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Just too painful to remain platonic friends with ex! My heart aches! :-(

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msiaitf
msiaitf Posts: 10 Member
edited October 2014 in Chit-Chat
I was the one who called off the relationship. My ex is a lovely and sensitive person, a bit shy and reserved. We share a lot of interests in common. We’re together for 2 months. He never did drop the L word even after we had physical relationship.

He disappeared for 2 days after the breakup, but called me sounding very sad. Because of this, I suggested platonic friendship. He accepted. During this 3 month post-breakup, I had texted him 2 times telling him I cannot do this platonic friendship thing. He panicked, emailed, texted, and called me even from his overseas trip to let me know “He is afraid of losing me. I am very important to him. He misses me a lot. Every time he talks to his friend who I was introduced to, he thinks of me.”

We now talk almost every day. He is respectful to me, still texts with a kiss and a hug at the end. I know all I need to do is cut him off completely, but I cannot do this, knowing he’s gonna get hurt by me. Meanwhile, I am suffering and second-guessing my initial breakup decision.

I am in a cycle of heartaches and anxiety because of this. Any advice?

**EDIT: I'd like to add that our mutual friend has told me he's 'seeing' other girls, but nothing serious. I just don't understand why he hangs on to me like this? Is this all an act so that as soon as he finds a right person, he will tell me off? **
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Replies

  • TheStephil
    TheStephil Posts: 858 Member
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    If you only broke up with because he didn't say he loved you after two months.. then thats a problem. Different people take different lengths of time to say it. I don't think my boyfriend and I said it until around 4 months.

    I usually dont think being friends with an ex is a good idea. If its making you uncomfortable then tell him that you cant be friends now then ignore all future contact.
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
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    1. having physical relations with someone does not mean they will automatically fall in love with you, especially after such a short time together.
    2. in this situation being friends is only prolonging his heartbreak, not eliminating it.
    3. if I were you I would seriously reevaluate whether any aspect of this relationship is healthy for either one of you.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    You know what you need to do. You just don't want to do it, so I'm not sure what anyone can offer you here.
  • msiaitf
    msiaitf Posts: 10 Member
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    Hey thanks. No, I did not break up with him because he did not say I love you. It's because I think in the long term, I don't think he'd be the right one. He's a bit immature in his way and has no sense of managing money. I think for a lover or a partner, he's fine. But to be in a couple for long term, he is not the right one.

    I agree....I think it's best to cut off contact with him. I just have to have the nerve to do it.
  • msiaitf
    msiaitf Posts: 10 Member
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    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    You know what you need to do. You just don't want to do it, so I'm not sure what anyone can offer you here.

    You are right. I just hate to see him get hurt because of me. I am too soft-hearted and spineless.

  • shadowofender
    shadowofender Posts: 786 Member
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    I have a friend going through a similar situation, though she would be in the position of your ex in this example.

    Break ups SUCK. They hurt both people. No matter what, he's hurting. But right now, he's probably got some false hope that you'll take him back. This is not fair. Yes, you're absolutely going to hurt him by cutting it off. But, that's what happens when you end a relationship.

    It's not easy, and it hurts you, I know. But you need to think about your personal well being first, and he will get over it eventually. Haven't you ever been heartbroken? It heals, eventually. But drawing it out hurts you both more than needed.

    Rip the bandaid.
  • Hockey_Winger
    Hockey_Winger Posts: 1,164 Member
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    Be honest. Don't drag it out.

    Whenever people talk about "not hurting someone's feelings" all they are doing is making matters worse.


    A bitter truth is more palatable than a sweet lie.
  • parkscs
    parkscs Posts: 1,639 Member
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    Just break up. Oh wait...
  • scasey1656
    scasey1656 Posts: 89 Member
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    It's hard but it has to be done. I think you are probably hurting him more in the long run by keeping things going. Maybe if he had some space from you he would be able to move on. It will be difficult for him but it's what he needs.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
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    This is how I feel about @miss_jessiejane but I stay her friend anyway, that's how much I care. You should too.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Interesting first post.
  • msiaitf
    msiaitf Posts: 10 Member
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    Be honest. Don't drag it out. Whenever people talk about "not hurting someone's feelings" all they are doing is making matters worse.
    A bitter truth is more palatable than a sweet lie.

    Nice words of wisdom. Thanks. But he's 'seeing' some girls, but hanging on to me at the same time. I don't understand this. I feel like I am the one being dragged along for the emotional ride.

  • elprincipito
    elprincipito Posts: 1,200 Member
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    2 months? Well.... actually tbh I suck at relationships lol ;(
    But 2 months is nothing lol
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    edited October 2014
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    sixout wrote: »
    This is how I feel about @miss_jessiejane but I stay her friend anyway, that's how much I care. You should too.

    OH my god! Why are you so obsessed with me?!?!?
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
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    sixout wrote: »
    This is how I feel about @miss_jessiejane but I stay her friend anyway, that's how much I care. You should too.

    OH my god! Why are you so obsessed with me?!?!?

    I only stalk you a little, gosh.
  • Spnneil06
    Spnneil06 Posts: 18,745 Member
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    I say break ties. You broke up with him, he's still coming after you but seeing other people? He's just wanting your attention..nothing else!
  • msiaitf
    msiaitf Posts: 10 Member
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    mneil02 wrote: »
    I say break ties. You broke up with him, he's still coming after you but seeing other people? He's just wanting your attention..nothing else!

    Thanks. That's what I figure too.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Lol @sixout

    I just wanted to test that
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
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    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    Lol @sixout

    I just wanted to test that

    WDEnzs7.gif?1?5475
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
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    msiaitf wrote: »
    I just have to have the nerve to do it.

    then i guess you could take the coward way out and slowly stop replying to his texts & calls...

    i really think you need to cut all ties but if you can't bring yourself to it...