i reaallllyy need some advice !! :(

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Replies

  • Newmammaluv
    Newmammaluv Posts: 379 Member
    I'm not quite why everyone is jumping in on the hate wagon towards her boyfriend... I think she was asking for solutions not aggression.

    Overweight or underweight I think that one meal will NOT kill you. Think of how many of those types of meals you were eating before to get to whatever weight you were at!! I agree with another poster when they said give yourself a cheat meal. Get some extra calories by doing Zumba (if you can, burn 500-900 cals an hr) and then it will be NEARLY guilt free. But also have a real chat with him about what you are trying to do and why. Compromise and do dinner like this every friday BUT alternate who picks where you eat!! That way you both get what you want and when you know ahead of time you can earn some of those calories.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    Sorry I can't help myself. :blushing: Forgive me?:tongue:
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    I'm not quite why everyone is jumping in on the hate wagon towards her boyfriend... I think she was asking for solutions not aggression.

    Because I find it quite troubling that he is REQUIRING that she eat a certain amount of a certain food. I don't see any other way to read that than as a 'control' issue.

    Now if her boyfriend had simply said that he wanted to go to Pizza Hut and asked her to go with him, that's one thing. That's inviting her to spend time with him in a place that he enjoys and allowing her to figure out a way to have that work into her eating plan. I have no issue with that at all, and frankly, I don't think the OP would either. That is more clearly about enjoying time together while not forcing the BF to totally change his lifestyle or forcing the OP to change hers. Couples do this sort of thing all the time--try to include their partners in activities that are more important to one partner than the other. That's part of the normal give and take of any relationship, even friendships.

    But when the BF gives an ultimatum or a decree that OP WILL EAT X servings of Y food, I don't see how that can be read as anything other than a control issue.

    Maybe I was too blunt earlier, but this is still how I see the problem and I'm not going to apologize for that.
  • jbqueen
    jbqueen Posts: 89 Member
    I'm not quite why everyone is jumping in on the hate wagon towards her boyfriend... I think she was asking for solutions not aggression.

    Because I find it quite troubling that he is REQUIRING that she eat a certain amount of a certain food. I don't see any other way to read that than as a 'control' issue.

    Now if her boyfriend had simply said that he wanted to go to Pizza Hut and asked her to go with him, that's one thing. That's inviting her to spend time with him in a place that he enjoys and allowing her to figure out a way to have that work into her eating plan. I have no issue with that at all, and frankly, I don't think the OP would either. That is more clearly about enjoying time together while not forcing the BF to totally change his lifestyle or forcing the OP to change hers. Couples do this sort of thing all the time--try to include their partners in activities that are more important to one partner than the other. That's part of the normal give and take of any relationship, even friendships.

    But when the BF gives an ultimatum or a decree that OP WILL EAT X servings of Y food, I don't see how that can be read as anything other than a control issue.

    Maybe I was too blunt earlier, but this is still how I see the problem and I'm not going to apologize for that.

    Absolutely. DEMANDING that someone do something, like eat a proscribed number of slices of pizza, is far more aggressive than refusing to eat food you don't want. I find his demands confusing and a bit troubling. She's an adult, not his child.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    Either tell him to F off, and you can eat what you want when you want. Or go to the gym and give yourself the extra calories to indulge in the pizza. Remember this is your life, not his, and you are doing this for you, not him.

    no offense but i cant even believe u had to get advice about this. if u were more secure of yourself u wud tell him this without anyone having to spell it out for you. just saying.

    i wud never let anyone, much less a guy tell me what i should or should not eat.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    if you WANT to eat a slice of pizza or even two, by all means, DO! Just figure a way to work it into your calorie allotment for the day. If you think you won't be filled up, try a broth-based soup (low sodium one!) and/or a side salad with a lite vinaigrette dressing or salsa instead of dressing in addition to one slice of pizza. I agree with the idea of letting your slice sit on a paper towel for a bit and to blot off excess oil. Pizza Hut uses far too much oil, IMO.

    If you think your boyfriend HAS a legitimate reason to be concerned about your dietary habits (are you under 1200 NET frequently?), he may be going about things in a non-productive way, but try to see the underlying message of concern.

    HOWEVER, if you feel that you are NOT having unhealthy dietary habits, his problem may be emotional on his end. He might miss your connection shared over food. He may just like Pizza Hut pizzas and misses out on companionship. He may just feel burned out on dieting-by-proxy. IF this is the case, try reassuring him that you are making healthy choices (give him a run-down on the MFP food diary and how you use it) and that you both stand to benefit from you taking care of your health. HE may not be ready to take this step with his own health and that may be making him feel bad... So many possibilities.

    You could say ok to pizza nights every now & then if he promises to go do some fun outdoorsy activity with you over the weekend (bike ride, run, walk, hike, yard work, etc). Explain to him that occasional splurges are fine, but you need to balance them out with something that uses those extra calories and that you like spending fun time being active with him.

    Now, IF you feel this is a CONTROL issue, or if you feel put down, under a microscope, walking on egg shells situation you need to reassess your relationship and if its healthy for you or keeping you in an unhealthy place. I hope its not that :) But always something to throw out there.

    Getting to healthy is hard work and it takes a lot of support and love (and self-love!) to get there.

    Whatever you decide, best of luck to you on your journey!


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  • bcweisen
    bcweisen Posts: 118 Member
    I say eat 1 piece of pizza and then a salad. Ultimately it is up to you (and only you) what you eat. But life is about moderation. Let you bf know that you are not NOT eating... you just choose to substitute some healthy food for some of the greasy food. BTW...make sure he knows that vegetables are actually food :wink:
  • 16saira
    16saira Posts: 9 Member
    I think it is okay to eating unhealthy for a day! Obviously, don't listen to him everyday, but sometimes, for a change eat something you originally won't in your diet! When I am on a diet, I usually have one day out of seven, where I eat something out of my diet meals, so I don't feel like I am missing something yummy! Hope that helps! Good Luck!
  • dr1981
    dr1981 Posts: 76 Member
    I'm not quite why everyone is jumping in on the hate wagon towards her boyfriend... I think she was asking for solutions not aggression.

    DING! DING! DING!

    But I did crack up at the rolling doughnut comment.... LOL
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