The wandering eye....
UneJolieFemme
Posts: 86 Member
Warning : This is mostly a vent.
So I was at the grocery store yesterday with baby and husband. We are shopping for our dinner and as we are discussing which pasta to buy, I hear - well I guess he heard it too, ha ! - one annoying click-clacking heals sound. Like really loud.
A tall (and slim) good-looking, early 20's woman walks towards us and disappear into one of the alley - but not before my husband had a good look.
MAN THAT IS FRUSTRATING. Here I am working out even tho I am SO tired because my 6 months old daughter is still waking
at night, teething, fussy during the day - name it. Dieting eating fu***** chicken most meals so I can get my pre baby body back. Im done losing the weight, now I want to tone up. Still Im not doing bad for a new mommy. Not bad at all ! I am actually pretty good looking !
But I guess that is not enough. On top of taking care of the baby, the house, cooking, name it, I should make time to do my hair, my nails and put make up on. Should I push my daughter's stroller in high heals to get attention, is this what is required of me so I can still get my own husband's attention over some random brunette at the grocery store ?!
I can't compete with that. And what's funny is I used to notice, when I was 19-20, men pushing around strollers eyeing the younger women and their bodies when the wives wouldn't be looking. I used to think, I'd never allow that. I'd never allow a baby to make me be so vulnerable my man would have to look elsewhere.
But then I thought it was ridiculous and this is life, our bodies change. We all age. A baby is a blessing. And a baby doesn't have to ruin my body, I could always work out, eat well and I'd be just fine. But the truth is my body will never be the same. Im at the same weight I used to be at 19 but gravity has, ahum, taken it's toll. The pregnancy gave me some nice stretch marks. I still have a bit of a belly.
I gave birth. 6 months ago. Im a mother 7days/24 hours a day. Therefore I will probably never have a supermodel waist line,
and I won't do my hair/makeup to go to the grocery store. There is just no time anymore for this. I used to have time. And it makes me angry that my husband is so disrespectful, unthoughtful, hypocrite that he looks at women who do have this freedom in front of me. I wish I could take time in a day to be a woman again - but lately there is only time for mommy. Ugh. I swear, all I wanted to say to him was a loud F YOU.
PS No my H is not a jerk who always look at other women when Im around. As you can tell, it's a big no-no with me and he usually knows better.
So I was at the grocery store yesterday with baby and husband. We are shopping for our dinner and as we are discussing which pasta to buy, I hear - well I guess he heard it too, ha ! - one annoying click-clacking heals sound. Like really loud.
A tall (and slim) good-looking, early 20's woman walks towards us and disappear into one of the alley - but not before my husband had a good look.
MAN THAT IS FRUSTRATING. Here I am working out even tho I am SO tired because my 6 months old daughter is still waking
at night, teething, fussy during the day - name it. Dieting eating fu***** chicken most meals so I can get my pre baby body back. Im done losing the weight, now I want to tone up. Still Im not doing bad for a new mommy. Not bad at all ! I am actually pretty good looking !
But I guess that is not enough. On top of taking care of the baby, the house, cooking, name it, I should make time to do my hair, my nails and put make up on. Should I push my daughter's stroller in high heals to get attention, is this what is required of me so I can still get my own husband's attention over some random brunette at the grocery store ?!
I can't compete with that. And what's funny is I used to notice, when I was 19-20, men pushing around strollers eyeing the younger women and their bodies when the wives wouldn't be looking. I used to think, I'd never allow that. I'd never allow a baby to make me be so vulnerable my man would have to look elsewhere.
But then I thought it was ridiculous and this is life, our bodies change. We all age. A baby is a blessing. And a baby doesn't have to ruin my body, I could always work out, eat well and I'd be just fine. But the truth is my body will never be the same. Im at the same weight I used to be at 19 but gravity has, ahum, taken it's toll. The pregnancy gave me some nice stretch marks. I still have a bit of a belly.
