How to Handle an Upsetting Comment

doesn't sound like healthy communication. I'd work on that with him before getting married.

I would like for a spouse to speak to their partner in love and support.

That is just not cool and there are so many things wrong with that comment.

One first I am suprised your BF is still alive!:noway:

But me being a guy, we say stuff not really meaning to be mean but more of a joke. I would talk to him, tell him what you are trying to accomplish and get him on board. Dont let it get you down, you need to be around people who will support you.

I'm sorry that your boyfriend was insenstive to you. My first reaction would be to get mad. However, I know that it won't help. You (and I) have to look inside (and to God if you are so inclined) for comfort. It doesn't matter what someone thinks of you. You have to see yourself as the wonderful person you were meant to be. I have struggled with this atttitude myself. I've let myself be crushed by a mean comment. But, please learn to not take those words to heart. Remember the progress that you've made and see yourself as the beautiful person you are.

Honestly, if my boyfriend said that to me, the only problem I'd have to "handle" is where to hide the body...

I would straight out tell him that comments like that aren't useful and explain how you've been trying to better yourself. Our bodies don't magically lose weight because we want them to, and it's really a journey. It's sad to hear stuff like this because even though you need a "kick in the butt", fat-shaming never. works. Whenever I try on less-than-stellar clothes in front of my boyfriend or sister they'll usually say something like "it's not your best outfit" instead of putting it on me.

Good for you for vowing to make a difference in your life, and good luck on fighting the good fight.

And cheese is awesome.

handle what? the comment or the watching.

The commment: was it done in a spirit of meaness or in concern- my husband- who never really ever said anything about my weight would say things like "that is not your most flattering outfit-or I prefer you in the other one" what he was trying to say -was honey it doesnt fit and you look fat but I would like to keep my teeth in my head and not sleep on the couch for months. But I dont believe he ever said it in meaness. if your boyfriend was just being mean- well then you have another problem. Maybe he just wanted to open your eyes a bit- you know us we can live in a world of denial about our selves.

the watching- again what is the spirit- is it as a loving confidante concerned for you and wanting to help you-like your mfps or is it to catch you in a slip up and demean you? If he is loving- wow you are lucky if not again a whole other problem that needs to be dealt with. Good luck in your journey.

I seriously don't know how I would handle that. I would be crushed if my husband ever said something like that to me.

The only thing that used to drive me nuts was when I would mention being fat, and he would say if you want to lose weight you have to eat less and exercise. Like, duh I know that. The kind of support I want is a family that is willing to expell all junk food from the house. The kind of family that will eat wholewheat, so I don't have to buy both. But they are all skinny, so they won't give anything up.

Well, sometimes the truth hurts, but I don't mind hearing it. I encouraged my husband to tell me if I look "fat" in something or if I am wearing something that doesn't look good. (I can usually tell for myself, but sometimes you get carried away so it is good to be able to rely on an honest opinion) It took my husband a long time to realize that I seriously want that input and I don't need him to sugarcoat anything. And vice versa! Of course, we compliment each other a lot, too. But I like a well deserved compliment!

Now, just imagine that coment was made by your mom - would you be be as upset?

I know we want our significant others to always see us in our best light, but that is not always the case. I would just say "thanks for letting me know, I will change into something else." Be honest to yourself and to him. And feel free to tell him when you don't like something he is wearing!

OMG, I can't believe how many people think your boyfriend is MEAN for saying that! How many ways are there to tell someone they look fat in an outfit. Reall, what is so wrong with that?
Would you rather go out in something that makes you look fat?

When I first saw your post, my initial reaction was 'Punch him right in the face!' but I understand that will do no good. I guess that a more helpful comment would be to talk to him about how to be helpful rather than hurtful. He should know, being a man, that you do not say the 'f' word to a woman....ever. You can have this conversation and if that doesn't garner an apology and a total change in attitude to supportive, then I'd say it's time to tell him good-bye. Anyone who's a negative influence on you isn't worth keeping around.
I am sure that comment was really hard to hear. Sometimes you have to use comments people mean to hurt you to motivate you. Take an 'I'll show you' attitude and that may just driver you as you start to exercise. That and remember there are always amazing people available on this site who will cheer you on the entire way!

Yea, I would never tolerate a comment like that. To me, that smacks of verbal abuse. It wouldn't matter how long we'd been together, he'd be gone. Being alone is sOo much better than being in a bad, unsupportive relationship. There are truly nice guys out there who would never dream of saying something so hurtful. True, guys don't always think about what they say and might say something insensitive. But any guy who was worth your time would never say such a thing.

Ultimately, you have to decide what's best for you and if you can forgive him. It's definitely a good idea to tell him that what he said is absolutely not OK. Perhaps, if he is truly contrite, you can consider giving him a second chance.

Honey don't give up cheese if you enjoy eating cheese ! put it in with your calories. I am certain foods that I won't give up either. if you do consul eat right to give up your favorite foods you will keep on fallin. meaning you'll probly overeat that certain food. just eat it in moderation. serving size portions at a time helps me a lot. I like chocolate cake but I'm not giving it up. and don't punish yourself. you're only human. I'm sorry that your boyfriend acted like a jerk! To me thats mental and verbal abuse. If he really love you he would not say mean things to you. I have an ex husband acted like that! It's not worth it! he should love you just the way you are no matter what. because you are worth it!

Thanks Everyone for posting however I didn't realized it would just be a bunch of posts to Murder him or ditch him. After 6 years of being together this is the first time he has ever been anything but supportive.

I was looking for advice on how to talk to him not break up for him and now I'm just more hurt by the lack of support on here. I am not emotionally or verbally abused and ALL OF US have said something stupid in our lives so remember that. Please only post if you have a constructive thing to say.

Here's the thing: Why did you post your question? What he said hurt you, right? You didn't expect it and it made you feel badly. I think the majority of people here were reacting to the hurt you felt rather than the comment itself. Your partner is your ally- they should be on your side. If they say pointed, bullying comments, that's not much help. For the record, my comment still stands. Tell him that your weight-loss is a journey and that comments like that aren't helpful. I have no idea what you look like or how you feel about yourself but I will say this: I'm fat. I *know* I'm fat. I don't need people to tell me I'm fat-- I have a mirror. I got it from all sides growing up so I don't really need someone in my life who echoes what I already know. So unless I looked at my boyfriend in the face and said "tell me i'm fat, please" there's no real reason for him to do so. "you look fat" does nothing. "maybe not the most flattering outfit" or "i like the _______ outfit better" for me, is more helpful. I'm smart. I can read between the lines.

You say this guy is great and that you've been together forever. Good stuff. Sounds like it's worth sticking to. But if you guys are that close he should know you're trying to make a difference and support it, not bluntly point out a snide remark. Because "do you feel good about yourself?" is not the kind of pep talk I need in my life.

But of course, just my two cents.