In need of Positivity.

KandGRanch
KandGRanch Posts: 131 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a four (five in Jan) year old husky mix named Harley Quinn. Sunday, she had a lump in her neck that appeared in a matter of hours. Gave her a Benadryl and went to bed, thinking it would be gone in the morning.
So Monday, when it goes from almond sized to golf ball...we notice. Vet is called. Appointment Wed.
By Wednesday, it's the size of an orange.
And yesterday, we got the diagnosis.

My dog, who has never had a sick day-even as I type this she's chillin in the recliner-has cancer.

The tumor had wrapped around every structure in her neck and part of her jaw. The vet dissected it piece by piece and got about 96%. He said it is going to be back pretty quickly. And there's nothing we can do.

Needless to say, I am a hole of pessimism right now. In February I had to euthanize my 19 year old horse due to a freak accident, then lost three barn cats back to back from some a-hole putting out poison. I've lost two ducks and one of my favorite hens. My last barn cat was hit by a car. I nearly lost a housecat to an infection but emergency surgery got to her in time. I lost two baby rescue goats a week apart. Whole litters of baby rabbits...and now Harley.

I told my husband I would have become an alcoholic this year if I wasn't so poor I cant buy a drink. I'm tired, emotionally drained, and I feel like I am approaching rock bottom.

I could really use some optimistic, glass half full people to help me out of this. :(

Replies

  • JtKeil
    JtKeil Posts: 1,389 Member
    Oh my, that does indeed sound rough. I just sent you a message. <3
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
    Sorry, with so much loss, its hard to see the glass as anything but more than half-empty. All I can say, is that in order to open your heart to love you have to risk the the pain. It seems as if the gods are conspiring against you dealing you your fair share of heartache. Stay strong and give Harley a good scratch on the ears from me.
  • askeates
    askeates Posts: 1,490 Member
    edited October 2014
    I lost my beloved 15 year old Jack Russel last week to cancer. I know exactly how devastating it can be.... On the other hand I cannot imagine losing that many animals within the same year! I am so sorry for these losses. The one thing that has helped me this week is the fact I know Lucy is happily playing with her love, my Boston Terrier that I lost 2 years ago. Maybe all of your wonderful pets are all playing together now, without pain.
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
    After winter, must come spring. Change must come eventually. - Lauren Hill

    This too shall pass. - The Bible

    There is a time to be born and a time to die.
    There is a time to laugh and a time to mourn. - King Solomon, Ecclesiastes

    I have come[....]to give beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, a garment of praise for the spirit of despair. - Jesus Christ

    I know it hurts now, but you'll feel better in time. The winter is cold and dark, but is immediately followed by the hope of spring and the fun of summer followed by the bounty of harvest.

    (Hugs)



  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Exercising makes your body produce happy drugs.
  • shadowofender
    shadowofender Posts: 786 Member
    I know how hard that is. It happened nearly that fast with my first dog, for him it was lymphoma out of no where. Two years later and I still cry when I think about Mojo, but I laugh a lot too.

    Giver her the best days that you can. It doesn't make it easier, but she deserves it. Animals are short lived, compared to us, and that really sucks for those of us who are pet inclined.
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear about your Pup and her illness and wish for her comfortable and happy time with her Mama! I wish for her Mama some peace and comfort as well. I completely identify with your feelings as I too lost my Pup after 13 years! She grew up with my children and WAS one of my children! After she was hit by a car I had to make the hard decision to let her go rather than the risk high probability that she would be miserable and suffer for the rest of her life with much pain, or even pass away during the invasive surgery she would need. She was 16 years old and still acted like a fun active Puppy, so this decision was very hard. The thought of her spending everyday in pain and not being able to run around and be happy as she had always been helped me to make that decision. Of course for awhile there I had "what if" regrets but now I know it was the right decision. And I am comforted knowing that she went peacefully and believe it or not.. she was smiling and wagging her tail because we were all there giving her Love when she was injected. It is very hard to lose a pet as they are our family but take comfort in the fact that she loves you and will be at peace. Enjoy the time you have with her and when she's gone focus on the happy memories of her time with you and make those memories joyous! :)
  • JustSomeEm
    JustSomeEm Posts: 20,269 MFP Moderator
    Yikes, honey. I'm so sorry!

    Two years ago, we moved, and in the move managed to lose our cat. 6 months later, one of our dogs was diagnosed with cancer. 4 months after that, we lost her. A few months ago, my apparently healthy dog died of massive organ failure due to some medication he was on. I tell you this only so that I can say, I absolutely know what losing your furry family members feels like, and I'm so sorry. Many hugs your way. Your furry family has had a good life with you. Hold onto that, and love Harley as much as you can until he's gone. :flowerforyou:
  • KandGRanch
    KandGRanch Posts: 131 Member
    It sounds so selfish, but I wish it would take her suddenly, or give me a fighting chance. My horse, my cats-there was no warning and then they were gone, so I could grieve and it was over. The rabbits and birds I just found, so there was no time of panic or worry. the baby goats I fought for until their heart stopped because we had a CHANCE right until that moment. This isn't going to kill her quickly. It's not going to take her in the middle of the night. But I can't fight for her. It feels like purgatory....just waiting until the monster comes back.
  • JustSomeEm
    JustSomeEm Posts: 20,269 MFP Moderator
    KandGRanch wrote: »
    It sounds so selfish, but I wish it would take her suddenly, or give me a fighting chance. My horse, my cats-there was no warning and then they were gone, so I could grieve and it was over. The rabbits and birds I just found, so there was no time of panic or worry. the baby goats I fought for until their heart stopped because we had a CHANCE right until that moment. This isn't going to kill her quickly. It's not going to take her in the middle of the night. But I can't fight for her. It feels like purgatory....just waiting until the monster comes back.

    It's not selfish to want your pets to not suffer. It is absolutely understandable, when you know your pet is going to die, to want them to go with as little suffering as possible. I'm sorry you're hurting. :(
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
    You are grieving - its called anticipatory grief, and it's hard. But this, too, shall pass. I don't like to discuss these things, because I can get really sad remembering the passing of loved ones, but know, that the pain will pass and God can replace it with great joy. I've seen it and experienced it. Big hug!
  • libbydoodle11
    libbydoodle11 Posts: 1,351 Member
    My heart goes out to you. You have endured so much in such a small amount of time. You will pull through this, you are stronger than you know.

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