Dating advice

samcee
samcee Posts: 307
edited September 25 in Chit-Chat
So i went on a date with this guy three weeks ago. He kissed me and held my hand and we got along very well. He was off to Paris for work but I never asked when he'd be back. I assumed it was for a week for some reason? Anyway, its been three weeks and he's not contacted me. I emailed him a short message asking how he was and still nothing.

It's obvious he isn't interested in me despite the feeling of being lead on. However, I still want us to be friends because he is into making music and design just as I am and it be good to have gained a friend at least. Should I text him and explain that it be nice to be friends at least or should I not let my pride get bruised any further and leave it?
«1

Replies

  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
    If he hasn't replied to you, I would let him contact you...if for some reason he does like you and just hasn't contacted you, it may turn him off if you keep trying to talk to him. That is my opinion anyway...I would wait it out for a little while.
  • LizWolter
    LizWolter Posts: 10
    If he doesn't respond, he isn't worth it. Some men just suck. lol
  • missy1970eb
    missy1970eb Posts: 1,209 Member
    move on and fine someone who deserves u:flowerforyou:
  • colochel
    colochel Posts: 263 Member
    I'm somewhat of an optimist, and would go for it. If you've only tried to contact him once, then you are in the clear and very unstalkerlike. Try again! Mention you would like to be friends if nothing else, but keep it short and sweet :)
  • GabrielMaestas
    GabrielMaestas Posts: 88 Member
    He sounds like a jack *kitten* to me.... That's no bueno. Even if it was an emergency he shoulda hit you up cuz that's a good way to justify that the feelings were real and not just a tease :o)
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Personally, I'd leave it.

    I understand wanting to be friends with someone if you have common interests, but not even responding to you email shows he wouldn't even be a very good friend.

    However, sometimes emails get lost, misrouted or even spam filtered accidentally. Sending one more message or text asking, "How was Paris?" certainly wouldn't hurt matters any.
  • Black_Swan
    Black_Swan Posts: 770 Member
    I would also leave it, nothing to add...
  • dracobaby82
    dracobaby82 Posts: 380 Member
    Personally, I'd leave it.

    I understand wanting to be friends with someone if you have common interests, but not even responding to you email shows he wouldn't even be a very good friend.

    However, sometimes emails get lost, misrouted or even spam filtered accidentally. Sending one more message or text asking, "How was Paris?" certainly wouldn't hurt matters any.

    I agree... a txt asking abour Paris coudn't hurt anything!
  • SweetTooth68
    SweetTooth68 Posts: 169 Member
    Give it one more shot, if you feel like you really want to. Email is too easy to ignore or get lost, so I would make a phone call this time, and have a plan of something to invite him too that is to do with the shared interest? Just call him up and say you heard about such and such and thought he might be interested in going with you, and tell him to let you know if he wants to check it out. Clearly if he doesn't respond to that he is not worth any further time or energy.
  • daryls
    daryls Posts: 260
    I hate to say it - but men love a chase. So, I'd wait for him. I'm not a game player and don't recommend it, as you can't keep it up, but starting off being seen as "needy" is not attractive to a man. (Not that texting him is being needy in any way).

    Or, you can go the honest route - I thought we had a good time, let me know either way if you would like to go out again.

    Again, you're getting advice from someone who has been with their partner for almost 12 years....I'm not up on dating....
  • mentalbeat
    mentalbeat Posts: 104 Member
    To be quite honest, I work away from home on a very regular basis. In the past I have had to go away to foriegn countries at the start of a new romance. I was absolutly horrified at the cost of mobile phone and mobile internet connections, and initially it took me weeks to find an internet cafe also if his cell/mobile is not set for worldwide roaming he may not have had the message or email yet give him a chance. All the others jumping on the hate wagon just get off. If my current partner had listened to all those similar comments 6 years ago we would not be together now and would never have had our gorgeous daughter. By all means send a message to say how much you enjoyed his company and such also the common interests you share just dont appear too needy.

