Need advice about something other than weight loss

oddyogi · March 2011

So.. I am/was pregnant.. last Wednesday was my first prenatal appointment. The doctor couldn't find the baby, but she could see everything else. She decided to take a blood test to measure my hormone levels, and then take another on Friday to compare them. If the levels went down, she would conclude it was a miscarriage, but if the levels went up, she would look again, and if necessary have someone else look. Friday morning, she called me and said my levels from the Wednesday test were higher than she expected, so she wanted me to come to her office after my blood test that day and she would try to look again. I got my blood drawn and went to see her. After looking for about ten minutes, she still couldn't find the baby. My husband and I waited around the waiting room for about 45 minutes for the blood test results. If they went up, she was going to send me to the big ultrasound clinic to see if they could find it. Well.. the levels went down from 47k to about 41k. She broke the news to us and told me my options. After talking to some family and my husband and thinking about it all weekend, I decided to go with a D&C. It is scheduled for Friday, which is the earliest the doctor could perform it.

Ever since Friday, every time I eat something I feel sick. I feel blue and exhausted, heartbroken and lost, and also blank. I took this week off work to be at home and.. relax, among possibly cleaning house. Everyone keeps on saying "Don't worry, you'll get pregnant again and have a healthy baby." Well, I wanted this baby. I can't really express my feelings, and I probably won't be able to for awhile, but I'm having a hard time finding positive things to focus on. The only thing I can think of is that I will be able to resume my weight loss regimen. I don't know if I'll be ready to try to conceive again after I heal from the surgery and hormone levels go back to zero.

Does anyone have any words of advice or encouragement? Thanks in advance. $:\$

hollycurran · March 2011

I don't think that there is anything that I can say that will be enough, but I want you to know that as a complete stranger reading this post, my thoughts are with you both. Take Care.

fteale · March 2011

Firstly, sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in 2004, and it was so painful emotionally. At least by having a D&C you won't have the problems with blood loss you can get from a natural miscarriage.

I know right now it seems like the end of the world. I felt like that too. I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat, I just wanted to sleep all day and everyone to leave me alone.

You wil get pregnant again. You can start trying after your first full period, so in about 6 weeks. It will happen, and one day this will be in the distant past, which doesn't help the pain right now, but is something to hang on to.

shanolap · March 2011

I am so sorry to hear this! I have 2 friends who recently were in the same situation. All I can say is be kind and gentle to yourself. You will get through this and will have everything in this world that you want, it may just take time. :flowerforyou:

3kidsin3years · March 2011

No advice here, either, but just want to say, sorry for your pain and loss, it must be heartbreaking. Allow your husband and family in as much as possible, I would think that would help. Take care of yourself...

SimplyDeLish · March 2011

Although I can't offer any advice, I do know that the loss you feel is real and you need to grieve. Just sending you lots of love and light!

letsdothis2010 · March 2011

I've never been in this type of situation before, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what has happened to you and I can only imagine how you must feel. Right now, take care of you. Allow yourself to grieve for your loss and work through your feelings.

Spend time with family and friends, and don't feel bad asking to talk about it or telling people to shut the heck up about whats going on.

Take time for yourself and take care of your health...you don't have to make any decisions right now on the future and time frames. Take a little time to appreciate the small things around you, look for a bit of peace, and remember that things will get better.

Best regards and wishes for you!

lilRicki · March 2011

you are the most fertile after you lose a baby...just think of it as putting her back on the shelf until she's ready....I'm sorry for your loss, nobody can tell you how you're feeling if they haven't gone through it already. My thoughts are with you...

MayaPapaya64 · March 2011

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I don't know if there are any words that can bring comfort to you now, but take some time and try to be good to yourself. And know that there are lots of people on here thinking about you and supporting you.

sk4399 · March 2011

I am so, so, so sorry that you are going through this. It happened to me and I felt all those feelings too. I know that you probably don't want to hear this (I know I didn't), but time will help. Don't be so hard on yourself. I am praying for you.

hwjssc · March 2011

I too do not know you but I read your story and I am very sorry for your loss and the best advice I can give you is that God has a plan for everything. Keep your head up and focus on the future:)
God Bless you

