Friend Betrayal

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Joyjmb
Joyjmb Posts: 221 Member
in Motivation and Support
Found an online post (on a social network I do not use, but can see) from this week where a (I thought!) trusted friend just completely trashed me - my character, my social graces, my trustworthiness, my tact - and says all my other friends think it too and are slowly going to drop me one by one. I am shaking and upset, because I consider myself a caring person and people have said I am one of the best friends in the world. I want to call all my friends and say 'Is this true?' I've had several interactions with these friends recently and nothing seems to be wrong with our relationship, so she's probably talking out her butt, but what if they say things behind my back? I've deleted her number from my phone and want to just drop speaking to her altogether. However, two of the things she said are outright LIES and WRONG, but I can't confront her about them without revealing I saw her post. I am seriously freaking out here. Advice???
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Replies

  • My3Rayz
    My3Rayz Posts: 373
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    And why can't you confront her and let her know you saw her post? If someone defames you like that, you need to deal with it straight on!
    Good luck!!
  • karensoxfan
    karensoxfan Posts: 902 Member
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    I'd be very direct about it. I'd print a screen-image of what you saw on a public basis, and ask your friend directly why they wrote the things they did.

    Even if you don't use that network, but you saw it, that's what I would do, depending on the nature of the friendship and how you value it. It sounds like a friend you don't really need anyway if they're going to say things like that about you behind your back.

    I would not address it with your other friends, unless they commented on it that you can also see.
  • xXAlana21Xx
    xXAlana21Xx Posts: 183 Member
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    why cant she know about how you saw the post? if you asked her what she thought of the friendship and then lies to you, you would be able to catch her in the lie
  • CameraGirlBond
    CameraGirlBond Posts: 8
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    I'd probably call her out, say that someone linked you to it (if she's going to make you paranoid about your friendships then return the favour). Once it's in the open if anyone is following her down that route then they will.

    Or be super nice to her and then take her down.

    I'm vengeful though lol.

    Sounds like you are better off without her.
  • mixmastermolly
    mixmastermolly Posts: 272
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    Someone is always going to talk about you behind your back. I'm sure at some point you can remember talking behind a friends back even though you really care for them and value their friendship. People are opinionated right or wrong. One thing I've learned is to feel whatever emotion you get from something then let it go. You're angry and you should be. Anyone would be angry after reading something like that. So feel angry and then let it go. The only thing you can control is how much control you give the things you can't control. You can't keep her from bad mouthing you but you can control how you react. I like to think that the people who matter in my life won't believe vicious things other people may say behind my back.
  • ricnrac
    ricnrac Posts: 95 Member
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    I agree. Confront her. She should not have posted that about you unless she is willing to say it to your face. Sorry for your pain.
  • jessica6335
    jessica6335 Posts: 32
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    I'm so sorry :( My advice: If she put it out there on a social networking site then you need to confront her...besides it is your right to do so! If someone is outright lying about you it isn't acceptable and a person like that is not worthy of being in your life. For your own piece of mind, I'd confront her nicely and then just tell her that since she feels the way she does and has broadcast it to the internet then you are no longer friends! I hope you feel better and realize that people like that only try to bring you down. Keep your head up!! :)
  • kountrygrl27
    kountrygrl27 Posts: 107 Member
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    Why cant you reveal that you saw her post? She posted it there for all the world to see.... Confront her about seeing it, or reply to the post in a tactful way and then find yourself a true friend. Dont waste your time with someone like that.
  • young1726
    young1726 Posts: 347 Member
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    If you feel like confronting her about it then why does it matter if you saw the post? I say confront her. If she's going to put it out there for the world to see, then she has to expect that you COULD possibly see it.
  • denisecc
    denisecc Posts: 72 Member
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    If this was me with a friend, I would confront them and move on. She obviously wasn't a friend at all..What a shame..You take care..
  • butterflyfaerie
    butterflyfaerie Posts: 94 Member
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    I've had this happen to me before, an ex boyfriend trashed me in an oral report he delivered, and posted up his notes online, calling me fat, and needy, and it was heartbreaking as I thought we ended things on good terms. I confronted him, and he told me he wasn't sorry for what he said, and a few years later, apologised for the whole thing.

