Back at MFP and needing some dating advice.

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Pom_love_2
Pom_love_2 Posts: 96
in Chit-Chat
Hello everyone, I dropped out for awhile and even kept off the weight I had lost for several months, but am in physical therapy now and gained some back. (Yikes!!!)

What I need to know from you all...can anyone give me some pointers on how to let someone from work (who will be leaving for another job within 2months....I just found out!!:noway: ) that you have an interest in them, but that you are not really ready to start dating heavily at this time. We aren't anything more than distant co-workers, I've been interested in him for some time (several years actually) but with my weight issues and other time challenging issues, I haven't exactly shown him I was interested. The closest I ever came was to ask if he had an older brother that was available, jokingly of course, because he is a bit younger than I. Now I'm afraid I might be seeing a possible future close relationship dissappear out the door at work. :cry:

I'm not absolutely sure, but for about a month just a few weeks ago, I sort of got the impression he was purposly trying to approach me (by making sure he was up from his desk and walking the opposite direction when he knew I was going to be walking back towards my desk after I'd been speaking with another co-worker and making a point to say hello with a big smile on his face). I didn't encourage him, in fact I think I might have come across as uninterested because I kept telling myself I didn't want to date a co-worker due to the issues if things don't work out, each time he was walking towards me. :grumble: :sick: Now I regret it because he's stopped "being around", and is even dressing different (old, faded polo shirts instead of the new, neatly pressed, button down dress shirts he was wearing).

I don't want to seem too forward, (or desparate, either) so I don't know how to approach the subject of wanting to stay in touch (and even date) now that I know he'll be leaving. Note: I get really embarrased and blush easily in this type of situation, and will blush even more if I get rejected. :embarassed:

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  • Pom_love_2
    Pom_love_2 Posts: 96
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    Hello everyone, I dropped out for awhile and even kept off the weight I had lost for several months, but am in physical therapy now and gained some back. (Yikes!!!)

    What I need to know from you all...can anyone give me some pointers on how to let someone from work (who will be leaving for another job within 2months....I just found out!!:noway: ) that you have an interest in them, but that you are not really ready to start dating heavily at this time. We aren't anything more than distant co-workers, I've been interested in him for some time (several years actually) but with my weight issues and other time challenging issues, I haven't exactly shown him I was interested. The closest I ever came was to ask if he had an older brother that was available, jokingly of course, because he is a bit younger than I. Now I'm afraid I might be seeing a possible future close relationship dissappear out the door at work. :cry:

    I'm not absolutely sure, but for about a month just a few weeks ago, I sort of got the impression he was purposly trying to approach me (by making sure he was up from his desk and walking the opposite direction when he knew I was going to be walking back towards my desk after I'd been speaking with another co-worker and making a point to say hello with a big smile on his face). I didn't encourage him, in fact I think I might have come across as uninterested because I kept telling myself I didn't want to date a co-worker due to the issues if things don't work out, each time he was walking towards me. :grumble: :sick: Now I regret it because he's stopped "being around", and is even dressing different (old, faded polo shirts instead of the new, neatly pressed, button down dress shirts he was wearing).

    I don't want to seem too forward, (or desparate, either) so I don't know how to approach the subject of wanting to stay in touch (and even date) now that I know he'll be leaving. Note: I get really embarrased and blush easily in this type of situation, and will blush even more if I get rejected. :embarassed:
  • nightangelstars
    nightangelstars Posts: 337 Member
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    Facebook! Uh. Well I'm a college student so when I want to keep in touch I'm like, hey facebook me, and no one questions it or makes a big deal out of it so it's relatively embarrassment-free.

    Or in lieu of that, i suppose you could jokingly ask for his email or something. I find computers a good medium for getting around that whole :blushing: thing.

    But that's just me . . . good luck btw, I hope things work out for you!
  • Pom_love_2
    Pom_love_2 Posts: 96
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    I'd thought about asking him for his email, but I'm not sure he has one outside of work....(I know that sounds wierd, who doesn't have a computer these days, right? But, believe it or not, I do know some people who don't because they have to deal with them at work and don't want one at home too)

    I don't know about facebook, I've only heard of my space and that doesn't have very good reviews as being safe. Do you need an invititation like with myspace?

    Those are some good ideas. The only other thing I came up with is a card that says i'll miss you, keep in touch and put my address and email in it, but that would be pretty forward (and make me feel like I'm throwing myself at him in a way) and possibly be seen by everyone else. I will have to keep working with the other people who aren't leaving.

    I guess asking for his email would be the best idea. I'm going to look up facebook.

    Thanks for the ideas!:happy:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    I'd thought about asking him for his email, but I'm not sure he has one outside of work....(I know that sounds wierd, who doesn't have a computer these days, right? But, believe it or not, I do know some people who don't because they have to deal with them at work and don't want one at home too)

    I don't know about facebook, I've only heard of my space and that doesn't have very good reviews as being safe. Do you need an invititation like with myspace?

    Those are some good ideas. The only other thing I came up with is a card that says i'll miss you, keep in touch and put my address and email in it, but that would be pretty forward (and make me feel like I'm throwing myself at him in a way) and possibly be seen by everyone else. I will have to keep working with the other people who aren't leaving.

