Is it normal to not be friends with your ex?

Not all breakups are civil. When they're not civil, you don't get along after. That's why.

hortensehildegarde wrote: »

A few recent comments where people said they wanted to lose weight to prove something to their ex made me wonder...

I am friends with every ex I have not lost track of. They are awesome people (obviously or I wouldn't have been with them. Duh.)

But the comments got me to wonder- do most people not stay friends with their romantic ex's?

Why would you ever have been with them if you'd be ok to lose them as friends?

I guess I always felt like I'd like to keep the important people that I love in my life, even when the space they properly fit in isn't the one I originally tried to put them in. Is that abnormal or am I just reading the odd set of responses of jaded ex's on the forums?

there's a couple things here. First, most relationships don't end like this:

Person 1: "well, that was a great time. But i think it's run it's course and we should not date anymore."
Person 2: "I agree. We had a fun while it lasted, but it is clear we don't have any long-term romantic potential. Get coffee tomorrow?"
Person 1: "Sure"

It's usually pretty emotional and there could be some betrayal that happened, or abuse, or something. Even if there isn't something negative happening, usually one of the parties wants to stay in the relationship while the other does not and staying close just feed the hopes of the person who wants to keep the relationship going.

Secondly, people generally don't post about their mundane, healthy relationships. If I am friends with 3 of my exes but have 1 crazy one who does crazy things, then guess which one I am more likely to post about. When I worked in a customer service call center, I always told my teams "There are people out there who love our products/services, but you'll never hear from them."

So while there may be plenty out there that have some relationships with their exes, they don't post about them, because those people aren't the ones creating drama.

The end.

hmm...being friends with my ex. I really try not to be bitter but, no way. Would rather forget him altogether tbh.

I'm not interested in being friends with any exes. I have friends.

I tolerate my ex due to having a child with him. Other then that there nothing more. but then again the time he dropped he was having an affair made it all heard. My father was in ER not sure if he live or die and i was 9 months pregnant. and a week later he showed up at my house with her and they stayed in the spare room. Need less to say him and i don't get along to well

There are billions of relationships, most of them fail. Nearly everyone has exes. Its not surprising that some people have very rough relationships and dont split up on good terms becayse some people are incompatible or even just not nice. Perhaps you vet yours a little more or have been lucky, but some peoples true nature can stay hidden or they change.

Good if you stay friends because you have shared something good, but you also get the other side as many exes are good to get away from completely, so you have been lucky and it isnt a question of what is normal. Fortunately I havent had one of those really bad relationships, am philosophical about things. I do find myself telling most of my friends to make a clean break when they split up though as an abusive ex can be a very unhealthy thing.

I am still friends with a few and there are some I'd rather forget.

I'm not "friends" with any of my exes. That is to say, we don't hang out. I'm friendly when I see some of them out in public, but that's as far as it goes.

Edited for grammar.

I don't find it odd to be friends with exes, but that's because everyone I've dated has started off as a friend. I feel like it's probably an easier transition to make than if you've only known someone in a romantic context.

I don't stay friends with my ex's. They're no longer a part of my life, what's the point? As far as losing weight to prove something to the ex, you should do it for yourself.

Not friends with any of my ex's I hope to avoid them when I am out in public.

hortensehildegarde wrote: »

A few recent comments where people said they wanted to lose weight to prove something to their ex made me wonder...

I am friends with every ex I have not lost track of. They are awesome people (obviously or I wouldn't have been with them. Duh.)

But the comments got me to wonder- do most people not stay friends with their romantic ex's?

Why would you ever have been with them if you'd be ok to lose them as friends?

I guess I always felt like I'd like to keep the important people that I love in my life, even when the space they properly fit in isn't the one I originally tried to put them in. Is that abnormal or am I just reading the odd set of responses of jaded ex's on the forums?

Of my exes, I'm friends with one. It really depends on how the relationship ended. For us, we got together young, and as we grew up, we developed different interests and life goals. Neither of us resents the other or their dreams, but by staying together, one of us would've had to compromise theirs for the other's.

I'm guessing if someone feels they need to lose weight to prove something to their ex that they're probably still in love with him/her.

After my ex encouraged me to go on and kill myself while I was on a suicidal episode (among other gems like that), that pretty much turned down my friendship interest.