    Good luck.
  • FromFlabtoFab_13
    FromFlabtoFab_13 Posts: 26
    If it's been 3 weeks and he hasn't even texted you or contacted you in anyway, I would leave it. How long does it take to send a text message saying "Sorry, I'm busy" or w/e, It sounds like he's avoiding you (no offense) but guys can be douches like that instead of letting the girl down easily, they just disappear. Find someone worthy & don't settle for anything less than perfect for you. I wouldn't want to be friends w/someone who was already showing shady tendencies.
  • skinnyme125
    skinnyme125 Posts: 396 Member
    Ok so you two only went on one date. He owes you nothing. If he does like you he may want to get back in touch with you when he gets back or has time. He may be really busy with his job or life. Something major may have come up like a death or an accident. If you get carried away with contacting him he may think you are obsessive or creepy. I would let it go for about a month or more and then if you still don't hear anything then shoot him another email and just tell him you wanted to check in with him to make sure everything is ok and that you had a really good time with him and would love to hang out again even if it is just as friends. You never know he may have met someone as soon as he got to his destination and fell in love right away. He may have liked you but this new girl blew him away. You never know so don't obsess over it. If he likes you and wants to either be friends or date you then he will contact you when he can or when it is right. The good ol' saying of IF it is meant to be then it will be" is so true.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    So i went on a date with this guy three weeks ago. He kissed me and held my hand and we got along very well. He was off to Paris for work but I never asked when he'd be back. I assumed it was for a week for some reason? Anyway, its been three weeks and he's not contacted me. I emailed him a short message asking how he was and still nothing.

    It's obvious he isn't interested in me despite the feeling of being lead on. However, I still want us to be friends because he is into making music and design just as I am and it be good to have gained a friend at least. Should I text him and explain that it be nice to be friends at least or should I not let my pride get bruised any further and leave it?

    Let him go. He hasn't contacted you and so why make yourself look stupid by begging to be friends?

    Make new friends. Meet new men. It will be ok. Write this one off.

    And just because you kissed and held hands doesn't mean anything these days. Sucks. I'm so glad I'm out of the dating pool.

    You'll find the right person :) But you have to let go of these d-bags first.
  • CriticalX
    CriticalX Posts: 212 Member
    go on more dates!
  • SunLovin1
    SunLovin1 Posts: 682 Member
    go on more dates!

    This. Then you don't dwell on what might have been.
  • samcee
    samcee Posts: 307
    Thanks for the insight guys!

    I know he doesn't owe me anything but it would of been nice to reply to my email and tell me its not working out or something instead of completely ignoring me? He definitely has the internet because I've seen him post comments on facebook and had recently added some new friends who are girls (hate to assume but can't help but feel he's been dating other people after me). A friend convinced me to delete him off facebook and forget about him (which I now have) eek!

    Your story is really nice mentalbeat but I doubt he really cares! You guys are right, maybe he isn't even worth being friends with. I definitely don't want to sound too needy and don't want to do anything too impulsive right now. I'll probably give dating a miss for now since I'm obviously very bad a it! I'll leave it for now but if I'm doing anything creative and fun than ... I just *might* give him a call, I don't know. I'll keep my week busy so I don't have to think about it! I suppose there are always other creatives out there to be friends with and possibly date..

    Added: I think its more to do with the fact I was surprise that he never called more than anything. So I'm really puzzled but I'll get over it. Maybe I'm too gullible. boo
  • partcho
    partcho Posts: 225
    honestly, after your seconds post it sounds to me like you just want to hear a yay or nay. So because of that I think you should just give him a call and let him know you had a nice time when you got together and you'd like to do it again sometime. Then he will have to respond with a yes or no and you will finally get some sort of idea where he stands. I wouldn't be surprised that he didn't respond to the email, even though I agree it would be nice of him to have done that, but to avoid assumptions and as you say, trying to keep yourself busy so you don't think about it, just do something about it now and get it over with! Not saying it's simple to pick up the phone and have that convo, but I do think you'll be better off. And if he isn't interested in you, yea, he probably did go on other dates since you - after all you dated once and he's in the dating scene. But you can do the same and find someone who is not so mysterious/flaky! :smile:
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    WHY ARE YOU LETTING A MAN CONTROL YOU THIS WAY!?

