If you where in my shoes what would you do?...

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13

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  • dragonbait0126
    dragonbait0126 Posts: 568 Member
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    kick him to the curb! love does not involve hate. whether that hate is in the form of a feeling or hateful/mean words. you deserve better. as my dad always told me "you deserve someone who will treat you like the princess you are."
  • jackal75
    jackal75 Posts: 95
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    Being a person that prefers to give the benefit of doubt, I'd love to think that he just doesn't know the correct way to support your weight loss goals. But the realist side of me thinks he's just an idiot.

    Find out if he was "just trying to motivate you" (ugh) or if he really feels you are too big for him. Ultimately, both are bad, but make sure he is truely an a-hole rather than just nieve. Then make the call. Don't think about how hard it would be to leave though. It would be even harder to stay with someone that said things like that.

    P.S. - If you do leave, let that motivate you. Lose it all and then he will see the new you (with a good man) looking all hot while he's at home with "rosey"!
  • rachellepilcher
    rachellepilcher Posts: 95
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    I think that we are all in agreement that you should leave this guy. 1.5 years is NOTHING compared to the rest of your life. I was with a guy for 3 years that emotionally/verbally/sexually abusive and I finally got up the guts to leave him and I am so glad I did. I am now happily married for 10 years and have 3 beautiful children. First make sure you contact your family and make arrangements for somewhere to go to and hopefully someone to come to where you are when you do leave for support and assistance. Then sit him down and politely tell him that the 2 of you aren't working out and you feel horrible because of the comments he has said. Leet him know that you WILL NOT live that way any longer. Let him know that you have made arrangements to go somewhere else. Just try to keep your emotions in check even if he blows up. Good luck and God bless.
  • LizaMena
    LizaMena Posts: 47 Member
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    you need to separate yourself from this guy. He doesn't love you, he loves his "caricature" of you.. the skinny girl in his head, which has nothing to do with who you are on the inside. It only gets worse as time goes on, never better. Don't subject yourself to that. It's better to cut your losses 1.5 years in than 10 years in. The someone that loves you for who you are is still out there waiting to meet you.. You should never have to put up with or excuse someone that doesn't support you.

    Well said! He needs to love you for you no matter what! Losing weight is a great choice you have made and also a very difficult one that needs lots and lots of support, obviously nothing he's willing to provide!
  • jewelzz
    jewelzz Posts: 326 Member
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    You have to listen to what you just said and ask yourself why is this kind of behavior acceptable in your life.in no uncertain terms would I ever have that kind of person in my life.been there done that and what I learned is I had to love me more than I loved him.your to young and to pretty to start your life with this kind of toxic relationship.
  • peanutrenee
    peanutrenee Posts: 179
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    tell him that hes a jerk and that u can do better than a verbal abusive little man.. and being with someone that thinks that its ok to put someone down is never EVER ok.. and if he says something like "well atleast im not fat" look at him and say well u know what atleast im beautiful...and pack and leave.. tell him off... my ex use to do this to me, the more you take the more you believe it.. ur life ur right to do what u want.. he has nothing to do with u and ur happiness. he dosnt love you and u need to realize that u shouldnt love him and that sucks but its true... and it will hurt.. and im sorry that this happened hun its not fun..... but were all here for a good support group.. and hey there is someone out there that will love and support you during all the times!!!!:flowerforyou:
  • Kellee_76
    Kellee_76 Posts: 91
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    I was married to a guy when I was 20. I am 5'8" and weighed 140 pounds. He was always saying the meanest things to me. He made me feel horrible about myself. Just before our wedding he said that he was imbarresed to walk down the isle with someone as fat as me. I got down to 127 pounds. I figured that if I just lost the weight he would love me more and not be so mean. Well guess what, he was still a jerk and I left him.

    I am now 42 and have been with my hubby for 20 years. I am 221 pounds right now. He has never said anything mean or demeaning at all to me. He loves me. I am sure that deal down he would be more attracted to me ( will be) when I lose the weight.
    My self esteem is still damaged from the first guy though.

    The moral is, once a jerk always a jerk. Is losing your self esteem worth it??

    Yes!!

    RUN RUN RUN and DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!

    I moved in with my boyfriend and his mom when I was 17. We got married when I was 19. I stayed in a verbally abusive marriage for 10 years. He never laid a hand on me but my self esteem ended up at below zero. It took my mom dying and me getting into therapy to realize that I was in an abusive relationship. Don't wait to get out. Don't worry about how you'll take care of yourself. You'll get by somehow. You'll be better off for it, too.

    I wish I didn't wait so long to leave. The love of my life has been waiting patiently for me all these years. We're getting married in five weeks. He fell in love with me when I was 215 pounds but never said a word. He loved me when we started dating when I was 135 pounds and he loves me even though I'm 175 pounds now. For him, it's never been about the weight. It's always been about me.

