Back handed compliments from friends...why are some women so

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  • petithamu
    petithamu Posts: 582 Member
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    Thanks you guys. I really am thankful for all the comments. This is why I come on here because I could never post something like this on FB because I'll get virtually murdered!

    I do have a small handful of female friends and these are the people that know I've been working out and they've been nothing but supportive. My boyfriend said to me these are the true friends and they'll always be by my side like I am always by theirs. I don't want you guys to think I 'shun' women, I don't...just today...grrr, she just really freaking annoyed me! Haha

    Anyway, thank you again =)
  • cheshirechic
    cheshirechic Posts: 489 Member
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    I agree w/ above: it's pure jealousy.

    Also, I think you said that you were kind of friends with her, but not as close. To keep things in perspective, she IS in your circle, but she seems to be a tangential part of it. It also seems like you don't see her very often, either. While some women will be uber-jealous and catty and horrible, know that it's not the norm. Sounds like you have a very supportive bf and close circle of friends. While she's being an awful person, you're diffusing the situation as best as you can instead of escalating it, which is the best thing you can do. I hate it when people act like that, and I can truly empathize with you.

    You're doing AMAZING if even a hater acknowledges your changes. Know that a lot of the women on here (me included), are truly happy for other MFP members who reach their goals. Feel bad that she's that insecure with herself, which is in itself a horrible thing, and know that you're not only fitter, but a better person.

    Feel free to message or add if you want some genuine positive female support!

    (I love Jillian, too! I have her to partially thank for my arms as well....haha.)
  • skramer13
    skramer13 Posts: 70 Member
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    All the little showy kisses after each nasty comment makes it sound like she might feel threatened in her relationship now that you're losing weight and looking good. It sounds like she doesn't have very high self-esteem and might be worried her boyfriend will start looking at you instead of her, so those little comment/kiss episodes are her way of putting you down, highlighting herself, and trying to subtly reinforce the fact that he's hers with the kiss. It's just a show for him and a territorial thing for you. Don't pay her any mind. If I were you, I'd limit my interactions with her for a good while while she gets her own issues sorted out. Congrats on the weight loss, by the way! :)
  • guppygirl322
    guppygirl322 Posts: 408 Member
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    I do have a small handful of female friends and these are the people that know I've been working out and they've been nothing but supportive. My boyfriend said to me these are the true friends and they'll always be by my side like I am always by theirs.

    Your boyfriend is 100% right! One of my friends lost a lot of weight. Of course I was jealous, but I told her I was and begged her to tell me all her secrets!:laugh: I encourage her all the time because that's what friends do. When she gets frustrated that the weight loss has stopped I tell her not to get discouraged, just hang on and keep doing what you're doing to get past the plateau. Maybe I will finally be able to get my weight down this time, maybe not. But it isn't a competition between us and if she gets there first or I never get there at all I'm happy for her and proud of her.
  • pope8890
    pope8890 Posts: 9 Member
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    Thats's so strange how women can act. When I saw a friend lose weight, that gave me the confidence to start losing weight. I believe you should be around other women who can encourage you to do better. Anyone who shuns you is not a true friend, they feel threatened by you, in one way or another. Congratulations on your weight loss. Keep up the good work.
  • JE55Y
    JE55Y Posts: 333 Member
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    That woman sounds so b*tchy! I wouldn't go out with her again.

    Couldn't you have acidently bumped into her and sent her flying over the table, where she gets covered in food?
  • BunnybeeJG
    BunnybeeJG Posts: 344 Member
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    your chinese friend was probably just joking around so that one you should just have a laugh with and be like you know it :wink:

    They don't really sound like back handed compliments as much as her just being a tattle tale and a biitch.

    my grandmother is the QUEEN of backhanded compliments. Lol so its always fun to ..on a daily basis get to hear something really nice and then something else really horrible. Some people don't realize they are doing it ... others sincerely think they are being nice.

    then theres people like the gal in your post. she seems like she thinks she's just better than you all around i have a friend like that... its ya. no explanation needed on that one lol Some women are fake and pretend to be friends seems like maybe she doesn't like you but shiite she's not worth the time just ignore her when you can.

    next time be like..
    wow ... that dress is fantastic on you... but do you really think that's your color? it's kind of hideous.

