Does anyone have a spouse that undermines their efforts?

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2

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  • AllyS7
    AllyS7 Posts: 480 Member
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    All the time. He doesn't mean to, he's just not accepted the same mindset I have. The poor guy got a Cheesecake the other day, and thawed it out when I asked him to grab a snack for me. Now I know how I got the way I am.

    He's trying to be sweet, but I kindly thank him and remind him of my new lifestyle.
  • NobodyKnows
    NobodyKnows Posts: 764 Member
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    When I read the topic, I thought the question was related to sex.

    My answer: YES!!!!
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
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    I remember when I joined MFP in January 2011. Since then, it's been two steps forward, two steps back.

    The reason? Because when my husband snacks I snack too. When my husband leaves snacks on the table I eat them late at night. I had his support when I joined MFP (he hid all the candy and snacks!!) Now, I'm still the one doing the grocery shopping so I keep a lot of the snacks out. I've just gotta stop matching my hubby bite for bite. They say that's the biggest downfall--matching bite for bite! (next time share the cupcake with a co-worker--your hubby means well!)
  • megan_mp
    megan_mp Posts: 77
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    While I hear your frustrations (mine are semi-similar), I'm impressed with your husband that he:

    1. Thought about you
    2. Took the time to purchase something for you
    3. Took the time to bring said purchase to you

    This has never happened to me in my 17 years of marriage! :)

    Lucky girl!
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
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    This often happens as the spouse of the weight reducing person starts "looking slim, trim & drop-dead gorgeous". Whether the "enabler" (a term often used for alcoholics who cannot drink alone so they try to get others to join in their destructive behavior) is able to admit it or not. They are afraid of "losing" that healthier spouse to someone else so they, subconsciously, do what they can to destroy the other person's efforts to keep them fat. That's the bottom line...fear of loss and underlying jealousy of the unknown...it's a protective defense mechanism. That's not a bad thing but it might help you understand the behavior. Be strong and don't give in when the "treats" appear because that person loves you with all their being. Thank them, love them, and tell them that you love them enough to stay with your program and be super healthy so you can enjoy each other for more years than you want to count.

    ^
    ^
    ^
    PERFECT answer. I was going to try to say something like this, but you said it much better.
  • Bellydance
    Bellydance Posts: 105 Member
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    While I hear your frustrations (mine are semi-similar), I'm impressed with your husband that he:

    1. Thought about you
    2. Took the time to purchase something for you
    3. Took the time to bring said purchase to you

    This has never happened to me in my 17 years of marriage! :)

    Lucky girl!

    Same here. I'm jealous. I've asked mine to come take me out to lunch and it hasn't happened. Maybe that's one of the reasons we aren't together anymore!!! ~big sigh~
  • Foxworth81
    Foxworth81 Posts: 124 Member
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    And don't get me started on the fact that if he were to adopt this healthier lifestyle, he'd drop 10 lbs in the 1st week. LOL!

    OH! Don't you just *hate* that. My husband can't stop drinking soda for two weeks and lose 15 pounds. Enraging! :-)

    For the record, my husband has been VERY supportive of my diet efforts for the most part. He has always been thin and is usually trying to put on weight. But last week he had the nerve to criticize the fact that healthy food is so expensive and that becuse I was dieting, HE has lost 20 pounds. I know he was teasing but that really struck me the wrong way. I haven't even lost that much weight. UGH!
  • ButterflyKristen
    ButterflyKristen Posts: 109 Member
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    This often happens as the spouse of the weight reducing person starts "looking slim, trim & drop-dead gorgeous". Whether the "enabler" (a term often used for alcoholics who cannot drink alone so they try to get others to join in their destructive behavior) is able to admit it or not. They are afraid of "losing" that healthier spouse to someone else so they, subconsciously, do what they can to destroy the other person's efforts to keep them fat. That's the bottom line...fear of loss and underlying jealousy of the unknown...it's a protective defense mechanism. That's not a bad thing but it might help you understand the behavior. Be strong and don't give in when the "treats" appear because that person loves you with all their being. Thank them, love them, and tell them that you love them enough to stay with your program and be super healthy so you can enjoy each other for more years than you want to count.

    Sage advice. I think I'll tell the same to my husband but add a little spice: I think I'll tell him how "excited" it will make me to be at my GW and wear sexy lingerie.... :love:
  • craftylatvian
    craftylatvian Posts: 599 Member
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    I fell very lucky..my fiance joined MFP all on his own a week after I did. I never asked him to, I just told him about the site and how great it was. He was always the "ice cream at 9 o'clock" person so to see him change and be supportive is a blessing.
  • suemar74
    suemar74 Posts: 447 Member
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    mine!!! he is a right little so and so for tempting me, last night we had a 5 minute "discussion" over whether i wanted a dessert or not, and this is a regular thing, he always wants a pudding after the main meal always wants something unhealthy, always wants crisps and chocolate to take as part of his lunch for work, when he cooks he refuses to tell me whats in it and produces huge portions and then sulks if i don't eat it all. he gloats when he steps on the scale or goes down a belt notch without trying, and worse of all he jiggles my flabby bits!!!!

    but i do still love him despite his faults

    If my SO jiggled my flabby bits, I'd have to jab him in the throat. Seriously.
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
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    mine!!! he is a right little so and so for tempting me, last night we had a 5 minute "discussion" over whether i wanted a dessert or not, and this is a regular thing, he always wants a pudding after the main meal always wants something unhealthy, always wants crisps and chocolate to take as part of his lunch for work, when he cooks he refuses to tell me whats in it and produces huge portions and then sulks if i don't eat it all. he gloats when he steps on the scale or goes down a belt notch without trying, and worse of all he jiggles my flabby bits!!!!

    but i do still love him despite his faults

    If my SO jiggled my flabby bits, I'd have to jab him in the throat. Seriously.

    oh he normally gets a decent slap, bedroom privilages become restricted and worse of all i make him eat a salad, he's learning not to touch the love handles lol
  • Achoooo
    Achoooo Posts: 130
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    Mine is usually good, but this past weekend was bad. I tried to eat something healthy at a restaurant, but he wanted to do this "2 for $20" deal to save money, which also included an app, he was cranky when I said no and it wasn't worth a fight in public. He thinks "once in awhile" is not a big deal but the problem is, "once in awhile" to him means 3 times a week.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    She used to. Unintentionally. She knows I like Dilly Bars from DQ and when Holland would go to DQ occassionally to get something, Jan would have her pick me one up. The last time was about a month ago. I had already asked her not to, but she forgot. It's still sitting in my freezer and she hasn't done it since.
  • AFitasticYou
    AFitasticYou Posts: 170
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    I would sit down with him infront of MFP & break it all down for him. Show him your calories, look in the database at the food. Show him things that are worth eating and things that aren't. Maybe if he sees what you are up against he will understand and be able to be more supportive.
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    You could say, "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but you know what? It made my stomach hurt. When my stomach hurts I don't feel like having sex."

    The end.
  • legend1973
    legend1973 Posts: 83
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    lol...... oh my god Karin.... YOURE EVIL!!!
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    lol...... oh my god Karin.... YOURE EVIL!!!

    No way, the treats stop and sex continues. Everybody wins!
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    You could say, "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but you know what? It made my stomach hurt. When my stomach hurts I don't feel like having sex."

    The end.

    It'd never happen again.
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    You could say, "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but you know what? It made my stomach hurt. When my stomach hurts I don't feel like having sex."

    The end.

    It'd never happen again.

    Exactly!

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