So frustrated.. I just want to cry...
Replies
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I only read the original post and not all the replies, so if this has been suggested forgive the repeat.
I'm a guy, but if I were in your shoes this is what I would do: find a place in a closet, a dresser drawer, a locker, somewhere that you'll see it and put a picture of the dress with the quote "you'll never fit into this dress."
If you get easily discouraged by this then don't go this route, but for me ... this would be the very thing that would motivate me day after day after day.0 -
You need to surround yourself with positive people! Trying finding people in the same boat as you.
When I decided I wanted a lifestyle change, my parents didn't really have an opinion. But I realized it was MY life and I needed to take control of it. I know it's easier said than done. I got a job, started buying my own groceries and cooking my own meals. It's hard work, but I'd rather be healthy than continue a sedentary lifestyle. Don't get discouraged, focus on your goal! Sometimes the best motivation is knowing that you WILL prove them wrong.0 -
wow I am so sorry about you not getting support and i understand...there are always people that don't support you and as much as it sucks you just never know who those people are going to be! remember that we are here for you and it won't be long until you go to college and it will be a different environment!!
HUGS!!!
:flowerforyou:0 -
Aw, that sucks. Just keep telling you yourself: eating healthy IS cheap! It's totally true. Granted, organic is more money, but eating regular vegetable is most definitely not more expensive than processed foods. It is mind bogling the amount that companies charge for pre-made foods. If you make them from scratch it is MUCH less. Plus, it's almost always more nutritious (plus, you burn calories while you cook!) I feed a family of four every week on less than $100, and a lot of it is organic, and about 95% is unprocessed foods from scratch. You can do it. It's hard when your parents are being difficult -- just know that whatever your mom is saying, it's NOT about how much she loves you or doesn't love you. It's just that she's stuck in her own space right now, stuck on her own own issues. Every time a mom yells at her kids, it's about the mom's issues, not really the kids (trust me, I know, as a mom who yells
) When I was vegetarian for 6 years, my own mom -- who had been veg herself for 10 years when I was little -- wouldn't make a single vegetable. I just ignored her and made my own food. Life goes on -- do what makes you happy. That is all that matters. 0 -
you poor girl is your family a big family or they thin people?.well you need to show them you can do it with them or without.chicken is not a lot of money and veggies are pretty cheap to.now if you go buy that diet food then it can run you a pretty pennie.but stick with it girl .wish you the best and forget the rest and you keep lookin at that dress cant wait to see a picture of you in the dress saying i did it lol.0
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so I looked at your pics and personally? I don't see a problem with your weight. I also don't think you should compare yourself to your probably naturally thin friend, I have a few of them myself, however if your doing this just so your eating doesn't become unhealthy in college GOOD FOR YOU!!! But I too had to accept that I have curves and my hips that God has given me are not going to go away. However I do need to lose 40lbs but they will still be there. I am sorry your family is not supportive it does make your new journey in life harder, but you need to do what is best for you and not them. It is not like your quitting food, you are just making healthier food choices. :happy: and I say POWER TO YOU:bigsmile: 0
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Please don't give up! First, go for lots of nice long walks, they will reduce your stress and they are free. So are jumping jacks, push ups and sit-ups! Drink lots of tap water (Free too!) Then get the local grocery store paper and make a list of the sale produce for the week and price out store brand yogurt or cottage cheese. Offer to make a meal for the family with the sale food you buy!
On a more sensitive note..., maybe your mom has tried eating healthy and losing weight in the past and has not succeeded so she is frustrated (maybe??) and has given up that route.
Big hugs to you and a high five for trying to make a healthy change in your life. You can do it!0 -
OMGosh I'm so sorry! I can't imagine how horrible it is to be in a motivation sapping environment like that! Instead of looking at the HUGE daunting task of getting to your goal weight, set small manageable goals for yourself, and when you meet them, reward yourself! I'm in your position too, I'm not made of money and yes, organic and healthy food does tend to be expensive. Small steps make a big difference! Also, if you really can't afford to buy the healthier foods, you can eat smaller portions of the food you DO have, and if you go over your calories, make sure to exercise!
Earlier today I went to lunch with my family and a friend of ours, and even though I tried to eat 'healthier' (I DID manage to cut back on how much I ate, even though it is my favorite restaurant EVER), I came home to log my calories and found that the sushi I ate had TONS of calories! So much that it put me over my whole day's worth of calories! So I went and did a great workout (a while ago my Mom got a Biggest Loser workout DVD, so I did the beginner workout), which earned me enough calories for dinner and a small snack! The point is that even if we mess up and go over, it is ok, we're not perfect, just make the best of your situation. Feel free to add me as a friend and I promise I will try and help you stay motivated!
Keep up the great work and you WILL meet your goals!
