So frustrated.. I just want to cry...
EquestrianLark135
Posts: 98 Member
My mom...or I guess my whole family...is making this whole weight loss thing a lot harder than it already is. 
They all think it's ridiculous that I'm trying to lose weight and because of this, they feel the need to contradict every little thing I say about eating healthy and working out. My mom gets mad every time I bring up how I need to go grocery shopping for healthier foods since we have none in this house. And when I tried to tell her about my new work out schedule (made by an awesome member on here- TrainingWithTonya), she pretty much ignored me and it was obvious she could really care less. I finally said to her how I don't understand why she's so mad about me wanting to lose weight and get healthier. I said I'm sick of being a lazy bum and eating the crap that I eat every day. Her response was..."Eating healthy is too expensive" I said that I thought parents WANTED their kids to be healthy and active. Her response..."Eating healthy is too expensive" I had to walk out of the room after that because I just wanted to cry.
Another situation that caused some motivation loss (some of you may have already heard this) The other day I ordered a dress a couple sizes too small so that it could be my "goal dress"- the dress I want to be able to fit into once I lose weight. Well, my mom, my sister, and my sister's friend all told me that there's no way I will ever be able to fit into a dress like that. So...what?...does that mean I'm going to be fat no matter how hard I try? :frown: I'll never be a "smaller" girl???
This would be when I'm glad I have you guys to turn to....my parents are making me lose motivation FAST, and I've barely started this. They take this whole thing as if it's a joke and I'm going to give up after the first week...they don't realize how important this is to me!
*deep breath* Ok. *rant over* :ohwell:
They all think it's ridiculous that I'm trying to lose weight and because of this, they feel the need to contradict every little thing I say about eating healthy and working out. My mom gets mad every time I bring up how I need to go grocery shopping for healthier foods since we have none in this house. And when I tried to tell her about my new work out schedule (made by an awesome member on here- TrainingWithTonya), she pretty much ignored me and it was obvious she could really care less. I finally said to her how I don't understand why she's so mad about me wanting to lose weight and get healthier. I said I'm sick of being a lazy bum and eating the crap that I eat every day. Her response was..."Eating healthy is too expensive" I said that I thought parents WANTED their kids to be healthy and active. Her response..."Eating healthy is too expensive" I had to walk out of the room after that because I just wanted to cry.Another situation that caused some motivation loss (some of you may have already heard this) The other day I ordered a dress a couple sizes too small so that it could be my "goal dress"- the dress I want to be able to fit into once I lose weight. Well, my mom, my sister, and my sister's friend all told me that there's no way I will ever be able to fit into a dress like that. So...what?...does that mean I'm going to be fat no matter how hard I try? :frown: I'll never be a "smaller" girl???
This would be when I'm glad I have you guys to turn to....my parents are making me lose motivation FAST, and I've barely started this. They take this whole thing as if it's a joke and I'm going to give up after the first week...they don't realize how important this is to me!
*deep breath* Ok. *rant over* :ohwell:
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Replies
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keep your head up. they should be supporting you, maybe they are afraid you could develop a eating disorder. good luck in your journey & no matter what love yourself.0
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Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that they aren't being supportive. That is really a shame that they don't want to be a part of this great process you're starting.
I have come up against quite a few people like that myself. Luckily I do have my parents support. Since your mom doesn't want to get the food you need to be healthy, maybe try to make do with what there is in your kitchen? I don't know if you have money to buy fresh veg but that can be relatively inexpensive. You could make some salads to counterbalance the not so healthy stuff.
Keep working out and keep doing what you're doing! You are already proving that you are a strong person by making a start in an unsupportive environment!!
Well done!0 -
Keep going for the reason you started, yourself. I know it gets hard when no one wants to help or even tries to push you away from your goal. Show them wrong.0
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Oh, I am so sorry to hear that! I'm glad you are sticking to your goals no matter what they say! Feel free to add me as a friend... I try to be very supportive.0
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I'm so sorry that no one is supporting you. I've been there. You just need to keep in the back of your mind that you're going to prove them wrong and that you're in this for you not them. I'm supporting you!
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Keep in mind that you ARE in an unhealthy enviornment and that you are not the problem.
