Tired of the Joking

I would have a picture of your jean size (or goal jean size) on your phone so that next brownie picture message with "don't you wish you were eating this?" you get, you can send the pic of your jean size and say "don't you wish you were wearing this?" Okay so a little passive-aggressive... maybe that's not the best route. They're probably trying to deal with how much it hurts them to think you could change and become healthier while they pack on more and more pounds every year. They're joking around so they don't have to think about their own choices. It's easier to watch you fail and tell themselves it's impossible, "everybody who tries to lose weight is just miserable and at least I'm happy", than to see you succeed while they're failing. Be happy. Enjoy the foods you eat and the exercise you do. And invite them to join you. That would probably be the healthier route... yeah I'll go with that as being my advice for the day. :flowerforyou:

Okay, so her is my suggestion, which you are totally free to ignore.

Tell them the real uncomfortable truth about why you are dieting. Do you hate looking at pictures of yourself and looking in the mirror? Are you struggling with obesity and feel like you are in a fight for your life? Struggle with depression leading to weight gain, or weight gain cause depressing thoughts? I guarantee that if you sit down with these people and explain to them in all the gory detail that they will have no temptation to tease you anymore. It may make things really awkward for a while, but they will realize that this is not a joking issue to you and may end up being one of your biggest supporters.

You know, I am living in China right now. Culturally it is not such a horrible thing here to make an observation out loud to a person's face about the fact that they are fat. To them it is about along the lines of "You have brown hair" or "You are wearing a red shirt." Sometimes a cab driver will ask me "Why are you so fat?" I have just started replying by telling them the whole unabbreviated truth (Lots of deaths in the family, plus moving = long term depression and using food as medication). This is NOT the answer they are looking for (not sure what is...) but it quickly opens their eyes to the fact that it is not the greatest question to be asking. I turn that realization into a learning moment and go on to explain that in most Western cultures it isn't polite to comment or ask questions about a persons weight, age or salary. The cab driver thinks it is really interesting and doesn't leave the conversation thinking bad things about Americans, and I don't leave the cab with my feelings hurt.

Joking is about the cultural equivalent I think, and you could even point that out. Say something like "When you send me a picture of chocolate cake it makes me feel like you are reminding me of what a fatty I am and telling me that I won't ever be able to really lose the weight." Expressing yourself calmly but honestly and firmly is much more successful than passive attempts to mold how the people around us act. You don't have to ask them to stop sending the emails, just tell them how they make you feel and let them choose once they can make an informed decision. Anyone who keeps sending them after hearing the truth is just a jerk. Consider blocking or at least filtering their emails.

So while my situation was a cultural misunderstanding, at its core yours is too. You are now part of "losing weight" culture with its own sense of humor and propriety. You may need to be the one to facilitate intercultural learning on the issue.

Good luck!

You know, if you make a joke of it too then maybe the food will lose the power it has in making you upset I found for me the more power I gave those things, the more they upset me or got a rise out of me. Take the power back from food. Shrug it off or ignore it and train your brain to not give the food so much merit, then over time you will be able to laugh about it and realize that the brownie they are eating in that picture is gross and is not making them any healthier. Break it down and take the power back! You can do it!

I agree with this ^^^ I never realized how much power I gave food unti. I just shrugged it off.
I believe that it is possible....you can do it!

The other day someone walked through our office and mentioned that the vending machine had peanut butter M&M's in it. They are my favorite!! I have thought about them at least once every afternoon now when I get the munchies, but I just remember, I have a goal and I must stick to it for myself! Most of my friends are supportive, but sometimes when we all get together they will say things "just one peice of cake won't kill you." it might be wrong but when I resist I just think of myself as that much stornger of a person then they are....

I know what you mean! Some people just don't get it.

Okay, so her is my suggestion, which you are totally free to ignore.

Tell them the real uncomfortable truth about why you are dieting. Do you hate looking at pictures of yourself and looking in the mirror? Are you struggling with obesity and feel like you are in a fight for your life? Struggle with depression leading to weight gain, or weight gain cause depressing thoughts? I guarantee that if you sit down with these people and explain to them in all the gory detail that they will have no temptation to tease you anymore. It may make things really awkward for a while, but they will realize that this is not a joking issue to you and may end up being one of your biggest supporters.

You know, I am living in China right now. Culturally it is not such a horrible thing here to make an observation out loud to a person's face about the fact that they are fat. To them it is about along the lines of "You have brown hair" or "You are wearing a red shirt." Sometimes a cab driver will ask me "Why are you so fat?" I have just started replying by telling them the whole unabbreviated truth (Lots of deaths in the family, plus moving = long term depression and using food as medication). This is NOT the answer they are looking for (not sure what is...) but it quickly opens their eyes to the fact that it is not the greatest question to be asking. I turn that realization into a learning moment and go on to explain that in most Western cultures it isn't polite to comment or ask questions about a persons weight, age or salary. The cab driver thinks it is really interesting and doesn't leave the conversation thinking bad things about Americans, and I don't leave the cab with my feelings hurt.

Joking is about the cultural equivalent I think, and you could even point that out. Say something like "When you send me a picture of chocolate cake it makes me feel like you are reminding me of what a fatty I am and telling me that I won't ever be able to really lose the weight." Expressing yourself calmly but honestly and firmly is much more successful than passive attempts to mold how the people around us act. You don't have to ask them to stop sending the emails, just tell them how they make you feel and let them choose once they can make an informed decision. Anyone who keeps sending them after hearing the truth is just a jerk. Consider blocking or at least filtering their emails.

So while my situation was a cultural misunderstanding, at its core yours is too. You are now part of "losing weight" culture with its own sense of humor and propriety. You may need to be the one to facilitate intercultural learning on the issue.

Good luck!

I couldn't agree more. However another cultural problem I find we have here in America is the reaction is usually anger when someone tries to make the offending joker think!