Supporting One Another/ Deleting members

L8dyJ
L8dyJ Posts: 103 Member
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
Hello all MFP,

I just wanted to take a minute to say, we are all here for one reason - to support one another and accomplish our goals. Adapting a new lifestyle after years of bad habits year after year can become very hard to change as an adult. This is why I love this website and the support it allows for each other.

It is somewhat hurtful to get deleted off of someone's friend list for being inactive especially when the sole purpose is to be there for each other, the site even makes it easy for us to follow one another because you know what, you just never know what a person is going through (health or mental) or when they may just need that little extra push. Now granted, we have to want to help ourselves first before we can take help or suggestions from someone else but the extra encouragement instead of getting frustrated with someone and dropping them is also not a positive answer because you just never know how "your" encouragement may help change a lifestyle....

What is my point? All my rant is about is just to say thank you to everyone who hangs in there with one another and lets all keep pushing!!!

Please feel free to share your thoughts with me.
Have a Blessed Easter Everyone!
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Replies

  • roxanne90
    roxanne90 Posts: 95
    You are so right. We just never know what is going on in someone elses life. We are here for support and to give it. :)
  • HaleyAlli
    HaleyAlli Posts: 911 Member
    I agree. I never delete friends on Facebook unless there's severe tension going on (I haven't been here long enough to need to do that here! Plus y'all are amazing!! ;) )
  • LiL_MisS_C
    LiL_MisS_C Posts: 332 Member
    I feel the same way. I have started to delete people who aren`t being motivating and/or supporting. Afterall, that`s the purpose of this community! :)
  • ChelDM
    ChelDM Posts: 145
    I agree to an extent...I have had "friends" not post anything supportive and yet obviously expect to be supported. I am personally not into one way streets...I support those who reciprocate and delete those who choose not to.
  • lil_missfit
    lil_missfit Posts: 565 Member
    Great point:))

    I need the encouragement on here and this site is my hiding place away from a bunch of nonsense and foolishness.

    I refuse to get into petty spats on this site and/or debate politics and religon or any other "testy topic" while I'm at it. Not saying I knock anyone who does, I just chose to keep scrolling and move on:)) (My personal MFP boundary that has been set)

    I am looking for fun and positivity.....I leave the serious stuff for Facebook!!

    I have been overweight ever since I was a little girl so quite frankly, that is all I am focused on on this site..not being the cubby kid that was teased a lot:))

    As far as being deleted bc of whatever......I actually don't care. I just don't. I am simply enjoying the friends I do have on here and the new ones I am making. I am enjoying this new life and this great website and all it has to offer:))

    What I like the most about your post is that you pointed out that this site is for ENCOURAGEMENT!! I for one, am going to stick to that:))

    Happy Easter to you too:))

    Friend me if you like- I don't delete friends as long as you're respectful:))
  • lil_missfit
    lil_missfit Posts: 565 Member
    I agree to an extent...I have had "friends" not post anything supportive and yet obviously expect to be supported. I am personally not into one way streets...I support those who reciprocate and delete those who choose not to.

    I get what you're saying .... I have seen people do nothing on here but stir up trouble (i.e. make rude hurtful comments on ppls threads etc, derail a topic of discussion to push their view, etc. etc.)......why?
  • LovelySpirit
    LovelySpirit Posts: 66
    :heart: Lovely Words... encouragement is the key and positivity is a blessing. Sometimes people leave due to a death in their family and how much more devastating is it to return and find that you 've been deleted:noway: b/c someone else was impatient:huh: .
    Second, sometimes you are their motivation and what if your inquiry or follow up was all they needed to return to the site. :flowerforyou:
  • lil_missfit
    lil_missfit Posts: 565 Member
    :heart: Lovely Words... encouragement is the key and positivity is a blessing. Sometimes people leave due to a death in their family and how much more devastating is it to return and find that you 've been deleted:noway: b/c someone else was impatient:huh: .
    Second, sometimes you are their motivation and what if your inquiry or follow up was all they needed to return to the site. :flowerforyou:

    :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: love this:heart::heart: :heart: :heart:
  • rfcollins33
    rfcollins33 Posts: 630
    I agree, Ms Lady!!
  • meka325
    meka325 Posts: 47
    Amen!
  • SunLove8
    SunLove8 Posts: 693 Member
    I agree to an extent...I have had "friends" not post anything supportive and yet obviously expect to be supported. I am personally not into one way streets...I support those who reciprocate and delete those who choose not to.