At your age it's difficult to seperate yourself from toxic family, but don't internalize the madness that they are giving off.
Keep coming here for your support and if possible try to find some friends outside of this circle that are more encouraging.0 -
It is really hard when you don't have support at home. You have lots of support here. You haven't said how t all you are, but your weight goal did not look out line to me (unless you are 6 ft 2 in). Hang in there and do the best you can with what you have.0
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PROVE THEM WRONG!!! Im sorry that you dont have the support of your friends and family BUT your not doing it for them your doing it for YOU!! Your the one that has to do the work, Your the one that has to feel comfortable in your own skin, YOU are the one that has to decide what goes into your body. YOU ARE GOING TO BE FIT, HEALTHY AND HAPPY, DONT ALLOW ANYTHING to STAND IN YOUR WAY!!
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
They may not believe that your going to be able to do this DIET thing. BUT its not a diet your changing your life, your changing your body but most important your changing your mindset and soul.
KEEP ON GOING!!
LAUGH SMILE AND FIND JOY IN KNOWING YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD
YOU!!!0 -
I'm sorry they are being so hard on you for it. Maybe they are jealous because they think you will do it and they want to, but they don't want to do anything about it and just accept being unhealthy. I would really want to show them, if I were you. Don't let them get to you, use it to fuel your fire and show them that you CAN fit in that dress. I know you can do it, good luck 0
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Is there any chance that this is related to the fact that you're 18 and about to graduate from HS? Could all of this added to your quest to lose weight make it seem like you're being too independent? Some parents have a VERY hard time adjusting to their kids growing up, learning to live without them, and branching out on their own. Maybe your mom sees all of this together as her losing control of you.
No matter the reasoning, I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are right when you asked her about parents wanting their children to be healhty. That's my biggest prayer in the life of my children. Just keep plugging on, knowing that you are doing what is right for you, your body, your health and your future. Maybe use all of the criticism and negative as fodder for motivation. Wanting to show them up and prove them wrong can really help fuel your workouts and help you overcome and food temptations.
Remember that no matter what, your MFP family is loving and supportive and EXCITED that you're taking gainful steps to healthier living!0 -
Im going to write u personally..0
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You are in a very tough situation. I would give you the advice of distancing yourself from people that demotivate you but this is your family, and I hold family above all else. One idea that that I can think of is to discontinue talking to them about your weight loss goals. If you can find a group of friends maybe at the gym, at work or anywhere for that matter that you could discuss your goals with and they would be supportive would be a way to get the emotional support that would help you. Buying a goal dress is actually a great idea as long as your goal is realistic.
Everyone should have some short term goals and ultimately a long term goals. I have used clothes as my goal as well. I used to wear a size 50 pant! my ultimate goal is anything below 40. I hope you don't lose heart with everything that is going on at home. I have seen that the people on this and other weight loss sites are generally very supportive.
I wish you well and am very proud of you that you are sticking with your transformation. (Even though I have no clue who you are LOL) If you would like add me as a friend and keep me posted.0 -
At the end of the day, all you have is yourself. No one else matters. Be selfish about this. If they're not supportive who cares? Prove them wrong! It's rude and annoying that they won't support you like they should, but do it for YOU. Use this as motivation rather than discouragement! They say you won't fit? Fit into a size smaller! Turn around what they say and use it as motivation. You CAN do it.0
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I sympathize with you. This is a very tough journey when you are in control of your circumstances and its got to be tougher when you aren't (like trying to get mom to buy healthy for you).
You have to stay strong and keep doing what you're doing. Stick to your workouts, eat as healthy as possible. You're doing this for you, no one else so it doesn't matter what they think/say. However, if you show them your dedication and committment to changing your lifestyle, I'm guessing eventually they will get more supportive. That happened with a couple of my family members. They're not going to go to the gym with me and still occassionally push the cheesecake at family parties but at the very least they don't make the snide comments anymore and even have complimented me on what I have acheived.
Hang in there - YOU and your future are so worth the challenge and ensuing success!0 -
Please don't give up. It's been my experience that when others around you are seeing you make a change and they're affraid to try it they will sabotage or try to discourage you every chance they get.
Stick with it and as hard as it might be try to not bring it up with them. maybe when they see you make progress thet will get inspired to make a change themselves.
