Fatty

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Samiwhereareyou
Samiwhereareyou Posts: 281 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So i m going to tell you a story that happened to me last night and i would like to know how you would take it. I might be projecting.

Last night was saint pattys day I was at a party drinking beers and eating corn beef and cabbage. My old work out buddy was at the party and I jokingly said damn Maybe i should stop eating I have no idea how many calories this is haha. Then she said Yea. Maybe you should. I felt a little sad by that and put down my plate and walked into the other room. She followed me in like 5 mins later and asked So how is the weight loss going for you.
I took it as her calling me a fatty.

maybe I was just feeling like a fatty from the first food comment. How would you have taken it??

Replies

  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
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    hmmm, could go either way, was she normally passive aggressive? this could be classic passive aggression, or it could just be her wanting to be positive and give you reinforcement.
  • ltlemermaid
    ltlemermaid Posts: 637 Member
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    It sucks to have a friend say that, but honestly (joking or not) you left yourself open to any comment including the one you recieved. However you can always estimate calories from what you eat and log it in that way at least you are tracking. I wouldn't feel bad about eating/drinking etc even if its a little extra on special occasions as long as you realize that you may not see the scale move or it may move in the wrong direction.

    we are only human and we can't avoid events and parties. just make your self accountable and have fun.
  • octoberschilde
    octoberschilde Posts: 21
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    Personally that would have hurt my feelings. She shouldn't have commented, regardless of what you said. my mother always taught me "If I can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I feel her comments were unnecessary.
  • angievaughn
    angievaughn Posts: 655 Member
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    My redneck side might of come out!!! Depends on the number of beers!!! I have not done a lot of drinking or partying since I have started this journey...so i am not the best judge!!

    I would say....forget her!!! You do what is best for you!!!!
  • elbandito
    elbandito Posts: 157
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    I say don't worry about it. You know how you say things and then realise a few seconds later that 'whoops, that came out wrong' or 'oh crap, I shouldn't have said that'? Everyone does that. And it's likely that your friend did that as well and followed up a bit later just to see if you're okay.

    Don't sweat what other people say. It's nothing! Laugh it off. Have fun.
  • DianaPowerUp
    DianaPowerUp Posts: 518 Member
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    It really depends on how it was said, and how well you know the person, and how in touch she is with your weight loss journey. For ex., I have a good friend, who is right along side me with my journey, and if she said, "Yeah, maybe you should." I wouldn't take it personally at all. I'd know that she has my back, and knows that what I'm putting in my body probably isn't the best for me, and would be saying it out of love and concern, b/c she knows that I would be kicking myself the next day in the gym, "Oh why did I eat/drink all that????" But if my dh said that, I'd be pissed, b/c he'd only say that if he thought I was making myself more of a fat *kitten*. Does that make sense?
  • pyro13g
    pyro13g Posts: 1,127 Member
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    Ah, you opened the door for that one. I don't think it meant anything. Maybe she took it as you needed a wake up call (support) from her. We often let things out in jest even when they are stressing us. Shake it off.
  • Flacachica
    Flacachica Posts: 328 Member
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    Maybe deep down she's jealous of you... forget her! You don't need to waste a second of energy on what SHE thinks. This is your journey. I know, easier said than done. Believe me... there are many times I'd love to crawl inside someone's head to figure out where a comment came from. Short of just out and out asking her, you'll probaly never know. So you can stop torturing yourself wondering how to take it.

    That's my two cents!! :)
  • octoberschilde
    octoberschilde Posts: 21
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    I think it's interesting that the guys are thinking it was okay, and the girls are saying "oh hell no!". LOL Just shows how different we really are.
  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
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    Since you were at a party, were there other people in the room when you mentioned it and she responded that way? Not to condone october's theory, but honestly an open comment is usually a target for any kind of response. If your friend is one of those that acts a certain way around certain people, assuming others were in the room or within earshot, she may have tried to be funny, but your reaction might have had her give it a second thought.

    Though, since I'm a grade A *kitten*, I roll with it if ever I leave myself open for potshots. I wouldn't take it to heart.
  • DianaPowerUp
    DianaPowerUp Posts: 518 Member
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    Btw, the fact that she came back to ask you how your weight loss was going, I think shows that she felt bad about what she said, and was trying to make things right. Anyway, I don't think she meant to be rude and insensitive, but you might have perceived it as that. I'd just shrug it off now. Lots of things get said and done that shouldn't when you're drinking.
  • littlemoron
    littlemoron Posts: 36 Member
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    Meh, sounds like she was being catty.

