I've Stopped Answering The Phone

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donicagalek
donicagalek Posts: 526
in Motivation and Support
An irl friend who always asks me for help in the kitchen (she'll call and say something like, "I have a roast out. What do I do with it?" :-D ) has found that I've taken to adding a bit of exercise (and obviously MFP) to life. I think she thinks that since she took Pilates for a couple of years, has a Y membership, and is the "thin friend" that it's her job to ask me everything that I'm doing and firmly suggest (I don't want to use the word "dictate") how I should work out. :-/

I realize that perhaps she makes us feel "even" for the number of times I've helped her find recipes or salvage a meal, but I didn't ask her for help and I'm finding a *lot* of the things she says to be almost contradictory and/or hypocritical. Plus, I've told her time and time again that I'm researching things and seeing what works for me. She knows that that's kind of my style.

She highly advocates crunches. I told her that I tried them for a couple of days and prefer planks because my form is bad and I'm hurting my back doing crunches. She still advocates crunches and tells me that they're great when you do them right. Last week she told me that she eats about a thousand calories a day. When I told her last night that I eat about the same she flat out told me that that was really too low. Keep in mind that she's not overweight (5'6" and about 125lbs) and when she goes to the Y she's mainly doing strength training (which from what I've read is pretty ineffective if you're doing it on a calorie deficit). I'm post WLS and still in weight loss mode and focusing more on cardio (which she admits she hates and only does a bare minimum of).

So, I don't want to tell her that she's wrong. I don't want to make her feel bad about the one thing she's holding hope that she's knowledgeable about. I'm just not answering the phone for a while so I don't kill the friendship.

Anyone else have a friend like this? :-D

Replies

  • FaithandFitness
    FaithandFitness Posts: 653 Member
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    I haven't had that problem, but good for you finding out what works best for you and going that way. That is an awesome step. If you choose to answer the phone in the future, perhaps you can set some guidelines with her about what you can talk about.
  • aprilmssmith
    aprilmssmith Posts: 35 Member
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    I've found the easiest thing to do is just agree with them. As in, "oh yeah, I do love crunches! I do them every day" and "1000 calories is too low? How many should I eat? ... Okay I'll eat 5000 then." Why worry about it? She doesn't know everything and you are an adult who can do whatever you want. It definitely helps the friendship. After you've gotten down to your goal weight you can sweetly tell her what you really did if you want to. If she asks why you didn't follow her advice just say she's in so much better shape than you and you just couldn't work out that hard. The secret to getting pushy people to back off is letting them think you are doing what they want you to and letting them down in a way that allows them to save face.
  • snowflakelaia
    snowflakelaia Posts: 214
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    I do not have friends like that, I'm the "slim" one around the people I know. But I know that if someone complains to me that she has put on weight but does not exercise at all, goes out for a drink 5 times a week, and eats out often, well... I cannot say anything but when they call me, I'm just busy, and that I can not go. When asked what I do, I always stress that what I do works for me, and may not work for others.

    I do crunches and planks. Planks are not easy. I love cardio because it energizes me, makes me feel good. I train to improve strength as well, but only 3 times a week, I do not want to bulk up on muscle. I like jogging-running and I feel better when I gain endurance. Of course, the more one weighs, the worse for one's joints and knees.
    I notice very quickly when I put on weight -even if it's only 2 pounds, those make a difference when working out!

    You are your own trainer, and nobody else but you knows your body. You can get advice from others, but that's always what works best for them, or what they like.

    Good luck!
    *smiles and sunshine*
  • Ashia1317
    Ashia1317 Posts: 415
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    In my case, it's a competition. "What size are you now? I'm a size (lower than you)". "How many calories are you eating? I'm eating (enter lower calories here)". "How many calories did you burn last night at the gym? I burned (enter higher calories here)". "This is what I do - you should be doing it too."

    I think you are courageous in not answering the phone. Not everyone can do that. I have some what disconnected myself from this person. I think their progress is great! I am very happy that it's working, but it' doesn't work for me. I have started to finally found my way. The fact is: no two people are a like. What one "diet" or work out does for one person, it doesn't do it for the next.

    This progress is not for anyone else but me - or you. This is MY health, MY body, MY mind, and MY lifestyle that I am working on. Everything else is a distraction.
  • donicagalek
    donicagalek Posts: 526
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    You are your own trainer, and nobody else but you knows your body. You can get advice from others, but that's always what works best for them, or what they like.

    OMG! I have said just this nearly word for word to her. :-D You'd think she'd get it? :-)
  • 1FITmamaofTWINS
    1FITmamaofTWINS Posts: 185
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    just smile and say thank you.... then go do your own thing =)

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