    I agree with this.
  • ruhimaach
    ruhimaach Posts: 171
    Great post! I don't think I can delete people just because they haven't logged on for X number of days. However, I have also noticed that there are some on my list who never motivate or encourage me. It might be time for them to go.
  • SixCatFaerie
    SixCatFaerie Posts: 690 Member
    Thank you for posting! It was hard for me at first to get my head around accepting people as friends because I have the "Facebook" mentality of not accepting people you don't know. Then again, it's not as though I want hundreds upon hundreds of people filling up my feed to where I don't see the people I do know! Hmmm.... ;-D

    4581915.png
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  • SunLove8
    SunLove8 Posts: 693 Member
    Great post! I don't think I can delete people just because they haven't logged on for X number of days. However, I have also noticed that there are some on my list who never motivate or encourage me. It might be time for them to go.

    I agree with this too!
  • Lisamarie1226
    Lisamarie1226 Posts: 335 Member
    I agree to an extent...I have had "friends" not post anything supportive and yet obviously expect to be supported. I am personally not into one way streets...I support those who reciprocate and delete those who choose not to.

    *VERY* well said!
  • SixCatFaerie
    SixCatFaerie Posts: 690 Member
    I agree to an extent...I have had "friends" not post anything supportive and yet obviously expect to be supported. I am personally not into one way streets...I support those who reciprocate and delete those who choose not to.

    I agree with this.

    Great way of thinking!

    4581915.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter
  • loseit4ever
    loseit4ever Posts: 187 Member
    I recently started deleting people who were not supportive, but this is mainly because I try to be very supportive of my group and need the support in return. As your group grows, it gets harder to be a good support to everyone, so I try to keep my group small enough that it is manageable. I don't delete often, and it's usually with guilt, but I want to be the best "friend" I can be on here.
  • sturgill
    sturgill Posts: 118
    I agree mostly - I would not want to be deleted because I am not signing on for a few days - sometimes life takes you away from the computor- i don't have access on my cell phone- I try to read everyones postings and encourage them when I can .love this site and it helps me stay motivated.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
    I agree 100%. I only had a few "friends" back in March but I tell you, I had a rough go with losing my Grandmother and let everyone know that I wouldn't be around for a little bit. I had to figure out how to deal with me and what I was going through before I could support someone else and honestly back then, I didn't feel the love equally if you know what I mean.

    I was removed from someone's list who I really consider (even now) to be an inspiration. I understood and knew that she was the type to remove people who weren't actively supportive but I was as supportive as I could be in my current state of mind and point in my life and I figured once I got my stuff together in dealing with this loss, I'd be back. I recently sent her a message and another friend request and she neither replied nor friended me back so.... I guess that's her loss because I've been the most outgoing I've been since I was like 20! It's her choice and I harbor no hard feelings towards her and wish her well.

    It's really in our TOUGHEST times and darkest moments that the FRIENDS are separated from the mere ACQUAINTENCES. Those who hung on during my outage and truly supported me and checked in with me have really become FRIENDS to me and I don't say that lightly. I'm VERY selective as to who I let into my personal world and I appreciate every moment they stop and think of me even if it's just to say Hi or Hang in there!

    You never know what's on the other side,even if you've been there because everyone faces life in their own way with their own style and with their own demons following them. All we can really do is love one another and support one another any way we can and never let petty nonsense get in the way of really getting to know someone. I might be a verbal person and you might be a touchy feely kind of person so we have to understand what each needs to know how to make the relationship work.

