Self Control - How can I reclaim it?

ep_euphoria · March 2011

I have been having major issues with self control the last 4-5 days. I am eating to the point where it is uncomfortable, I feel sick, sore, guilty, ashamed and disgusting, but I still want that next bite! I'm gone crazy on carbs the last few days, but I need to get back the control I had before. It's slowly been dissipating, this year so far has been disappointing - it's not about the weight or the inches at the moment for me, I just don't want to feel the constant discomfort I've been feeling.

Because I'm at my goal weight pretty much, because I'm young, because I used to eat badly all the time, because my friends and the people I know all seem to manage, it's really hard to say no. Every time I've 'binged' I've managed to get back in about a week, by going back to what I was doing, without doing extra. I say 'binged' because I simply eat too much, I don't eat huge amounts of cake or ice-cream or chocolate or biscuits, I eat bowl after bowl of cereal, I eat half a loaf of bread with honey, I eat 3 muesli bars, I eat all the fruit in the bowl. I'm not hungry, I just want to eat so freaking bad!

I'm consider my diet to be reasonably good most of the time - oatmeal with vanilla sustagen, blueberries and a coffee for breakfast, fruit or a muesli bar for a snack, salad and chicken/ham/tuna/boiled egg or a chicken/ham/tuna/egg and salad sandwich or a homemade soup with toast or an omelet filled with ham, spinach, mushrooms, zucchini and cherry tomatoes. Then maybe another piece of fruit or some yoghurt for an afternoon snack, and then I cook for dinner - I use sites like skinnytaste.com, taste.com.au and find good low-cal recipes. Dinner is usually my biggest meal of the day, but that's mostly because my other meals are small.

I don't deprive myself of things, I don't bring treats into the house, I exercise daily... and it all works, I've been feeling good.
But then I eat. And I eat and I eat and I eat. And my boyfriend gets sad because I'm upset and crying while he's trying to take my third bowl of cereal from me, like I asked him to, and I'm lying saying it's the only one I've had. It's only been 5 days in a row, I know people deal with this constantly, but I want to go back to me. I used to go to bed at night looking forward to breakfast, last night I went to bed crying, knowing breakfast was on it's way and touching my sore, stretched tummy.

I know all I need to do is have some self control, just walk away, but this voice in my head and my boyfriend (trying to help me not be upset) tells me that if I could lose the weight I lost in the first place, I can lose it again this time. Ugh. Logic.

Sorry it's so long! Thanks to anyone who reads this and can relate

and extra thanks to any one who can help.

DawnOf1969 · March 2011

You just have to make a conscious decision every day, every hour, every minute to choose progress over excuses. I have to ask myself constantly what will I choose? Progress? Or excuses?

suzooz · March 2011

I've been there, and I understand. I am a carb-craver; however, I crave sugar. Once I start on the sugar, I can't stop. I've been on the South Beach Diet for a while (I know -- it's a gimmick), but it has worked for me. The first two weeks, you limit your carbs to vegetables with no fruit, and this helps you kick the carb cravings. You don't have to limit portions at that point -- just carbs. Then you re-introduce carbs like fruit and whole-grains back into your diet, and you pay attention to what foods trigger those cravings.

I have been able to keep my cravings at bay, while still enjoying a treat periodically. I just continue to log my calories, paying close attention to which foods trigger a craving. I then try to avoid those.

Amanda_Lee · March 2011

I understand the need to eat even when your not hungry. This happens to me frequently, I can usually control it. The only time I have almost no self control is a week or so before my "monthly". I crave salt and chocolate, nether of which are very good.

If you have to eat something try reaching for something healthy like baby carrots. Good luck I hope you can get back on track. It's not easy to say no to food, but you can do it.

bugnbeansmom · March 2011

I get this way right before it is a time from my aunt Flo. There are nights where all I can do is think of the food downstairs that I am not allowing myself. It happens to us all but you need to evaluate why you are eating. You said you are not hungry but there is something that is leading to this. You have taken the first step. Identify the problem. Now you need to figure out what is causing it so you can fix it. Strength, time, and gutting it out will help you get back to a place that is comfortable and happy for you. Don't let this rule your world! You still need to live life and enjoy it! Best of luck to you.

zenfocus · March 2011

I've been where you're at just a few weeks ago. I know what made the difference for me was all the support I got on MFP and holding myself responsible for the mistakes I made. And no making excuses like "it's okay I'll just track tomorrow" or "it's only 100 extra caloires" turns into 500 extra calories or "I've done so well this week it's okay to go over a bit." No, it's not okay. All these thoughts are forms of self-sabotage. All these thought patterns start developing when you've lost trust in yourself and in your diet. If I look back to my diary three weeks ago some days I was going over by 400-500 calories. Not cool.

Two weeks ago something just clicked and I regained back the trust I had in myself to lose weight. When you go for multiple days and weeks in a row without trusting yourself to know that you can and will not sabotage yourself -- this is a big problem. Especially if you've been losing weight before. You've just temporarily lost all trust in yourself in this moment. That's okay because you can get back your trust with yourself. How you do this is to do well on your diet for a solid week or more. That way you know in your own head that you can stick with your diet for more than just a day or two! Your confidence and self trust will be rebuilt in about a week in my experience.... but you really can't mess up during this critical period of time, or else you'll have to start all over. Psychologically speaking, not weight loss speaking lol.

Also, it's not your boyfriend's responsibility to monitor your food intake. If he's telling you to stop eating and you're lying about your food this is not a good road to follow. Both my boyfriend and I are on diets and we found that it just works best if we both stay out of each other's hair(s) by not commenting on each other's food. The only thing we can do for each other (we made this as an agreement) is to ask the other if we're both tracking our food. That's it. No commenting on how much food we're eating, when we're eating it, and what the food item is. I hope this helps.

LuvLeigh42 · March 2011

I really know what mean. I remember getting to my goal weight and since I thought i was skinny enough, I could just binge and started eating whatever I wanted because I thought I looked good. The truth is, you need to get back to where you began and feel the motivation to keep the weight off that you lost because just think of how much work it took.....and every minute is an opportunity to make a new beginning...dont give up!!!

hroderick · March 2011

Take high quality multivitamin and multimineral. you may be lacking something you need. Often iron or calcium

naebear99 · March 2011

Are you sure it's not premenstrual? A lot of us get either strong cravings or actual hunger a few days a month. I've learned to give in a little at a time - eat a small quantity of what I'm craving. I also try to exercise more, to work off the extra calories that I'm going to eat. Then if I want another treat, I have a little bit more. I'm finding if I work it this way, I eat a lot less than I used to at these times, don't feel (terribly) deprived, and stay pretty well on track.

Kessiexo · March 2011

What you described in your post is exactly what I went through. I used to eat to the point my stomach physically felt like it was going to explode.I was not hungry but I ate ate ate and ate. I would hide it from my boyfriend and pretend that I had barely eaten anything so I needed to have just one more bowl of cereal. Cereal was a real killer for me because it was so easy to just fill up again. I would then cry cry and cry because I physically felt ill, i was exhausted, i was disappointed in myself, i hated myself for doing it. I felt out of control. Its an odd feeling being in the middle of a "binge" because its like your in a haze and there is no logic or reason and its like you cant stop. I have NO idea why I am unable to stop, I have tried several different methods but once im in it, I cant stop. My binges started off lasting a day or two but eventually I was binging all the time and that is when my weight started to pack back on. Hence where I currently am.

I am so sorry you are going through this because I know how badly it effected every aspect of my life and all I can do is support you because I have not yet found a sucessful way to stop a binge. It has been awhile since i "binegd" and i have found personally after a while (maybe months) my binge slows down and I just eat whatever I want whenever I want instead of excessively over eating at one time.

I am happy to talk about this more if you want. I have been going through it for years unfortunatly but I hope you find the "method" to get you back on track

Annie5859 · March 2011

I can so relate to this. And I know it's all a mental thing. I can blindly look in the mirror and convince myself that I look fine, some of the curves are actually flattering. And then one day, "Wham", I hit a brick wall and my eyes are wide open. I am 30 lbs heavier and I have to start over yet again!!! Are you depressed? Is that why you eat? Stressed? I read a book and it said that you should plan for these moments in your life. Like have a bag with "comfort" items or ideas that you can resort to rather than eating. For example, You could have favorite movies, music cds, magazines, bubble bath, salts, phone numbers of friends or family to call. You could also have a list in there of things you may enjoy doing and perhaps need a reminder when you brain is ruminating about eating. Maybe have pictures of yourself for motivation. Just some suggestions, as it has to be meaningful to you. Good luck!

callipygianchronicle · March 2011

I might be wrong, but I sense something much deeper going on here. You are describing a compulsion, addictive behavior. A need to gorge until you feel pain, until you feel sad and are in tears. You are lying about how much you consume so that you can consume more. You are fighting with loved ones in order to keep abusing yourself. This is not simply falling off the diet wagon. These are danger signs. And I wouldn’t take them lightly.

Something has triggered you and you need to get in touch with what that is. But more importantly you need to get in touch with why you have chosen to abuse food as a means of coping with that trigger. This is more than likely something bigger than you can handle on your own. The self control you are looking for is a white knuckle solution. It’s like being a dry drunk—all of the addictive behaviors, with the drug held at bay. Please, get some professional advice on this. You are young and you have a lot of life ahead of you. And it will be a much happier one if you can find balance and a better coping method than food abuse.

MsLisaB · March 2011

Oh honey, I'm really not sure what to say, but if you need someone to talk to (or at) I'm in Subiaco and would be more than happy to catch up.

Send me a message if you want.

*hugs*

Elzecat · March 2011

I get this way right before it is a time from my aunt Flo. There are nights where all I can do is think of the food downstairs that I am not allowing myself. It happens to us all but you need to evaluate why you are eating. You said you are not hungry but there is something that is leading to this. You have taken the first step. Identify the problem. Now you need to figure out what is causing it so you can fix it. Strength, time, and gutting it out will help you get back to a place that is comfortable and happy for you. Don't let this rule your world! You still need to live life and enjoy it! Best of luck to you.

I agree, it doesn't seem to be about the food, even though carbs are definitely something many of us binge on...but about your emotions ABOUT the food? Try finding some other ways to channel your emotions that don't involve food...and look into a program like "overeaters anonymous". I have a friend who uses some of their tools and says it really nelps her...I am not familiar with them so I don't know if it will help you, but maybe they have some ideas?

Feel free to message me privately if you like

Ellen

Self Control - How can I reclaim it?

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