My fiance's sister pokes more than fun at my fat

heathery55
heathery55 Posts: 2
edited September 24 in Motivation and Support
I am having a really hard time with my fiance's sister. I have rededicated myself to working out and eating well and getting back in a shape I recognize. She seems to revel in thwarting any of my efforts. Recently we all went out to eat and I looked over the menu and selected a lower calorie meal, which she went on to make fun of me throughout the entire night. I have an elliptical at home and was using it when she stopped by to borrow something and laughed at how "my fat" jiggled" when I was on it.

Let me say this, she is not thin. Not at all, actually unhealthy borderline morbidly obese with difficulty going up and down more than one flight of stairs. I have never said anything to her about her weight but she seems to enjoy every pound or inch on me. It's difficult enough to get myself motivated to work out, but impossible to deal with her sitting on the couch laughing at me. I really don't know what to say or how to say it without hurting anyone's feelings or making more issues within the family.

Any advice on how to address this?
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Replies

  • khrys1
    khrys1 Posts: 444 Member
    Especially since you said she is also overweight, I'd think she's insecure that you are making healthy changes in your life when she's too lazy or scared to do the same. Try to take the high road and ignore her, and when you're think and healthy, you can just secretly smile when you see her fat self still sitting on the couch. ;o)
  • o2bfit3
    o2bfit3 Posts: 22 Member
    Ask her if she wants to be your friend on MyFitnessPal. She might not want you to change anything about yourself, but do this for you! Keep us posted!
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
    She's envious of you. Don't let her comments get to you. Like khrys said, take the high road and when she asks you to help her lose weight after she sees how successful you have been, help her.
  • humpalc
    humpalc Posts: 140
    I agree with pp - her comments say more about her own insecurities than they do about you - maybe next time she makes a comment, you could just point out, 'hey, I know you're just joking around, but it really hurts my feelings!' As long as you are calm and not confrontational, she shouldn't get upset about that :)
  • kvr414
    kvr414 Posts: 111
    she's probably just insecure and jealous. I'd say continue to be gracious toward her since she's going to be a family member. by your resilience, dedication and grace, you may motivate her to do the same!! try turning her comments into motivation to keep pushing harder, tell yourself you're better than that...and this is why! keep you're head up! :happy:
  • lotty1987
    lotty1987 Posts: 176 Member
    To be honest - my advice is normally pay back - I would take a picture next to this lady then give her it in a big fancy frame for a present then every time you see it say - ' wow since then iv lost ... lbs '
  • xLaurenex
    xLaurenex Posts: 27 Member
    I agree with what everyone has said, it sounds like she is jealous, but can't be bothered to do anything to make any changes herself. Just ignore her.
  • Papaya81
    Papaya81 Posts: 90 Member
    She's envious of you. Don't let her comments get to you. Like khrys said, take the high road and when she asks you to help her lose weight after she sees how successful you have been, help her.

    Totally agree, couldn't have said it better myself.
    and
    Good for you for taking the initiative to eat healthy and get in shape!!
  • kim824
    kim824 Posts: 68 Member
    Tell her very calmly and seriously that you find it very hurtful when she makes fun of your weight and ask her to stop. Be straight forward and sincere. Do it one on one and face to face. This has worked for me more than once.
  • Learning2LoveMe
    Learning2LoveMe Posts: 1,430 Member
    Sounds like she is jealous or uncomfortable that you are doing great, making changes, and bettering yourself while she can't seem to control herself or want to change. If it gets bad I would honestly just tell her to shut the eff up and keep her hurtful thoughts to herself... or avoid her, make plans for you when she comes around so you aren't even near her.
  • RockaholicMama
    RockaholicMama Posts: 786 Member
    It kind of sounds like to me that she's feeling insecure herself because you are making healthy life changes and doing something about your weight. Perhaps it makes her feel better, knowing that she's overweight but doing nothing about it, to poke fun at you.

