venting: People who are trying to be 'helpful'

2

Replies

  • Newfiedan
    Newfiedan Posts: 1,517 Member
    lol, it does not matter how we reach our destination be it weight loss or weight gain, but the fact that we enjoy the road and make our own paths and our own informed decisions. Great post and I loved reading it.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    I'm actually on the Atkins "diet" right now and I think a lot of people have misconceptions about it. You eat a lot of vegetables, some fruits, get quite a bit of fiber and eat mostly whole foods. The processed foods have too much salt and are all carbs, anyway! It's not a bunch of people eating bacon, red meat and cheddar cheese. I just watch the carbs I eat, they mostly come from nuts, flax meal and the fruits and veggies, and I completely avoid the empty ones (white flour, white rice, etc.)

    I've found that I can't eat less and lose weight and I don't have enough time to put in the amount of exercise I would need to right now to lose it that way. I'm working on it, though!

    All of that said, your "friend" is WAY out of line. Atkins is a lifestyle choice for her but it's not her place to push it on anyone else. I'd reconsider your friendship, because what she's doing doesn't sound like the things a friend would do. She sounds more like she wants to be your "mom" and control your life. You might try distancing yourself from her a little and definitely don't tell her what you're eating. I'd avoid the subject completely and if she brings it up you might tell her "that subject is a sore point between us, I'd rather not discuss it".
  • dixiechicdana
    dixiechicdana Posts: 67
    I am sure they mean well but you will just have to tell them it is your journey and they aren't invited. Dieting is bad. Just set your calorie goals and stay under them. I don't deprive myself of anything I want to eat. Sure some things aren't as good for us but if you are using more calories than you take in, you lose weight. have a great day!!!
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    Secondly, may I be a little defensive? I'm currently doing Atkins. And it's pretty insulting when people demean my efforts to get healthier by calling it "just a fad" or "a diet, not a lifestyle change". I know there are studies and whatnot that people can quote at me, and frankly, I won't read them. Atkins makes sense for me. It targets my weight loss issues and helps me work through them to get to a healthy "SUSTAINABLE" lifestyle. In case you haven't actually been to the Atkins site or read the books, the third phase of the diet is called the "maintenance" phase, and it is indefinite and allows you to add back in whole grains, potatoes, etc. I also take offense to the idea that my lunch of 6 oz of white chicken breast, 1/2 an avocado, and a scoop of sour cream on a giant bed of greens is going to cause me to have a heart attack. I'll eat like this until I feel that my body wants me to add in fruits, nuts, and legumes. And I'll eat like that until I'm ready to responsibly eat whole grains, pasta, and potatoes.

    I'm not calling anyone out specifically. And I'm sure no one meant to offend. But please think before posting comments like that. I don't have my diary public because I don't want to be judged for how I'm choosing to get healthy. And I think that's sad in such a supportive place as this.

    </soapbox> :blushing:

    Amen, Sista!

    Today's lunch is one egg made into egg salad, lots of greens with cabbage, radishes and carrots, some green beans and a little left over corned beef from last night's dinner (which was yum!) Heart attack? I think not!
  • reinventingandrea
    reinventingandrea Posts: 323
    Thanks for clarifying...after I went back and re-read I understood lol. We're here to support you <3
  • suzooz
    suzooz Posts: 720 Member
    You had mint Oreos in your desk for a month and gave them away? GOOD FOR YOU! (and how did you do that?)

    You know what's right for your body and your lifestyle, and you're changing it. This includes treating yourself once in a while without beating yourself up about it.

    You didn't fall off the wagon -- you treated yourself. And you're back on track!

    Good for you for not listening to your friend!

    Regards,
    Another "helpful" person
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    she kept telling me how her diet was better, she'd lose faster, I was going to kill myself with the sugars and carbs

    Sounds like alot of the people on here with the whole im doing it better than you attitude.
  • mielikkibz
    mielikkibz Posts: 552 Member
    You had mint Oreos in your desk for a month and gave them away? GOOD FOR YOU! (and how did you do that?)

    Very very carefully LOL I just wasn't in the mood for them, found a better chocolate treat(Nature Valley's Granola thin with dark chocolate) lol :)
  • suzooz
    suzooz Posts: 720 Member
    I'll have to try the Nature's Valley -- thanks for the tip. (Although once I start on the sweets, I don't typically stop. I don't have your will power!)
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
    You could have just smiled, said "I'm really glad you've found something that worked for you. . . . . "
  • herbalgirl011
    herbalgirl011 Posts: 21
    Don't get down on yourself.Good Diets are not about depriving yourself of the things you love. Most of the time when people do that they gain back. Alot of weight loss plans and ideas that "actually" work incorporate natural sugars into the diet. Don't feel bad about not trying Atkins.
    What I have learned is a lot of the basic things like added proper vitamins and minerals and drinking water works for everyone....but when it comes to the overall plan everyone IS different.

