Unsupportive and Mocking Girlfriends

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kaleas
kaleas Posts: 200
in Motivation and Support
I don't know how else to vent my frustrations towards the people who are supposed to be behind me about things.

At 22, I'm 5'5 and 130. Nowhere near over weight or unattractive. Still, I care about my body and am a little soft around the edges. I want to have a healthy relationship with food so I can continue being healthy as I get older. I struggle with self esteem issues about myself and I find that exercising and tracking my food really helps me to feel better.

Enter my best friends. Both skinny and but very unactive. I have no idea how they maintain the weight they do. They live off coffee and granola bars. I walk everywhere. Bike instead of taking my car. Exercise daily. They mock me when they see me counting calories, keeping track on here, and portioning out my servings. They say "You look fine, come drink with us and get a burger. It wont kill you."

So after a weekend of drinking with them, eating pizza and a burger, I weigh myself. ****. I'm back to 133. Enter now a week of self-loathing, being angry with myself and food.

I live at home with my father as well, who looks to me to cook dinner. Many nights I'm not hungry, but if I do not eat with him, he comments on my not eating and makes fun of me, saying I shouldn't care so much and attributes it to dieting, when really it's just because I'm not hungry.

I know you can't make other people understand, but it's really frustrating when I have to work so hard to keep the figure I do, and yet they can laze around, eat whatever food they have in sight, and still be as thin.

I just want to be happy with myself. =(

Replies

  • nikibob
    nikibob Posts: 165 Member
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    I don't know your friends, but they don't sound very much like friends if they can't support you in something that is obviously so important to you. Don't let the little setbacks keep you from your goals! Be proud that you are doing something about your health. Be proud that you aren't sitting around waiting for something to happen! Just keep looking forward and it will get easier!
  • Xandi
    Xandi Posts: 319
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    You need to do what makes you happy and keeps the hatred and self-loathing away.
    it is that simple. You aren't your friends. and friends should understand that you need to do it for you and be supportive about that.
  • wsheaf82
    wsheaf82 Posts: 248 Member
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    Enjoy knowing when their body changes as they get older and keep eating like they do, they will get over weight and wonder what went wrong while you are looking fantastic.

    Coming from a guy who never paid attention to what was going in his body in his early 20's and thought he would always be skinny then gained 50 lbs in the last 3 (I'm 28) without actually realizing it.
  • TheDeviation
    TheDeviation Posts: 149
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    Do what makes you happy. Friends will come & go. You're body will be there a while...

    On the dinner comment, why don't you eat? Not eating isn't going to help a healthly lifestyle. Unless you're going for the Mary Kate & Ashley/Crackwhore look. :wink: Eat regular, quality meals. I have to bug my wife about that all the time.
  • SheilaSisco
    SheilaSisco Posts: 722 Member
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    You're 22? Think about this. You're doing the right thing for you NOW. If they keep going the way they're going in ten years they'll be overweight and miserable. Trust me, I used to be them. By you trying to do the right thing and learning to be healthy NOW, you'll be laughing at them in ten years for having NOT watched how they were treating their bodies. Well, maybe not literally, but you know what I mean. Don't let them get to you. You're doing the best thing you can for yourself and your future, and I, for one, am very proud of you for it. :)
  • bmmiller4
    bmmiller4 Posts: 39
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    They don't seem like very good friends to me either. But just keep doing what you are doing...and one weekend of indulgence will not kill you. Just get back to your normal eating/exercising habits and those pounds will be gone before you know it. And when they are mocking you just keep telling yourself that in 10/15/20 years you will still look great and they will be wondering where their slim figure has gone! :tongue:
  • Kwilliams75
    Kwilliams75 Posts: 231 Member
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    Trust me there will be a day that they will either wish they had started counting calories and exercising or they will start! Yound people always get away with eating bad for a awhile but it all catches up with you eventually!! You keep doing you and stay healthy so in the future you can help them when they need it! But do let yourself have a burger occasionally dont get too restrictive!!
  • RyonsLions2
    RyonsLions2 Posts: 350 Member
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    You dad probably just loves you and is speaking mostly out of concern... maybe you could find a little something to munch with him at dinner... or do like teeny portions of what he is eating with him.... the friends??? I am with Wiley Coyote... They're gonna have reality slap them square in their faces soon enough!! THEN they will be sorry!! Take care of YOU! Don't worry about anyone else!!
  • Taitia
    Taitia Posts: 6
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    I think you are very smart at 22 to have the sense to care about your body and understand what it takes to make healthy food choices. I know it's easier said than done, but I agree with Nikibob that you may need to pick some better, or should say, more supportive friends.