    If it were me, I'd ask her why? I tend to not beat around the bush and just go for the throat. Then ask if she'd like to join in becoming healhhier. After all, she is going to be your SIL.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    have you talked to your fiancee about her sister's behavior? Maybe your finacee can talk to their sister and tell her to buzz off! If my fiancee was in your shoes i would be very pissed and would say something. The sister sounds like a bully to me and wants everyone to be unhealthy like she is.
  • JennLifts
    JennLifts Posts: 1,913 Member
    Ask her if she wants to be your friend on MyFitnessPal. She might not want you to change anything about yourself, but do this for you! Keep us posted!

    Great idea! Get her into it too :)
  • JennsLosing
    JennsLosing Posts: 1,026
    usually people like that are insecure themselves. shes doing it to feel better about herself. even if you did point out that it hurt your feelings...she would probably poke fun at that too. your better than me because when she said something about how your fat jiggles on the eliptical...i would of pointed out how her fat jiggles when she walks...but its nice that your above that.
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    Especially since you said she is also overweight, I'd think she's insecure that you are making healthy changes in your life when she's too lazy or scared to do the same. Try to take the high road and ignore her, and when you're think and healthy, you can just secretly smile when you see her fat self still sitting on the couch. ;o)

    +1

    She's got a serious case of tall poppy syndrome.

    Flip it around and make her your motivation for sticking to it. Every insult and passive-aggressive comment from her should fuel your desire to keep losing.

    I know you shouldn't do this but in your situation I wouldn't be able to help myself. I'd get confrontational. If someone made comments all night over my choice of meal it would push me to the point of saying "Look, one more comment like that and I am leaving". Even if everyone at the table would say I was overreacting there's no denying the subtle (and cowardly) message that she is expressing.
  • MeaganAnn84
    MeaganAnn84 Posts: 95
    She's insecure for sure! I would challenge her in a weight loss showdown. Go by percentages, weight in together every week or 2 weeks. Either that or ignore her, or tell your fiance to tell his sister to shut her yap!
  • bfrice1
    bfrice1 Posts: 62
    I agree with khrys1 - that's her own insecurity talking, and it's a terribly destructive version of it, at that.

    Unless you're just dying to get in her face, in which case you could just mention that every time she starts huffing on step number 6, that's enough to make you want to get on your elliptical. But we are grownups here after all, and it's going to be hard to ignore her, but every time you get on your elliptical, you're taking a step further away from her hurtful words, and make no mistake, she said those things to hurt you. SUCCEED ANYWAY. That'll kill her. (I meant that figuratively, btw).
  • edorice
    edorice Posts: 4,519 Member
    To be honest - my advice is normally pay back - I would take a picture next to this lady then give her it in a big fancy frame for a present then every time you see it say - ' wow since then iv lost ... lbs '

    Better yet, post it on Facebook. That'll shut her trap.

    'Cause it makes me that much stronger
    Makes me work a little bit harder
    It makes me that much wiser
    So thanks for making me a fighter
    Made me learn a little bit faster
    Made my skin a little bit thicker
    Makes me that much smarter
    So thanks for making me a fighter
    --- Fighter by Christina Aguilera
  • dcjulian
    dcjulian Posts: 33
    It sounds like to me that this has nothing to do with you! She is wishing that she could get healthy and maybe you should be suggest she join you! Reach out to her and tell her you need her assistance to help you reach your goal. Just be her friend! You could be a great influence on her!
  • Holton
    Holton Posts: 1,018
    Very sad situation indeed. Would it be feasible to tell her how she is making you feel, or is your relationship with her such that would only aggravate her actions. IF you could, I would ask her to join you for coffee somewhere neutral, tell her how excited you are to become part of her family, but then say, I am committed to trying to lose weight and when you make fun of me, it hurts and would appreciate it if you could find a way to support my efforts and encourage me on my journey. If that is not an option, I would just suggest avoiding her when possible and when not, take the high road and do your best to totally ignore her (easier said than done, I know). I am hopeful that your fiance is aware of how you are feeling and is supportive and encouraging. It would be nice if he would take the initiative to speak with his sister too. Hugs and keep the focus. You are worth the effort.
  • miriamtorason
    miriamtorason Posts: 208 Member
    I'm going to say ignore her for now. If this continues or escalates, tell your fiance he needs to talk to his sister. At this point, they are his family, not yours, and unless you want the wrath of your MIL coming down on you, I suggest you let him deal with it. Of course, I'm not above the passive-aggressive photo-gift either, but really, she's trying to knock you down so she feels better. If it doesn't stop, it will be time for your guy to jump in and tell her either it stops, or y'all will not be seeing her any more. You wouldn't put up with this from a 'friend,' so why here?
  • bparsont
    bparsont Posts: 50
    She seems to have a problem. Who's calling the kettle black? I would try and stay away from her. IMHO i would just tell her that if she has nothing nice to say to you then say nothing at all. Don't worry about the family, they are not in control of your destiny or your life. This is your life and you have full control of circumstances and what you attract into it. Keep up the good work and ignore everyone else, except US!! :wink:
  • qtpiesmom
    qtpiesmom Posts: 394 Member
    Be honest, sometimes people dont think their words are hurtful. Some people are not happy with themselves and misery loves company and since you are making positive changes with yourself.

