I'm done hating myself, and mistreating my body.

Amber2089
Amber2089 Posts: 20
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
I have to be done hating myself. Loosing weight can not be done if you hate yourself. There is no other reason i keep doing this to my body. I want to be healthy and pretty so bad it hurts. But when I think about it, it only makes me more upset, so i eat more. A beautiful day outside easily depresses me because I feel I am not good enough to go out and enjoy it; so i sit inside, watch some tv, eat everything in the house, and feel even worse the next day.

I saw a woman the othe rday she was 210lbs, which is still over weight, and i thought to myself, damn she's hot!!! When I was 210lbs, I thought i was disgusting. But now here I am at 270lbs and I hate myself so badly. I would give anything to be back there. That is what I have to give though, I have to give everything! I have to give time, and effort, and make good decisions..

I am hopeing that that switch will flip soon and I will realize that this is not impossible, that I can loose weight and it will be enjoyable. I think I'm almost there.

I want to walk into a group of people and have someone ask me if I've lost weight!!! That is the nicest question anyone could ask!

So now I have to give up my old hatred for myself, and know that i have to love me, even a fat me, if i want to have any success in this.

Replies

  • lilchubbybunny
    lilchubbybunny Posts: 33
    I am there with you! Its so tireing to feel like your worthless. I was feeling the same way as you when i started I was 6"2 and 225 lb
    I am now down to 211 lb. But I can already see the difference. I encourage you to keep going. Just remember, you arn't doing this for anyone, just you. Because you are special and wonderful enough to deserve to be happy! Good luck and feel free to add me!
    -lilchubbybunny
  • EmmaRankmore
    EmmaRankmore Posts: 125
    Honey, you gotta love yourself first and then make the rest happen. No-one is saying weight loss is easy, its not - its really hard, but the results are worth every tear and every strain. You have to remember that there is no-one in the entire world like you, that you are special and awesome, and to hold your head up high. Take small steps - a 5 minute walk, saying no to that chocolate biscuit and having a glass of water instead - just the little things. After a while, the small things start to mount up and you'll see the results.
    Just have faith in you - like the rest of us do :)
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    YES! You have to love yourself! You are beautiful and deserve all good things.
    You are special (God made us all that way) and need to appreciate the positive things about yourself.
    You are WORTH it and once you accept that, you will be on your way to becoming healthy and taking care of yourself.
    You can do this!!!!!!!!!!! Hang in there and love yourself!!!!!
  • EmmaRankmore
    EmmaRankmore Posts: 125
    Feel free to add me too! This journey is so much better and so much easier with friends to hold us up along the way, snap us out of it when we're having a bad day, and cheer from the sidelines when we reach each goal :)
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Your already making the change, getting completely fed up is the first step. Now you need to do well long enough to see positive results which will upward spiral you into the right direction. Use that to gain momentum. Also I like to meditate it helps you focus on your goals plus you can't eat while your doing it haha. I lay back in a chair and listen to Kelly Howell's guided meditations in my head phones it really helps me focus my wants and recharges me. Good Luck but you don't need it , be guided by a force stronger than luck.......determination!
  • abbie017
    abbie017 Posts: 410
    You have made such a healthy decision and have great motivation for losing some weight. That really is key -- WANTING to do it, rather than feeling like you have to do it. Keep working hard and you'll succeed! Feel free to add me as a friend if you need a little extra support! :)
  • Coco_Belle
    Coco_Belle Posts: 12
    Hi Amber

    Well it certainly seems like you have turned a corner! I am in a very similar boat - not feeling good enough to participate in life, and am sick of it! While I don't know if I can love myself just yet, I am taking little steps to improve different aspects of myself. I have started my diet this week and hopefully this will be the last time that I have to do it!
    For me the key is not to dwell on the bad things about me, which is the easiest thing to do. It depresses me and makes me eat more- I am a total comfort eater! Instead I try to be around things that inspire me. Like this website for example. Your post has made me try to think in the same way. I like Zest magazine too as it is full of positive changes that you can make. I don't tend to find that reminders of how ugly I am, or how bad things could get actually work for me.
    Now all I have to master is maintaining this enthusiasm and ensuring that I have the motivation to carry on until I reach my goals.

    Good luck with yours.
  • DaniiDean
    DaniiDean Posts: 162 Member
    Good luck ! If you need support I can help you :)
  • Pangea250
    Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
    Yes! I sooooooooooo hear what you are saying. I hit "that point" a few weeks ago. For the longest time, I was waiting to feel better about myself before I begin losing weight. Then I realized that maybe I had it backwards. I had to realize that I was worth losing the weight and worth feeling better about me.
  • mixmastermolly
    mixmastermolly Posts: 272
    I can totally understand where you're coming from. My self-hatred is definitely inhibiting me from achieving success. I met with a friend this weekend and I was talking to her about a lot of struggles I've experienced in life. She told me about a time in her life when she was struggling with different things, similar to what I was experiencing, and she said she just had to put herself out there. She was unhappy and she just started to go to see local bands by herself just to get out. I've lost the confidence to do that sort of thing but she said she had lost it, too. She just had to make herself do it.
  • Barbelizah
    Barbelizah Posts: 18 Member
    I know exactly how that feels But I am glad that you have made a turn around and decided that loving yourself is where you need to start. I to hate not being able to go out because no matter what I wear makes me look lumpy everywhere. But joining MFP was a great step as well because there is many wonderful people here to Support you.

