I need boyfriend advice.

Juliet,
I did not smack anyone over the head with anything. She asked our (my) opinion and that is just what it is. Just because its different than yours dosnt mean I have to keep quiet. I did it in the odered stated and I've been happily married to my husband for going on 23 years. It worked for me and I wanted to tell what worked for me. I also happen to believe in it.
Statistics state that more people get divorced that move in together before marrage than who more in after marrage.
Just sayin............you have you opinion and I have mine. State yours and leave me alone. Don't go bashing me because its different from yours.

1. She asked for opinions regarding how to deal with the issue of feeling she and her boyfriend may be incompatible. Her comment about them moving in together was completely tangential; at no time did she indicate she was looking for advice or opinions about that matter, and you know it, so quit being so disingenuous, pretending you really believe she wanted your advice about the matter you commented on.

2. I do not feel that you need to keep quiet in general, I feel that in this case, basic etiquette dictates that offering an unsolicited, judgmental opinion is inappropriate, and yes, such a comment should be kept to oneself for the sake of good manners.

3. I'm glad that your way has worked out so well for you. I mean that genuinely, I'm not being sarcastic. However, anecdotal "evidence" is meaningless. The happiest, most functional couple I know, friends of my family, have been together for 17 years, I believe. They - wait for it - moved in together after knowing one another for four months when they were 29 and not only did they not get married first, they still aren't married *GASP*. Does that anecdote mean that yours must be false? No, it doesn't. It means what I said in my first post, that different things work best for different people.

4. Again, no one indicated any interest in what worked for you. Sharing it is akin to going into a thread in which someone asked for advice on how fast they should ideally be running for their fitness level and saying, "Run? No, you're confused, I don't run, it doesn't work. You need to use the elliptical machine, that's how it's done." It has nothing to do with what was asked and is poor etiquette and in bad taste.

5. I suggest you educate yourself on the concepts of correlation, causation, confounding factors, and what kind of data constitutes evidence that A is caused by B. Then you will see how ignorant it is of you to suggest that statistics regarding cohabitation before marriage and divorce rates are proof of your position.

6. You are entitled to your own opinions. You are not, however, entitled to your own facts. The FACT is that the order in which one chooses to cohabitate with their partner, get engaged and get married (or to eliminate some of those steps altogether) is purely a matter of personal preference, and I will repeat again, since you seem to have difficulty grasping this point, telling another that their preference is wrong, as you did, is rude, judgmental and was irrelevant to the question asked.

7. Yes, you are correct that we each have our own opinions and that's okay - see, I think you ARE capable of grasping this concept, which is, ironically, exactly what you said: have your own opinion, but leave others alone unless they ask that you share it with them! That's *exactly* the point. Gold star! You've taken the first step in grasping this as a general concept; now I suggest you ruminate on it further and try your best to apply it to your inappropriate comment yesterday; I think that will be very enlightening for you.

8. Maybe you should learn how to spell "marriage" before you go offering unsolicited advice about it. See, now THAT'S me criticising you unnecessarily, or "bashing" you, as you choose to call it (I can't help but wonder what you'd call a genuine bashing if you think my previous post to you constituted one), which ordinarily I would not do, but since you do not understand the difference, I've demonstrated for you.

I'll say it one last time: you are NOT wrong for having an opinion that others may disagree with. You ARE wrong - judgmental, rude and inappropriate - for posting it unsolicited and phrased as a fact instead of one of many possible different and no less objectively valuable beliefs.

-- Juliet

CHARLIE SHEEN MUCH! LOL

Um hi guys, why are you arguing about grammar over the internet while posting in a serious thread about someone's legitimate relationship issues?

Seriously?

Um hi guys, why are you arguing about grammar over the internet while posting in a serious thread about someone's legitimate relationship issues?

Seriously?