    I don't do facebook but my kids do. My oldest son once mentioned how many people were on his "friend" list. I was stunned. I said do you know all those people personally and he's like No... I just add them because they're friends of friends of friends or something. I tried to explain to him the difference between friends and acquaintances and since they can post some personal things on there he understood why it's not a good idea to just any anyone who asks. The word "FRIEND" should not be thrown around lightly. You are opening yourself up to a stranger and you risk not only pain and sorrow but potentially your life never really knowing who's on the other end of your "friend" list.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this subject. It may seem trivial to some but for others it can be quite crushing especially if they're very shy and really put themselves out there attempting to make true friends. On the other hand, we do need to be selective with who we keep in our lives since nay-sayers can have a big affect on our state of mind and progress.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
    I agree to an extent...I have had "friends" not post anything supportive and yet obviously expect to be supported. I am personally not into one way streets...I support those who reciprocate and delete those who choose not to.

    Let me ask you if you were told of a hard time from one of your friends and they explained why they wouldn't be around for a few days or weeks, would you cut them off or would you wait til they came back and see how they faired after they got through their life event? I thought I was doing the right thing, but maybe my right is someone else's wrong. :ohwell:
  • SunLove8
    SunLove8 Posts: 693 Member
    I recently started deleting people who were not supportive, but this is mainly because I try to be very supportive of my group and need the support in return. As your group grows, it gets harder to be a good support to everyone, so I try to keep my group small enough that it is manageable. I don't delete often, and it's usually with guilt, but I want to be the best "friend" I can be on here.

    This is totally how I feel too.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
    :heart: Lovely Words... encouragement is the key and positivity is a blessing. Sometimes people leave due to a death in their family and how much more devastating is it to return and find that you 've been deleted:noway: b/c someone else was impatient:huh: .
    Second, sometimes you are their motivation and what if your inquiry or follow up was all they needed to return to the site. :flowerforyou:
    Thank you for understanding this very situation!
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
    Great post! I don't think I can delete people just because they haven't logged on for X number of days. However, I have also noticed that there are some on my list who never motivate or encourage me. It might be time for them to go.

    If you're looking at them not motivating you, have you been motivating them? If it's a one way street, I agree but if you're waiting for them to motivate you so you can motivate them, nobody will ever get anywhere!
  • infosynth
    infosynth Posts: 81 Member
    The previous comments illustrate exactly why I do not use the "friend" feature here, and only sparingly on FB (with people I am "actual" friends with). FB and other online communities have diluted the meaning of the words "friend" and "friendship" and we place too much value on our virtual "friends," most of whom we have never met. This is a great example of our not being ready for technological advances that have societal impact.

    Here on MFP, we are strangers with common goals, but this does not make us friends in the traditional sense of the word.

    An online forum is much like a meeting---imagine that we are all in a room together to mutually encourage and motivate each other and to discuss our challenges. We might find a few people we like talking to, but after the meeting is over we generally go our separate ways. Some of us will return next time and some won't.

    People, even good friends, often come and go in our lives as we mature. That is as it should be.
  • SeeMeShrinkDown
    SeeMeShrinkDown Posts: 30
    The previous comments illustrate exactly why I do not use the "friend" feature here, and only sparingly on FB (with people I am "actual" friends with). FB and other online communities have diluted the meaning of the words "friend" and "friendship" and we place too much value on our virtual "friends," most of whom we have never met. This is a great example of our not being ready for technological advances that have societal impact.

    Here on MFP, we are strangers with common goals, but this does not make us friends in the traditional sense of the word.

    An online forum is much like a meeting---imagine that we are all in a room together to mutually encourage and motivate each other and to discuss our challenges. We might find a few people we like talking to, but after the meeting is over we generally go our separate ways. Some of us will return next time and some won't.

    People, even good friends, often come and go in our lives as we mature. That is as it should be.


    Agree totally! Besides, your accnt is yours to handle as you wish, and likewise for your friends. If they don't feel that the support from you is mutual or beneficial, or even if they no reason whatsoever, they have a right to drop you. You may have hard, tough times in your life, but that is where your real life family & friends need to come in. To expect that much support from people you may have never met is asking quite a bit.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
    Agree totally! Besides, your accnt is yours to handle as you wish, and likewise for your friends. If they don't feel that the support from you is mutual or beneficial, or even if they no reason whatsoever, they have a right to drop you. You may have hard, tough times in your life, but that is where your real life family & friends need to come in. To expect that much support from people you may have never met is asking quite a bit.

