venting: People who are trying to be 'helpful'

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mielikkibz
mielikkibz Posts: 552 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I need to vent before i blow up

When I started this journey back in Jan, someone I know kept pushing me to do the atkins diet. .I told her no, any diet that kept me from eating things I liked was a diet i would fail, she kept telling me how her diet was better, she'd lose faster, I was going to kill myself with the sugars and carbs, and it got nasty enough that another friend stepped in and said something.

OK, she quieted about her diet, until yesterday.

I admit it, I fell off the 'wagon' . . first time since I started that I KNOW I went over my calories. . usually I know we're going to go out to dinner and watch my calories accordingly, but when I got home, my roommate surprised me with taking me out for dinner for taking care of her dogs. Unfortunately the place we went to(new place) didnt' have a lot i liked, so I ordered the filet mignon, took half it home. What caused the huge pushover was I decided to go for desert, something I don't normally do, and had the cinnamon milk cake. Usually I'm too cheap to buy desert :) But my friend told me to get it if I wanted it

She has been on my butt ALL day about how i was bad. . how I shouldn't've done that, here, that the refined sugar sugar is goign to cause me to fall off the wagon over and over and over again, blah blah blah basically comparing my breaking down once in oh 8-10 wks to being an alcoholic.

I have had pretty good will power. .I've had a bag of mini oreos sitting on my desk for a month(they're gone now, I gave them to a co worker LOL), I know I can walk away, i've done so to the scrumptious cake we have in office once a month, but I also know if Id on't induldge now and then, I will fall off the wagon badly over and over. .

Am I upset with myself? No, I'm not, i"m vowing to be VERY good the next few days, currently eating a chicken salad(lettuce, tomatos, red onions, carrots, some mozzarella cheese, cucumber, and grilled chicken!), I'm forgoing the salad dressing that came with it cuz it's EWWWWW(and the calories are out there LOL), and quite a bit of it's going home tonite cuz it's HUGE!!! with my sodium projected for the day being under 1000 right now! (to me, that's a big accomplishment, and makes up for last night LOL)

I hate being lectured on by my mother, let alone a friend. . and I'm afraid I'm going to blow. . so thanks for letting me vent. .
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Replies

  • chiliflea
    chiliflea Posts: 695 Member
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    .......and breathe..... :flowerforyou:
  • kdao
    kdao Posts: 265
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    I am sorry you are having to deal with an over-bearing friend. Sometimes, you just have to tell people to back off a bit. Let her know that you heard her the first time and she doesn't need to harp. You are doing great, you have lost 22 pounds. Keep it up!
  • Hummmingbird
    Hummmingbird Posts: 337 Member
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    :bigsmile: you can tell her that the atkins diet is going to cause her to have a heart attack. and that people are PEOPLE we have weaknesses, and that going over one day isnt going to kill you, nor will refined sugar (in small quantities) also, as her if she is PERFECT, then tell her to shut the h*ll up. :-D :tongue:
  • angieshotbod
    angieshotbod Posts: 5
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    Your "friend" sounds like a control freak to me. Tell her to stop worrying about what you do and mind her own business.
  • reinventingandrea
    reinventingandrea Posts: 323
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    So the friend that took you out to eat is the same friend that is now lecturing you? That's just mean of her. She took you somewhere that you didn't have very many choices and then treats you like a 2 year old. Falling of the wagon once is not going to sabotage your lifestyle change. You have to treat yourself occasionally because if you don't (in my opinion) you're setting yourself up for failure. Use it as a lesson if nothing else but don't take anything your "friend" says to heart.
  • popsicle33
    popsicle33 Posts: 108 Member
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    Support is much more useful than lecturing, especially when we already know what we should do. Sorry to hear about the crummy experience.

    I suppose some of us get so gung ho and preachy it can get out of control. You are welcome to vent whenever you feel like it!
    :flowerforyou:
  • Just1forMe
    Just1forMe Posts: 624 Member
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    How did she know what you ate for dinner? Did you tell her or are you talking about your roommate? I would never share what I've eaten with someone like that and if she comments on your diet, you are going to have to be as blunt as she is and tell her that you weren't asking for her opinion, but thank you anyway.
  • jsmjboertlein
    jsmjboertlein Posts: 267
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    How does she know you went over. Forget her. She doesn't need to know what you eat. That's bull. I don't believe in dieting via highly processed foods and fad diets. You are doing fine by just cutting back. Ignore her.
  • astronima
    astronima Posts: 35
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    You are doing great. Not going over your calories in 8-10 weeks! Amazing :happy: I went over last night, and you are right it happens and if you don't indulge a little and let yourself eat what you want it will only hurt you in the end.

    Your friend doesn't sound like the best friend in the world for you. She should not be making you feel bad let alone tell you how to make a life change (not diet). She should be encouraging you and praising you for how hard you are working to not give into temtations, and to make better choices.

    It seems like she was trying to get you to overeat just so she could put you down. That is not what a friend does.

