The No-Food Diet! Down with Calories!

McKayMachina
McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
edited September 25 in Chit-Chat
I am taking it upon myself to begin learning about all the maths and food magic so I can lose 100 lbs. in a week. One of the worst things you can eat is CALORIES! So, I am not going to eat any more calories. I have made a list of foods for anyone else who wants to join me on the no-food diet.

- Water.
- Ice. Did you know that ice is just really cold water?! Wow!
- Steam. I like to make a big pot of boiling water and stick my head over it and make bite motions. Yummy!
- Air. I only have air as a snack because it makes me feel SO FULL.

Don't forget to wear gloves when handling air because it has some calories that can leech into your skin. But as soon as it's in your mouth, the calories disappear so that's okay.

I feel like this is a diet I can really stick with til the day that I die!

I'm brand new at this so any more tips are greatly appreciated! Add your tips below!
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Replies

  • joybell32
    joybell32 Posts: 252 Member
    I think you've just about got it covered! air, steam, water and ice..oh wait... Diet Pepsi is calorie free! Would that count? :drinker:
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    :laugh: :laugh:
  • cem2168
    cem2168 Posts: 205 Member
    and splenda! omg works WONDERSSSS hahah
  • ♥♥YoungMrs♥♥
    ♥♥YoungMrs♥♥ Posts: 178
    Hot sauce is calorie free too..i could definitely do hot sauce and diet coke and air
  • krystalstardust
    krystalstardust Posts: 13 Member
    holy **** I lost 100 lbs in a week doing this same diet. I didn't know it was going to catch on so quickly...
  • krystalstardust
    krystalstardust Posts: 13 Member
    hilarious
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    it's gaining momentum in the media, too!

    http://www.theonion.com/video/diet-book-author-advocates-new-no-food-diet,14234/

    I can already tell this diet is gonna be KILLER.
  • SammieGetsFit
    SammieGetsFit Posts: 432 Member
    I don't have more food suggestions, but may I suggest a recipe?

    Mix the water and the ice in a container of some sort. It is just like heaven. BUT be sure to clean it thoroughly, as it may have come into contact with CALORIES at some point and they may be lurking. Oh, and try licking the air. It works out your tongue and neck muscles, which wards off the ingestion of CALORIES.

    Good luck on your journey! I'll keep an eye on your diary to make sure you don't slip up. Remember, EVEN ONE CALORIE AND YOU ARE A FAILURE. JUST SAY NO.
  • beautifulnow
    beautifulnow Posts: 307
    ok now wait do I drink back my workout calories
  • kdao
    kdao Posts: 265
    L M A O! I heart you for posting this :tongue:
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Just google it.

    :laugh:
  • kdao
    kdao Posts: 265
    ok now wait do I drink back my workout calories

    No you don't drink them back, you steam them back LOL
  • ItsOn130
    ItsOn130 Posts: 269 Member
    :laugh: :happy: :happy: Too funny!
  • ♥♥YoungMrs♥♥
    ♥♥YoungMrs♥♥ Posts: 178
    ok now wait do I drink back my workout calories

    LMAO!
  • magpie8402
    magpie8402 Posts: 121 Member
    This is great! I heard that celery has negative calories because it takes your body so much to break it down.
  • strandedeyes
    strandedeyes Posts: 392 Member
    i love you all.... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • southernlay_d
    southernlay_d Posts: 111
    I lovers you right now.
  • taso42_DELETED
    taso42_DELETED Posts: 3,394 Member
    Seems like a pretty decent start. You might consider adding in a little cardio every day too. About 3-4 hours per day should do it. It may seem like a lot, but you'll have plenty of free time left over since you won't be spending any time eating calories!
  • BobbyDaniel
    BobbyDaniel Posts: 1,459 Member
    Can we caffeinate the water????
  • tanniew78
    tanniew78 Posts: 602 Member
    HAHAHAHA! That was so funny I had to type this 5 times to get it right through the tears of laughter rolling from watching that clip. :laugh: :cry:
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    You guys have me in absolute tears right now.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • loganaw
    loganaw Posts: 62 Member
    this is stupid.
  • itsjustme77
    itsjustme77 Posts: 102
    That's funny!
  • mattcoop
    mattcoop Posts: 30 Member
    Oh...oh.. oh...You have me salivating for water. :) but I am so confused.... since I take a shower and it removes dirt from my body... is that negative calories??? Plese let me know tonight so I can use the info on tomorrow's diary :huh: lol
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    this is stupid.

    Yeah! Having fun is for LOSERS!

    :laugh:
  • ChassityGetsFit
    ChassityGetsFit Posts: 173 Member
    this is stupid.

    Says the person who's 92 lbs! :laugh:
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    this is stupid.

    Says the person who's 92 lbs! :laugh:

    Aw, I appreciate you standing up for the hilarity of the thread but she IS super short. 92 is probably healthy for her height.

    But she's still a stick in the mud and it's much easier to change a body than a personality. XD
  • LJCannon
    LJCannon Posts: 3,636 Member
    :flowerforyou: I am so glad that you posted this!!You don't know how many lives you have changed:drinker:
  • AbbyRedwine
    AbbyRedwine Posts: 59
    this is stupid.

    Says the person who's 92 lbs! :laugh:

    Aw, I appreciate you standing up for the hilarity of the thread but she IS super short. 92 is probably healthy for her height.

    But she's still a stick in the mud and it's much easier to change a body than a personality. XD


    why are you guy's commenting on her weight??? that's messed up. even if she commented on this and called it stupid why would you girls say ANYTHING like that. grow up...seriously.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    this is stupid.

    Says the person who's 92 lbs! :laugh:

    Aw, I appreciate you standing up for the hilarity of the thread but she IS super short. 92 is probably healthy for her height.

    But she's still a stick in the mud and it's much easier to change a body than a personality. XD


    why are you guy's commenting on her weight??? that's messed up. even if she commented on this and called it stupid why would you girls say ANYTHING like that. grow up...seriously.

    Did you NOT see the part where I stuck up for her because of her weight? Jeez.
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