    I understand your point however not everyone has real life family & friends, as odd as that may seem to some so this type of forum might be their only real connection to the world, albeit virtual.
  • SeeMeShrinkDown
    SeeMeShrinkDown Posts: 30
    Agree totally! Besides, your accnt is yours to handle as you wish, and likewise for your friends. If they don't feel that the support from you is mutual or beneficial, or even if they no reason whatsoever, they have a right to drop you. You may have hard, tough times in your life, but that is where your real life family & friends need to come in. To expect that much support from people you may have never met is asking quite a bit.

    I understand your point however not everyone has real life family & friends, as odd as that may seem to some so this type of forum might be their only real connection to the world, albeit virtual.

    I get that. I know there are some really lonely people out there who are really trying to make a connection with the outside world even if it is just on the computer. There will be some MFP members that will be more than happy to be that link or connection, but others will not. They may have enough problems of their own to deal with, you know? I am not trying to sound mean or heartless, it is what it is.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    I haven't deleted anyone yet for inactivity--if they aren't logging on, then they aren't requiring anything from me day-to-day!

    But I have deleted people for the following reasons:

    -They're clearly not ready to try to lose weight. No amount of support in the world is going to help those folks and it's tiring listening to them whine, complain and dissemble constantly about how MFP "just isn't working for them". How could it when they aren't trying? If they come back when they're ready to make a real effort, I'd re-friend them though.

    -People who try to sell me something.

    -People who never interact with me in any way.

    -If I think they are abusive to other people on the Forums.

    -I also once deleted someone because of their blog. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff in some people's blogs. Oy vey.
  • Celo24
    Celo24 Posts: 566 Member
    I may get blasted for this, but I recently went through and deleted about 75 percent of my friends. I had 165 and I am now down to 40. Why? Well, it's not because they weren't supportive (although some weren't but most were). I try to be extremely supportive to my friends. I look at the food diaries every day. I comment on their workouts. I support them however I can. And honestly, I was spending 2-3 hours a day on here, trying to keep up. It was starting to take away from other parts of my life and that is not healthy. So, I had to make some tough choices and I've had a few people e-mail me wondering why I cut them.

    I truly felt bad doing a mass purge like that, but it had to be done for my sanity and to keep the peace in my house. I kept people who I felt had goals that most closely matched my own. People who I can support and can support me in return. I value MFP and the friendships I have made, including those of the people I cut. But everyone's goals are their own and everyone manages their friends in a manner that works best for them. We are all here to give AND get support. I've come across people who love to get support, but don't give it. That doesn't work.

    I understand that people have tough times in their lives and they may feel abandoned by me or someone else just when they need it most. If that's the case, then that is truly unfortunate timing and I am always happy to message back and forth with anyone if they feel I can help them. However, if I get cut by someone, I try not to take it personally since I apparently didn't "click" for them and they feel they need a different kind of support than I could give. That's fine with me. Ultimately, we all want to reach our goals and figure out what is the best way for us.

    What works for me may not work for you and vice versa. So, we may have to cut people from time to time to get the support system we all need and deserve. When I did it, it was not intended to be a slight on ANYONE that I cut. I respected and liked them all. But, again, just like I may not know what's going on in their lives, they didn't necessarily know what was going on in mine. So, before I judge someone for cutting me, I'll ask them why and generally they have a legitimate reason. And there is nothing wrong with that.
  • katschi
    katschi Posts: 689 Member
    The previous comments illustrate exactly why I do not use the "friend" feature here, and only sparingly on FB (with people I am "actual" friends with). FB and other online communities have diluted the meaning of the words "friend" and "friendship" and we place too much value on our virtual "friends," most of whom we have never met. This is a great example of our not being ready for technological advances that have societal impact.

    Here on MFP, we are strangers with common goals, but this does not make us friends in the traditional sense of the word.

    An online forum is much like a meeting---imagine that we are all in a room together to mutually encourage and motivate each other and to discuss our challenges. We might find a few people we like talking to, but after the meeting is over we generally go our separate ways. Some of us will return next time and some won't.

    People, even good friends, often come and go in our lives as we mature. That is as it should be.

    Ditto.
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