Just too painful to remain platonic friends with ex! My heart aches! :-(
I was the one who called off the relationship. My ex is a lovely and sensitive person, a bit shy and reserved. We share a lot of interests in common. We’re together for 2 months. He never did drop the L word even after we had physical relationship.
He disappeared for 2 days after the breakup, but called me sounding very sad. Because of this, I suggested platonic friendship. He accepted. During this 3 month post-breakup, I had texted him 2 times telling him I cannot do this platonic friendship thing. He panicked, emailed, texted, and called me even from his overseas trip to let me know “He is afraid of losing me. I am very important to him. He misses me a lot. Every time he talks to his friend who I was introduced to, he thinks of me.”
We now talk almost every day. He is respectful to me, still texts with a kiss and a hug at the end. I know all I need to do is cut him off completely, but I cannot do this, knowing he’s gonna get hurt by me. Meanwhile, I am suffering and second-guessing my initial breakup decision.
I am in a cycle of heartaches and anxiety because of this. Any advice?
**EDIT: I'd like to add that our mutual friend has told me he's 'seeing' other girls, but nothing serious. I just don't understand why he hangs on to me like this? Is this all an act so that as soon as he finds a right person, he will tell me off? **
He disappeared for 2 days after the breakup, but called me sounding very sad. Because of this, I suggested platonic friendship. He accepted. During this 3 month post-breakup, I had texted him 2 times telling him I cannot do this platonic friendship thing. He panicked, emailed, texted, and called me even from his overseas trip to let me know “He is afraid of losing me. I am very important to him. He misses me a lot. Every time he talks to his friend who I was introduced to, he thinks of me.”
We now talk almost every day. He is respectful to me, still texts with a kiss and a hug at the end. I know all I need to do is cut him off completely, but I cannot do this, knowing he’s gonna get hurt by me. Meanwhile, I am suffering and second-guessing my initial breakup decision.
I am in a cycle of heartaches and anxiety because of this. Any advice?
**EDIT: I'd like to add that our mutual friend has told me he's 'seeing' other girls, but nothing serious. I just don't understand why he hangs on to me like this? Is this all an act so that as soon as he finds a right person, he will tell me off? **
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If you only broke up with because he didn't say he loved you after two months.. then thats a problem. Different people take different lengths of time to say it. I don't think my boyfriend and I said it until around 4 months.
I usually dont think being friends with an ex is a good idea. If its making you uncomfortable then tell him that you cant be friends now then ignore all future contact.0 -
1. having physical relations with someone does not mean they will automatically fall in love with you, especially after such a short time together.
2. in this situation being friends is only prolonging his heartbreak, not eliminating it.
3. if I were you I would seriously reevaluate whether any aspect of this relationship is healthy for either one of you.0 -
You know what you need to do. You just don't want to do it, so I'm not sure what anyone can offer you here.0
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Hey thanks. No, I did not break up with him because he did not say I love you. It's because I think in the long term, I don't think he'd be the right one. He's a bit immature in his way and has no sense of managing money. I think for a lover or a partner, he's fine. But to be in a couple for long term, he is not the right one.
I agree....I think it's best to cut off contact with him. I just have to have the nerve to do it.0 -
_dracarys_ wrote: »You know what you need to do. You just don't want to do it, so I'm not sure what anyone can offer you here.
You are right. I just hate to see him get hurt because of me. I am too soft-hearted and spineless.
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I have a friend going through a similar situation, though she would be in the position of your ex in this example.
Break ups SUCK. They hurt both people. No matter what, he's hurting. But right now, he's probably got some false hope that you'll take him back. This is not fair. Yes, you're absolutely going to hurt him by cutting it off. But, that's what happens when you end a relationship.
It's not easy, and it hurts you, I know. But you need to think about your personal well being first, and he will get over it eventually. Haven't you ever been heartbroken? It heals, eventually. But drawing it out hurts you both more than needed.
Rip the bandaid.0 -
Be honest. Don't drag it out.
Whenever people talk about "not hurting someone's feelings" all they are doing is making matters worse.
A bitter truth is more palatable than a sweet lie.0 -
Just break up. Oh wait...0
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It's hard but it has to be done. I think you are probably hurting him more in the long run by keeping things going. Maybe if he had some space from you he would be able to move on. It will be difficult for him but it's what he needs.0
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This is how I feel about @miss_jessiejane but I stay her friend anyway, that's how much I care. You should too.0
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Interesting first post.0
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Hockey_Winger wrote: »Be honest. Don't drag it out. Whenever people talk about "not hurting someone's feelings" all they are doing is making matters worse.
A bitter truth is more palatable than a sweet lie.
Nice words of wisdom. Thanks. But he's 'seeing' some girls, but hanging on to me at the same time. I don't understand this. I feel like I am the one being dragged along for the emotional ride.