As far as the dress goes I know you can do it. I bought a pair of pants that was one size smaller than what i normally wore and it was purely on accident. well just last week I decided to try them on since my old ones were fitting very lose, happy to report that they fit and now those are actually fitting loosely. I am gonna wait a while before I buy any new clothes but I wil be buying a new belt tonite.
You are on the right path. if you need any more friends on here feel free to add me.
And I hope to be reading about your success story here soon.
best of luck0 -
I feel like people act that way when they feel jealous or envious. I think that the people in your family probably feel like they, too, should start being healthier, but they don't have the courage or motivation to begin the process. Now that they see you doing it, your courage and success is probably making them feel bad about themselves. If you just push through it then you could end up being the motivation they needed to make themselves healthy!
My sister made fun of me when I first started loosing weight. But now that I have done it she is the one coming to me for advice!0 -
oh honey, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that! But just remember your reason for doing this is for a healthier you!!!!! and don't worry about what they say. Easier said than done, no doubt. Are your mom and sister over weight? Because if they are, seeing you trying to make a change may make them feel a little bad about themselves and that is the way they are taking it out. What you are doing is a GREAT thing and you should never let them make you feel discouraged. If you ever do, pop on here, and we will all be right behind you with LOTS of reassurance! Chin up girl!0
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Maybe your mom feels like you are being critical of her as a mother by saying there's nothing healthy in the house to eat or if she feels guilty that you blame her for being unhealthy, so I would take a different tact with her and if do some research on cheap healthy meals, or some ingrediants you would like to have around the house, or offer to cook dinner for the family, clip coupons or something along those lines.
I think it's great that you have goals but I wouldn't suggest ordering a dress two sizes too small-heck it might even be too big by the time you want to wear it:happy: I would just get a dress that fits closer to the occassion it's needed.
try not to let your family discourage you, it's easy to blame them when your motivation flags but you have to take that as a challenge and prove them wrong (like someone else said).0 -
Keep your head up girl! who cares what they think, granted they are your family you can do this and you will be so happy and they will get used to the idea and support you i hope! i agree with the other post maybe they are worried that you will develop and eating disorder or maybe they just don't think you need to lose weight, but you should be able to make your own choices and be happy thats all that matters. don't give up because they are not with you on this, you have all these great people on this site to help you thru it0
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unfortunately you can't change other people. i 'm sorry you are not finding support with your family, maybe they feel threatened because they know they aren't taking care of themselves too, maybe your mom feels guilty because she has not provided healthy food, whatever the reason, you need to find other sources of support (like us on mfp)
join a fitness class and get to know some of the participants
join a sports team, walking/running club
take dance classes, cooking classes etc
basically get out there and meet people with similar goals and interests.
good luck!!!0 -
I hate to say this to you because I'm sure you love your Mom and your family but they need to shut the #$%& up!!!!!! Ask you Mom if she had rather eat healthier food or pay for your funeral because you clogged up your arteries?
You need to just do what is right for you and don't try to please any one else. And the dress thing, I went shopping this weekend because I had no pants that fit properly now and bought a size that was a little more snug that I wish they were but I plan on losing a lot more weight and money doesn't grow on trees.
You just keep doing what you are doing and I'll tell you right now that I'm very proud of you for wanting to live a healthier life and change your body to a happier and healthier one.
I'm be your Mom if you'd like and I'll be cheering for you all the way.
Vicky0 -
Unfortunately, this is one of the many challenges we have when trying to lose weight. People around us are not supportive. I have a difficult situation at home too. My husband is all for my losing weight, but in the evenings here come the cookies and candy bars. He knows I can't resist but offers me some anyways:grumble: . Just try to stay strong and keep doing what you need to do. Frustrating as it may be, show them all that you can do it, feel great and look great!0
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I'm sorry, that has to be tough. I'm sure it has to be harder when you aren't the one buying the groceries, but eating healthy really isn't more expensive. I am spending the same amount of money that I did before. Junk food and drinks can add up and as soon as I cut them out and just got healthy food it worked out to the same amount. Some affordable options are frozen veggies instead of fresh ones, tuna is cheap, ground turkey isn't much more than beef, the store brand light bread is only .25 more than regular bread, low sodium lunch meat is usually the same price as regular. Also just eating smaller portions than you are used to can dramatically reduce your calorie intake.
