Some questions about undereating & starvation mode

Some good (and also some sad) info in this thread. What I am wondering is, how does this thread look from the eyes and mind of a person who is struggling with an eating disorder? Do they think, "oh that's bs.. they're wrong!" or "that may be true for some, but my body is different" (i.e., denial). Or, is it more like, "I know this is bad, i need to change this behavior, but it's so hard" (i.e, something like struggling with an addiction). Or something else altogether? It would help me, to understand the perspective. If anyone who has lived this or is living it can shed some light....

It's like both for me. I'll send you a friend request

I've struggled with anorexia since freshman year of high school, and bulimia since my sophomore year of high school. I went to treatment and got out in about a year and a half but never fully recovered and relapsed this year.

In high school I didn't know anything really about how what I was doing was really affecting my body. So when people did give me the facts, I never believed them and I felt that what every one said was not applicable to me and that I was most definitely the exception to every nutrition/body fact because I'm fat. I am now back in recovery after my recent relapse and I can truly say that I fully understand the effects of how I eat and how terrible it is to my body because of all my doctors and nutritionists. The problem is that it's not really about how I look. Anorexia is all about control. it's about paying attention to all the details and planning and counting and managing my life in a way that ironically has the total opposite effect. Bulimia, for me, developed as I started to eat again the first time I was in recovery because I couldn't cope with the feeling of having food in me.

And the thing is, after many years of struggling with this, I know all the nutrition facts. I know what it does to me. But in a way, it doesn't deter me from dong what I do. I know it is bad, and I wish so badly that I could just lose weight the healthy weight, or hell, just be happy at a high weight, I wish I didn't have this disorder. I wish I could JUST EAT. When I gained weight in recovery the first time, it shot through the window because I wasn't happy and needed something to control and project my emotions through and went straight back to restricting. It is a serious mental disorder and it sucks. It is so so so so painful to know that what I am doing is so bad for me but I cannot help it.

Hopefully that helped!

I realize it's a disorder, i stated trend because, just like it's apparently "cool" to be gay when you're younger (more specifically lesbian), it's becoming (or has been) a "trend" of younger people (and even some adults) to completely stop eating in order to lose weight.

So, I wasn't at all suggesting it's just a fad, but did mean it that way for this specific purpose.


Does that make sense?

you dont just stop eating to lose weight. it sneeks up on you. i didnt decide to have an eating disorder. i didnt even want to be as thin as i was. its self loathing and the need to be wanted/ perfect/ accepted/ loved by friggen anyone.

i was dieting. oh wow i lost 5 lbs, i can do better then that, who needs 1200 cals. who needs 1100 cals. etc etc.
i didnt do it because it was cool
i didnt do it because it was a trend
i didnt have any friends who "did it"

i dont even know why i ended up "doing it"
maybe something to do with my abusive relationships, my (ex) anorexic mother, or just wanting to control something in my life for once.

it just happened..

also kids who are openly gay now a days are constantly bashed. i have 2 gay friends. its definitely not the "cool thing to do" its just who they are, maybe even just how they were born.

[/quote]
And the thing is, after many years of struggling with this, I know all the nutrition facts. I know what it does to me. But in a way, it doesn't deter me from dong what I do. I know it is bad, and I wish so badly that I could just lose weight the healthy weight, or hell, just be happy at a high weight, I wish I didn't have this disorder. I wish I could JUST EAT. [/quote]

Basically describes me.
I have an eating disorder, i never once did it because it was the "cool" thing to do.
I have had disordered eating my entire life. Starting with sever binge/emotional to anorexia.
Binging led me to being really obese, and the purging that usually happened with binge eating, became bulimia which eventually became "anorexia" (techniqually EDNOS in my current state). Just because it just happened.

I know it is killing me, and i know the reason im constantly sick is because of this.
I tried going into hospital recovery once, but that was the biggest mistake after 2 weeks i basically ran away haha.

I am seeing a doctor and getting help but do not believe in "recovery"
One never recovers from this, it haunts them their entire life, especially when its all youve known in life.
Im basically only seeing a doctor so i can mentally keep going and not hurt the ones i love in the process anymore.

Because tbh as much as i wish i didnt have this disorder, id also feel so empty without it.
Anoreixa/bulimia is like an abusive relationship in my case, i love this thing that hurts me so sometimes.
Because it is the only thing that has ever been mine.

But usually i do sit there and think "i wish i couldve just been happy with my apperance when i was fat"

As for the gay thing, I am pansexual. I do not love by ones gender or apperance. I love them for being a person and the connection i have with them. And as for the whole kids doing it, i do witness it sometimes the whole "im 15 and rebelious im going to date a girl" BUT that doesnt count to everyone. My 14 year old sister has been pansexual like me since like young years, shes had both boyfriends and girlfriends. And shows no preference to either gender.