    When she makes comments just stand up for yourself, say things like Yep I jiggle but soon I wont, if your making a good choice for food and she comments say well Im on the right track with my new lifestyle. If it continues and it bothers you then tell her, not in a rude way just that your making positive changes in your life and her negative comments hurt and you find them offensive.

    Stay positive within yourself, dont let others derail you in anyway. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF not the power of someone else
  • sophiajackson99
    sophiajackson99 Posts: 90
    Most people seem to be saying to just ignore her, but my experience is that people like that don't go away. They take your silence to be acceptance of their comments and grow bolder with time.

    I often find it helpful to ask a direct question that makes them have to answer for what they are doing. Something like, "Why do you feel the need to point out what I'm eating? Or how my belly moves?" Or sometimes it helps to just agree with them. Accept what they're saying, such as " Why yes, I am ordering the low-cal meal! What are you getting?" Or "Yes my belly sure is moving around isn't it?" smile.

    People do project when they're not quite ready to look at their own issues. It's annoying, but it's also an opportunity to invite them to do so. Good luck!
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    I'm not as nice as most of the other ppl responding lol... someone fatter than me wants to insult me dont be suprised when I shoot right back... then again... I'm childish LOL
  • SMarie10
    SMarie10 Posts: 956 Member
    Try taking the high road - kill her with kindness and give her compliments that she must be fishing for. You catch more bees with honey than vinegar (or something like that). If that doesn't work, I'd expect a heart to heart talk is in order - tell her how her words and actions make your feel. Nothing like honesty to clear the air.
  • Coco_Puff
    Coco_Puff Posts: 823 Member
    I think she may have some issues with you taking away her brother. For some reason some sisters think no girl can replace them when it comes to their brother. I know of someone that said even though her brother was getting married, if she and her sister-in-laws were drowning, her brother would save her before their wives? Really? Hope she never has to find out. Ignore her, she is very insecure and being the best you can be is the best revenge!!!!!! And if she happens to be thin, treat her like the Skinny B that she is!!!!
  • DaddyMantz
    DaddyMantz Posts: 145 Member
    I think you should spend more time with people who support you and achieve what you want to achieve. Less time with people who try to drag you down. I am sorry if it sounds harsh but it's hard to pull yourself out of the pit when the people who want to be there are trying to pull you back down.
  • Tyva
    Tyva Posts: 34
    You can tell her how much her picking bothers you but she won't care. It sounds limmke jealousy and she comes around to pick on you to make herself feel better. I have experienced this personally.
    How did I deal with it? I avoided her. Expressed to my fiance that I'm no longer "dinner dating". When she calls I say "hi how are you.I'm busy right now ttyl." In short I treated her with kindness but leave her be. It worked for me. Hope it works for you.
  • Tyva
    Tyva Posts: 34
    I think she may have some issues with you taking away her brother. For some reason some sisters think no girl can replace them when it comes to their brother.

    I agree!!! I think that's what my soon-to-be sister inlaw thinks. Why do women show out like that? Good grief!
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