    GOOD LUCK!!
  • chrisyoung0422
    chrisyoung0422 Posts: 426 Member
    Got to be fed up before you can make the change. It sounds like you are past fed up and in "waiting for change" mode.

    If you get the right amount of positive support and people around you who know and can relate I think you will be able to knock your goal out with some work.

    Feel free to add me!

    :glasses:
  • Amber2089
    Amber2089 Posts: 20
    I have forgotten how great the support is on here. So many things that i have read in just the last few minutes ring so very true. The enthusiasm is so terribly hard to maintain!!! So many times I've worked my but off on a first week and not seen any difference and given up, even though I know that it would show the next week if i kept it up. It is so important to start out with even a small win!

    That is my goal this week. a small win!
  • clw_888
    clw_888 Posts: 157 Member
    I am glad you found your way to MFP! Stay connected to this site. Post on the message boards and ask for help and support when you need it! We are here for you and wish you nothing but the best and success! Feel free to add me if you would like. :)
  • EmmaRankmore
    EmmaRankmore Posts: 125
    lol I STILL hate exercising, but am seeing results now and it makes me hate it less ;) Just be really determined. I've found anger to be very motivating - sad isn't, but angry is - I get lots more done and harder workouts done lol ;) Just be kind to you! You are worthy of love as much as anyone else, and that includes love from your own self :)
  • tammyquinnlmt
    tammyquinnlmt Posts: 680 Member
    I've been there as well. I hated what I let myself do to my body. Its a tough journey, and some days I just want to throw in the towell..but I had to figure out that it was ok to take care of me and to let my family figure a few things out on their own. I have also discovered that I am worth taking care of. I wish you the best of luck and feel free to add me if you want.
  • EmmaRankmore
    EmmaRankmore Posts: 125
    I've been there as well. I hated what I let myself do to my body. Its a tough journey, and some days I just want to throw in the towell..but I had to figure out that it was ok to take care of me and to let my family figure a few things out on their own. I have also discovered that I am worth taking care of. I wish you the best of luck and feel free to add me if you want.

    I especially love the 'I have also discovered that I am worth taking care of.' line - thats the hardest part to come to terms with, but once you realise it, it takes on a life of its own :)
  • grl_frm_tx
    grl_frm_tx Posts: 7
    I am 161lbs and hate my body and some days hate myself for not looking like a magazine cover. I have struggled with body image my entire life. I have gone from 200lbs to 120 anorexic lbs...and back again! I can't ever remember being completely happy with myself physically. I feel less of a person sometimes because of what I look like.. I recently looked in the mirror and not only do I see fat...I see age on top of it. Something inside of me still wants to fight, hence joining this site, the other part of me wants to go into seclusion, give up..eat what I want and get old and ugly all by myself. I just wanted you to know whether you are 200lbs, 270lbs, or 161lbs..you are not alone in the daily struggle. Your post really touched me because I know exactly how you feel..
  • stacimaci
    stacimaci Posts: 4 Member
    Three months ago I could have written what you wrote, word for word. Thank goodness for people, like you on MFP. I am with you here on this journey.
  • Amber2089
    Amber2089 Posts: 20
    I am 161lbs and hate my body and some days hate myself for not looking like a magazine cover. I have struggled with body image my entire life. I have gone from 200lbs to 120 anorexic lbs...and back again! I can't ever remember being completely happy with myself physically. I feel less of a person sometimes because of what I look like.. I recently looked in the mirror and not only do I see fat...I see age on top of it. Something inside of me still wants to fight, hence joining this site, the other part of me wants to go into seclusion, give up..eat what I want and get old and ugly all by myself. I just wanted you to know whether you are 200lbs, 270lbs, or 161lbs..you are not alone in the daily struggle. Your post really touched me because I know exactly how you feel..

    I was anorexic in high school. I went from 200lbs to 175 in about a month by not eating, and since then it has been so hard to lose weight. My body hates me for what i did to it. And even at 175 lbs i still thought i was too fat. Ever since i was a kid my father would tell me i needed to lose weight now (as a 10 year old) because it only get harder to loose. While that is true, that isn't something a 10 year old needs to be preached to about. It gave me suce a bad body image at such a young age that i have never grown out of it.
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