The No-Food Diet! Down with Calories!

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McKayMachina
McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
in Chit-Chat
I am taking it upon myself to begin learning about all the maths and food magic so I can lose 100 lbs. in a week. One of the worst things you can eat is CALORIES! So, I am not going to eat any more calories. I have made a list of foods for anyone else who wants to join me on the no-food diet.

- Water.
- Ice. Did you know that ice is just really cold water?! Wow!
- Steam. I like to make a big pot of boiling water and stick my head over it and make bite motions. Yummy!
- Air. I only have air as a snack because it makes me feel SO FULL.

Don't forget to wear gloves when handling air because it has some calories that can leech into your skin. But as soon as it's in your mouth, the calories disappear so that's okay.

I feel like this is a diet I can really stick with til the day that I die!

I'm brand new at this so any more tips are greatly appreciated! Add your tips below!
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Replies

  • joybell32
    joybell32 Posts: 252 Member
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    I think you've just about got it covered! air, steam, water and ice..oh wait... Diet Pepsi is calorie free! Would that count? :drinker:
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    :laugh: :laugh:
  • cem2168
    cem2168 Posts: 205 Member
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    and splenda! omg works WONDERSSSS hahah
  • ♥♥YoungMrs♥♥
    ♥♥YoungMrs♥♥ Posts: 178
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    Hot sauce is calorie free too..i could definitely do hot sauce and diet coke and air
  • krystalstardust
    krystalstardust Posts: 13 Member
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    holy **** I lost 100 lbs in a week doing this same diet. I didn't know it was going to catch on so quickly...
  • krystalstardust
    krystalstardust Posts: 13 Member
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    hilarious
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    it's gaining momentum in the media, too!

    http://www.theonion.com/video/diet-book-author-advocates-new-no-food-diet,14234/

    I can already tell this diet is gonna be KILLER.
  • SammieGetsFit
    SammieGetsFit Posts: 432 Member
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    I don't have more food suggestions, but may I suggest a recipe?

    Mix the water and the ice in a container of some sort. It is just like heaven. BUT be sure to clean it thoroughly, as it may have come into contact with CALORIES at some point and they may be lurking. Oh, and try licking the air. It works out your tongue and neck muscles, which wards off the ingestion of CALORIES.

    Good luck on your journey! I'll keep an eye on your diary to make sure you don't slip up. Remember, EVEN ONE CALORIE AND YOU ARE A FAILURE. JUST SAY NO.
  • beautifulnow
    beautifulnow Posts: 307
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    ok now wait do I drink back my workout calories
  • kdao
    kdao Posts: 265
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    L M A O! I heart you for posting this :tongue:
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    Just google it.

    :laugh:
  • kdao
    kdao Posts: 265
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    ok now wait do I drink back my workout calories

    No you don't drink them back, you steam them back LOL
  • ItsOn130
    ItsOn130 Posts: 269 Member
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    :laugh: :happy: :happy: Too funny!
  • ♥♥YoungMrs♥♥
    ♥♥YoungMrs♥♥ Posts: 178
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    ok now wait do I drink back my workout calories

    LMAO!
  • magpie8402
    magpie8402 Posts: 121 Member
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    This is great! I heard that celery has negative calories because it takes your body so much to break it down.
  • strandedeyes
    strandedeyes Posts: 392 Member
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    i love you all.... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • southernlay_d
    southernlay_d Posts: 111
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    I lovers you right now.
  • taso42_DELETED
    taso42_DELETED Posts: 3,394 Member
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    Seems like a pretty decent start. You might consider adding in a little cardio every day too. About 3-4 hours per day should do it. It may seem like a lot, but you'll have plenty of free time left over since you won't be spending any time eating calories!
  • BobbyDaniel
    BobbyDaniel Posts: 1,460 Member
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    Can we caffeinate the water????
  • tanniew78
    tanniew78 Posts: 602 Member
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    HAHAHAHA! That was so funny I had to type this 5 times to get it right through the tears of laughter rolling from watching that clip. :laugh: :cry:

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