Support means supportive right? Maybe not.

I'm happy to be supportive. But I refuse to be an enabler.

So true!!! Thank you for posting this, I feel the same :flowerforyou:

truth spoken and well said!!!!

Keep spending time on the computer, Jeannie! It is obviously working for you. What a wonderful, incredible, awesome weight loss!! You must feel soooo good about your progress.

Stay strong!

Supportive to me, means telling my friends if I think they are doing something unhealthy or harmful. Being a friend means being brave enough to say what you really think rather than giving a false high five. I believe completely in supporting people. But not if it means they are doing something that is not positive. And I expect the same from my friends.

Blanket woo hoos on "was under her calorie goal" is not always helpful or honest. If you saw that someone only ate 400 net calories that day would you say awesome to them? or would you be concerned?

I respectfully disagree... sort of.

The rest of my post does NOT apply to people who are intentionally hurtful for the sole purpose of tearing others down to try to build themselves up. I am not referring to the people who are spiteful, mean-spirited, or rude.

However.

I think support takes many forms. While we are all here to get healthier, we are NOT all the same. We do not have the same goals, pathways to get there, eating habits, exercise habits, or family. What is your stimulus to eat may or may not be mine. What makes you feel satisfied, happy, or safe most likely differs from does the same for me.

I do NOT find blanket "great jobs!" useful. I do not think it's helpful to see a "yay you" posted when my eating plan wasn't stellar, or when I made poor choices, or I skipped a workout. I DO appreciate constructive criticism that helps me keep my eyes on the prize. My friend list contains people who want the best for me, are compassionate, and WILL tell me, "Wow, you had a bad day today - tomorrow will be better. What's your plan to ensure it?"

Just the other day I changed my profile picture, and one of my mfp friends emailed me and asked, "Mocha - you look 'off' in your picture. I've noticed you're not tracking your foods like usual. What is going on?" Others commented that I wasn't giving 100% - what was going on? And while it may have stung at the time, that's what support looks like to me. I'm here to learn. I'm here for support. I'm here to here to have my diary judged (it's why it's open to all) and advice offered... and kudos provided when I'm doing great.

As for the bulletin board, well - they're public. Some people are just mean, others are just idiots, others are helpful, and others are supportive. You've got to be able to filter between the lot. I think you've got to have thick skin to be public (which, honestly, is what all this is). It's a risk, but hopefully it's worth it.

So, all said, while I respect your opinion I don't agree. Again, this is NOT including the people who truly are hurtful. But honestly, I just don't care what they think.... so I keep scrolling to someone I think can add value to my experience.

Best of luck to you.
D.

I love this post. I have reached my goal as of a month ago. It's due in no small part to the support I got along the way here. When I did it right, I got applauded. When I stumbled, people picked me up almost before I'd posted the status. Support was public. It was private. Always it was genuine. Maybe I just lucked into an incredible group of friends.

I feel so strongly about the support I got and the success I feel in arriving at goal, that I have no intention of leaving this site. I'm staying til I cheer everyone of them on my list across their finish line.

I hear the arguments about enabling and calling people out. Sometimes you see things that are so far off it's painful. But then I have to remember that I probably presented the same thing myself too. And I probably will again. I know when I stumble there is some other reason - emotional, circumstances, wrong place and no time to find something better to eat. There are ways to redirect without confronting. For example, when I see someone go far out of bounds I'll pull out a vegetarian recipe and post it on my blog as a way to let the newsfeed show a better way.

We are here to be our best selves. And, hopefully, we are here to honor everyone else who's trying to do the same. We all arrived here to correct how we lived before. Of all the online communities out there, this is the only one I've ever seen with an honest common ground. And we should bring our love to it.

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

If someone has an idea to be healthier and it isn't going to kill them I say let them do it. Encourage their spirit. EVEN if you know it will fail (unless they are specifically asking if you think it will work). When it fails, still be supportive of them and congratulate them on the lesson learned.

And there is no harm in telling someone WTG when their daily exercise consists of ten minutes of standing in place. If they LOGGED it then we have to assume that it's important to them. At least they went to the effort of coming here and making note so they have something to look back on and use to determine where their lifestyle needs adjustment.

Regardless, unless it's life threatening ANY time spent here putting interest in one's own health is NEVER a bad thing. If you need someone to support your new exercise regime of tapping your fingers during work or your new hot pepper diet - I'm with you. As long as you don't give up on yourself in the end.