    In regards to your Dad and cooking, maybe turn the tables and make it a "teaching moment" to work with him in the kitchen and show him things to cook that would benefit you...yet still tasting good for everyone. You have the control here; use it to your advantage. There are a lot of simple recipes that are healthy, quick and easy. It just may take some planning ahead of time.

    Lastly, like I tell my 7 year old...beauty comes from the heart. Good luck and stay strong.
  • Courtney225
    Courtney225 Posts: 5
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    "I just want to be happy with myself" is sooo how I feel right now! I think people tend to act that way when they are feeling insecure themselves. Your friends don't exercise and don't care as much as you do and probably feel a little bad about it so they say things they shouldn't to make themselves feel better. Let's face it, women just really suck sometimes:) Do you feel you're able to tell them how you feel? I hate that situation when you're trying to be good and other girls say stuff. Statements like "you look fine" "it's just once" "you dont' need to lose weight" are sooo frustrating!

    Hang in there and just keep doing what makes YOU feel good. I know it's easier said than done:)
  • MTLumps
    MTLumps Posts: 82 Member
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    I agree with all the above comments - it is GOOD that you want to take care of you now. Putting those habits into place now will make this easy-breezy for you for all of your days and that is a good thing. I was a 20 something that ate whatever I wanted and never did any real exercise. It is not as easy to lose that weight at 40 and few of us think about 40 when we are in our 20's. Keep doing what you are doing to stay healthy and to love yourself. Find a way to be okay with you, sweetie, cuz some days you'll be the only person that is. You can have days where you eat what you want and you don't have to feel guilty about them - just get yourself back on track and you'll be fine. You've got this, no doubt! :smile:
  • yes_i_can
    yes_i_can Posts: 419
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    It used to be that when people I thought to be thin already would comment about how they have want to lose weight, I would make a comment to the effect that, "But you're so skinny and lucky you don't have to worry about that." I thought I was paying a compliment. What I've recently realized is that many do not take it that way, AND that we all need to understand that everyone feels differently in their own skin.

    Now, if a friend I see as already thin says something like, "Oh, I shouldn't eat that, I need to lose 10 lbs", I'll instead reply differently - "I think you look great, but if that's your goal, I support that."

    As long as it's a healthy approach to a healthy goal, no one should judge - whether it's someone weighing 133 that wants to be 130 or someone weighing 200 that would be ecstatic to reach and stay at 175.
  • DonnaLFitz
    DonnaLFitz Posts: 270 Member
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    Your friends are insecure about THEIR looks and weight and don't want you to look better than they. It validates their feelings, but ignores yours.

    Your father is probably afraid if you look TOO good some man will take you away.
  • kaleas
    kaleas Posts: 200
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    Haha, thanks everyone. I know a lot of it comes down to they want me to join in so they feel better about what they're eating. I invite them to exercise with me but they complain about how out of shape they are, or they don't have the time. I make time for exercise. It's a great way I feel to burn off some stress.

    I also exercise after class around 3pm, so it kills my dinner appetite. Don't worry, although I count calories, I'm an avid foodie and generally maintain a 1400-1600 daily intake. Otherwise I become a moody woman! I just like to work off my own eating schedule, not someone else.

    I have a lot of respect for what everyone on here is doing. You wont be young forever, you need to think about the future and be a crazy 70 year old still running marathons!
  • Sammyk50
    Sammyk50 Posts: 77 Member
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    I don't understand people who think they can say whatever they want. U need to ignore them or tell them to shut the eff up :) In a much nicer way than i just put it. LOL
  • NatalieWinning
    NatalieWinning Posts: 999 Member
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    Never mind if they understand. YOu should always do what is good for YOU. That takes me a lifetime of practice. If you go out with them you can be the skinny ***** with the salad and water.
  • peteyTwang
    peteyTwang Posts: 250
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    They're probably feeling just a bit jealous and a little threatened!
    Keep doing what you're doing -- you might inspire one or two of them to join you yet

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