I gave birth. 6 months ago. Im a mother 7days/24 hours a day. Therefore I will probably never have a supermodel waist line,
and I won't do my hair/makeup to go to the grocery store. There is just no time anymore for this. I used to have time. And it makes me angry that my husband is so disrespectful, unthoughtful, hypocrite that he looks at women who do have this freedom in front of me. I wish I could take time in a day to be a woman again - but lately there is only time for mommy. Ugh. I swear, all I wanted to say to him was a loud F YOU.
PS No my H is not a jerk who always look at other women when Im around. As you can tell, it's a big no-no with me and he usually knows better.
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Replies
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I think I see things differently....but
I think it's natural and human nature....I think he took a quick glance at an attractive women and it had/has nothing to do with you...or how you look....if u wore make-up or not....
It never bothered me...as long as his jaw didn't touch the gorund and he made it beyond obvious..LOL
I think it is more about you and how you feel about yourself than hubby
Just how I see it
Hang in there...being a new mom is tough and I think I lived in yoga pants for a good year after my kids were born0 -
From experience, no matter how much your H/bf is attracted to you, men ARE going to look!!! My boyfriend fawns over me, obsessively holds my hand, wants IT all the time (lol) and always tells me I'm gorgeous... but he looks at other girls. Women can't act completely innocent... we look too! the important thing is your husband isn't acting on it. I mean he is with YOU, right?
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I very much understand how much it sucks to be with a guy and catch him glancing at another woman. HOWEVER, it has nothing to do with you. It is in no way an indicator of your status to him/your beauty/your weight/etc. Men are going to look at other women, period. It's kind of just human nature. Even I check out other guys! So, while it is slightly annoying, just realize that it's almost instinct. He thinks you're gorgeous regardless, that's why he's with you!0
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My husband is always looking at other women so I understand how frustrating it can be.
I try not to let it bother me sorta like, 'you can look but you can't touch.'
And anyway, half of the women he looks at aren't even good looking and I'm not saying that out of jealousy because when I see a good looking women I can admit that they are attractive.0 -
i'm sorry, men can be pigs. it sounds like you're doing AMAZING, losing the baby weight & getting back to your weight from age 19 in only 6 months
) you should be proud, even if you're not feeling like you're looking ideal yet. i know plenty of young moms who took years, if they even managed at all to get back to their pre-baby weights! ::hug:: 0 -
It's a guy thing. We are made that way for some odd reason.0
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Just wanna say you are doing so well to have lost the weight by the time your child is 6months. It took me 18 months and now I'm trying to loose my post marriage weight! So please be encouraged...you are doing great and I'm sure are completely gorgeous!0
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I think you need to take a few cleansing breaths, and then talk to him. Tell him it upsets you that he looks at other people (and while you being upset won't stop him from doing it) maybe he'll be more discreet and will try harder to assure you how important you are too.
AND I would ask him for some help with the baby. It sounds like you are stressed out and almost to a breaking point. Ask him to keep the baby while you go to dinner or a movie with a friend. Or better yet, find a babysitter and go out with hubby.
I remember when my kids were babies, I was very insecure because I didn't feel pretty anymore - plus I was always tired and stuck at home with a colicky kid.0 -
Yeah, I never get jealous or frustrated. To be honest, hubby and I check out women together all the time.
He says, Hon, you gotta see this woman!
Me: Yikes! She is smokin'! So, did you want to get the whole wheat pasta again?
Him: Yeah, that was really good.
The end.0 -
I think I see things differently....but
I think it's natural and human nature....I think he took a quick glance at an attractive women and it had/has nothing to do with you...or how you look....if u wore make-up or not....
It never bothered me...as long as his jaw didn't touch the gorund and he made it beyond obvious..LOL
I think it is more about you and how you feel about yourself than hubby
Just how I see it
Hang in there...being a new mom is tough and I think I lived in yoga pants for a good year after my kids were born
AMEN SISTA! My hubby looks all the time, doesn't bother me a damn bit. It's not like I don't do it too! LOL0 -
Maybe he wasn't checking her out as much as looking at the clicking shoe too. Not all men that take a double look at a woman are checking them out. Maybe he was, but who cares he is coming home to you. He might not have even meant too and in his distracted moment did.0
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I think I see things differently....but
I think it's natural and human nature....I think he took a quick glance at an attractive women and it had/has nothing to do with you...or how you look....if u wore make-up or not....