    My ex-husband wasn't a bad person, really. He was just broken. I feel sorry for him now. But now I'm not broken and I'm living with and loving someone who's not broken either.
  • patty9013
    patty9013 Posts: 230 Member
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    Honey you are beautiful and if he does does that to you now he will always do it even if you lose the weight. Next time it will be somthing else like the way you cook, walk, talk, breathe!! Get out now!! There is someone out there that will love you for you.:smile:
  • dewilliams3
    dewilliams3 Posts: 5
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    This is his way of controlling and abusing you. It is just as bad as hitting you and just as hurtful. I agree with the other people that are saying that if he loved you he wouldn't say this. You deserve so much more. It won't be easy. You will need to prepare your support system before you leave, just like an abused wife, but you can do it.
  • sonnacchio
    sonnacchio Posts: 57 Member
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    I'm not going to tell you what to do. Only your parents can think they can do that.
    I'm not going to get mad and stomp my feet and yell at you about this. That would be the response of a child.
    I will ask you this...What would any reasonable adult do in this situation? What are the logistics preventing you from doing that? What steps can you take to achieve what it is you want?

    You are important and I believe you knew the answer to your post before you posted it. Be strong and follow through with what you know you need to do.

    Good luck!
  • elitejrb
    elitejrb Posts: 4 Member
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    As a loving Husband and Father of two Girls, I would suggest you move on. You deserve respect, it 's one thing to encourage you to live healty to make you life better and longer, and entirly different to disrespect you. You deserve an equal, a bestfriend, person who makes you want to get out of bed and seize life. Don't get me wrong, life is not always perfect and happy, but you really should not start out in the wrong direction. Be healty for YOU! If you don't want to be healty then it will be a constant tension on your relation ship. Good Luck.
  • denitraross
    denitraross Posts: 325 Member
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    Leave, and now. You're only 21, you're young and have plenty of time to find someone else. Besides, it's only going to get worse if you stay--if it's this bad now, when the relationship is so new, imagine 5 or 10 years from now how bad it will be. He's changed, and isn't the person you loved anymore. He obviously has some things he needs to work out for himself, and being his verbal/emotional (and, if you stay, probably sooner than later physical) punching bag isn't going to help him or you. You deserve better. Go stay with a family member or friend till you can get move out officially. It'll only get worse.

    I second this!!!!
  • myukniewicz
    myukniewicz Posts: 906 Member
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    pack you stuff up, and leave.
    it may be hard to do that, and you may think you can't, or that you love him to much to do that... but guess what, you will be happier once you do!!!
    i was in a relationship like that once.... we were together for 3 and half years, we moved in together and things went south... he became a major @$$hole.... i kept giving the excuse "oh i love him too much"... but you know what, one day i realized ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and i told him to pack up his crap and get the h3ll out.

    it was the best thing i ever did.
    you are a beautiful girl, and you deserve to be happy!!!
    you can do this!!!! do it for yourself!
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
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    If I were I would offer him one shot at going to counseling, in the mean time get the hell out! Verbal can quickly turn into physical, an abuser is an abuser. It may break your heart but please love yourself enough to not be treated like that! Fat,skinny, whatever you are still the same person he fell in love with if he can't see it then leave. Go to your family for support and have them help you block him from any contact if that is easier for you. Anything to get yourself happy again!! Please feel free to friend me, I would be beyond happy to be a place for you to unload while you figure out what you want to do!
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    1.5 years is nothing. If you feel put down, tell him, and if he doesn't change, leave. No one should be made to feel worthless.
  • jmlitton33
    jmlitton33 Posts: 35 Member
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    what an *kitten*. pardon my language. 1.5 years is nothing, get the hell out! if he really did love you, he wouldn't say crap like that. there's no excuse for it. get out while you can, and before the verbal abuse becomes something more. a few months of sadness is worth way more than a lifetime of abuse and regret. get out!!!
  • Triquetra
    Triquetra Posts: 270 Member
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    Love = Respect...it's simple, if he doesn't respect you how can he love you...you're young and there are others around that will appreciate you for all your curves (or not if you lose them). You should love what is inside, not just the outside package
  • TheKatzMeow77
    TheKatzMeow77 Posts: 47
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    ive been there. you need to put yourself first. verbal/mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. you deserve to be happy and to be with someone that does not disrespect you. be strong.
  • alana1966
    alana1966 Posts: 34
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    I have been there - I married him! Then divorced him - cut your losses - better now than later. A year and a half is not long - it just seems long at your age. People like that do not change and it will only continue to get worse - often emotional abuse turns to physical abuse later - one is as bad as the other - the emotional scars stay with you long after bruises heal. Don't stay with someone who makes you sad - life is too short - your lives cannot be THAT entwined yet - you are not married, don't own a home together, don't have children - RUN. In life, there IS NO REWIND. That's my two cents - I hope you figure things out.
  • sceck
    sceck Posts: 219
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    Think about it like this. Are you losing weight for you or for him? If it's for you, great. If it's for him, great too. But, once you accomplish the weight loss goal, will he have something else to criticize? Only you know the answer to that.

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