****ty Friend... what to do?....
Tiana405
Posts: 270 Member
So, a person I know... can't call her a friend at this point.... I believe, lies about her weight loss just to make herself feel good. Like it's a competition. Personally, I'm only challenging myself and not concerned with anyone elses progress. I'll encourage them, but what they eat or do has absolutely NO effect on me and my ideas/progress. Well, as she's been losing weight, she'll come to me and say... "these are my fat jeans. my belly doesn't fit in to them any more, but I bet yours will." I give her a look like, "are you ****ing kidding me?" she then replies with, "I'm sure one day you won't be able to fit in to these either, but it'll be a while." We are 5lbs difference! Give me a break! I have verbalized that it hurts my feelings... her reaction.. no change... so I started saying that she was a rude *****. Still... nothing. Any suggestions of how to alter/accept her behavior???? :mad:
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Replies
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Uhh... WHY are you still associating with this person again?!?
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First off- I am from Norman and thought that was interesting!
Second off- Ditch the so called friend. It sounds like she just wants attention, to brag, or to just one up you. It doesn't sound like something a real "friend" should-or would- do. There are a lot more people out there that will be supportive and friendly, not an a-hole. If putting you down makes her feel better then she isn't a real friend.0 -
Ummmm.... that's no friend!
you are to pretty and kind.... treat yourself and get her out of your life!
Looks like you have many pairs of old fat jeans...... Give me a break! She needs to get a hobby! So, if you feel like keeping her as a friend go buy her a crossword puzzle book or a cookbook and tell her its your gift to her (your so proud of her weight loss that you thought she could use a reward and a new hobby) LMAO..... wow some people! 0 -
Shes obviously insecure.
I say ditch her you don't need people like that in your life0 -
anyone who makes someone feel bad just to make themselves look/feel better is not worth a sook!! ditch the b***h and enjoy your achievements and reaching your goals without that nasty girl! youve done fab so far. welldone! xx0
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My immediate reaction was to say "Ditch her - she's not a friend"; however, while this may be true, it does seem as though she may have insecurities which manifest themselves in her behaviour toward you.
I think in your situation, I'd have to decide whether I actually had the mental capacity and energy to try to get to the bottom of things, and help her overcome them, or whether enough was enough and come to the conclusion that I can't be doing with it all. After spending probably most of my life doing the former, I'm afraid I am now at the point where my patience wears a little thin. I am not a b***h to my friends, and I expect the same consideration I show to others to be shown to me. I won't allow myself to be treated badly any more - it's happened in the past, and it just brought me down, even to the point where it affected my home life. I am worth far more than that, so if people cannot or will not accept help to be better people and get over their nastiness, then I'm afraid they have no place in my life. Sounds harsh but when all is said and done we have to look after ourselves, and martydom is not an attractive proposition as far as I am concerned.
Since you say you can no longer consider her a friend, it sounds as though you have already (at least partially) made up your mind!0 -
I know girls like this
if you really don't want to cut ties with her (which you should but i understand loyalty to old friends)
I suggest being extremely blunt with her
it's the only way to get through to girls like this
tell her just what you told us
and worst case scenario she might hate you but you aren't really losing much of anything of a friend anyways
but if she really responds to the harsh honesty and realizes what a **** person she's being then you might be really helping her. in the end you will be doing her a huge favor.0 -
Oy. I've got a "friend" like that too. Can't get rid of her because she's also a colleague in a fairly small department and she's a huge gossip. I say just walk away and share your life with your real friends. If you can't then every time she tries that stuff, say something bland like "No thanks. I have plenty of clothes," and then leave or completely change the subject to something she can't be competitive about like the weather or kittens or something else. When you get too boring for her she'll move on to better victims.
Mean girls rot no matter what age they are.0 -
You've got that right! This woman is an adult... it is not your place to try to help her with her issues that she is trying so desperately to deflect onto you... drop her like it's hot and surround yourself with positive people. Life is too short and this woman needs to realize that you reap what you sow.0
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i'd call her a spiteful b**ch not a friend
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Uhh... WHY are you still associating with this person again?!?
my bf asks the same thing!0 -
First off- I am from Norman and thought that was interesting!