    Good Luck, do what makes you feel good
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,953 Member
    I think sometimes people do this kind of thing because they want validation that their way is the correct way. Maybe for her but obviously you need a different tactic. I've tried several different approaches and have had to refine how I do things based on how my body responds. I wouldn't ever assume that everyone else on the planet needs to do things the same way I do.

    I'm glad you had a good vent and glad you allowed yourself to indulge and not feel guilty about it. Just send her a nice big box of chocolates as a thank you for being so concerned for your well being. :devil:
  • TrainingWithTonya
    TrainingWithTonya Posts: 1,741 Member
    Atkins is good for rapid short term weight loss, bad for life.
    Eating a balanced calorie-controllled diet, combined with regular exercise, (and the occasional dessert/beer/<insert weakness here>) is the only way to lose weight sustainably.
    People can be annoying, the important thing is not to kill them, prison food is probably not very balanced.

    I love this reply! It is dead on right!

    Mean People Suck! And Unfortunately, there is no cure for stupid. You're "friend" falls into both of those categories. Next time she mouths off, send her to my food diary. It'll cause her to have a heart attack if one piece of cake has her so worked up. :laugh: You are doing great and are the epitome of what I try to get my clients to do--find balance in healthy eating and enjoying your food. Keep up the great work!
  • katdanash
    katdanash Posts: 1,390 Member
    I am sorry you went or should say are going through this. I truely understand , I have a friend who is determined that I will fail. She is not ashamed to say out loud whenever she see's the oppurtunity to say you will not do this.
    My response is always whatever... yesterday was hard she really got to me. then I realized she cant make me or break me. She cant help me do this and i wont allow her to hinder me. And when I get to my goal . I cant wait to walk in wearing my dream outfit and say "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?" LOOK AT ME i DID THIS AND YOU COULDN'T STOP ME.........................

    So when you succeed to your goal and she is struggling , get yourself a peice of rich chocolate cake sit in front of her and take a bite and say "HOW ARE YOU LIKING ATKINS NOW............. I SUCCEED, THANKS BYE BYE:)
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
    Atkins is good for rapid short term weight loss, bad for life.
    Eating a balanced calorie-controllled diet, combined with regular exercise, (and the occasional dessert/beer/<insert weakness here>) is the only way to lose weight sustainably.
    People can be annoying, the important thing is not to kill them, prison food is probably not very balanced.

    I love this reply! It is dead on right!

    Mean People Suck! And Unfortunately, there is no cure for stupid. You're "friend" falls into both of those categories. Next time she mouths off, send her to my food diary. It'll cause her to have a heart attack if one piece of cake has her so worked up. :laugh: You are doing great and are the epitome of what I try to get my clients to do--find balance in healthy eating and enjoying your food. Keep up the great work!

    DITTO!!! Totally agree with the funny quote and everything she added to it.

    I used to have a friend like that. Emphasis on USED TO. He was into some weird diet plan using a lot of shakes and little exercise and lost a lot of weight initially and chided me on doing all this exercise and eating too many carbs...blah blah blah. That was 2 years ago. I am now within 10 pounds of my goal weight. He has since gained all his back because he stopped buying all those shakes and has never learned the correct way to eat and does not workout at all. I stopped being his friend about a year ago because I was sick of hearing all the criticism and I haven't missed the "friendship" at all.
  • chrisdavey
    chrisdavey Posts: 9,834 Member
    I am sorry you went or should say are going through this. I truely understand , I have a friend who is determined that I will fail. She is not ashamed to say out loud whenever she see's the oppurtunity to say you will not do this.
    My response is always whatever... yesterday was hard she really got to me. then I realized she cant make me or break me. She cant help me do this and i wont allow her to hinder me. And when I get to my goal . I cant wait to walk in wearing my dream outfit and say "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?" LOOK AT ME i DID THIS AND YOU COULDN'T STOP ME.........................

    So when you succeed to your goal and she is struggling , get yourself a peice of rich chocolate cake sit in front of her and take a bite and say "HOW ARE YOU LIKING ATKINS NOW............. I SUCCEED, THANKS BYE BYE:)

    Why is your friend so negative? Doesn't seem very friendly?