    I guess asking for his email would be the best idea. I'm going to look up facebook.

    Thanks for the ideas!:happy:

    Hey ya know what? I really don't think your card idea is a bad one at all!:flowerforyou: I think just a simple friendship type hate to see you leave type card and a handwritten note saying something along the lines of 'Feel free to keep in touch, you'll be missed....and leave your addy, phone number or email whichever you feel most comfy with........ it's a thought :drinker:

    I like the idea of a personal touch, the card idea in person rather than the email but then again it's what you prefer or feel most comfy with. If you feel everyone might see the card, perhaps you can plop it on his desk before he leaves or when you come in to the office in the morning....

    Heck who's gonna think anything of it really, they'll think someone left a card, ya know? They won't assume you interested in him and leaving info for him to keep in touch. Guess what I'm trying to say is....you're the only one that really knows right now that you'd like to touch base with him in the future.

    Make him some cookies or whatever he's into and place it with that...

    Well, best of luck which ever idea you chose....

    I don't use facebook/myspace etc. as I feel they are impersonal.... but that's only me! But if I wanted to keep in touch with someone I think I'd rather know I was giving them my info and sorta would like to know right then how it was gonna fly....rather than always wondering when they were going to contact me or if they would...yadda x 3. You know how us girls get to analyzing everything when it comes to guys:blushing: :laugh:

    Looking forward to hearing more on how it goes :flowerforyou:
  • lascolaj514
    lascolaj514 Posts: 53 Member
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    The card's the perfect idea. Go for it. Jackie
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    The card's the perfect idea. Go for it. Jackie
    :happy:
  • jillb2727
    jillb2727 Posts: 37
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    I've been through a very similar situation & trust me you need to go for it! There is no worse feeling than regret....if you don't try you will never know!

    If he's not interested, then you are back where you are now.....BUT you can move on to someone else & its a closed chapter. You need to at least give it a try!

    Good luck! Keep us posted!
  • DjBliss05
    DjBliss05 Posts: 682
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    I think the card is a good idea...

    BUT I'm a rules girl! Let him come to you. The card is good b/c it isn't forward and could just be considered a friendly thing.

    If he isn't already stressing about leaving YOU then he probably isn't worth going after. He should be the one working for you because you are fabulous!

    If he isn't paying attention to you, then move on to the next one and find somebody that will worship you!

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I think the card is a good idea...

    BUT I'm a rules girl! Let him come to you. The card is good b/c it isn't forward and could just be considered a friendly thing.

    If he isn't already stressing about leaving YOU then he probably isn't worth going after. He should be the one working for you because you are fabulous!

    If he isn't paying attention to you, then move on to the next one and find somebody that will worship you!

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    He might be just as nervous as she is!

    No one wants to be the one to approach the other person because we're all afraid of rejection.
    I think it's exciting to approach the person, and then if it doesn't work out, just laugh at myself and move on. If they don't return the feelings, then you haven't lost anything. And if they do return the feelings, then you have gained something awesome all on your own. I used to be really shy, but once I got over worrying about what other people might think, I became very outgoing. I have no problem eating lunch alone or finding another person sitting alone and sitting with them. People often randomly sit with me too. Even if you don't get some romance, you can hang out and have fun! :flowerforyou:
  • JMAMA
    JMAMA Posts: 298 Member
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    I like the card idea too. Another thing that you might say in passing "jeeze your leaving, and we haven't even had cocktails after work yet." Or, "I'm not letting you leave this place without the two of us going out for some fair well dinner." I know that is pretty forward, but some men like that. I think it would show your confidence as well!! Good luck, and keep us posted!
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    I like the card idea too. Another thing that you might say in passing "jeeze your leaving, and we haven't even had cocktails after work yet." Or, "I'm not letting you leave this place without the two of us going out for some fair well dinner." I know that is pretty forward, but some men like that. I think it would show your confidence as well!! Good luck, and keep us posted!

    Good thoughts! My deal is humor so I could easily throw those comments out with a laugh and a smile and that person could then take it how ever they wanted. lol If they truly weren't interested in me then no biggee... my protection mode? I have no idea....I haven't been in therapy that long yet...:laugh: :bigsmile:
  • Pom_love_2
    Pom_love_2 Posts: 96
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    Follow up-
    Thanks for all the great advise.

    His last day was Friday the 19th. I gave him a card with a personally composed poem and my email and cell phone number that Wednesday and he said, " I'll be here till Friday, so I'll keep it on my desk desk till then."

    Additionally I sent him an e-card to his work email that said He would be missed...it was never read.

    I haven't heard from him. Guess I should take that for my answer. Oh well, his loss.

    There's probably a good reason he's stil single at 40 anyway and I just didn't see it. I will find someone out there that's right for me.

    Till then, I have a lot of work to do getting my body back into the shape I'm used to. That will be keeping me pretty busy added to my classes and work. I also plan on taking up yoga on a regular basis too, I've been hearing a lot about it's effectiveness for stress relief and confidence building.

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