Momma24 · March 2011

My heart is broken for you. I understand the feeling of wanting this baby not a different one. I too had a miscarriage and I felt very sad about it. My sister had something very simular to what you are going through. She had to have the dnc. I know that it was a very difficult time for her. It is okay to mourn your loss...cry a little. But be encouraged by this... I had 2 more babies after my miscarriage and my sister also had another baby after hers. They are all healthy and growing up fast. I know right now that seems too far into the future but believe me there is hope!!!:flowerforyou: I will be praying for you!

knittnponder · March 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. There aren't words that will make it better, though I wish there were. Allow yourself to grieve this baby because that's what you are doing, grieving a loss. Hugs to you.

mare91467 · March 2011

I am so sorry. No one can say anything that would magically make you feel better about this. Time heals all wounds. Hang in there.

Bella1hud · March 2011

FIrst, let me say I am so sorry for your loss. My son and daughter went through the same thing three years ago and it was heartbreaking. She too had to have a D&C and along with grieving for their loss, they too wondered what effect the miscarriage would have on their future hopes of having a family.

First of all, they let themselves grieve. And they did something to honour the baby's albeit short life. They bought a special ornament in memory of the baby, and at Christmas they put it on their tree to acknowledge her every year. (Although it was never officially determined, they felt strongly that their baby was a girl.) They also gave their baby a name and found that really helped show how precious she was to them as her parents. They will never forget their first baby.

As time went they did prayerfully consider trying again, and in fact this month gave birth to a little girl. But in the midst of their joy they, as well as those closest to them, did remember little Angelique, who is watching from heaven. Their faith really helped them get through their pain, knowing that they will see her again.

Hope that helps a little. {hug}

PrairieRoseNE · March 2011

((HUGS))

Allow yourself time to grieve - it's natural - and if you just need time to feel up to exploring your feelings - that's ok too - we all grieve differently and in different time frames.

I lost my Father at an early age - and it was a year later before I really grieved - the time in between was just lots of anger and questions, for which there weren't any concrete answers.

Keeping you in my prayers!

Nailrep · March 2011

Oh, I am so very sorry. Please take care of yourself. Maybe take a few days off from everything for some down time. Gosh, there isn't much that can be said to make you feel better. I do firmly believe that God has a plan for everything. ((Hugs))

qtpiesmom · March 2011

So Sorry for your loss
Take time to heal physically before going crazy working out
Time will heal the mental side but it takes time even though this baby will be with you forever.

Heres a poem that I hope helps you through

What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
~Author Unknown

djthom · March 2011

:flowerforyou: I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost a set of twins when I was about 3 mos. along. Well meaning people trying to comfort me said things like: "it wasn't meant to be., you'll have others.," None of that helped I was still depressed and angry. It's been 15 years and I've since had 2 more children but still every now and then I think of them with sadness for what I lost. The thing is you've lost a loved one. A baby you wanted and already loved. Yes in time it will get easier, but for now you need to morn. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could say something that would majically make you feel better, but unfortunatly the aren't any words that will. But if it helps you to talk or just vent. I'm here.

janemartin02 · March 2011

Just wanted to say i`m sorry.I went thru a similair experience.was pregnant.My levels were going up and I was spotting.I had an ultrasound and no heartbeat.It was very stressful.Did have a d and c.I did have a beautiful daughter 3 years after the miscarriage.Give yourself time to grieve,When you and your husband decide it`s time,.Take care of yourself.
Hugs!!
jane:brokenheart:

tinboy · March 2011

So very sorry for your loss. Friday will be difficult day for you, you'll be in my thoughts. I'm sure your head will play tricks on you, and try to make you think you are still pregnant, for awhile. It is hard to go into a D & C, because your brain keeps telling you that maybe they are wrong. I've had 3 pregnancy losses, D & C's after each loss, nearly hemorraged the last time, so it was good that I was in the hospital and they did the D & C. Nothing people said to me made me feel any better, and the emotional pain was acute for many years. It has been nearly 20 years since the last time I lost one, and that was my last pregnancy. The pain is gone, but I do remember, and feel sad occasionally. I do have 1 grown-up daughter, which kept me busy, she was my 3rd pregnancy. I totally understand the feelings of desperately wanting that baby, feeling like maybe you did something that caused this to happen, worrying about it happening again, worrying about not being able to have any children at all.

Need advice about something other than weight loss

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