    The internet is a big wide place - if it was out there in public, there's every reason you could've seen it, so I would confront her about it.
  • dababers
    dababers Posts: 135
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    Joy, listen to me....let it go. To confront her will only make the situation worse. If she is trashing you, she will likely deny it. Either that, or she will say more things to make you feel even worse. If she says everyone else feels the same way, she may just be deluding herself. You will know who your true friends are without making a mess of things. You cannot allow other people to dictate how you feel. If you ask me, if you cut her off completely now, you'll be that much better off. I know how you feel. Friend me if you like.
  • udallmom101
    udallmom101 Posts: 564 Member
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    And why can't you confront her and let her know you saw her post? If someone defames you like that, you need to deal with it straight on!
    Good luck!!
    I completely agree! She needs to know that her words hurt and to be confronted about this. But you also have to realize that people are going to talk about other people. Just let her know the way she expressed her feelings should have been expressed to you, not to the public. Get it off your chest, then let it go. Anger will only build up and get in the way of progress.
  • riverkit
    riverkit Posts: 22 Member
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    The only way you'll know is if you ask. You've already deleted her phone number and don't plan on continuing the friendship. Shouldn't you find out what's going on before you go through with that? Perhaps she has a reason for it, perhaps not. But, you won't know until you face her and ask. And if it is a misunderstanding, is it worth losing a friend over?
  • Blueeyes1117
    Blueeyes1117 Posts: 51 Member
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    I would most definitely talk to her about it and make her aware that you saw what she posted. She posted for all to see how she felt about you now its time for you to make her aware and tell her how you feel. Either way my opionion i would do exactly what you did delete her number and forget i ever knew her thats not any kind of friend. I hope things work out for you!
  • bonnykate
    bonnykate Posts: 123
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    I'm so sorry to hear that your "friend" is being such a b!tch - WOW, I'm offended and I'm not even involved.

    That said, I would recommend not doing a dang thing about it -- if you see that woman again, treat her with courtesy, like you would treat any other person, but keep things formal and uninvolved. Then, with your other friends, just continue being yourself, as you always have. If what the woman posted is true, and you do notice them "dropping" you, then clearly they aren't worth your time anyway (because again WOW what kind of b!tchy move is that *kitten*?!). If what she posted is false, you running around obsessing over it and asking everyone about it will only cause drama.

    I know it's hard, but if you can forget about it and go about your business as usual, things WILL work out, I promise.

    And while you're at it, looks like your social calendar just opened up for finding a new, FAR MORE AWESOME friend. These things have a way of working out - believe in yourself, be a good person, and don't let the poisonous people of the world get you down.

    Sending warm thoughts your way,

    Kate
  • megteg
    megteg Posts: 97 Member
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    Firstly - So sorry to hear this happened! It's so disappointing when you get betrayed by the ones you trust.

    Secondly - If I were you, I wouldn't react right away, but take the rest of the day to calm down. The last thing you want to do is confront your friends in an anxious state so she gets to confirm later that "OMG she really IS blah blah blah" The unfortunate thing is that there are lot of really fake people out there who pretend to be your friends but really enjoy complaining and pointing out other's faults. She must be a terribly unhappy and not very confident. Obviously if all your friends really felt that way about you they would be behaving differently around you in general, dodging phone calls, etc... I'd say wait it out and use it in your arsenal to keep your ears up on your friends. If the rest of them are true friends of yours, they'll be able to recognize this "friend" is fickle and probably talks that way about EVERYONE.
  • StephanieCoel
    StephanieCoel Posts: 3
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    Confront her. You'll feel better. Who care if you saw it on her social page. If she didn't want you to see it she wouldn't have posted it. I would also tactfully confront your other girlfriends. It won't hurt it will only help. Sometimes, peoples true colors are a blurry mess. Don't worry about it. People will like you for you or they don't deserve to have you as a friend!!!! Good luck! Make sure you update!
  • cbonuz
    cbonuz Posts: 63
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    You should confront her. If you saw it on an online post, obviously it was available to the public so you shouldn't worry how she knows you found out. If you thought she was a trusted friend, then you owe it to your "friendship" to find out the truth. Good luck. give it some prayer thought.
  • juleslb
    juleslb Posts: 5
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    Absolutley call her on it!!! I've gone through this so I know a bit of what you're feeling. A "friend" posted a bunch of comments about me being too fat and she's only friends with me because she feels sorry for me on a social network. I was livid!! and hurt but i found for me the best way to deal with it is to confront her on it. World war 3 broke out but in the end i was happy i stood up for myself. Remember the only person who can let someone else make you feel bad about yourself is you! She obviously isn't a real friend so you shouldn't let what she says hurt you....

    Good luck!

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