My fiance's sister pokes more than fun at my fat

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Replies

  • Tyva
    Tyva Posts: 34
    To be honest - my advice is normally pay back - I would take a picture next to this lady then give her it in a big fancy frame for a present then every time you see it say - ' wow since then iv lost ... lbs '

    I like that!
  • emilyrosedye
    emilyrosedye Posts: 66
    I'd ignore her childish comments and just revel in the fact that you are on the way to loving your body again when deep down it sounds like she hates hers and wants to bring others down to her low self esteem.
  • heathery55
    heathery55 Posts: 2
    UPDATE:

    Thank you all for your amazing comments they helped me tremendously, especially last night.

    We had the family over for dinner and I had served a very large mixed green salad and beef stew with gnocchi. I did the math for the recipe ahead of time and served myself accordingly in a pre-measured separate bowl and plate.

    In the back of my head I kept telling myself, kill her with kindness, take the higher road.

    I am trying to eat slowly and chew every bite with purpose so that I don't inhale my meal in less than 5 minutes and of course this caused her to say that I ate like a cow, then I looked like a cow and finally that I was a cow. Dinner was unpleasant and what made it worse was my fiance did not say anything.

    I did not confront her or even addressed her comments because I plan on having a one-on-one with her without anyone else around. But I did recognize what everyone was talking about, she only started making fun of me after got her second serving and I was still working on my salad. During dessert I opted out because I had a piece of cake earlier but she cut herself a huge portion. She tried to tease me about how good it was and then when I wouldn't falter she said that she knew when everyone was gone I was going to eat the entire cake by myself.

    I think you guys were right on point. She is upset, but maybe not with me. It made it easier to tolerate, but still difficult. I hope that when we do have our conversation she will be open to joining me. Until then, wish me luck and thanks again! If it wasn't for the advice I would have thought she just hated me.
  • shakemybooty
    shakemybooty Posts: 681 Member
    Good for you!:flowerforyou:
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    Just dont let it get to you....who knows what going on in her head to make her act like that.Just ignore it.
    Or you could do what I would do and tell her to F off
    but thats just me
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
    i'm impressed that you didn't say anything to her after those comments, if she had said that to me i'd have been adding boxing to my exercise diary! i'm not so impressed with your other half for not defending you, i know people don't like to create a scene but there are lines and i think she crossed it. i hope you get the opportunity to speak to her soon as this needs to be nipped in the bud.

    if i allowed my catty side out this would be my plan. when you next have an item of clothing thats too big for you (lets face it it's going to happen you are doing great) ask her if she'd like it as its now too big for you

    feel free to add me if you want to
  • Zaggytiddies
    Zaggytiddies Posts: 326 Member
    Punch her.


    Haha I'm kidding... Sort of. :shifty eyes:

    I basically agree with what everyone else said but use that as motivation!! If you keep working hard the weight is going to come off and isn't she gonna look like the cow in a few months when you're many many pounds lighter and she's still an angry, jealous cow. Also punch your fiancé for letting anyone talk to you that way. Good luck!
  • emilyrosedye
    emilyrosedye Posts: 66
    Thanks for updating us on what happened. After hearing about how she behaved during dinner it definitely sounds like she is uber jealous of your progress and wants to bring you down to her level. If it were me I dont think I could have had your self control, I probably would have said something like "Enjoy inhaling your second helping, I'm just enjoying my first" or "Actually I was going to box the cake up for you to take home since you ate that one with such gusto"
    Also not impressed that your fiance didnt stick up for you or tell her to shut her mouth. I know its not him saying the mean things but he's not putting a stop to it or being sensitive to how you are feeling which is somehow just as bad. Have you spoken to him at all about is sisters behaviour and told him you are unhappy with the way she speaks to you? I hope to hear she has had an attitude adjustment next time you encounter her.
  • LainMac
    LainMac Posts: 412 Member
    If future hubby can't/won't say to the sister, "Sis, enough already, shaddup! I'm proud of my gal'. " I think you're in for a rough marriage. When I was first dating my now husband, his sister thought I would be another punching bag for her. I wouldn't put up with it and my husband, then boyfriend, backed me up 100 percent.

    Yes, your future sister in law is a mean butt head. But your future hubby needs to be on your side and it seems that he isn't. Please think about that.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    She wants you to fail because she's jealous! Next time she comments say "Yeah, it's jiggling but not for long." Or " Yes, I ordered the grilled chicken. I want to get healthy so what's your point?" You probably have way more patience than I do. I would've told the beotch to eff off by now. lol.
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    i would say to her when she says nasty comments about your weight and pokes fun at you "people in glass houses should not throw stones" and say the same thing every time.

    if she asks what you mean, tell her, that she too is over weight, and shouldn't poke fun at others trying to do something positive. Tell her that you could also poke fun back, but that would be counter productive, and that you are better than that.

    maybe once she hears that, she might shut up. and if she keeps it up, thats a green light to give as good as you get.
  • Coco_Puff
    Coco_Puff Posts: 823 Member
    I was also thinking, Is she in the wedding? There are some really ugly bridesmaids dresses out there and you get to choose them. I'd put her in the most wretched looking thing I could find. I'm sure with her big head she'll think everyone is looking at her, and that would drive her nuts. But really, everyone will be looking at you, the beautiful bride, inside and out.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Since she tries to embarass you in front of family, do it right back to her. "So I've lost 5lbs in 2 weeks. I see that YOU found them." haha. Kidding I think but you've got more patience than I do. :)
  • Tobi1013
    Tobi1013 Posts: 732 Member
    Stumbled upon this today and feel compelled to post...