Amanda0 -
my heart aches for you!....I never ever thought I would be small either...and I do not think anyone else did either...but had the lap band not failed me I would still be a size 2 ....I started at a size 24....we are all here for you and know you can do this!0
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I am so sorry to hear about the trouble you have getting support from your family. I am on the journey myself. I have always been overweight and now have a son, 22, who is overweight. I want nothing more than for him to not go through life overweight and feel the way I have felt. I now fight arthritis in both knees and have pain everyday. I am trying to get the weight off so I'll feel better and hopefully be a better role model for him. You are in the right place. It is very encouraging seeing the progress of our MFP friends. They are great so continue to log in and do the journey with us. Good luck and keep your head up!0
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Keep going for the reason you started, yourself. I know it gets hard when no one wants to help or even tries to push you away from your goal. Show them wrong.
That is the thing... it is for you... so it doesnt matter what others say... as far as healthy eating... I am finding all sorts of ways to afford healthy food.... I dont know who does the cooking in your house.. but maybe you can find some deceivingly healthy recipes and cook them up for your family... that is what I have done in my household... although I have total support from my hubby and kids...
Find other support.. someone at work or school... maybe someone at the gym where you work out...
As far as not fitting into the goal dress.... you have to want it!! you can do do it!0 -
Ugh, I feel for you! My family doesn't contradict me, but they definitely don't get very excited for me or proud of me. And whenever I suggest healthier options for my mom she thinks I'm just poking fun at her, when I'm really very concerned for her! Feel free to add me if you like, I try to be as supportive as I can! 0
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I'm a mom of 2 girls and if they came to me and said what you said, I'd be encouraging. There might be a reason why she isn't...is she jealous? IF you got to your goal, would you be a topic of admiration and get more attention in your family and take it away from your mom?. I hate to say it, but some mothers can get jealous of their daughters. My mom, who loved me greatly, once said " stop being such a social butterfly" at the time, I had just started dating and was a very shy girl, so it was hard. I realized she had just gotten divourced and was very lonely. I forgave her. We all make mistakes.0
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another response to eating healthy is too expensive would be not as expensive as medical or medicine bills... of course in a nice way... healthy eating saves lives.!0
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Someone thought that your Mom might think you are criticizing her when you talk about healthy eating. Take the high road on this one. Don't talk about it. Set the example and the proof by your actions.
Find some local friends that want to work out. Create a support group. I always tried to "drag" my friends to the gym and realized thats the people that were THERE wanted to be there. I promise you take a step and introduce yourself to some people there and you will make some motivated, positive people to be friends with. Workout buds.
Make substitutions for different groceries to be bought. Or offer to DO THE GROCERY shopping for your Mom. I'm sure she will welcome the break. Or start cooking for the family.
Lastly, because you won't be discussing losing weight (cause you will set the example) you NEED to work on your support system here online, at the gym, in your neighborhood, etc. Make new friends that want to participate in your new life.
We are all here for you
Show them what you are made of !!!0 -
I'm so sorry to hear you don't have support at home. That makes it extremely difficult. Some nutritious foods are more expensive but some are cheaper. Do you like oatmeal or brown rice? That is cheap and very good for you if you don't add a bunch of sugar:) What kinds of food are available to you? Do you exercise? You can email me and I will help you any way I can.
gaylene@rx-fitness.com0 -
Some people are just hard headed and rude.. Dont be discouraged! Your family will be impressed when you fit in those tiny dresses!:)0
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You can do ANYTHING you put your heart into! If you want to lose weight, you'll find a way to do it, no matter what it takes. If you want to fit into that dress, DO IT. If you can't get your hands on super healthy food, you'll find a way around it.. even if that means portioning out foods that are less healthy to fit into your calories. Where there's a will, there's a way.
This is what keeps me going! If you want something bad enough, anything is possible. Don't let the negativity get to you. Use it to make you even more motivated to prove them wrong. Never give up. Never.
We support you. You CAN do this.0 -
I haven't read all 3 pages of replies so forgive me if I'm being repetitive.
Are your parents overweight? Have they tried and failed to lose weight? If so then it's possible that they feel like it's impossible for you since they couldn't do it.
Sometimes when you do something different from others, they feel like you're judging them, even if that's not your intention at all.
It always helps me to try and figure out why people are acting in a way that hurts or angers me. Then even if I can't change it, I can remind myself that what they're saying may not be about me at all.
Do you have the kind of relationship where you can tell your parents that it really hurts your feelings when they tell you your goals are impossible and that, while you understand they're doubtful, you'd really appreciate it if they could keep their doubts to them selves.
I'm sorry they're being so discouraging. I would encourage you to prove them wrong. Sometimes arguing is useless. When they start discouraging you smile, nod, and change the subject. Then come here and share your frustrations or good news.0 -
Your message was so sad that I had to write and offer some words of encouragement. I remember so well what it was like to have unsupportive parents when I was in high school.
All the MFP responses to your message were really right on the mark in so many ways. All I can add is that you have to look forward and focus on developing your own strategies for dealing with the negative influences. These strategies always be a work in progress, for right now it's your family who is discouraging you, but soon it will be the whole world. Eating poorly is so much a part of our culture that it's very difficult to carve out healthy habits for yourself -every time we go to restaurants, we're faced with unhealthy portion sizes, and an overload of sugar and fat designed to make the food taste better. We have to live in the world we're given, and if we don't stake out our positions consciously and strongly, we'll succumb to its mediocrity.
So, please don't give up. Focus on the great strategies the MFP people have given you for the right now, with a hopeful eye toward the challenges you may face as you go off to college and have full control of your diet. That time is not far off, and you can look forward to surrounding yourself there with positive people who are into what you're doing. Use your time now to quietly establish your identity as someone who lives a healthy lifestyle. Your family may begrudge you your changes at first, but if you persist without making a big deal about it, soon enough they'll adapt and come to respect you for staying strong and looking great.
And you will look and feel amazing!0 -
Turn it aroudn and use it as fuel to show them you can! Don't let people talk down to you, you can do anythign you want! There was to quote I heard and it was something like "you are the only one in control of your health, no one can take that away from you"
If you need support feel free to add me! 0 -
i sometimes have the same situation..especially with my friends! But you should completely ignore them and surround yourself with positive people! Move out if you can! and if you cant simply just tell yourself you can do it and youll show them! no offense but at least youll be SEXY and theyll still be fat
if you need support feel free to add me 0 -
Your mom sucks. No offense, but there is no reason for her to say these things. You totally can do it. It's easier to start when you're young, so you're lucky in that respect. Mom is just stuck in her ways and doesn't want to/know how to change. She may also be jealous.
Here you go... If my fat *kitten* can lose 180 lbs, you can lose whatever you need. Yes, I have gained some back, but I've had some medical set backs. I am back on the bandwagon and doing what I can to become a healthy, happy person.
You can do it too. 0 -
Wow...you guys have absolutely turned my motivation (and determination) around. I know I need to do this for me, but, for some reason, I guess it just surprised me to find out that my parents weren't happy for me wanting to be healthier. If I EVER start to lose motivation again, I will definitely come and read these posts.
But I think what you guys said about WHY she is acting this way is exactly right.
1. She is worried, I can tell. She's said once that she doesn't want me to become some disgusting little anorexic girl. But I've promised her over and over that that won't happen...I love food too much!:bigsmile:
2.She (and my dad and brother) are all overweight. My mom and dad are obese. They tried weight watchers in the past, lost some weight, then gained a ton back...so...yeah....maybe jealousy is a part of it.:indifferent: I've always been so concerned about my parents and their weight. I've heard of all the heart problems, and diabetes and other health problems that obese people get, but they aren't even putting in an effort to eat healthier.
3. My mom probably does think I'm getting a little too obsessive about it because I bring it up so much. But that's only because it's my second week and I'm excited about this. I'm not obsessive in the form that I'm going to not eat and only exercise, I'm "obsessive" in the form that I'm excited and every little thing I learn on here about health and nutrition...well, I can't help but share it with SOMEONE! I've now learned to NOT bring it up to them, though...that obviously never ends well.
My motivation at this point is definitely going to be to prove them...ALL of them...wrong. Even my friends (yes, they're giving me crap about this too..ugh). I'm going to let their words echo in my head while I work out so that I work harder and don't give up. I'm going to imagine myself..thin and, yes, sexy... I want my class mates to see me this summer and be like..."WOAH! She looks good!" And, if possible, I want the guys to look like this--->
hehehehe Ok, maybe not that...but it's a motivator,right??
And whoever said this--- "I'm a guy, but if I were in your shoes this is what I would do: find a place in a closet, a dresser drawer, a locker, somewhere that you'll see it and put a picture of the dress with the quote "you'll never fit into this dress.'" I LOVE THAT IDEA! I'm so going to do that. Thanks! :happy:
And, I think another motivator I will have is maybe....just maybe...I can show my parents that it IS possible to lose weight, keep it off, and be happy, healthy, and active. And then, when they see that...maybe THEY will go for it too! And join this awesome site!
Thank You soooo much again. You are honestly the best people I have ever met (despite it being online).
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Oh, and with the whole money thing, I did tell her I would pay for it (I babysit weekly), but i guess she assumed she would have to pay for it eventually. I honestly don't mind paying for it, though because then that officially makes it MY food, and I can keep it for myself (except for when I cook meals for the family, then I'll share).
See...I really wouldn't mind the rest of my family eating my little supply of healthy food, except they wouldn't be eating it for the same reason as I am. I know my brother would just eat it as a snack because it's there...I'm eating it because I can't (or I guess shouldn't) eat the other crap we have in the house.0 -
Thanks, I e-mailed youI'm so sorry to hear you don't have support at home. That makes it extremely difficult. Some nutritious foods are more expensive but some are cheaper. Do you like oatmeal or brown rice? That is cheap and very good for you if you don't add a bunch of sugar:) What kinds of food are available to you? Do you exercise? You can email me and I will help you any way I can.
gaylene@rx-fitness.com 0
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