It never bothered me...as long as his jaw didn't touch the gorund and he made it beyond obvious..LOL
I think it is more about you and how you feel about yourself than hubby
Just how I see it
Hang in there...being a new mom is tough and I think I lived in yoga pants for a good year after my kids were born
I agree. It has nothing to do with you. I even look at attractive women that pass by and the first time my fiance noticed he was shocked. It's human nature to look at beautiful (hot, attractive, whatever you want to specify it as) things, including people. I know with all your hard work, it probably makes you feel bad but just try not to let it get to you.0 -
From experience, no matter how much your H/bf is attracted to you, men ARE going to look!!! My boyfriend fawns over me, obsessively holds my hand, wants IT all the time (lol) and always tells me I'm gorgeous... but he looks at other girls. Women can't act completely innocent... we look too! the important thing is your husband isn't acting on it. I mean he is with YOU, right?
I MUST agree with this!! Your husband loves you, if he didn't ..he wouldn't be with you or have had a baby with you! Men WILL look..my husband is the BEST, treats me SO great & loves me..but every now & then I'll catch him looking. It truly is natural, but the only reason why I don't get TOO upset is b/c I LOOK myself lol.!! Like for a example..at work today a HANDSOME man came in & I was like maaaann eyecandy!! haha. We both know..it's natural to look, but nooo touching / talking to that person like all flirty. Hang in there girlie!!! 0 -
I think I see things differently....but
I think it's natural and human nature....I think he took a quick glance at an attractive women and it had/has nothing to do with you...or how you look....if u wore make-up or not....
It never bothered me...as long as his jaw didn't touch the gorund and he made it beyond obvious..LOL
I think it is more about you and how you feel about yourself than hubby
Just how I see it
Hang in there...being a new mom is tough and I think I lived in yoga pants for a good year after my kids were born
I agree and I don't but I can't fully speak cause I am not married nor do I have kids but when I had gf's I was always content with them and maybe call it luck that I never had one that lost their shape so to speak because they always seemed to be genetically gifted and didnt gain weight.
I can tell you this from studying psychology as much as I have I can say that it is dam near second nature for men to do this, some not as obvious as others or some only do it when you arent around because they are afraid to get caught but I would say most every man does it on some level, some are just better at hiding it or not doing it while you are around.
I did have the other side of the fence happen though, not the reverse but the other side. At once point I was thinner but then I put on about 20 lbs of muscle and I would be out with my gf and gf's with their bf's would be out and I would be getting checked out and my gf would be like "did you just see that? I cant believe that B*&TCH." I would just laugh cause I could care less I was happy with the one I was with.0 -
I agree with the other posters. As frustrating as it is, and believe me I know from experience, it's human nature to look. Now I hate it that my man won't admit looking at others. I'll say, which Deb are you talking about....the blonde or brunette? He pretends he doesn't even know the color of their hair! To me, that's sneaky. And it feels worse than catching him take a glance.0
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You could be the hottest woman on the face of the earth and men will still look at other women.
Along the same lines you never ever check a guy out even on tv?
thats just the way it is an there is nothing wrong with it imo0 -
Yes, Men look. The good ones don't gawk, but I'd dare say that most of us sneak a peak. I consider it admiring God's handiwork. Absolutely does not mean that I'm looking to stray, I'm just looking. Doesn't mean I don't love my wife or think that someone else is more attractive. At the risk of sounding offensive, and I do not mean to offend; (I work in an industry dominated by strong women), For me, it's SOMEWHAT SIMILAR to looking at a nice car or a cute puppy.
Okay, I must go and warm up for the rock throwing that's inbound...
JMO,
Ted0 -
Yeah, I never get jealous or frustrated. To be honest, hubby and I check our women together all the time.
He says, Hon, you gotta see this woman!
Me: Yikes! She is smokin'! So, did you want to get the whole wheat pasta again?
Him: Yeah, that was really good.
The end.
LOL. Same here.