    So glad that you were able to maintain your composure during your dinner yesterday. You are a much stronger person than I would have been in the same situation. I'm also glad that you are planning to have a one-on-one with her to try and clear the air.

    That said, I cannot agree more with the poster who commented on the fact that your fiance' has yet to back you up to this sister who is bullying you so openly. If you have not already done so, have a conversation with him ASAP and let him know exactly how her behavior (and his lack of support) are affecting you.

    I'm curious...is this his older sister? Did she bully him growing up? Does she still? If the answers to any of those questions is "yes" then it might make sense that he has yet to say anything to her in support of you. Perhaps the hurt and anger you are feeling will be just the thing HE needs to take a stand, as well.

    Best of luck to you. Hoping for a good outcome for you, so please keep us posted.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
    Try this one:
    next time she laughs at you, laugh back, and say,

    "hey there's a Moon Pie in the pantry that I'm not gonna eat. Why don't you do me a favor and take care of for me, slim!"
  • skinnyack
    skinnyack Posts: 683
    O.M.G- seriously. I can't believe no one jumped to your defense at the dinner table- specifically your future hubby. Even if he didn't say something to her- he could've said something to you- like I'm proud of you, or you look good to me, or something.

    By all means, if your hubby's only flaw is he can't stand up for himself or his woman against his big sister, yeah, I'd let it go... but if he doesn't defend himself, or you, and has no self esteem- or doesn't care- just be cautious. It's hard to become a healthy (mentally and physically), strong, powerful, esteemed woman and to be locked into a relationship with a wimp or a jerk. And if he let's other people do it to you, eventually he may do it to you also. Not that you asked my opinion- just want the best for you! It is an amazing feeling to take control of your life and invest in yourself. I just hope everyone around you chooses to support you!:flowerforyou:
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Try this one:
    next time she laughs at you, laugh back, and say,

    "hey there's a Moon Pie in the pantry that I'm not gonna eat. Why don't you do me a favor and take care of for me, slim!"

    haha LOVE THIS!!!!!!! I'd do this in a heartbeat!
  • piamaria85
    piamaria85 Posts: 7
    Since she tries to embarass you in front of family, do it right back to her. "So I've lost 5lbs in 2 weeks. I see that YOU found them." haha. Kidding I think but you've got more patience than I do. :)

    LOL i love it!

    OP you're very controlled, i'd have thumped her one by now :O
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
    I was treated badly by my step-children when I was first with my husband. I should have worked through it with him more, but I thought it would get better, it didn't. I blame it on my husband not making boundaries around how they were to treat him/me.

    You need to talk to you fiance about what is acceptable behaviour by his family in YOUR HOME.

    That being said, I found that laughing and agreeing with bullies is very effective. Recently when I was laughed at in the street for being fat, I turned around and said 'oh ignorant loser doesn't find me physically attractive', and laughed, he didn't know what to do with himself it was hysterical.

    GG
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    I have to agree with the other posters about her bullying behavior, and growing up my mom used to tell me to "ignore" bullies. Recently I watched a special on bullies & teens and one of the many points they made was it takes one person to stand up to the bully and usually everyone else will chime in. Everyone ignoring the behavior doesn't really work, which makes sense now that I'm an adult. LOL

    I really think that person standing up for you should be your future spouse. Although, I do think it's a great idea to have a one on one conversation about her behavior, but have you thought about what you will do if that does not work?

    What a horrible situation to be in, you should definitely talk to your fiancee and your future SIL (separately). If she doesn't cease, than I would avoid social situations wtih her and make it clear that her behavior will NOT be tolerated in your house. Period.
  • Tyva
    Tyva Posts: 34
    UPDATE:

    Thank you all for your amazing comments they helped me tremendously, especially last night. .......

    I think you guys were right on point. She is upset, but maybe not with me. It made it easier to tolerate, but still difficult. I hope that when we do have our conversation she will be open to joining me. Until then, wish me luck and thanks again! If it wasn't for the advice I would have thought she just hated me.

    Bless her lil heart. You are still a BIG woman to be able to stomach her. I dont want to even be around my fiance's sister ... well atleast until Im smaller then her ;) loooool
  • Tyva
    Tyva Posts: 34
    Since she tries to embarass you in front of family, do it right back to her. "So I've lost 5lbs in 2 weeks. I see that YOU found them." haha. Kidding I think but you've got more patience than I do. :)

    This wouldd be soooo easy! I even thought about doing it myself, but then it can really backfire. Her fiance is not sticking up for HER , he would surely stick up for his sister which can cause a big rift in the family. Ive seen it happen mannnny times which sucks bcuz she is clearly wrong.
  • Lisamarie1226
    Lisamarie1226 Posts: 335 Member
    To be honest - my advice is normally pay back - I would take a picture next to this lady then give her it in a big fancy frame for a present then every time you see it say - ' wow since then iv lost ... lbs '

    *LOVE* this ;-)
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