Second off- Ditch the so called friend. It sounds like she just wants attention, to brag, or to just one up you. It doesn't sound like something a real "friend" should-or would- do. There are a lot more people out there that will be supportive and friendly, not an a-hole. If putting you down makes her feel better then she isn't a real friend.
definitely an attention *kitten*... but that's an ENTIRELY different story... along the lines of email. LOL. nope... not a realy friend would do AT ALL. I completely agree!0 -
Ummmm.... that's no friend!
you are to pretty and kind.... treat yourself and get her out of your life! Looks like you have many pairs of old fat jeans...... Give me a break! She needs to get a hobby! So, if you feel like keeping her as a friend go buy her a crossword puzzle book or a cookbook and tell her its your gift to her (your so proud of her weight loss that you thought she could use a reward and a new hobby) LMAO..... wow some people!
that is AWESOME! i would totally do that... if I planned on keeping her as a friend. as of now.... ignoring phone calls, texts, etc.... thanks so much, girl! :happy:0 -
Sounds like she's insecure & mightily jealous of your success. Depends on how much you still want her in your life - just change the subject when she brings it up or try & let her stupid comments wash over you - hard I know...
We're still with you - you're doing just fine!!! :flowerforyou:
Sue x 0 -
Shes obviously insecure.
I say ditch her you don't need people like that in your life
very insecure. ditching commenced! :laugh:0 -
anyone who makes someone feel bad just to make themselves look/feel better is not worth a sook!! ditch the b***h and enjoy your achievements and reaching your goals without that nasty girl! youve done fab so far. welldone! xx
Thank you soooo very much, Carrie. Very encouraging! (((((((((carrie))))))))))0 -
it sounds to me that she feels intimidated by how well you are doing and is trying to sabotage your sucess, so she does better. the thing is she may not be fully aware of the impact her behaviour is having on you. it's a shame because as a pair you could motivate and encourage each other. at the end of the day you could spend a lot of emotional energy on her or you can focus solely on yourself and carry on with what you are doing. if you really cannot tolerate her behaviour, then don't spend much time around her. she will soon get the message. you may lose her as a friend, but she isn't behaving like a one, so you need to move on and find people who will support you.:bigsmile:0
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I think in your situation, I'd have to decide whether I actually had the mental capacity and energy to try to get to the bottom of things, and help her overcome them, or whether enough was enough and come to the conclusion that I can't be doing with it all.
I am worth far more than that, so if people cannot or will not accept help to be better people and get over their nastiness, then I'm afraid they have no place in my life. Sounds harsh but when all is said and done we have to look after ourselves, and martydom is not an attractive proposition as far as I am concerned.
Since you say you can no longer consider her a friend, it sounds as though you have already (at least partially) made up your mind!
I absolutely agree. Everyone has hang ups. Everyone. And we all need to do what we need to do to get over it. If someone isn't in the right place to understand or accept the support being offered, then wish them well and move on with life. There's no need to get sucked into their personal quagmire if they're only interested in pulling you in rather than getting themselves out.0 -
My immediate reaction was to say "Ditch her - she's not a friend"; however, while this may be true, it does seem as though she may have insecurities which manifest themselves in her behaviour toward you.
I think in your situation, I'd have to decide whether I actually had the mental capacity and energy to try to get to the bottom of things, and help her overcome them, or whether enough was enough and come to the conclusion that I can't be doing with it all. After spending probably most of my life doing the former, I'm afraid I am now at the point where my patience wears a little thin. I am not a b***h to my friends, and I expect the same consideration I show to others to be shown to me. I won't allow myself to be treated badly any more - it's happened in the past, and it just brought me down, even to the point where it affected my home life. I am worth far more than that, so if people cannot or will not accept help to be better people and get over their nastiness, then I'm afraid they have no place in my life. Sounds harsh but when all is said and done we have to look after ourselves, and martydom is not an attractive proposition as far as I am concerned.
Since you say you can no longer consider her a friend, it sounds as though you have already (at least partially) made up your mind!
I've totally gone through phases of, "she doesn't know any better...... I'll be horribly blunt and then it'll hault.... " etc. NOTHING HAS WORKED. I have absolutely NO patience for this person and they don't even recognize it. TOTALLY bizarre. :noway: So, do I just cut her off and call it good or still attempt to help her realize that she's a C to the capital UNT? LMFAO!0 -
I had a close friend give me some clothes recently but it sounds like it was the polar opposite of the situation with what happened to you....I told her I didn't think I could fit into the clothes she didn't wear anymore (she's a lot smaller than me), and her response was "Well if you don't then you will very soon!". I love having motivational friends like that! I made a decision long ago that I was going to choose friends that would be supportive of me and my decisions...and over the years I've had to cut people (sometimes very close friends) that put me down and made me feel bad about myself. It's a tough thing to do, but life is too short to have all that negativity in your life, and it's really not worth it in the end.0
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I know girls like this
if you really don't want to cut ties with her (which you should but i understand loyalty to old friends)
I suggest being extremely blunt with her
it's the only way to get through to girls like this
tell her just what you told us
and worst case scenario she might hate you but you aren't really losing much of anything of a friend anyways
but if she really responds to the harsh honesty and realizes what a **** person she's being then you might be really helping her. in the end you will be doing her a huge favor.