    You have lost 22 lbs already and I'm here to tell you that is amazing! You should be so proud of yourself and give yourself a huge pat on the back. :flowerforyou: Making a life style change is not easy but it is worth it in the end. Vent anytime you want and Congratulations on all the accomplishments you have made thus far! :smile:
  • penny39
    penny39 Posts: 266 Member
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    I know what you mean, I now have people trying to tell me what I should and shouldn't eat. I also have people telling me that I shouldn't lose to much weight or get to skinny. I am not going to get to skinny, I know where the doctor wants me to be at to control my diabetes and I know where I want to be at and it's just slightly above the doctor's recomendations. I know most people mean well, but it is very annoying at times.
  • jane77
    jane77 Posts: 489
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    say it and forget it. find the better thought. move on and breath. venting can be good it we move on. so onward you go to a better thought and a better day
  • zer0vital
    zer0vital Posts: 42
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    Sounds like you're responding with an appropriate attitude though. I started MFP in January too and cheating is an important part of my strategy. I will never (permanently) fall off the wagon the way things are now, because I am totally satisfied with what I get to eat.

    Keep up the good work!
  • ultimategar
    ultimategar Posts: 96 Member
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    Atkins is good for rapid short term weight loss, bad for life.
    Eating a balanced calorie-controllled diet, combined with regular exercise, (and the occasional dessert/beer/<insert weakness here>) is the only way to lose weight sustainably.
    People can be annoying, the important thing is not to kill them, prison food is probably not very balanced.
  • lauble
    lauble Posts: 47
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    Everything in moderation! You are doing great. Don't let others pull you down. Fad diets are just that - fads. In my opinion, stick to healthy eating, with the occasional indulgence and you will have success!
  • sam363
    sam363 Posts: 204 Member
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    One night?! Did you enjoy the dessert? I hope so because it sounds delicious!

    It's ok to indludge once in awhile. I plan mine according to when I get paid. On pay day I will buy my lunch or a treat then I'm done and can wait another two weeks to do it again. Have I fallen "off the wagon"? Nope. I still exercise and eat with in my calorie limits all the other days.

    Don't deprive yourself calories today because of something you ate yesterday. It was ONE treat - enjoy it.

    Oh and you can tell your friend that your weight will stay off because you have changed your lifestyle, hers will come back because she's on a "diet".
  • TabiHerbalifeCoach
    TabiHerbalifeCoach Posts: 691 Member
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    That really sucks. BUT you are so RIGHT. This is a LIFESTYLE change, and in LIFE sometimes you'll have cake, or go out to eat. I couldn't imgaine not being able to share birthday cake with my kids or split nice dessert with a special someone sometimes. It doesn't sound like there is any talking to her on this subject so maybe making the subject of deiting weight loss an off limit area for the two of you. Just tell her you've heard her side and you don't want it to come in the middle of your friendship and see how that works.
  • CallMeMamaBoo
    CallMeMamaBoo Posts: 295
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    Doesn't sound like a very good friend....
    Doesn't sound like someone I, personally, would call my friend.

    You are doing wonderful. I have at least 3 candy bars a week... and still have managed to lose 30 lbs in 3 months. I would hate to hear what your 'friend' would say about me! Oh, and I have a slight weakness for cake that I always indulge in at least once a week. LOL Diets never work and usually die out! But a lifestyle change is forever! Remember that. You are making LIFE CHANGES! and that is far greater than choosing to live your life consumed by a diet. Your 'friend' sounds upset with her own life and choices....maybe if she indulged once in a while she wouldn't be so uptight and would learn to be a better friend. G'luck on your journey.
  • emaildianeb
    emaildianeb Posts: 55 Member
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    I feel for you. I agree that any diet that I go on that I can't eat some things I like would be a failure. Also, you have to give yourself a treat once in awhile. Geeze...one time in a few months and you have a treat. Its not like you ordered 2 desserts!

    I say you're doing a great job and keep up the good work. Next time she butts in, tell her encouragement would help motivate you more than criticism which only upsets you!
  • mielikkibz
    mielikkibz Posts: 552 Member
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    So the friend that took you out to eat is the same friend that is now lecturing you?

    No, realised after I posted it it was confusing, my roommate has been supportive, changing her and her hubby's eating habits as I mention thingsl ike how high are diet was in sodium, etc. . this is a different friend :)
    You have to treat yourself occasionally because if you don't (in my opinion) you're setting yourself up for failure.

    this is exactly how i feel. . I had a very stressful weekend with a huge argument with my mother, a bad day at work, and it's the first time I've allowed myself to emotionally eat. .. I went home, I worked out for 30 mins on the Wii/stationary bike, a lot of running.

    She just told me she's only telling me for my 'own good'.

    GAH!!! thanks guys, I don't want to blow up at her, but needed to get this off my chest.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Your friend is totally out of line, although you already knew that.

    You're going to have to tell her that any 'advice' she gives is ONLY welcome WHEN AND IF you REQUESTED IT. Otherwise, it is OFFENSIVE and endangering your relationship.

    Then just walk away and let her chew on that.

    It's good to have boundaries! So go make some!

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