    :drinker:
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
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    not very good friends if they aren't supportive and enthusiastic for you.

    i saw a friend (acquantance reall) for the first time this year and she was so encouraging, telling me to keep up the good work. i wouldn't waste my energy or time on people who are going to be vindictive.

    sure envy is fine, but there is nothing wrong with saying "you look great, i am so envious of you!" without any loaded comments and efforts to sabotage (by trying to get your boyfriend angry at you, what? in hope you'll dig in to the nearest bucket of friend chicken).

    she sounds like a "class A b!itch"
  • RonieLisbeth
    RonieLisbeth Posts: 19
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    when ifirst lost weight my bf didnt even notice lol, his mom did n said ilooked great. teachers in school said da same thing. my friends were like you're soo pretty, you look so tiny quit trying to lose anymore weight lol.
    i do think shes super jealous of you. its obvious she is, me and my bff lost weight at different times and we were never like that with each other.
    you're "friend" is the reason why women get called *****es lol
    if iwere i will be mad too
    she was trying to start a fight between you and your bf. a relationship is for 2 people and she has no right to ask him how he feels about you going to the gym shes not a therapist to be asking him that.
    anyways whatever negative things your"friends"say to you you need to brush it off. if they cant be glad for what you did then you shouldn't listen to them
    ps: once you reach your goal weight, wear the sexiest, flashiest thing you have in front of her, so she can be even more of a *****, if she's going to envy you for losing weight we might as well turn her green .
    dont cha think? (;
  • shreddingit
    shreddingit Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Oh hell nah girl!! there would be some cat fighting up in there if it was me!!
    I have not had female friends since I left college back in 2006!! my 2 sisters dont even know how I look now!..sisters can be bad too...lol...
    about facebook I keep a personal one with my face on it only no body pics for family...but I have a fitness facebook to meet like minded people there no friends or fam....but I have lost a "friend" on my fitness FB cuz of my success i guess she wrote in a message "im jealous" and rarely hear from her when it use to be everyday...:(

    we women are something!! :ohwell:
  • donicagalek
    donicagalek Posts: 526
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    Her boyfriend is cheating on her.

    Or at least she thinks he is. For some reason she feels EXTREMELY unattractive. Your weight loss just adds to it and she wants you to feel as insecure and miserable as she does (hence the whole telling your bf about the gym comments). Misery loves company.

    Honestly, she's probably not jealous of you for losing weight. She's insecure for some reason and doesn't know of any way to make herself feel special. It's easier to try to bring everyone around her to her level of crap.
  • BunnybeeJG
    BunnybeeJG Posts: 344 Member
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    Her boyfriend is cheating on her.

    Or at least she thinks he is. For some reason she feels EXTREMELY unattractive. Your weight loss just adds to it and she wants you to feel as insecure and miserable as she does (hence the whole telling your bf about the gym comments). Misery loves company.

    Honestly, she's probably not jealous of you for losing weight. She's insecure for some reason and doesn't know of any way to make herself feel special. It's easier to try to bring everyone around her to her level of crap.

    that that's probably it... that she at least thinks she's not good enough and he's probably cheating... or maybe he's made comments about you in private or she overheard something and feels like she's about to lose him.
    either way it seems more like a personal thing against herself just coming out in making everyone else feel inadequate. If she were completely secure in her realtionship or in herself then she probably wouldn't be that way. unless of course she is just a fake btch.
  • SammyLynn13
    SammyLynn13 Posts: 13
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    Honey I'm right there with you. Sometimes I wish I had more guy friends. They are more laid back and supportive. Sometimes women are just a pain in the *kitten*. If they aren't the ones reaping the benefits than they are jealous and act like b*tches.
  • petithamu
    petithamu Posts: 582 Member
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    Oh hell nah girl!! there would be some cat fighting up in there if it was me!!
    I have not had female friends since I left college back in 2006!! my 2 sisters dont even know how I look now!..sisters can be bad too...lol...
    about facebook I keep a personal one with my face on it only no body pics for family...but I have a fitness facebook to meet like minded people there no friends or fam....but I have lost a "friend" on my fitness FB cuz of my success i guess she wrote in a message "im jealous" and rarely hear from her when it use to be everyday...:(

    we women are something!! :ohwell:

    Girl you crack me up....and believe me, I started hissing in my head!

    Exactly...women...bleh...hehe
  • petithamu
    petithamu Posts: 582 Member
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    ps: once you reach your goal weight, wear the sexiest, flashiest thing you have in front of her, so she can be even more of a *****, if she's going to envy you for losing weight we might as well turn her green .
    dont cha think? (;

    Oh I am so doing that....hahaha, good idea!
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
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    As for the touching-up comment, I'd say "Oh, well my boyfriend loves me just the way I am. I don't feel like I have to fake-up for him." *insert kiss and smirk.*
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
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    Oh, women are so hard sometimes. Just deflate the urge to compete and realize that she's portraying her own insecurities.

    It doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

    I had a friend express some jealousy toward me, and it turned into a big "I want to be noticed, too" pity party. I had no idea what to do or say.
  • Bermudabarbie
    Bermudabarbie Posts: 568 Member
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    I just had a short visit with my sister and brother in law, my nephew and his wife, and my nephews children.. I have a new hair cut and a darker color, I have lost a good 5 pounds since I last saw my nephew and his wife (and they BOTH could use MFP but refuse to give it a try), and not one of them said one thing!

    I get more compliments from the Barristers at Starbucks than I get from my family! It is a strange world!
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
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    I get more compliments from the Barristers at Starbucks than I get from my family! It is a strange world!

    Sometimes it's b/c they see you so often (family and friends). Sometimes it's b/c they just don't want you to think that they didn't think you looked great before.

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