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2 months? Well.... actually tbh I suck at relationships lol ;(
But 2 months is nothing lol0 -
This is how I feel about @miss_jessiejane but I stay her friend anyway, that's how much I care. You should too.
OH my god! Why are you so obsessed with me?!?!?0 -
miss_jessiejane wrote: »This is how I feel about @miss_jessiejane but I stay her friend anyway, that's how much I care. You should too.
OH my god! Why are you so obsessed with me?!?!?
I only stalk you a little, gosh.0 -
I say break ties. You broke up with him, he's still coming after you but seeing other people? He's just wanting your attention..nothing else!0
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Hi, best to cut off all ties, move on and concentrate on yourself. In my opinion, this rarely works unless both people feel the same.0
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you're not doing him any favors by staying in touch. do what he can't and say good bye for good0
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End it because you both need time apart to heal. He will be upset but seriously it was 2 months, he can suck it up and he will get over it easier if you aren't in his life all the time.0
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As cruel as it sounds, the faster you cut it off the faster he will get over it.0
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sweetcurlz67 wrote: »
Thanks. I will take this strategy. I am a coward. Based on the consensus, I need to harden my heart and break it off.
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Nice words of wisdom. Thanks. But he's 'seeing' some girls, but hanging on to me at the same time. I don't understand this. I feel like I am the one being dragged along for the emotional ride.Hockey_Winger wrote: »Be honest. Don't drag it out. Whenever people talk about "not hurting someone's feelings" all they are doing is making matters worse.
A bitter truth is more palatable than a sweet lie.
You dumped him, you're staying in touch with him, but you're being dragged along?
*logic fail*
Why is this his fault? He likes you, he's trying to stay in touch with you. That's the option you've allowed him, and he's taken it, which indicates he's interested in you to the level you'll allow.
Just break up. For real this time.
Or don't. But don't expect him not to see other women while he waits to see if you'll be more interested in him. That's just selfish and unfair.
Hey, thanks for being a straight shooter. I totally understand where you're coming from. It does sound like I am selfish, aren't I?
I blocked him from all contacts and during this time he's already seeing other girls. I just don't understand why he's coming back while seeing other girls. It just does not seem fair to the other girls, either. He tracked me down by coming to my house.
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Nice words of wisdom. Thanks. But he's 'seeing' some girls, but hanging on to me at the same time. I don't understand this. I feel like I am the one being dragged along for the emotional ride.Hockey_Winger wrote: »Be honest. Don't drag it out. Whenever people talk about "not hurting someone's feelings" all they are doing is making matters worse.
A bitter truth is more palatable than a sweet lie.
You dumped him, you're staying in touch with him, but you're being dragged along?
*logic fail*
Why is this his fault? He likes you, he's trying to stay in touch with you. That's the option you've allowed him, and he's taken it, which indicates he's interested in you to the level you'll allow.
Just break up. For real this time.
Or don't. But don't expect him not to see other women while he waits to see if you'll be more interested in him. That's just selfish and unfair.
Hey, thanks for being a straight shooter. I totally understand where you're coming from. It does sound like I am selfish, aren't I?
I blocked him from all contacts and during this time he's already seeing other girls. I just don't understand why he's coming back while seeing other girls. It just does not seem fair to the other girls, either. He tracked me down by coming to my house.
Ron, took the words right out of my mouth.
Honestly, it just sounds like he wants to have options or "back up's". Move on.0 -
gamesandgains wrote: »
Nice words of wisdom. Thanks. But he's 'seeing' some girls, but hanging on to me at the same time. I don't understand this. I feel like I am the one being dragged along for the emotional ride.Hockey_Winger wrote: »Be honest. Don't drag it out. Whenever people talk about "not hurting someone's feelings" all they are doing is making matters worse.
A bitter truth is more palatable than a sweet lie.
You dumped him, you're staying in touch with him, but you're being dragged along?
*logic fail*
Why is this his fault? He likes you, he's trying to stay in touch with you. That's the option you've allowed him, and he's taken it, which indicates he's interested in you to the level you'll allow.
Just break up. For real this time.
Or don't. But don't expect him not to see other women while he waits to see if you'll be more interested in him. That's just selfish and unfair.
Hey, thanks for being a straight shooter. I totally understand where you're coming from. It does sound like I am selfish, aren't I?
I blocked him from all contacts and during this time he's already seeing other girls. I just don't understand why he's coming back while seeing other girls. It just does not seem fair to the other girls, either. He tracked me down by coming to my house.
Ron, took the words right out of my mouth.
Honestly, it just sounds like he wants to have options or "back up's". Move on.
Thanks. That really confirms my 'initial' yet 'tiny' suspicion. I will make sure to avoid all contact. Seriously, I hope he won't come knocking at my door again this time.0 -
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O my, well two months for me is not enough to fall in love. At the end of the day effective communication and honesty is necessary for relationships to grow. I would take my time on Him for right now. Don't get your heart involved to be let down so fast.0
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