently, and yet again, another man who said exactly what yours said "If you don't like it...."
    It was in the middle of a HUGE Christmas party in our home, with all his fellow town council members watching.
    I threw a suitcase in the middle of the living room floor and started packing it -- right there.
  • heartshapdworld
    heartshapdworld Posts: 323 Member
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    He got up in my face and said, "Shut the f*** up, b****!" And telling his dad won't do any good, because this kind of thing has come up before, and his dad says, "He was here first...if you don't like how you are treated here, you can leave.".
    Your husband had told you exactly how he feels about you-your stepson doesn't resIpect you, because your husband doesn't respect you. This is something you will have to accept the rest of your life as long as your are with him.

    Sorry, know that sounds a little harsh, but I don't believe in sugar coating the truth. However, I am not going to say you should leave your husband-that is a personal desicion-and I don't believe in telling people what is best for their situation (and their children's). Only you know what is best for you and your children.

    Good Luck.:flowerforyou:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
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    What is going on is abuse, plain and simple, both from the boy and the man and there is no excuse or rationale for it. Your first priority is the safety and well-being of you and your children. When the time comes that you are ready to take a stand, shout out. If nothing else, I've got lots of resources I can hook you up with, as a counselor, a minister and most of all, as a woman.

    You should really take this offer, it may save your life and the future of your other children.

    I agree, based on this post and previous posts about the treatment and the atmosphere at your home, I'm worried about you. Please consider rather you really want to live and raise your children with these men.

    I'm thirding this. This is really verbally abusive behavior. Please consider yourself, and know that you deserve to be treated better than this.:heart::flowerforyou: