insecure bf

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  • FitPhysique
    FitPhysique Posts: 284 Member
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    jealous and over-protective are not nice traits in a significant other
    he needs to grow up and trust you, if you are going ot have a good healthy relationship

    hope he lets it go and realizes what a jerk he is being
    Kim
    Couldn't have said it better. If you have been together for long for a long time and all of a sudden he's starting to act like that Something must have triggered it. Maybe he's afraid that a new healthy, sexier you won't find him as attractive and will start looking for another model. Best thing is to have a conversation and find out the root of his issues and work on it as a couple. Otherwise you might have to reconsider your relationship. My philoshphy is whatever is an incline when dating become Mountains when married.
  • FitPhysique
    FitPhysique Posts: 284 Member
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    This is my biggest pet peeve with people lol Jealousy and insecurity.

    You can only say it so many times before you become redundant. It's possibly that he's having problems trusting you because he doesn't trust himself. 9 out of 10 times when a partner is accusing you of having an affair it's either because 1) they are having one 2) they have had one or 3) they have been put in temptations way. That's because they are looking for reasons to justify their actions by saying "well they did it so that makes me doing it ok" for example.

    He could be scared to lose you due to the changes you are making. A lot of the time when people lose a lot of weight and their body changes drastically, their attitude changes. They start to think they deserve better then what they have (looks wise). Some, not all, become conceited, etc. (Not saying you are). He could be afraid that you are going to become even more beautiful and find someone who is the same.

    Or he could be an *kitten* who just wants to control you lol.

    Honey, what I suggest for you to do is sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him that if he can't see how much you care/love him by now, then he's never going to see it and you deserve better than that. You picked him and no one else. He should feel honored to be standing next to you. You can't help if someone looks at you.
    Well Said!!!!!
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    Guys can be such jerks sometimes. Just tell him the guy was checking you out because you're hot and that if your boyfriend doesn't watch himself you can find another guy in a heartbeat. My best friend's husband told her that he didn't want her losing weight because he'd be too afraid of guys hitting on her if she wasn't fat. Yes, he used those words. It was a double insult because he called her fat and he implied that guys don't find her attractive as she is. He was in the dog house for a REALLY long time.
    Yeah guys because women never get jealous.
  • HLRoberts1987
    HLRoberts1987 Posts: 139 Member
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    Sounds like he is insecure with himself and doenst trust you completely. Is he working out as well and trying to get into shape? I know that when I was REALLY insecure I would always 'see' my (ex now) boyfriend 'check out' other girls. I would never say anything to him bc I knew it was my own insecurites. But I would just ask him why he is thinking that and I dunno just sounds like an insecurity and jealous thing to me. hope all turns out well
  • AnneGenevieveS
    AnneGenevieveS Posts: 441 Member
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    If he doesn't trust you... then what is your relationship built on?

    I don't think that it always means he is doing something he shouldn't (like someone else said). Maybe he's just afraid that this new healthy you will want attention from other guys and leave him. Reassure him that he's all yours. Just don't give any reasons to mistrust you, and if he can't get over it... then the relationship won't last.
  • desirez131
    desirez131 Posts: 72 Member
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    He thinks I am the same person I was before, maybe I should ask him what have I done lately to make him NOT trust me..I mean the whole cause of this is DUMB.. a guy is looking at me while I am pulling change out of my person and that means I MUST know him. I just wish he could see that I am not worried about anyone else..I think we just need to really talk.

    Thanks again everyone!
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
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    Talking is great. Just avoid 'you' and 'I', instead use 'we' and 'us'. I don't believe in quitting, and in some point in your life this may be a funny story you tell friends.
    Writing in a journal, for both of you, is great way to put thoughts into words. It's so easy to say the wrong thing when you don't mean it. And there is no shame in counseling. I mean, if you like this guy, why not?
    Sure, this could escalate into something abusive, that's why you gotta act now.
    I hope you guys work it out.
  • jackal75
    jackal75 Posts: 95
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    .. a guy is looking at me while I am pulling change out of my person and that means I MUST know him.

    Out of your WHAT?

    LOL

    A little jealousy isn't bad if the person is strong enough to get past it and trust his/her lover. But if he is accusing you of things and not trusting the answer you give - it has already gone to a bad place. I would be up front with him that you don't know the person, did not respond to the looks, and are with him only. That puts the ball in his hand. He can hit a home run or a foul ball, but either way it will tell you if there is a future with him.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    get a new man
  • atrayubrandy
    atrayubrandy Posts: 188 Member
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    Guys can be such jerks sometimes. Just tell him the guy was checking you out because you're hot and that if your boyfriend doesn't watch himself you can find another guy in a heartbeat. My best friend's husband told her that he didn't want her losing weight because he'd be too afraid of guys hitting on her if she wasn't fat. Yes, he used those words. It was a double insult because he called her fat and he implied that guys don't find her attractive as she is. He was in the dog house for a REALLY long time.
    Yeah guys because women never get jealous.

    This isn't about whether women are jerks sometimes, it's about men!! Stop using logic! It's just like a guy to get up in our business to remind us that we are jealous and insecure, too. j/k :-P In all honesty, I can be horrible at times and I'm surprised my husband is my husband considering how many times I asked him if he still had feelings for his ex in the first six months of our relationship...but I have never accused my man of secretly dating someone else just because a girl looked at him.
  • cmor2005
    cmor2005 Posts: 21 Member
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    Guys can be such jerks sometimes. Just tell him the guy was checking you out because you're hot and that if your boyfriend doesn't watch himself you can find another guy in a heartbeat. My best friend's husband told her that he didn't want her losing weight because he'd be too afraid of guys hitting on her if she wasn't fat. Yes, he used those words. It was a double insult because he called her fat and he implied that guys don't find her attractive as she is. He was in the dog house for a REALLY long time.
    Yeah guys because women never get jealous.

    haha i was waiting for that comment. I think girls are equally bad at the whole jealousy thing.

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