Sometimes when I catch him sneaking a peak at some hot girl I just have to call him out on it. I might ask fairly loudly "Is she hot?" Hahaha. It's kind of funny to wach him squirm when he knows he's totally busted.0 -
You are both married not dead, it human nature to notice other's. It is one thing to take a look, but another to go and follow. That said, so he noticed someone else, I am sure you have noticed another man here or there but never though more than, Hmmm, nice looking man, or great eyes, ect. End of isssue, you looked and went on your way and resumed your life. I would not read too much into it. It is nice you are working on making yourself fit, and it is hard with kids. I had 2 kids 15 months apart, so I remember the days of no make up, lucky if your shower lasted longer than 10 minutes, kids husband and home, taking care of the property, and working, coming before you. It is hard, but chin up, do not worry about a glance sweetie.0
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YO
chill out
Im sorry but this isnt worth a rant.
YOU said she was good looking. Next time look at him and say "yea shes a looker eh? but why heels in a grocery store?"
or something to that affect.
just saying!0 -
Yeah, I never get jealous or frustrated. To be honest, hubby and I check out women together all the time.
He says, Hon, you gotta see this woman!
Me: Yikes! She is smokin'! So, did you want to get the whole wheat pasta again?
Him: Yeah, that was really good.
The end.
Haha.. that's awesome!0 -
As my old pastor used to say, which is apropos for this site:
"Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu"0 -
if he didnt take a second and third look and follow her around the isles it shouldnt bother you.. like has been said men will look, the chic could be ugly and we'll still glance. half the time we dont even realize we're doing it, plus i'm sure while you all have been out together you've seen a cute guy or two that you noticed..0
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I'm a guy and I'm married, and sometimes I can't help but look. I'm sorry. I wish I could "cut" this part out of my brain, but I can't. People can't help but to look at the opposite sex, especially if they are good looking.0
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srsly.
I jokingly tell my bf we should take our waitress (or random girls) home with us. I dont get the big deal0 -
As my old pastor used to say, which is apropos for this site:
"Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu"
I don't look at other people. As I don't go shopping when I know I have no money to spend. To me it's totally a waste of time... Many of you are right, it is about me, not about my husband - I need to accept my body will never be the same again :frown:
Still it felt good to get it out and thanks for reading 0 -
srsly.
I jokingly tell my bf we should take our waitress (or random girls) home with us. I dont get the big deal
Wow, you are very secure in your relationship and you have not one ounce of jealousy in you to say such things. That is great.
I think I've been cheated on one too many times to feel so secure. I hope you never get your heart broken in this way.0 -
Yeah, I never get jealous or frustrated. To be honest, hubby and I check our women together all the time.
He says, Hon, you gotta see this woman!
Me: Yikes! She is smokin'! So, did you want to get the whole wheat pasta again?
Him: Yeah, that was really good.
The end.
LOL. Same here.
Sometimes when I catch him sneaking a peak at some hot girl I just have to call him out on it. I might ask fairly loudly "Is she hot?" Hahaha. It's kind of funny to wach him squirm when he knows he's totally busted.
I've never said anything to my man, but I am totally going to do what you said. I just want to see how he reacts, I am laughing just thinking about all the possibilites....:laugh:0 -
First of all you are a beautiful woman so dont think your competing with anyone. Second its natural for a person to look at someone who is attractive either male or female. It goes both ways which is fine. Its bad when the person takes to the next level and stares. I have a policy of look but dont touch. Appreciate the beautiful people out there because your one of them!!0
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I actually giggle and tease my husband when he does this. He is not at all one to gawk but every now and then I'll see him take notice of a hot girl. I am not at ALL offended by this.... why... because sometimes I'm noticing her too!!! LOL... not in the way he is mind you but I'm thinking... wowzers that girl is freakin' gorgeous. As a married woman, are you completely oblivious to an attractive guy? I'm not. I notice good-looking men and think, "Hello hottie!!!" I call them like I see them. Looking at someone and appreciating their aesthetic advantage is quite common and we all do it. Gawking and commenting is taking it a bit far... but noticing? What's wrong with that? My husband can notice all he wants to as long as he's coming home to me and treating me right. And really... I work quite hard to make sure that what he's got at home is pretty damn good...0
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