    That saying, "you are the average of your 3 closest friends". I like that one. Try to keep positive people around me :)
  • juliapurpletoes
    juliapurpletoes Posts: 951 Member
    my son came home from college not too long ago with this saying -

    "you do you and I'll do me"

    could be your new mantra!
    :smile:
  • ladyhawk00
    ladyhawk00 Posts: 2,457 Member
    Atkins is good for rapid short term weight loss, bad for life.
    Eating a balanced calorie-controllled diet, combined with regular exercise, (and the occasional dessert/beer/<insert weakness here>) is the only way to lose weight sustainably.
    People can be annoying, the important thing is not to kill them, prison food is probably not very balanced.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Ditto
  • Levedi
    Levedi Posts: 290 Member
    I'm with the others who said BOUNDARIES. She needs to respect them, but she won't until you set them and maintain them. A very firm "since you can't stop nagging and undermining me, we will no longer discuss my health and eating habits. Ever. Pick another topic on which we can have a friendly conversation." And then never say another word to her about it. She'll get to watch you lose and lose and lose weight and won't get to say a word. Much healthier and happier for both of you.
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
    my response to her would be the following...

    YOUR "DIET" IS TEMPORARY! You won't be able to eat Adkins for the rest of your life. You'll lose fast but you'll put it back on even faster and then some. Please take your QUICK FIX and live your own life while I live mine. I may have a few bad days every now and again but my way of eating isn't a diet it's a life style change and I'm not going to RESTRICT myself and cause myself to binge. I will make mistakes ...but I won't balloon back up like I would if I was on a quick fix. Thank you and have a nice day! :)
  • gailygail99
    gailygail99 Posts: 582 Member
    forget her, it was just one day anyway! you can make up for it with no problem!! tell her to stick to her stupid Atkins diet and you do what feels right for you!! and good job on getting rid of the oreos! :wink:
  • janesmith1
    janesmith1 Posts: 1,511 Member
    Lessons learned: DISTANCE from said friend. DISTANCE. Don't ans her calls. DISTANCE from her.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    She may sub-conciously be angry at herself for not have pasta and cake once in awhile, and convincing herself more than you unknowingly in the rant.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Don't be mean... it's important to have a RL friend you can talk diet with. Agree to disagree on this, agree to workout and talk about supplements and reps.
  • ejha77
    ejha77 Posts: 63
    Your 'friend' sounds really threatened by you. Your diet is obviously working!
  • rhodes2b
    rhodes2b Posts: 304 Member
    Vent away! I have to agree with you on this even though I understand what your friend is telling you. I am cut out all processed sugars and am currently following a low carb plan. BUT when your body craves something you need to eat it! If you have a piece of cake...it is ok. If you have a few cocktails...it is ok. If you want to lick the a chocolate bar until it melts in your hand...it still will be ok.

    Your friend needs to get a grip and deal with their own issues.
  • allykat111
    allykat111 Posts: 3 Member
    im finding the emotion pull of letting people down if i give up will hurt!
  • mielikkibz
    mielikkibz Posts: 552 Member
    oops, premature post lOL
  • mielikkibz
    mielikkibz Posts: 552 Member
    I'll have to try the Nature's Valley -- thanks for the tip. (Although once I start on the sweets, I don't typically stop. I don't have your will power!)

    it's a thin layer of chocolate on top of granola, it eases that chocolate fit i get every now and then, they also have them with PB, but i'm not as keen on those :)
  • mielikkibz
    mielikkibz Posts: 552 Member
    I am sorry you went or should say are going through this. I truely understand , I have a friend who is determined that I will fail. She is not ashamed to say out loud whenever she see's the oppurtunity to say you will not do this.
    My response is always whatever... yesterday was hard she really got to me. then I realized she cant make me or break me. She cant help me do this and i wont allow her to hinder me. And when I get to my goal . I cant wait to walk in wearing my dream outfit and say "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?" LOOK AT ME i DID THIS AND YOU COULDN'T STOP ME.........................

    So when you succeed to your goal and she is struggling , get yourself a peice of rich chocolate cake sit in front of her and take a bite and say "HOW ARE YOU LIKING ATKINS NOW............. I SUCCEED, THANKS BYE BYE:)

    I agree, when i kicked the confidence killing lack of support ex to the curb, I decided to remove all toxic people from my life, it has made my life MUCH happier. . .this lady isn't toxic all the time, just very vocal. Her last email to me when I told her to quit ranting on me was she was 'concerned about me and wanted me to succeed".

    bah!
    Why is your friend so negative? Doesn't seem very friendly?

    That saying, "you are the average of your 3 closest friends". I like that one. Try to keep positive people around me :)
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