    But I don't think she was calling you names. Is she usually like that? If so, she doesn't seem like a very fun person to be around.
  • Chanellie
    Chanellie Posts: 23
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    I think you should evaluate what type of relationship you have with your work out buddy. I would've taken that comment somewhat supportive versus malicious. You made the comment first about slowing down on the corn beef and beer and he/ she just agreed with you. The question about how you were doing on your journey was fine because he/she is your workout buddy so they maybe just wanted to give you that little push of motivation. I think you probably had that thought of being a "fatty" initially in your mind because you were thinking about what you were consuming. This is just my opinion. I don't think you're a "fatty", just have a little more confidence in yourself and you'll be fine. :wink:
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    She could have meant it to be catty or she could just be a blunt person (that may lack some tact) who wants to see you succeed. Either way, try not to let it get you down. I know that's easier said then done, but really what's the alternative? Getting depressed and fed up over things like this just can just set us back and make us want to give up. Instead use it as motivation. Hurtful comments can make good fuel to the fire.
  • JenniferH81
    JenniferH81 Posts: 285 Member
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    you pretty much invited that comment, and you have to consider that a real friend should always be honest. So maybe she was just speaking her mind honestly. however dont even let it bother you. Just continue with your weight loss and learn to (cheesy I know) love yourself, so other peoples comments dont matter to you anymore.
  • callipygianchronicle
    callipygianchronicle Posts: 811 Member
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    If you’re asking the wrong question, even the right answer won’t help.

    So let’s get objective for a moment. She didn’t call you fat or make fun of your weight loss. Yet, that’s what the ears inside your heart heard.

    Your ears were primed to hear something negative about your body and your weight, because deep down you have negative beliefs about your body and your worth. So much so, that you asked out loud for a confirmation that you are overeating and out of control. Even when it hurts, we seek confirmation of our core beliefs, because that confirmation allows us to keep believing them. We want evidence that we’re right (regardless of how damaging the belief is) and we’ll take any opportunity we can to have someone reconfirm what we already believe about ourselves.

    There is nothing that anyone here can tell you, that is going to erase your core belief that you’re not good enough.

    You are the only one that owns your food choices, good or bad. You do not need approval or confirmation from anyone that what you’re doing is okay.

    You are, right now, okay. You’re not going to be a better person when you’re thin. You are perfect, beautiful, and lovable Right Now. And no former co-worker at a St. Patrick’s Day party should be able to take that away from you. So don’t let them.
  • MeliciousMelis
    MeliciousMelis Posts: 458 Member
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    If you’re asking the wrong question, even the right answer won’t help.

    So let’s get objective for a moment. She didn’t call you fat or make fun of your weight loss. Yet, that’s what the ears inside your heart heard.

    Your ears were primed to hear something negative about your body and your weight, because deep down you have negative beliefs about your body and your worth. So much so, that you asked out loud for a confirmation that you are overeating and out of control. Even when it hurts, we seek confirmation of our core beliefs, because that confirmation allows us to keep believing them. We want evidence that we’re right (regardless of how damaging the belief is) and we’ll take any opportunity we can to have someone reconfirm what we already believe about ourselves.

    There is nothing that anyone here can tell you, that is going to erase your core belief that you’re not good enough.

    You are the only one that owns your food choices, good or bad. You do not need approval or confirmation from anyone that what you’re doing is okay.

    You are, right now, okay. You’re not going to be a better person when you’re thin. You are perfect, beautiful, and lovable Right Now. And no former co-worker at a St. Patrick’s Day party should be able to take that away from you. So don’t let them.

    I agree!! To add to it, I'd say that you are doing the right thing in reflecting on that moment. Shift your focus, so it's not on what she did or didn't say or mean. Look instead at your reception and your interpretation, so you gain something from this-- and I repeat this all the time to my children, my friends, pretty much anyone who will listen-- a feeling is not a fact. Feelings change all the time-- so feeling like your being labeled as a "fatty" is something you can control, let go of, and move on from. Learn from this, look within, and take a deep breath and keep going. You're on this site and you are learning invaluable things not only about how to feed your body and become healthy, but also how to grow emotionally. You can do this.
  • Bockety
    Bockety Posts: 21
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    I would have taken it as an insult and asked her flat-out if she meant it that way. If she's not the sort of friend who you can ask candid questions of, she's not the sort of friend whose opinions matter anyway.
  • nurse_chris
    nurse_chris Posts: 189
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    this is tough, but i think males deal and look at these situations differently :/

    If she was a former workout partner, then maybe the person was assuming they could be "frank" with you. Now if she asked you infront of people, then id be pissed

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