That's the problem... I HAVE told her. It doesn't even phase her! I've been soooo blunt. Her feeling have been hurt and then 5 minutes later... it's like we NEVER HAD THE CONVERSATION! There are too many people like this in the world. ugh... :sick:0 -
I know girls like this
if you really don't want to cut ties with her (which you should but i understand loyalty to old friends)
I suggest being extremely blunt with her
it's the only way to get through to girls like this
tell her just what you told us
and worst case scenario she might hate you but you aren't really losing much of anything of a friend anyways
but if she really responds to the harsh honesty and realizes what a **** person she's being then you might be really helping her. in the end you will be doing her a huge favor.
That's the problem... I HAVE told her. It doesn't even phase her! I've been soooo blunt. Her feeling have been hurt and then 5 minutes later... it's like we NEVER HAD THE CONVERSATION! There are too many people like this in the world. ugh... :sick:0 -
Oy. I've got a "friend" like that too. Can't get rid of her because she's also a colleague in a fairly small department and she's a huge gossip. I say just walk away and share your life with your real friends. If you can't then every time she tries that stuff, say something bland like "No thanks. I have plenty of clothes," and then leave or completely change the subject to something she can't be competitive about like the weather or kittens or something else. When you get too boring for her she'll move on to better victims.
Mean girls rot no matter what age they are.
Oh, God.... apparently, you've never met a person like THIS! If you say it's gonna rain.... she sends you links that say it's not... you say kittens are cute when they're put in bonnets... she'll show you an ugly as kitten wearing one... relentless, I tell you.0 -
You've got that right! This woman is an adult... it is not your place to try to help her with her issues that she is trying so desperately to deflect onto you... drop her like it's hot and surround yourself with positive people. Life is too short and this woman needs to realize that you reap what you sow.
She wouldn't know what Karma was if it fell from the sky, landed on her face and started to wiggle! *compliments of dan akroyd in the great outdoors* LMFAO!0 -
:drinker:i'd call her a spiteful b**ch not a friend
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AMEN, SISTA!0 -
okay if you've confronted her and she is still in denial all you can do is cut ties and let her see it on her own. it might take years and she might never even thank you but you'll always know that someday she WILL realize she was being ****.
this is coming from a former 'mean girl'
im not proud of it but I can tell you honestly
any lashing out she has... after she grows up, even if she doesn't ever thank you I promise you made an impact and she will be a better person for it someday0 -
Sounds like she's insecure & mightily jealous of your success. Depends on how much you still want her in your life - just change the subject when she brings it up or try & let her stupid comments wash over you - hard I know...
We're still with you - you're doing just fine!!! :flowerforyou:
Sue x
Thank you for the motivation, Sue. I greatly appreciate it! I feel that she is very sour about our compared successes and she's kind of a non-factor in my life, so I could definitely scratch her off my "daily persons list". It would probably be in best interest.0 -
okay if you've confronted her and she is still in denial all you can do is cut ties and let her see it on her own. it might take years and she might never even thank you but you'll always know that someday she WILL realize she was being ****.
this is coming from a former 'mean girl'
im not proud of it but I can tell you honestly
any lashing out she has... after she grows up, even if she doesn't ever thank you I promise you made an impact and she will be a better person for it someday
I, too, have been a heartless ***** in my former days and I have had people impact my life and they don't even know it. I don't mind being a "stepping stone" for someone to better themselves with their ****ty personalities, but fuh! I don't ever remember being such a *****!!! Who does that?! LOL! yeah... I've been very blunt with her... calling her a rude *****... telling her that's not acceptable and that it makes me feel bad about myself, etc. Goes RIGHT over the head. *taking a pair of scissors and cutting the ties*0 -
be blunt
cut your ties
if if helps her that's great, if not then ignore her and she's garbage0 -
AGREE!!!!it sounds to me that she feels intimidated by how well you are doing and is trying to sabotage your sucess, so she does better. the thing is she may not be fully aware of the impact her behaviour is having on you. it's a shame because as a pair you could motivate and encourage each other. at the end of the day you could spend a lot of emotional energy on her or you can focus solely on yourself and carry on with what you are doing. if you really cannot tolerate her behaviour, then don't spend much time around her. she will soon get the message. you may lose her as a friend, but she isn't behaving like a one, so you need to move on and find people who will support you.:bigsmile:0
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