And no, you won't be fat no matter how hard you try! It does take hard work to lose weight, but it sounds like you are motivated to do it, just keep at it and you will get there. 0 -
keep pushing through- you know in your heart you're doing the right thing, and you're doing it for you. Sometimes people don't know how to react to change, especially when a big part of someones life is revolved around food, etc.
Dont worry, you will reach your goal 0 -
PROVE THEM WRONG!!! Im sorry that you dont have the support of your friends and family BUT your not doing it for them your doing it for YOU!! Your the one that has to do the work, Your the one that has to feel comfortable in your own skin, YOU are the one that has to decide what goes into your body. YOU ARE GOING TO BE FIT, HEALTHY AND HAPPY, DONT ALLOW ANYTHING to STAND IN YOUR WAY!!
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
They may not believe that your going to be able to do this DIET thing. BUT its not a diet your changing your life, your changing your body but most important your changing your mindset and soul.
KEEP ON GOING!!
LAUGH SMILE AND FIND JOY IN KNOWING YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD
YOU!!!
GOOD ADVICE!0 -
If you show your family that you are commited by trying to eat healthy portion sizes of what they already make, maybe they will be willing to invest a little more into your journey. You could also try to maybe babysit or get a parttime job so you can purchase some of your own healthy food choices?0
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some one posted a topic earlier about the myths of why people give up on losing weight. One of them was it's too expensive to eat healthy....
I think that you wanting to lose 20 lbs isn't a hard goal. Maybe the inches will get you into that dress before the weight.
Maybe you should schedule a sit down with your Mom and talk with her about it. Maybe if you have a list of why it's important to you to do the workout/eat healthy thing she'll take you more seriously. Do some homework with the food ads and ask her for $20 a week for "healthy" foods, like fruits and veggies that you'd like to keep in the house to help keep you on track and also ask if you gave her a shopping list each week and you'd cook one dinner that is something that you'd like to try/or that you like that would be healthy for dinner you could cook it for the whole family.
I think that you're just going to have to tell her that you love her and get that she's concerned, but it's important for you to try to get healthy. Ask her to back you up for a month and then go from there. Tell her it's important to you that you have her support.
Well that's what I would suggest. Good luck.
I love it that my 16 yr. old has started joining me at the gym a couple times a week and my family doesn't really complain about the food either.....0 -
Keep it up no matter what they say. Prove them wrong if it helps to motivate you! That is what I am doing I have complained about my weight all of my adult life (sometimes when I had no reason to, and I could kick myself now for putting myself down so often!) Now I am doing it for me, and to make everyone see that I do have the motivation, drive and endurance to keep up with a healthy lifestyle. I am finally starting to feel happy with myself and its only been 3 months You can do it! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! 0
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So, so sorry! It's just a shame you can't have them 'on your side' and feel their support. It seems that they are coming from some point of fear. Of what I wouldn't know.....
Go through that kitchen of yours during some quiet moments and really take stock of what you have that perhaps you could create a dish for yourself and enough to share? I owuldn't make any more big deals about it with the family.
Be diligient and perhaps reduce the portions that others fix to suit your calorie goals. And continue those workouts. Remember life and your fitness are ust unfolding, and journeys take many twists and turns. Just know this is all just plot points in your persoanl story but not the end of it.
But most of all love yourself. Be good to yourself. Work on building up some emotional boundaries and keep asking your friends here for support and help.
You are worth it to be sure!! :flowerforyou:0 -
This is why it is so great that MFP exists, it is heartbreaking to hear that unfortunately it seems you can't count on your family for support - but at least you know you can get positive motivation and support here. You can do this, granted you have a challenge in that your kitchen is not your own and you will probably have to work that much harder to find things that are healthy that you can eat but don't let it stop you! Look at it as a challenge, and just think how rewarding it will be when you reach your goals - you definitely will have earned it!
Keep strong and keep posting your feelings and draw on the positive energy and support of the wonderful people on MFP. Don't give up, who knows...through your example and hard work you may inspire your family and change their minds
All the best! Good luck! :flowerforyou:0
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