    He is being a JERK so YOU get to say YAY or NAY to him. Don't give him all this power! Stand up tall and say, "The guy is a douche and I DESERVE BETTER!"
  • samcee
    samcee Posts: 307
    I've already made the effort to email him so the ball is already in his court. I do feel like I'm devaluing myself here if I called him yet the easy going part of me says 'hey, why not! just friends' but I could be lying to myself? I don't know. Deep down, my gut instinct is telling me to leave it because if he can play games now than it could be worst in the future..
    WHY ARE YOU LETTING A MAN CONTROL YOU THIS WAY!?

    He is being a JERK so YOU get to say YAY or NAY to him. Don't give him all this power! Stand up tall and say, "The guy is a douche and I DESERVE BETTER!"

    Ah! It's so true. I've been treated way better than this in the past and I do know I deserve better. Thanks guys for saving me from my impulsive contact. Despite how tempting it is, I just don't want to belittle myself any further. It's just a matter of ironing out these feelings right now and keeping my week busy. Its frustrating how I've made him central and a priority in my thoughts. grr
  • Dencrossgirl
    Dencrossgirl Posts: 501 Member
    You sent the email, ball in his court, move on. If he was really into you he wouldn't let that much time pass. Don't waste time even thinking about him.
  • kelligonzales
    kelligonzales Posts: 391
    So i went on a date with this guy three weeks ago. He kissed me and held my hand and we got along very well. He was off to Paris for work but I never asked when he'd be back. I assumed it was for a week for some reason? Anyway, its been three weeks and he's not contacted me. I emailed him a short message asking how he was and still nothing.

    It's obvious he isn't interested in me despite the feeling of being lead on. However, I still want us to be friends because he is into making music and design just as I am and it be good to have gained a friend at least. Should I text him and explain that it be nice to be friends at least or should I not let my pride get bruised any further and leave it?


    I would let it be... he didn't repond to the e-mail that kinda says a lot...
  • wolf23
    wolf23 Posts: 4,269 Member
    If he really liked you he would have gotten in touch no matter what...hold your head high...shake it off and move on to bigger and better things. :smile:
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Seriously, he can offer you nothing but drama.

    He has basically said he's not interested. Look how much energy you've wasted already on this man!

    I wish someone told me what I'm tell you...LOL I wasted SO MUCH TIME on someone that was just a douche (I see it now).

    Don't give anyone that power. YOU make the choice and live with it.
  • daryls
    daryls Posts: 260
    One more suggestion....get a cat! Mine is always there, she sleeps next to me (and my husband) and helps me calm down when I'm anxious/nervous/worried. It's not unconditional love because she can be a pain too, but I love her!
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    I've never had decent cell service in Paris.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    I've never had decent cell service in Paris.

    He's probably not even in Paris. lol. He's just playin around. Maybe with other women. If a man is interested, he'll let you know.
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
    Just let it go. Maybe he's busy, maybe he doesn't like you that way, and maybe he doesn't want a relationship. We aren't mind readers, but at the end of the day, the only thing you can control is your own behavior. If you text/call him again and get no response, I suspect it will make you feel bad, so don't set yourself up for that.

    He knows how to contact you.
  • samcee
    samcee Posts: 307
    Woke up feeling indifferent today (reason could be because I'll be due on).

    I feel really cheated and played now. I think its such a cowards way out ignoring a girl like that and I can't help but feel like I was just a number to him and how many other people he is sieving through. Maybe enough dating makes you uncaring like that? At least have the decency to say something. It's like I'm not even worth the effort. As if I don't exist. I can't help but feel like he's taking the easy way out and I want to give him a piece of my mind! I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but it's not like he is fighting for his case at all and making it obvious to me that he is around online making effort to post comments on his fb wall. It's such an insult!

    I'll forget about him. I'll get over this surprise and build a tougher skin next time I'm on dates. At least I can take comfort in the fact that he is somebody else's business now and I don't have to be on the receiving end of getting bruised again by some flaky guy. Really says a lot about his character, that much I know.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    On the positive side, it only took one date for you to discover what kind of guy he is. Much better this way.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories