Will somone make me laugh

I really hope some of these cheered you up, because I am DYING over here!!! The one with the scale in the driveway and the drunk guy are hysterical!!!

I just went to DAmn you Auto Correct....I am laughing so hard my eyes are watering!!!

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/category/best-of-dyac/

Always makes me laugh (usually uncontrollably till my boyfriend looks at me like I'm crazy)

Oh my gosh, I checked this website out tonight while the boyfriend was sleeping. It was sooo funny that I was crying from having to hold in my laughter. Thanks for sharing!!

Ok so here goes I am a 911 dispatcher so one day I am dispatching fd to a call. Well we have a street in or city that is Bonner well I had just started and got confused I said boner on the radio. The fd guys didn't even get on the radio because they were laughing so hard. Hope that helps you smile or atleast get a chuckle out this is a true story :-D.

I dispatch state troopers, and we have got some really odd names in our post region. We have Moon Rd, Lick Skillet, Wet Cat Rd, Buster Cherry LN (I think someone had a sense of humer with that one) and my all time favorite... Garcia BLVD intersects with Deadhead Ln.

Oh my gosh! I'm laughing so hard I can barely sit up straight. You're awesome. Here's my little joke:


Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.

Q:How do you catch a tame rabbit?

A:Tame Way!!!!!:laugh:

www.peopleofwalmart.com/

A guy goes out drinking with his buddies. The next morning he wakes up, fully dressed, in his own bed. He's hung over and his face hurts. He crawls out of bed and looks in the mirror, to see that he has a huge black eye. He makes his way out to the kitchen, where he finds his favorite breakfast on the table with a flower and a loving note from his wife, saying that she's gone out to get some things for him and will be back soon.

The guy still doesn't really remember anything about the night before, so he asks his teenage son, "What happened last night? Do you know how I got this black eye?" The boy says, "Yeah, well, you came in pretty drunk. You tripped over the coffee table and crashed into the door -- that's probably when you got the black eye."

"OK," says the man, "that kind of makes sense. But what's with the breakfast and flower and love note from your Mom? She usually gets pretty mad if I have to much to drink."

"Oh, that!" laughs the son. "Well, after you fell down in the living room, Mom took you in to put you to bed. She tried to undress you, but you kept yelling, 'Keep your hands off me! I'm a married man!'"

Haha, that's great!

I used to know somewhere around a hundred different jokes (mostly corny ones), because I worked as a Bingo girl/Entertainer on a cruise ship but most of them are gone, though here is one I do remember...

There once was a captain named Captain Bravo who ventured the seas, which were full of pirates.

One day on his voyages, he and his men saw in the distance a pirate ship. He called his men together and before they battled, he cried, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The men brought him his red shirt and they were victorious against the pirates.

The next day, he and his men spotted TWO pirate ships sailing side by side. Although his men were frightened, he gathered them and yet again requested, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The men brought him his red shirt and they were yet again victorious against the pirates.

That night, among great celebration, one of Captain Bravo's men asked their leader, "Captain... why do you always ask for your red shirt before battle?"

Captain Bravo replied, "That way, if I am wounded in battle, you won't see the blood and will continue to fight on without fear."

The men were awed by his bravery and dedication. The night went on with much rejoicing.

The next day, the men looked out to see and saw not one... not two... but FIVE pirate ships nearing them. The men looked to Captain Bravo, and one asked nervously, "Shall I bring you your red shirt?"

Captain Bravo shook his head and calmly replied, "Bring me my brown pants."

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/category/best-of-dyac/

Always makes me laugh (usually uncontrollably till my boyfriend looks at me like I'm crazy)

Thank you for sharing this. I went through ten pages of this until I was laughing so hysterically I was crying and afraid that I was going to pee myself. I actually woke up my boyfriend I was laughing so hard and he was three rooms away, too.

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.

The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'

The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?

The other woman answers, 'I'm from St.John's, I am.'

The first one responds, 'So, am I! And what street did you live on?'

The other woman says, 'A lovely little area it was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'

The first one says, 'Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?'

The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.'

The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I. Tell me,what year did you graduate?'

The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'

The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self.

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael, shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'

Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian ?'

Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'

A little boy dresses up as a pirate for hallowe'en. When he gets to the first house, the lady who answers the said "Oh my you're cute, but where are your buccaneers" to which the boy replies "Under my buccanhat"